A/N: Here we go! Chapter 3! This is one of the very few POV changes I have planned for this story. Basically everything is from Raven's POV, but it is told as if someone were telling it for her. Once again with the stalker analogy.

Oh and I must apologize for my long absence. My family has been having some serious issues lately and I had to take an extended leave of absence from basically everything. You see, my nephew (he's only a year younger, adopted by my bro but he was still family to me) died by due to some really messed up circumstances and I had to go down to L.A. with my family to basically play servant for my bro and his wife.

Now don't get me wrong, I was happy to do anything that helped to ease the pain, but it still felt weird. Plus there's the fact that everything going on was a real…I don't know how to describe it. Let's just say whereas some people get sad when something happens, I get mad and the trip didn't end so well.

Anyway, I'm back however and can restart the writing process. Sorry again to all of you reviewers and readers.

Disclaimer - The only thing I own is this story. The TT belong to whoever owns the rights to them so please, no sue me.

Chapter 3 ------ Regret and Loathing

A few hours after Beast Boy left

Raven sat in her room meditating, or at least that's what she was trying to do. For the past hour and a half she had been trying to do what she normally would when you meditate, clear her mind of all thoughts. Yet she couldn't do it, not after what had happened not too long ago. With a frustrated sigh, Raven gave up trying and laid on her bed.

"He…left," It was just a simple statement, but to Raven it held enough weight to it to nearly kill her inside and the strange thing was, she couldn't understand why. She couldn't understand why she was filled with a completely new type of fear when Cinderblock had punched Beast Boy in the chest. She couldn't understand why she had attacked Cinderblock with an almost blind rage afterwards and why she had calmed down just by Cyborg yelling to her that Beast Boy was okay. The thing she couldn't understand the most though was why she had fought so hard against Robin to protect him. 'Wait…protect him? Well, I guess it is like protecting him whenever it comes to Robin.'

Robin. If an outsider were to look at the situation and try and find the reasons for Beast Boy's departure, Robin would be one of the main reasons. Yet Raven wasn't naïve enough to believe that it was all his fault. No…it was everyone's fault. It was shown in subtle ways, but there was an underlying fear in the tower. A fear that Beast Boy would snap at any moment and become that thing again. Every member had their reasons, but in the end Raven knew it was just childish fear.

"A fear that even I embraced…" Yes it was true that Raven had defended Beast Boy every time that someone brought up the incident, but even then she was still afraid. She would always second guess herself afterwards, "Did I do the right thing?" and "Maybe Robin is right" were questions she would always ask herself. Having no one else on her side didn't help the matter any either. Cyborg was always hesitant to join either side for whatever reasons he had, Robin was almost always the one to bring it up, and Starfire would always join her guide to Earth, Robin, because she practically went to Robin for anything she needed to know so of course she would be fed exactly what Robin wanted her to hear and she would join Robin's side in the argument.

Raven was dragged out of her thoughts by a soft, almost timid knocking on her door. Raven was tempted to just throw the person who dared interrupt her mourning…'Wait a minute? Mourning? When did this become mourning?'

"Raven…come on girl I know you're in there. Open the door for a second, I need your help with something." The name registered in Raven's mind almost instantly. Cyborg, her metaphorical big brother in the Titans. 'Why is Cyborg here? Why would he need my help with something?' Raven stood up and made her way to the door. "This better be important Cyborg, I'm trying to meditate." The door slid open to reveal Cyborg, his entire posture showed that he was deeply affected by Beast Boy leaving. It came as a surprise to Raven as Cyborg had been treating Beast Boy pretty coldly the past few days. An uncomfortable silence followed and Raven was starting to get sick of it. Just before she was about to tell him to leave, Cyborg spoke up.

"We have to find him." It was all he said before another strange silence drifted between the two. 'Find him? Of course we have to find him!' "I have to tell him how sorry I am for being such a jerk. He didn't deserve it and now he's gone. We have to get him back or I could never forgive myself." Cyborg looked at Raven with an almost pleading look. No, the look on his face was damn near begging her to agree to help him. "What do you have in mind?"

Beast Boy POV

'At least it's not raining.' It was the only good thing that Beast Boy could think of at the moment. He had just willingly left the only people he felt safe around. They wouldn't be immediately scared of him for being different, in fact they accepted him because he was different. For once in his life, he didn't feel useless when he was with the Titans. Now? Now he was back to being the green freak that so many people despised.

"No…I'm worse than that now. Now I'm a monster that not even the other freaks want to be around." Beast Boy continued this self-loathing trip as he walked down back alleys to avoid the people. He didn't want to be reminded that he was a Titan or be reminded of the fact that he wasn't as good looking as Robin or as cool as Cyborg. "I guess it'll be easier for everyone to forget about me if they barely knew who I was in the first place." A fresh wave of tears threatened to break free and this time Beast Boy made no attempt to stop them. He was at least marginally safe from the world here next to a dumpster and no one would hear him, not that he cared anymore.

"What's the point of caring anyway? Every time I let myself care about anything, I lose it in some of the worst ways." Suddenly he became filled with complete hatred for…well nothing really, but it was all he could feel. Hatred, loathing, frustration, anger and all of it had no direction, no purpose. So he vented it the only way he could, yelling at the sky. "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE ALL OF THIS? AM I JUST YOUR DAMN PLAYTHING THAT YOU JUST LOVE TO SCREW WITH! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE HAPPY FOR ONCE IN MY GOD DAMN LIFE!"

It seemed after that single exclamation drained all of the energy out of Beast Boy and he collapsed to his knees and cried. Cried for the loss of his parents, cried for all the horrible things that happened afterwards, cried for the loss of his newest family the Titans, but most of all he cried because it was the only thing he had left. The pain and hurt he felt inside were the only things he had left in a world that seemed to reject him wherever he went and it seemed as if it would always be that way. "Why..." His body just couldn't handle it anymore and he collapsed backwards. The word continuing to be repeated over and over again as his mind and body shut down and he fell asleep.


Crappy ending, but hey...I have to get back somehow right? Anyway, thanks to those who were patient with me. I swear I'll be able to update faster now that things are mostly back to normal around here.