Rebirth – Chapter 8: Old Acquaintance
-Notes-
Agent182: Oh yes, from here on out, it's just emotional turmoil for old Larry. :D Thanks, I was hoping that the short chapters weren't getting on your guys' nerves.
Kaliska Vanka: Yeah, I hate it when people do that. Adam's in a tough spot right now. He just wants to be left alone, but really, he doesn't want to be alone. If that makes any sense. :P Thanks!
AngelGardian666: Yes indeed, I killed him. Sorry! There are a number of reasons I killed Jigsaw, among the top being 1) he had no place left specifically in the story, 2) it gives the incident closure, 3) he didn't seem like he had much longer to live anyway. Thanks for the review!
Merry-2004: Yay! Well this one's a little longer, I think…Bwaa. Thanks.
Still got a looong ways to go.
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Meatloaf. Or steak…or something, lord, what was this?
Lawrence looked down at his plate with tamed horror, taking it all in for the first time. Had he never bothered to look at the food before he'd eaten it? If he had, surely he wouldn't have ever touched it. The smell of it was starting to make him feel naseous again. With another study over what was either applesauce or macaroni, he pushed the tray table away from his bedside, anxiously anticipating what was sure to be Allison's arrival.
He wondered what she would say to him. Would she be relieved? Or even care? He wasn't so sure that he deserved her concern… Would she be angry? Did she know about that petty little affair he'd almost gone through with? Oh God, he hadn't even thought about that…nothing really happened. She was never supposed to know. But when all the details about this event came out to the public, he could only dread what she would say. She would never believe that he hadn't gone through with it—after all, an affair explained everything too perfectly, didn't it? She would attribute their distance, their coldness, to that alone. She would be able to blame the entire collapse of their marriage on that. On him.
In truth, he wasn't sure what even made him think of an affair in the first place. But perhaps most affairs weren't really something you planned. Just…things that happened unexpectedly. And in those terms, his relationship—if you could call it that—with his mistress had been more planned out than any spontaneous moment of passion. Maybe he figured that another woman could ignite a fire in him that he was hoping hadn't died. But she hadn't. It was as though those feelings in him had just…frozen to death. Crushed under paperwork and an emotional dettatchment that had somehow spread from his patients to his own family. His inability to either love his wife or commit to even the passion of adultery made him fear that he was losing his humanity, bit by bit.
He looked back at his tray dejectedly, reaching out to clutch the drink in his fumbling fingers. Apple juice in a box. Well…not that that was at all immasculating…There was a knock at his door, and he tossed it back down.
"Dr. Gordon? Your wife is here to see you." Came Jennifer's voice.
He took in a breath nervously, making another glance over his body as the door opened. He hoped she wouldn't think he looked as awful as he did.
As Jennifer stepped into the room, Allison followed. Her hair was slightly mussed and she seemed undeniably tired, but to him, she'd never looked better. Finally, someone familiar. The two stared at one another for a long time in odd silence, Allison with her hand to her throat like she was going to cover her mouth and Lawrence merely gawking mutely. Jennifer had left them alone seconds ago, but neither noticed. They were only feet from each other…but still, even in this disaster, worlds apart.
"Lawrence…" she opened her mouth slightly as she gazed at him, at last breaking the quiet. He was awestruck to see tears gathering in her eyes, and immediately he knew he must've indeed looked as bad as he'd thought.
He swallowed once and looked away, a little overcome. "Please…" he quickly turned back. "I-I don't want Diana to…to see me…"
"I know." Allison nodded in agreement, forcing back a jittering sob as she wiped her eyes and took the few worrying steps to his bedside. "I know, she's…with someone. God, Lawrence, I never thought…" she reached a hand to him and let her fingers streak through his hair for a moment.
"It's okay…" he tried to smile, but it was rather weak. The warmth of her gesture brought tears in his own eyes, even if it felt somewhat forced.
"I'm sorry. About everything. I mean, when I think about the last thing I said to you, I-I-" she began, but he raised up a hand to take her wrist.
"It wasn't your fault." He assured. "Don't cry…"
"It's just the last thing you think would…" she bit her lip and squeezed his hand.
"I know." He made a better attempt at smiling. "But I'm fine now. We're all okay."
Another period of silence settled in, and the strange mood that Lawrence had predicted was indeed what came upon them. They were both shaken and disturbed, but where most couples would find solace in one another…well they just felt too much like strangers for that. Sometimes he wondered if they were anything more than roomates by now. But this—well, she was almost acting affectionate towards him again. She let go of his hand and leaned up against the wall slightly as she looked down at him.
"How's Diana? She's alright, isn't she?" he asked desperately, staring up at her with haunted eyes.
"She's terrified." Allison muttered bitterly. She quickly caught the sudden choke of pain in his eyes and cleared her throat regretfully. "I mean she'll be fine, Larry…You know she'll be fine. She's like you…Strong."
Despite the attempt at consoling him with those words, he couldn't help but feel that that made it worse. He didn't want her to be like him, not what he'd become. Did Allison honestly believe that he was strong? That he was capable? Well he'd thought so once, too. That was until he was reduced to nothing more than a madman's experimental trapped coyote. No, he wasn't strong. He wasn't as smart as he thought. If he was, he would have thought of a way to get out of there post haste. He could've got himself and Adam out of there before things came to the horrible end they did. He was stupid. He'd always been stupid. And weak.
"I'm sorry…" he said, looking down towards the end of his bed absently.
"For what?" Allison returned.
"For everything." He turned his head away miserably. "For this. This is my fault. All of it. That psychopath wanted me, and he went after you to do it…"
"No, don't—" she began, hesitating.
"If I wouldn't have left that night. If I'd just stayed. Or if I…I don't know…The reason the two of you went through all that hell was because of me."
"Don't pity yourself." She snapped, tears gathering in her throat and threatening to spill over. "Don't do that…"
He saw the look on her face and returned his gaze downward. "I just wanted to apologize." He almost winced in shock as he felt arms around his shoulders. It was another odd sensation, but at the same time, it was good. Her embrace, though somewhat unfamiliar after the years of its absence, made him feel for just a second that there was love again. He couldn't help but want that one thing more than anything right now, from whoever would give it. "I love you two…" he whispered lightly.
"We love you too, Larry." Allison sniffed hard as she pulled back from him, looking away. "I just don't understand how this whole mess happened."
"Believe me, you don't want to know." He said, letting out a stressful sigh. "It's better that we just try and…forget about it."
"Well I can tell you now that that's never gonna happen." She retorted, wrapping her arms around herself as though it were suddenly very cold in the room. "Not for any of us."
"All I meant is that this is something we should put behind us. That's all." He shrugged a little.
"Yeah, I get it." She rubbed a hand over her forehead worriedly. "Well…look, I'm sorry I can't stay long. Diana needs me back, I just wanted to make sure that you were—"
"Yeah, no, uh…of course. Go to her…T-tell her I love her, won't you?" he glanced at the clock.
Allison smiled slightly. "Yeah. She knows."
"I just want her to hear it…until I can see her." He insisted.
"Don't worry, I'll tell her. Just…get better, okay?" she went to the door.
"Sure." He nodded with a rather teary smile. "Not much else to do in this place."
"Goodnight Larry." She smiled back tearfully, and left him alone again in his room.
But he wasn't alone very long before another visitor arrived…
