Rebirth – Chapter 23: Made Your Bed…
-Notes-
Merry-2004: Cool! Don't you mean horrendously awkward! XD I think Larry's head would explode seeing both of them in the same room. Thanks!
Bell Pie: Yeah, male pregnancy…This fic is supposed to be, you know, realistic? Oh, Allison always expects something ;) But then I guess she's always right, isn't she? And naturally it's easy to believe that Lawrence could be gay, I thought, anyway. The way he spoke to Adam, the way he just didn't want to spend time with his wife or have an affair with a woman…Not the only explanation, but plausible all the same. And Adam? Well. Adam just reminded me a lot of a gay guy I once knew. :P
AngelGardian666:D Visit indeed…Thank you!
Gatekeeper: I understand what you mean about an addiction being irritating, so while I am supremely flattered, I'm also guiltily apologetic. I just hope that the works of it here on out don't disppoint you guys. But thank you very much, your feedback makes it feel worth improving upon. It makes me not feel so bad that I have limited time to work on it, and makes me determined to find more of that time.
Sorry about the slowness of updating, once more. It seems like I always get interupted when trying to upload, an excuse I'm sure all authors can empathize upon. :)
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Lawrence craned his head back restlessly against his pillows, eyes aimlessly studying the darkness as he lay contemplating. He'd spent his whole day in this house, upon Allison's request, naturally, and he was beginning to get anxious. Lying around, sitting around, watching T.V., trying to read a book or some magazines, but nothing interested him here. Diana was home for a few hours and he'd had someone to spend time with then, but in the midsts of homework, dinner, and bedtime, he felt as though he'd hardly gotten to see her at all. Not that Allison was bad company, but there was hardly anything between them to talk about, so he found. How had he not noticed that before? Had their relationship fallen apart or had there been anything in the first place to have fallen? He vaguely remembered loving her…he thought, anyway.
He knew that he did, years ago. At first she'd laughed him off with the affectionate term 'workaholic', but not long after, that quiet acceptance turned into stiff resentment. He couldn't blame her. And though he hated to admit it…maybe some of the reason for his emotional distance was that he was trying to get away from her. Maybe part of him already realized long ago that he wasn't in love with her. So did she think he still was? He didn't know. This marriage seemed unsalvagable, and it was beginning to depress him. Before, when these thoughts hit him, he buried himself in his work and pretended that it never came up. What was he to do now?
He scratched his chest and looked over at the clock, but didn't even read the time. It was too much to process all at once. He shifted a little and felt a spark of pain in his leg, but it was met with a welcome twitch from the muscles of his foot. At least his body was coming back, if nothing else. Slowly looking to his side, he saw Allison lying with her back facing him on the other end of the bed, still and sleeping. He found himself asking her spitefully in his head just how she could sleep. But he couldn't blame her for his own issues. Just because he half expected to see Adam when looking to that side of the bed. He sighed again and slapped a hand over his face. Adam…
It had only been a day since he'd seen Adam and yet he missed him like crazy. He wondered what he was doing, if he was sleeping, or eating—mostly stupid things that were in actuallity somewhat plausible. He just couldn't help it. Adam was an addiction, and he needed a fix. The previous night had been nice, at least…He'd ordered a pizza to be delivered to Adam's with full intent of arriving there first, only to be stuck in traffic. He finally arrived just in time to find both Adam and a delivery man very confused. They spent their time talking and watching T.V. Lawrence continually brought up Adam's photos, hoping that he would share some of his lighter ones, but Adam artfully dodged the subject each time. That only left him determined to get Adam to open to him. Eventually he would, he was sure of that much. He might have been emotionally shy, but already he was starting to cave, little by little.
The night had been short, however. Lawrence had just come with the idea of a conversation, but it only took one misdirected glance before things went haywire. He'd only leaned over to grab a napkin, or his drink, or…something—he couldn't be bothered to remember what—when he made the mistake of looking up. Then his hands were on his face and he was drawing kisses from him, and Adam was complying nicely. They got pretty far into it before Lawrence caught a look at the clock and realized that it was nearly ten thirty. As reluctant as he was, he was forced to pull away and leave them both hot and bothered. He did his best to calm himself down. The last thing he would have wanted was to go home as worked up as he was near Allison…How awkward that would be.
He hadn't even left Adam with any plans. He figured he would stop by in a few days after Allison was sufficiently appeased that he'd been resting enough, but he never imagined that he would feel so impatient. Adam was the only one he could talk to, the only one who felt real anymore, aside from his daughter. But of course, he couldn't speak to her about everything. …He remembered earlier in the day when he'd received a few phone calls from old friends, if that's really what they were. Talking about how it was 'too bad' what happened to him. Asking if there was anything they could do. Saying that they should come and visit him. But why? He couldn't help but feel bitter about that. If they cared, they might have come to see him while he was in the hospital. They might have not tried to play saint by coming to his social rescue. They all bored him, and he didn't sense an ounce of sincerity in a single one. But he supposed that he might have done the same thing had it not been him to go through this, as arrogant as he had been.
Everyone has those methods of making themselves fall asleep. Lawrence was trying the particular game of closing his eyes and telling himself that he wouldn't open them again no matter how awake he felt. But after about twenty minutes of it, he at last sat up with a scoff. He couldn't take this anymore. He couldn't possibly sleep in this place, in the bed that didn't seem to have room for him. Even this house seemed ominous. And…there was only one place he could think that was different from this.
He slowly moved his injured foot over the side of the bed, hesitantly reaching out for the crutch, cursing himself all the while.
…………………….
What are you doing here, Lawrence? He sighed mentally as he leaned his head down on the steering wheel, sitting parked below the darkened apartment building. You're insane, you know that? It's ten o'clock, you should be at home in bed, with your wife. You know you'll catch hell for being out here?
He shook his head and opened the door, stepping out onto the asphalt. I'm a grown man. He answered himself surely. He felt like he'd been here thousands of times before, and as this place became familiar to him, he was more and more comfortable with it. Maybe that was how Adam got used to living here. After a while, this place really didn't seem so bad. Sort of desolate, but not so bad.
He didn't know what he was planning. He didn't know why exactly he was here or what Adam would say, or even if he would feel any better about being here than he did being at home, but his hobbling steps didn't ask questions as they took him further into the building. As he came to Adam's door, he decided that it wouldn't be worth it to turn back now. Whatever the hell he was doing, he'd better get it over with. Almost unconsciously, his hand fell to the handle of the door, turning it and watching in shock as it opened. Immediately his mind panicked, apalled that Adam could've left it unlocked at this time of the night. What was he thinking, didn't he have any sense? He hadn't even really meant to try and open the door in the first place, he was just… He quickly pushed down his fear, however, as he stepped in, reasoning that the door had not been opened, so it stood to chance that nothing had happened. Even still, the potential frightened him.
As could be expected, all lights were off in the house, save for a dim lamp by the bed. The bed upon which Adam currently lay.
Adam was lying on his side unconscious, breathing shallow breaths and looking deep and peaceful. It was a sight Lawrence was thankful for. It was more than satisfying to see that he was sleeping, and okay. He was fine. Is that why you came out here? To check on him? Grumbled something in the back of his head as he crept closer to the bed, pushing himself down to crouch slightly near the edge. He watched the way Adam breathed lightly, muscles relaxed and features pacified, and all of his inhibitions about having come here were suddenly gone. The very same voice that had been accusing this act as being made out of stupidity was now telling him not to go.
He smiled slightly as Adam twitched, under the effect of some wayward dream. He reached out and began stroking the back of his hand against Adam's cheek, feeling the persistant desire that anyone would feel to touch one that they cared for when given the oppertunity. He knew that for the time being, he wasn't going to be able to go anywhere. This was where he wanted to be, as much as he might have liked to change that. After a moment, Adam began to respond to the touches, shifting a little in his position and sighing. Lawrence almost let up before Adam's eyes opened barely.
"Uh…" Lawrence swallowed. He wasn't sure exactly that he'd meant for him to wake up. "Hi there…" he whispered, knowing how strange it must look.
Adam said nothing, but his eyes remained slightly opened and on Lawrence. Lawrence vaguely thought he felt the question 'what are you doing here?' circling the air once again.
"…Things at home are…weird." Was all he could say. He didn't know how else to explain it, that was his only justification. For a long moment, Lawrence was sure that Adam wasn't really awake at all. But then, tiredly, one of his arms raised up in a languid motion, a gesture that beckoned Lawrence down to him. Forgetting all of his questions, Lawrence cautiously lowered himself down onto the bed to lie with him, gladly accepting the embrace that was offered.
