Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or any of the characters in it.
Notes: I admit it, I am a Sawyer/Kate aholic. I love their chemistry and I love writing them together. I'm sorry if this offends anyone who isn't into Sawyer/Kate. But I did warn you.
Summary: Kate leaves the island and goes back to the real world, complete with all the fears and worries she left behind.
"The Fugitive"
Tired.
That's what Kate felt like. She felt tired of all of it. She felt like she suddenly weighed five hundred pounds and her legs could not handle the burden anymore. And as she sat there in that rescue helicopter, cold and shaking, she felt like giving it all up right there.
And she would have, if it weren't for him.
Sawyer had come to her rescue, much to her surprise. Just when she thought she could not do it anymore, just when she thought it was time to give up her charade and hand herself over to the people who wanted her, he'd shown up to vocalize the lie that she could not get her own voice to say. He'd defended her in a way that no one had defended her in a very long time. The compassionate act was not lost on her , but she also could not figure out exactly why he'd done this. Sure, there were feelings there. There was something that she could not quite describe between her and Sawyer. From the very first moment they'd shared something of a bond. She liked it and she could finally admit to herself that she did like the man as well.
But at the same time, she was very angry with him. She was angry that he had betrayed her on the island. She was angry that she had been seconds away from never having to lie again, and he'd ruined it. She was angry that he'd taken it upon himself to enter her life at a time when she didn't think she could handle him or this or whatever feeling it was that he brought along with him. She couldn't afford to care about somebody now. Everybody who she cared about eventually got hurt or killed because of her situation. That was the last thing she wanted for Sawyer. God knew he had enough problems in his own life without taking hers on as well.
But here she was, Elizabeth Yarding. At least that was the name of the dead girl who's passport they'd found. She looked enough like Kate to pass the test and get her on the helicopter back home anyway. From there, Kate had no idea what would happen next. The dead girl, the one they'd pinned off as Kate, had not actually been on the plane. They'd figured this out by process of elimination mainly. She had been one of the others. Kate was sure that, whoever this girl was, no one would be coming to claim her anytime soon. This made her sad somehow. This made her think of her own life, and how she really had no one left to 'claim her'. No one who loved her anyway. And this poor girl, who had probably had hopes and dreams of her own at some point, was dead and gone and would never be remembered or honored in any way. To Kate, this was very sad .
The whole helicopter ride had been slow and painful. Her heart had been going a mile a minute, just waiting for someone to realize their charade and realize that she was the one everyone was looking for. Sawyer had stayed next to her the entire time. He'd requested a blanket on her behalf, mainly because of her unstoppable shivering. It was a sweet gesture, but it made Kate feel even worse then she already did. In Kate's mind, she didn't deserve to have someone dote over her as Sawyer was doing. She had no idea where the sudden affection was coming from. Sawyer had never been one for showing his feelings, at least those that didn't relate to anger, and even with the bond they'd shared Kate couldn't fathom him actually caring for her as she felt she cared for him. But she did feel it, in his stare and in his actions, and it scared her.
The ride had been silent for the most part. Both parties were afraid to say anything to the other, mainly out of fear of being overheard by the pilot and the others on board. But Kate could tell that Sawyer had something he wanted to say to her. She could tell that he was hatching up some kind of plan in his head at that very moment. All the while, the only thing she could really think about were the events of that day and the bodies she had seen. Ever since that moment when she'd collapsed on the ground, she'd just been very cold and very numb. She didn't believe them when she said she was in shock. She'd even refused to think about the devastation around her, until now anyway. She was grateful that Sawyer had his head on straight, because there was no way she could even brainstorm about what she would do next to stay out of harms way.
And then, they'd hit ground. The impact of the helicopter hitting the landing pad outside of the Australian airport was extremely intense and frightening for Kate. It had the same sort of impact, for her, as when the plane had crashed on the island a couple of months before. It was sudden and it was deadly. It meant that she was back in the real world, and she would have to face her real problems again. She'd jumped again when she felt Sawyer cautiously rub his hand up against hers. She smiled slightly at the gesture. She found it very sweet, very junior high like. It was just like Sawyer, she thought. He wanted to touch her, but he couldn't make up his mind whether he should or not. He'd quickly withdrawn his hand when she'd jumped and she felt him immediately put up his guards. She sighed and looked down. She wanted to touch his hand, let him know that it was ok. But the truth was, she didn't know that it would be ok. She didn't know that the decisions he'd made today on her part would not ruin his life indefinitely. She didn't know if she'd be free come tomorrow.
So she just stayed still and closed her eyes, not wanting to look at the sight of the real world around them.
Almost immediately the door of the helicopter opened. First they moved to pull Shannon out. She was terrified and shaking still. Kate felt sorry for her. The poor girl had been through so much. She and Shannon had never really gotten along, never really talked all that much. They were polar opposites. Shannon was everything right and beautiful. Kate was everything wrong and ugly. At least in her own eyes she was. Shannon was light and Kate was darkness.
Shannon looked up at her before she was pulled out. She smiled at her and Kate smiled back. It was a sad smile. It was a goodbye smile. Kate knew instinctively that she would not see Shannon ever again. She knew that Shannon knew the same. It wasn't a drastic loss for either of them, but it was a loss of familiarity. Like Kate, Shannon would be going on with her life with a piece missing. Boone, her brother, was gone forever. She would never be the same again.
But then again, none of them would be.
When the rescue worker reached out his hand towards Kate, she felt herself shaking inside. She knew she had to take it. She knew she had to get out of this safe haven that she had made for herself and face her reality. Kate's reality was that her entire life was a lie, and she hated it. She felt Sawyer nudge her slightly from behind. It was like he was telling her to go, that it would be ok. Inside she wondered how he could even know that it would be ok, but she forced herself out onto the cold concrete of the landing pad anyway. She didn't have a choice anymore. She couldn't run and hide in the jungle. She couldn't curl up on the beach and lose herself in the rhythm of the waves. She couldn't breath in the fresh air after a rain storm and imagine that she was somewhere peaceful and free. Kate was back in chains again.
After that things happened so fast. It was like a blur to Kate. They led into the hospital and into the emergency room. They wanted to check her over, sign her in, give her a room. Her immediate reaction was to resist at all costs.
"I'm fine." She insisted, although she still couldn't seem to get herself to warm up. "I don't need to be here. Please, I just want to go home." She begged and pleaded with the nurse, who was trying to pull her into the room. Sawyer was fighting his own battle a few feet away. He, too, wanted to leave immediately. Of course part of it was because of her, but Kate assumed that he had his own reasons for not wanting to be stuck in a hospital in Australia. Neither of them seemed to be having any luck convincing the doctors. Kate felt herself beginning to collapse again. She had to get out of her and if she didn't let her go then she would have to do whatever she had to run away. She felt the panic rising and her heart was beating so fast that she was afraid it would never stop.
She chanced a look over at Sawyer to find that he was looking right back at her. Their eyes met and she felt his desperation on top of her own desperation. She saw though, that there was a strength in his eyes. It was something that she couldn't find in herself. She could feel him trying to transfer his strength over to her. The connection was deep and everlasting. And when he chanced a smile in her direction, she couldn't help but to smile back. It was a sad smile, a frightened smile. It was the smile of a fugitive who thinks she's about to take her last breathe. This wasn't lost on Sawyer either, and he seemed to be genuinely concerned. Because Kate was about to break, and she knew that if she did it would the end of her life as she knew it.
She closed her eyes and felt the hands of somebody on her arm. She knew it was the nurse, it wasn't a tight enough grip to be a man. She'd had plenty of angry men grab her arm like this, she would know. She looked down and felt the tears coming to her eyes. She fought with all of her remaining strength to hold them back.
"Please…" was her last plea. It was only a whisper and barely audible. It came from her gut. It came from that place inside of her that never really stopped fighting even though the fight was over.
She became vaguely aware of Sawyer's voice. He was angry. She could hear it. It wasn't even his normal anger, it was the anger that comes out in a normal voice. It was that intense kind of anger that cannot even be fully expressed by shouting. She could barely make out his words. Her thoughts were jumbled and she was suddenly very aware of her own weight in this world. She wanted to tell him to stop, just to please let her stop fighting. She couldn't do it anymore. She wanted to more then anything. More then anything she wanted her freedom back, but she could not muster up the energy to try anymore.
"Beth…" She heard Sawyers voice say. It took her a moment to remember that this was her new name. She opened her eyes, and there he was. Sawyer was standing in front of her and holding her shoulders with his rather strong hands. She wondered when he had grabbed onto her shoulders. "Don't worry, everything's going to be fine." He was nodding. He wasn't giving into them. He had a plan. She knew Sawyer's devious looks by now. She trusted his judgment, mainly because she could find none of her own.
And then there was another voice.
"Hi. Doctor, my name is Dr. Jack Shepherd. Listen, I've been observing them since the crash. I really don't think they need any medical assistance." Kate looked at Sawyer. He was looking to her left and behind her. She knew what he was looking at.
She turned to look at him. He was conversing with the doctor rather convincingly. He looked ragged and run down, but she knew he would be ok. Jack would always be ok. He was their hero, their leader. Kate knew he was way too stubborn to give up that well earned title now.
And then the doctor and nurse were gone. They had said it would be ok if she and Sawyer wanted to go home, but had insisted that Jack get his head wound taken care of. Jack had reluctantly agreed. Kate looked at him, trying to convey the thankfulness she felt. She took one look at Sawyer standing next to her and smiled at him. She was silently asking his permission to say goodbye to this man who had saved them yet again. Part of her felt the need to have Sawyers permission, because he had taken on Jack's role in her life now. It had happened suddenly and without warning, but Kate was aware of the change in the dynamics of their relationship. Kate was aware of the shift that had brought them to this point, the point where she wanted to hold his hand and be in his arms. She needed to convey this to him.
One look said it all. Their eyes met again and she knew that Sawyer would allow her one last moment with this man who had been so much for her in the last couple of months. She reached out and threw herself into a hug with Jack. He reciprocated, but only after a moment of hesitation. Kate knew that this bond they had would never fade, but neither would it grow into anything else. There was no room for that anymore.
"Thank you Jack." She was thanking him for everything, not just his valiant rescue attempt moments before. She was thanking him for listening to her and being her friend and being on her side whenever he could bring himself to be. She was thanking him, also, for letting her go. They broke the hug and he reached into his pack and pulled out a bottle of water.
"Be careful out there." He handed her the bottled water. "Here. Drink this. You might be dehydrated." She felt tears come to her eyes. This really was it. Their adventure really was over, for good.
She turned from him and walked back to Sawyer. She felt an overwhelming sense of welcoming as she grazed her hand up against his in passing. She felt an overwhelming sense of relief in just being near him. It was something she had no been able to muster up for herself, not in a very long time.
She closed her eyes and savored this new and welcome feeling that he had given her.
Sawyer and Jack had exchanged words, but she hadn't heard them. She was too busy thinking about tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. She was too busy worrying about everything that she had to worry about now.
She was ready to leave and began to walk towards the door, but Sawyer stopped her.
"Wait a minute there." He seemed to be looking at something down the hallway of the hospital. She followed his eyes and noticed that he was looking at Walt. There was a doctor who seemed to be getting rough with the little boy. She immediately wanted to go help him. Everyone had taken a protective role over Walt when they were on the island. He was the innocent one. He was the one who needed protection. She started over, but Sawyer grabbed her. "You stay right here." He pointed to the ground for emphasis. "I'm gonna go take care of this." He reluctantly let go of her arm and kept looking back at her until he was down the hallway and almost out of sight.
Kate stayed in place a moment. Not sure where to go or what to do. She hated staying in one place, but was afraid to do anything else. She stumbled when an oncoming stretcher came by and the nurses nearly pushed her aside. She looked at the stretcher, on its way into an elevator, and recognized that it was Sun. She put her hand over her mouth and a sad look came over her face. So many people had been hurt, she wondered why it was that she managed to get out of the encounter unharmed.
She heard a baby crying and glanced through a halfway open curtain in the hallway. Inside of the room was Claire, and she was holding the baby. Kate watched the mother and child interact, remembering the day she had helped to deliver the baby. She had been so afraid, but in the end it had turned out perfectly. The love between Claire and the baby was so obvious. Kate was mesmerized by it. It was the same love that she had never really had the chance to experience, the love of a mother for her child. She smile slightly. Something told her that as long as that woman and baby were ok, then everything else would be ok too. It just had to be.
Suddenly she felt a presence behind her and froze. It was only when she recognized the presence as Sawyer that she relaxed.
"Is everything ok?" She asked. He nodded while leading her outside.
"Kid's just fine. Come on, we'd better get out of here."
And moments later they were outside. Kate felt herself becoming more and more withdrawn as they walked out into the fresh air. She was still thinking about the future. Where would they end up? How would they survive? She felt herself tense up.
Then she felt his fingers on her chin. She felt him lift her head until she was staring straight up into his eyes. They were filled with worry, as were hers. But his had something else, confidence maybe. She felt safety when she looked into them, like nothing could hurt her as long as she was staring into those eyes.
"Don't sweat it Freckles." He said, as if reading her mind. "I've got us covered." He offered up his hand and she took it without hesitation. She smiled at him. The panic from earlier was gone now. The shock of the incident had warn down enough for her to function again. She was able to breath the air and take in her surroundings without feeling completely out of control. And if she did have a moment where her control slipped away, she would just squeeze Sawyer's hand and he would lend her some of his until she could get back on her feet.
"So where are we going?" She asked him. This was new to her. She'd never been as unaware of her own fate as she was at this moment, hand in hand with this enemy turned friend turned something else. He must have sensed the insecurity in her voice and laughed.
"You'll see. It's a surprise." He led her towards the street outside of the hospital. They walked in the direction of the airport. "So, how do you feel about milking cows and roping cattle for a living?"
"Sawyer…"
He had a mischievous glint in his eyes. This made Kate slightly weary, yet excited at the same time.
"Or of course you could just get a job in a strip club for some extra cash." He paused, waiting for her reaction. When she hit him lightly on the arm he pretended to be in tremendous pain. "OK OK, but I had the perfect stage name for you…"
"I'm afraid to hear it…" She rolled her eyes, loving every minute of their familiar banter.
"What do you think about…" He paused. "Shania." She stopped in her tracks, partly offended but mostly just happy to have things somewhat back to normal.
"Shania?" She question. "I don't think so." Sawyer pulled her along and shook his head.
"Women…you're all so damn stubborn."
She reached up and gave him another good smack on the arm. To any stranger walking by them on the street's of Australia they were just two people in love. No one knew about their pasts or the people they had killed. No one looked at Kate and saw a murderer or a fugitive. To the world, they were just a couple holding hands and flirting mercilessly. Kate had a sense that she looked very happy and very normal. She didn't feel the need to hide her face or blend into the crowd. She and Sawyer were the crowd.
And, for the first time in so long, Kate felt normal again.
