Rebirth – Chapter 26: Visions of a Past Life
-Notes-
Merry-2004: You somehow always manage to be the first to review every chapter. :D I love you for that. Ah, don't you just love those insane distractions? People only want something from me when I'm busy. Glad you got through it, though! I love to write sex scenes, action scenes, romance scenes, you know. …Did I just name a new holy trinity?
Graymoon74: EE! I was beginning to think you dissappeared because I was a jerk with my updates! Wasn't it an awesome movie though? I just loved it. I couldn't not write something for it. But by the way, I demand that you write more fics. Now. Go. Do it. …nnnow.
Redrose2310: Aww, thank you. I'm really surprised there aren't more. Everyone I talked to seemed to really like the movie. And rightly so.
AngelGardian666: XD Oh yes, it's cumming along quite well. And skin tastes just lovely, by the by. :) Thanks!
Damion Starr: Yay! I only saw one other Saw slash, and it was discontinued, I guess. They got two or three chapters into it and stopped. :( I was sad. Thank you, though!
Gatekeeper: X) Happy sex is good. I'm glad that it made you feel better, even if it was only for a little bit. I hope it isn't anything major you're mulling over, and certainly that you feel much better soon. :)
Guh. Well. Rather mundane chapter. Will try and post next quickly.
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Lawrence's eyes opened slowly as he felt movement next to him.
Where was he? It was still dark. This wasn't his home. No, oh, oh no, where was he? No, no, this couldn't be right, he had to be home, in his bed. No, Jigsaw was dead, this wasn't—this couldn't be…Wait now…He was on the wrong side of the bed and—
Adam's apartment! …Of course. He let out his breath in a relieved sigh as he pushed away his unecessary panic and narrowed his eyes into the blackness, trying to focus the images around him. Silly, stupid, that was all. He nearly laughed at himself, but the feeling was under his skin and the cackle from the darkness of the memory stole away any triviality in his fears. All the same, he was awake now, in Adam's apartment, not stuck back in the game. He could never go back there, surely. Yes.
But…why was he awake? His heart was racing, something must have jostled him. No, something was wrong. He came to as much as he could for the moment and threw his gaze to the figure lying next to him. Adam was shaking terribly as though cowering under something that loomed over him, or like he was about to be violently ill. Lawrence instantly raised up next to him in confusion, observing the state of his partner numbly. Instinctively, his mind sought to find a medical solution to this confusion.
His lips were moving and he was making strange, choked murmurs, clutching his sides tightly with tears on his cheeks. Lawrence took a moment to comprehend this, his hand moving to Adam's side. I-It's a nightmare…he's just having a nightmare. He stuttered to himself. Acting quickly, he shook him by the shoulder, hoping to stop whatever phantom was in his head and snap him out of it. "Adam, Adam, wake up, come on." He ordered, leaning down and touching his face to both rouse him and wipe some of the moisture from his cheek.
Adam jolted hard out of his dream, a sharp gasp dropping from his chest quickly as he froze in his spot.
"Whoah, easy…" Lawrence approached cautiously, touching his shoulder. "What's the matter, you okay?"
Adam shivered and rubbed a hand over his face. "Shit…"
"Hey, come on, you alright?" Lawrence pushed, tightening his grip momentarily.
"Fine." Adam ground out as he pulled away, roughly wiping the tears off his face with an emotion close to anger. Anger for what, though, was unclear.
Lawrence retracted his hand and uneasily gazed over Adam, who was still shaking and breathing erraticlly. "…Adam, what was it…?"
"It's nothing." He breathed heavily.
"Adam…"
"Fuck, man, I don't wanna talk about i—" his whispered statement was cut as he fought to surpress what seemed to be a sob.
Lawrence furrowed his brow in concern, pausing as he watched Adam once more retreat…He thought he could get him to open up by this point. But here he was pulling away again. He shook his head. "Then don't, just…just come here." Lawrence beckoned, moving slowly closer to him and placing one arm around his form in hopes that he wouldn't bite back. When he didn't pull away, he gained more confidence and trapped him in both arms hard against his body.
Adam stiffened from the embrace, obviously not wanting it, but having no will to protest. As soon as he felt the warmth sink into his skin, however, he immediately broke down into another fit of tremors and tears, allowing himself to be held closely and trying to steady his breathing in order to try and salvage his dignity.
"Calm down…just calm down…It happens to me too, okay? It gets stuck in my head too…" Lawrence rested his chin on Adam's shoulder as he attempted to console him.
Adam uttered something of a whimper and buried his face into a pillow.
"God, I…it's fine, you don't have to say it…I'm sorry." Lawrence moved his hands over Adam's body as if to try and contain his shivering. "I'm sorry."
Adam seemed to be biting his tongue, stifling the shaking in his nerves. "…Lawrence…" he started in an aching voice. "…this is never gonna leave me…"
"Yes it will." Lawrence assured, gruffly nuzzling his shoulder. "Okay? Trust me…It'll get better."
"I'll fucking lose my mind first." He growled back, a strangely aggressive sound for someone so weak at the moment. "I'm back in that room…"
"You're right here." He tightened his arms for a second as if to remind him. "It's okay, come on. You won't go crazy. I'd be surprised if you could put this all behind you already. I know that I haven't…Believe me, Adam, I've seen enough trauma cases to know. Nightmares are normal. I have them too. Like…well like in the hospital…" he cleared his throat. "You know. I mean I…was lying there, alone at night. I couldn't sleep most of the time, and when I could, I wished I couldn't. I'd wake up and I wouldn't even be home…"
There was a stretch of silence as Adam's shakes began to tame, regaining his composure as he pushed back stiffly against Lawrence's body. "You…still have them?" he eventually muttered.
"Yeah." Lawrence agreed. "Wake up and…my leg hurts…you know?"
"Uh-huh…" Adam nodded barely. He slowly turned his head a ways, his nose brushing Lawrence's cheek.
"So don't worry." Lawrence tilted his head a little and gently kissed him, suddenly with an intimacy between them they had not felt before. Thus far their kisses had been from only passion and lust, but this one was stranger—in a sense, loving. Adam's body loosened up some, the sensation a welcome relief as he pondered over the relatively new feeling of such innocent contact. He couldn't remember the last time he really wanted to kiss someone without the desire for it to end up as sex, or in gratitude thereafter. Save for kissing his mother's cheek. …But…that was different. Anyway, he didn't exactly enjoy that. This sort of made him feel like a sissy at the moment. But that didn't really matter right now.
Lawrence pulled off after a moment, kissing his cheek and his neck as he rested down once more against his shoulder. He tried not to let himself feel so sorry for Adam, or himself for that matter. They were past it, after all. Not over it, but at least past it. Still, he couldn't help a wallowing sentiment from slipping into his thoughts. He knew that Adam was mentally isolated, shutting himself in and hoping to pretend that nothing was wrong, and he also knew that he himself was a troubled, confused man who had only been further at loss from those horrible turn of events that had changed them. …Whatever the case, nothing mattered now. While here, he could stop Adam's emotional masochism with his own hands. While here, he didn't feel so confused about his more than slightly jumbled life. But if only he had known, as he empathetically lay soothing Adam from the scars of a dead killer that would haunt them forever, that Jigsaw's torture wasn't the only dillemma that was plauging his lover's nightmares.
