Chapter Three

Good God, I can say with complete confidence that this little twist in events was the last thing I'd ever expect to happen. EVER. I mean, so what if this guy can't go out with Sydney, clearly they love each other...And the bastard had a girlfriend.

A girlfriend!

"That pig." I hear Elliot mutter under her breath.

I turn to Turk and Elliot, who are clearly in as much shock as I am

"Duuuude, I gotta get me some popcorn. This is insane."

It really is. First of all, when do we ever get the chance to just stand around and eavesdrop on other patients conversations?

**Flashback**

"And then I told him that I wouldn't take it anymore...I was ready to move on with my life
without him."

"No! What'd he say?" I ask, leaning in and rolling my chair closer the two women who looked like they were ready to slap a restraining order on me in five...four...three...two...

**End Flashback**


Okay, let me rephrase that...When do we ever have virtually no patients to take care of and therefore are able to eavesdrop on patients' conversations without getting our asses kicked by Cox for doing so? Ah, that's what I thought...Never. And how often do the patients we eavesdrop on have such captivating lives?

I've been sucked in and I don't know if there's anyway I can get out of it.

I turn my attention back to Sydney, who still looks devestated from the news she just heard from that blonde bimbo's mouth. I mean really, of all the people he could have as a girlfriend, why on God's green earth would that man choose her?! It makes absolutely no sense.

"How could he do that to her?" I whisper to Turk and Elliot.

"Because he's a pig, clearly." Elliot answers quickly.

"Just because he has a girlfriend automatically makes him a pig?!" Turk asks incredulously. "The dude isn't allowed to mack on this here honey, so he turns to another beehive to satisfy his sweet tooth, I don't see the problem in that."

"Of course you don't...You're a pig, too. And I'm telling Carla." Elliot taunts as she walks toward the Elliot.

"Hey, Elliot, wait up! There is a problem with that! There is! Now don't tell Carla what I told you!" He calls out as Elliot steps into the elevator and the doors close. "Dammit, man, I'm screwed."

"That you are, that you are." I say, my eyes still focused on Sydney.

"Damn, that must suck for her." Turk says, following my eyes to Sydney, then turning her head to look at Little-Miss-Goldielocks, who's talking to some man dressed in a black suit, in the waiting room.

"Yeah," I say sympathetically.

"I gotta go check on my patient...Page me if there are any developments. 'Kay, man?"

"Sounds good," I say jumping up onto the counter so I can get a seat.

As Turk walks away, I see Sydney pull out her cell, press a button, then put it to her ear. She places her other hand on her forehead and her chest rises and falls with every deep breath she takes.

Up...Down...Up...Down...Up...

Calm yourself, JD. This isn't the time, nor the place for such thoughts.

**Daydream**

*Cue "Let's Get it On"*

"A girlfriend? The son-of-a-bitch." I say, and scoot closer to Sydney on the couch.

"I know, after all we'd been through, he had a girlfriend. I feel sad and defenseless...Have sex with me JD."

"I thought you'd never ask..."

**End Daydream**


As much as I hate doing it, I pull myself out of my glorious daydream and pick up a chart from beside me and pretend to look like I'm not completely and utterly useless as Sydney walks by me toward the waiting room. Out of the corner of my eye (I have outstanding peripheral vision, it really is frightening) I see Sydney stop in her tracks as she notices Alice stand up and shake hands with the man she's talking to.

Sydney quickly turns around and pauses almost directly in front of me.

"Hey, Dad. Is everything ready? I'll be there in fifteen minutes..."

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar smells sweet, and so do you...

"No, Dad, there's no way you're going to stop me. I'm going to get that antidote whether you like it or not. I'm not just going to sit back and watch Vaughn die, you can't ask me to do that."

So dedicated, so loving. But the fact of the matter is that the man's got a girlfriend, so come over here for some JD style lovin'. You know you want to.

"I don't give a sh-t about anything but helping Vaughn right now, Dad. Now did they set an alias up for me? Okay, good. I'm going but I need you to take care of everything else for me." She looks around slowly as she says this last sentence, and I quickly put the chart in front of my face.

La-dee-da. Nothing out of the ordinary here. Just doin' the doctor thing, you know. Reading charts, pondering the latest medical developments. They don't call me JD, MD just cause it rhymes, you know.

I hear her snap her cell shut, and I put down the file discreetly and jump off the counter. She turns to me and gives a weak smile.

"Hey, don't worry about Mr. Vaughn. We've got great doctors here, we'll take care of him." I don't know how the words come out but they do and I'm ecstatic beyond belief for she is doing the smile with the head tilt.

Score one for JD.

Goooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllll.
Goooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllll.

"Thanks," I'm too lost in my post-goal scoring celebration to realize that she actually said more after that..."You better hold me to that promise, because I'm gonna want to see him when I get back."

"You bet." I say with a warm smile, faking being normal for one second. "Be careful."

She looks up startled at my statement, then suspicious, but I simply put on the smitten kitten look that I've mastered and she smiles again.

"Thank you, I will." She looks up again and sees that Alice is now gone, and I'm pretty sure she breathes a sigh of relief.

"And if it makes you feel any better, he loves you more than her. The first person he asked for when he came in here was Sydney. I'm pretty sure "Sydney, somebody call Sydney" were the first words I heard coming from his mouth."

She looks back up at me with a "he loves me he really loves me" look crossed with "oh God, please let him live through this so we can have lots of little babies and live happily ever after." Her eyes start to well up as she smiles faintly, and lets out a little laugh. Not as if anything was actually funny, but sort of a release of pent up emotion, I guess.

"It does. Thanks Dr..." She trails off giving me the indication that she wants to know my name.

"JD. You can just call me JD."

"Thanks, JD. Hopefully I'll see you again real soon."

"You will, don't worry."

And out she goes, like the goddess she is. And I can die happy cuz I just scored. Not in the literal sense, but in the figurative sense, indeed. Because, see, people like JD here don't score with women like that. The closest they get to scoring is verbal scoring. And I don't mean like talking dirty--

**Daydream**

"Oh baby, JD, tell me more, tell me more..."

"You so hot when I touch you my fingertips sizzle."

Silence.

"I told you I'm not good at dirty talk..."

**End Daydream**


So yeah, that little exchange was the most I could ever ask for.

Suddenly, I feel something against my chest and I look down and see the janitor writing crap on my scrubs.

"What the Hell are you doing?!" I exclaim and push him down angrily. He sits on the ground stunned for a moment, and then looks up at me, his mouth forming a frown.

"And after all this time, I thought me and you had made such progress." He says, standing up slowly and shaking his head sadly.

"I'm sorry--" I start, but am quickly cut off by him.

"Yeah, you should be, cause that's one down, nine hundred ninety nine to go."

Oh. F--k.

He throws two sticks of red lipstick at my face and as they fall to the groud I look at my shirt.

Oh. F--k.

I am sexually incompetent

And if that wasn't obvious enough, we've got arrows pointing to my face and arrows pointing to my crotch.

OH F--K!

My crotch definitely has a huge red x across it. And all the while, I thought I was just excited for being so close to Sydney--

---

As I change out of my scrubs and throw those ones away, Tod walks in.

"I'm so sorry, man. I heard about all about it."

"About what?" I ask.

He thrusts his pelvis a few times then shakes his head from side to side sadly.

"It must suck, dude."

"Don't listen to anything that monster tells you. NOTHING!" I scream as I walk out the door.

"Nine hundred ninety eight..." I hear echo through the halls over the loudspeaker.

Oh. F--k.

I shake my head and try to forget about the deep sh-t I've gotten myself into when I see Elliot and Turk standing where we were before, watching Carla talk with an older man dressed in a suit and long jacket. He flashes his card, and I can't help but wimper at the fact that I am insanely jealolus of those little pieces of plastic.

**Daydream**

"Freeze, sucka!" I flash my card and point my gun at the kid in front of me. He starts crying, drops his Slurpee and pack of baseball cards and runs away as fast as he can.

**End Daydream**


I walk up to Turk and Elliot and take my perch on the counter once again.

"What's up?" I ask as they turn toward me.

"Apparently, not your 'little friend.'" Elliot says inbetween laughs before high fiving Turk.

Good God.

I sigh and roll my eyes, in order to hide the fear that Elliot will replace my role as the cream to Turk's coffee, and I think I do it pretty well.

"That's a lie, a complete and utter lie."

"Uh-huh, sure..." Elliot mutters with a grin as she turns back to watch Carla and the older man.

"Who's that guy?" I ask, motioning to them with my head.

"I don't know, but he's CIA also. I think I heard Bristow, but wasn't that Sydney's name?" Turk questions.

"Yeah...Maybe it's her Dad. I heard her talking to him on the phone before she left--"

"I don't care what the Hell you're policy is for visitors, I need to see Agent Vaughn, and I'm going to whether you like it or not."

"I'm sorry, Agent Bristow, but he's far too weak to see anyone--"

"For the love of God, he's right there, I can see him from here, just let me go speak to him, and there won't be any trouble here." He pushes his way past Carla and heads toward Agent Vaughn's bed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, there bub. Where do you think you're going?" Dr. Cox jumps in front of Agent Bristow and puts his arms out to stop him from going any further.

"I have to see Agent Vaughn, this is urgent."

"Hmm, last time I checked, I didn't give a crap about urgency. You may be the head honcho in that Central Intellegence Agency of your's, but in this hospital, I'm the top dog. So when you're here, you do as I say."

Mr. Bristow stares at him for a moment, then nods his head.

"Oh, is that so?"

"Yes, that's so."

All of a sudden, Mr. Bristow grabs the lapels of Dr. Cox's white coat and pulls Cox violently toward him.

"If you want to keep that incredibly obnoxious mouth of yours, I would highly reccomend getting out of my face."

Go, Bristow! Go, Bristow! Go, Bristow!

Did you ever know that you're my heeeeero, and everything I would like to beeeee?

"How is she?" Mr. Bristow drops Dr. Cox as he hears Vaughn's question and straightens out his suit before walking up to his bed.

"Well--" He starts as he closes the curtain to give themselves more privacy. Damn whoever created those swishy plastic curtains!

Cox walks up to us, clearly seething, but too afraid of Agent Bristow to act on his anger.

"Who been bitch-slapped? You been bitch-slapped!" I hear Dr. Kelso taunt, and I try to stifle the laugh that's growing in the back of my throat and the smile that's creeping on my lips.

"Crack a smile, newbie, and you'll regret the day your father's sperm fertilized your mother's egg."

Why am I never allowed to experience joy of any sort? And why does the man love to plant such images in my mind that clearly imply that my parents had sex and that's how I was concieved rather than the notion I particularly like to believe...That the stork dropped me off on our doorstep.

It was the stork, and I'm sticking with it.

END CHAPTER THREE