Thoughts and Fears

Yes, another spurt hit me late last night and I had to head to Tim Horton's for a cup of coffee to get it down on paper. Thanks to everyone for staying with it. One more chapter to go.

And the weather is still crappy here in Calgary. More rain for the next three days… at least I got to cut the grass before it became a jungle…


'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.' (Author unknown)


The sky was the deepest of navy blues she saw as she looked up, except in the west where the sun was still attempting to finish setting. Stars twinkled above her head, like a handful of glitter that a celestial child had tossed in a fit of good cheer. The full moon itself was only partway up the sky but it outshone the stars by about a billion times. She sighed once and lowered her head from the out of the clouds to continue following Roland's silent form to the front door of the great mansion before her.

The ride from her house to his had been quiet. Too quiet. The moment Roland (referee, limo driver, jack-of-all-trades) had sat in the drivers' seat and put the car in reverse, the privacy window had gone up to leave her truly alone with her thoughts.

Trouble was, Téa couldn't think anymore. Too much confusion and too many emotions vied for her attention. If she'd listened to them all, she would have been a gibbering mess when she arrived. So she'd done the next best thing.

She'd snooped.

A lot could be found out about a person by the contents of their vehicle. Her dad was a prime example of that. Pictures of her and her mother littered the small place – the dashboard, hanging from the rear-view mirror, in the change collector. Chocolate bar wrappers let everyone know about his addiction to Mars Bars. The roll of paper towel in the back seat should anything spill. Small things like that were quite telling to anyone who was willing to pay close attention to the details. Looking around the back of the darkened limo, she made out a panel of buttons, softly illuminated in blue, jutting out from the roof of the car. Seemed like the best place to start, knowing Seto's obsession with electronics.

The first button she'd pushed had turned on the radio. Soft, classical music floated out of hidden speakers, surrounding her in the upbeat strains of Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik". Gentle enough, though, to soothe the savage beast after a particularly trying day at the office. Unbidden, an image of Seto Kaiba sprawled out on the seat with careless grace, head leaning back on the cushion, listening to the same music as he loosened the tie at his neck made her blush to the roots of her hair. She could almost smell the cologne he wore at school wafting around her in the darkened back seat. In fact, she almost felt like he was beside her at that moment, about to…

Ruthlessly she'd pushed the image out of her mind to prevent herself from falling into yet another steamy fantasy about him and pushed another button on the panel above her. With hardly a whisper, a TV screen unfolded itself from some secret compartment. It had stared blankly at her for a moment so she'd pressed the button next to it. By some small miracle, she'd managed to turn it on. What it played though, was something she hadn't been expecting at all. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes focussed on the small screen. Inuyasha even here. And it was an episode she'd recognized well. The two of them had discussed it only the week before and she'd claimed it as her favourite. Black-haired Inuyasha. Where he'd turned fully human for the night and cradled his head in Kagome's lap. Something within her snapped. Something was going on here. Something that she didn't fully comprehend. Yet.

What was going on? Soft music, her favourite episode of Inuyasha. Was he setting her up for something? Should she dare to hope that maybe something was…? Her heart fluttered ecstatically at the possibility that…

The chain of thought was abruptly cut short, as Roland had chosen that particular moment to open her door. She'd been so absorbed in watching the TV and muddling over too many things in her head that she hadn't even felt the car come to a halt. Hopefully, Roland couldn't see the hard, red blush on her cheeks or hear the frantic rush of blood through her ears.

And now, here Téa was, still following Roland as he ascended the four steps that led to the front door of the Kaiba mansion. The door was unlocked, it seemed as he opened it and continued inside without a word yet. The silence had her wound tight as a spring and she kept her eyes trained on Roland's black jacket lest she lose him in the dimness of the house. That was the weird part. There were no lights on. Almost pitch black except for the light of the moon and stars as it shone through the various wide windows. She'd been expecting to see Seto waiting for her but there was no one around. Not a whisper echoed through the vast expanse of the front foyer except for the sounds of Téa taking off her shoes. It wasn't polite to enter another's home wearing outside footwear. Roland paused for a moment at a particularly loud sound of a shoe falling to the marble floor and half turned towards her.

If there had been any more light, he would have seen her blush. It felt almost… improper… to make so much noise when the house was so quiet and dark. Seeing that she stood ready once more, Roland continued to lead her to the grand, curving staircase, still bereft of speech.

Where was he taking her? How could he see so well in the dark? she wondered, a hand trailing along the marble balustrade as her feet carried her up the richly carpeted stairs. She could barely see her hand in front of her face. At least she had socks on. At the top of the stairs, Roland made a sharp left and continued down a dimly lit hallway. Doors lined each side, all standing closed and silent. She had no idea what was behind any them nor did she care at that moment. She had a hard enough time keeping up with Roland's dark jacket, which was almost swallowed by the darkness.

When he disappeared around a corner, Téa almost panicked at the thought of being lost in the mansion, by herself at night, before she realized that he'd gone up another staircase. What was with the house? So many stairs everywhere and no lights! Keeping her eyes on Roland with an intensity usually reserved for exams, she climbed up behind him, watching the jacket wrinkle at his shoulders every time he moved. Seto must have given him very specific instructions on where he was to bring her. What the hell was Kaiba up to? The use of his last name was not unintentional either. This was Kaiba, the business executive, the planner, the one who paid attention to every last facet. Every detail had been meticulously executed. Kaiba's fingerprints were all over this! Hell, he'd probably ordered Roland not to say a word lest he give anything away by accident.

Now, her curiosity was truly piqued. First, the nervousness on the phone. Second, the music and Inuyasha in the car. Finally, the specific route she was taking to get to him. She had an idea that this might not be the most direct to where they were going. Maybe so she wouldn't run away when they'd met face to face.

And Seto Kaiba had planned all of this in less than ten minutes.

That's what blew her mind. Roland had arrived at her door exactly ten minutes after the conversation they'd had on the phone. She knew he was good, but this was amazing. A small smile crept across her lips. All of this for her. She could hardly keep the bounce out of her step as she walked down yet another dimly lit hallway.

"Oof," she exclaimed softly, the wind knocked out of her for a second as she carelessly slammed into Roland's back. Yet again, so lost in thought that she hadn't realized their long, silent journey had ended before an ornate set of double doors.

Roland turned once to look at his charge, eyes unreadable, before his hands reached out and pushed down the golden handles, swinging them wide open. Stepping back, he waved her in to the darkened room he'd revealed.

Téa smiled brightly at her guide as she stepped through the doors and she could have sworn on a stack of Bibles that a ghost of one flickered across his face. At least the mysterious journey was finally over, she thought, hearing Roland close the doors behind her. Nothing like prolonging the agony of what she needed to say to Seto. Her sock-covered feet made barely a sound as she tread tentatively across the thick carpet towards the single source of light she could see.

The gentle illumination of the moon through a set of open French doors didn't give away many details although she could make out the shadow a four-poster bed against the far wall of the spacious room. She was in a bedroom, presumably Seto's. This clinched it. Definite plans were in motion and about to come to fruition. What those plans were, she only had a vague idea about, but it didn't matter. She was touched that he'd done so much just to ensure their privacy. Meeting in some public area, with reporters able to pop out of the woodwork might have spoiled whatever he was going to ask her. School was definitely out of the question, not with her friends always by her side. She supposed he could have come over to her house but he didn't know that they'd left for that unexpected trip to the US. This was the most private place on Earth.

Sighing softly and quirking up her lips, she really wanted to know what was going through that head of his, she quickened her pace towards the balcony beyond the French doors. A soft voice called out to her, questioning and unsure.

"Téa?"


Seto's hands gripped the white rails of the balcony edge as he looked down to the garden below, still questioning whether what he'd done was wise. The moon shone down softly on the night-blooming flowers he'd asked specifically to be planted under his balcony. With his night-owl tendencies, their soothing colour and intoxicating fragrance gave him much needed respite from the computer code he was usually staring at til three or four in the morning. When he wasn't talking to her on the phone that was. The light fragrance of jasmine hung heavily in the still air, reminding him of Téa. During their morning ritual, he couldn't help but smell whatever it was she used in the shower or sprayed on as perfume. And it suited her perfectly. He had to be careful to not take too much of an interest in her scent at school. That had the possibility of making things awkward between them.

Like what you're about to do isn't a million times more likely to do that?

He groaned once and tightened his grip momentarily before releasing it in a fit a frustration as he pushed himself away from the edge, both literally and figuratively. A shaking hand ran through his hair as he paced to the other side of the balcony. He had to do this. He had to ask her how she was feeling about him. He had to know either way.

'One way or another, I'll be fine,' he had said to Mokuba as he'd escorted him to bed. But now he wasn't so sure. Rejection was an option he wasn't used to playing with. Just the idea of her rejecting him sent cold shivers down his spine and made his hands ice-cold with sweat. No, he had to be strong even though she held all of the cards. He'd been in tougher spots before and made it out okay.

Really? Are you positive of that?

Looking up at the stars above, he forced himself to breathe deeply and evenly in an effort to stop the mad racing of his heart. Roland would be delivering her in a matter of minutes. He needed to stay calm and in control.

Even though you aren't… she's the one with all of the answers and it scares you to death…

Did she understand the clues he'd given her? The Inuyasha episode was the big one. She'd declared it as her favourite during one of their nightly conversations last week. He'd forgotten about that one until she'd brought it up. Her preference for it had made him go back and re-watch it. And it was perfect. Inuyasha becoming fully human for the night, pillowing his head in Kagome's lap and telling her that he didn't hate her scent. In fact, just the opposite. Did she get the significance of it in reference to him?

He was betting that she did. She wasn't a dumb cheerleader. He'd found that out in their first phone conversation about teachers and homework. The one where he hadn't really known what to say to her. Somehow, he'd muddled through and now looked forward to those nightly conversations where he could vent about work and school. Téa didn't even mind if he let off steam about her friends.

She understood that there would always be a rivalry between Yugi and himself.

She understood that Joey Wheeler annoyed him like no other on the face of the earth.

She understood that Tristan Taylor just wasn't in his league of duelling skills.

She understood that and accepted it.

Such unconditional friendship was new to him. He'd never had friends before, except for Mokuba. But he didn't want to inflict his dark thoughts on such a sunny disposition. His brother had enough of his own problems to deal with without Seto adding more and making him worry. The younger Kaiba was already worried enough about the elder one. Did he sleep? Did he remember to eat? Did he finish all of his homework? In some ways, Mokuba was the mother that he'd lost so long ago. Making sure that the alarm clock was disconnected on the weekends. That his cell phone was hidden on Sundays. He smiled then as he thought of his little brother doing his best to make the world a slightly better place for his workaholic older brother.

The sound of the doors to his room unlatching caught his attention and brought him back from his reverie. She was here. The decisive moment was upon him. Taking a deep breath to calm the racing heart once more, he counted to ten to make sure that Roland had left the area after closing the doors once more. No need to have everyone know he was about to have his heart shattered.

A heart many didn't realize he had.

Good luck.

"Téa?"


Whew, that took a lot more to get out that I thought it would. One final chapter left. No more fillers after this, I promise. More rain forecast for the weekend so I'll have lots of time to think about the last chapter for this and maybe start Chapter 12 for "Christmas Chaos". Sorry for the cliff-hanger but this was yet another spurt from my brain. The rest of it is in there somewhere, just need to drink copious amounts of coffee to tease it out.

Thanks again,

Aphrael21 ;)