My Happy Ending.
Chapter 2: Poison
Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter.
They came closer, and I felt weaker... What was happening to me? I thought, nothing seemed real and just for a moment I forget the hurt, but those eyes kept poisoning me, it was like a rush, it was like I wasn't there those eyes are like a mask that hide the true being underneath.
I stood up and I realized whom those hazel eyes were because he spoke, "Lily," I do not reply why does he have such power over me. He was invading my thoughts, my world. I do not reply, for fear of finding out who is the true person behind that mask, those eyes... "Lily..." he says again but more cautiously, but still in that same tone. "I woke up as you were leaving the common room, it is still dark and I got a bit worried, ya know..." he trails off.
Him worried about me? That was a joke, he could never do that, it was he the all mighty James Potter, but with his words I felt hatred, I don't know why it was probably because he was just trying to do this to become popular. "Oh really?" I say coolly, I don't know what is coming over me. But my thoughts were racing and I knew that he was not being real... not being true... and for some reason that bugged me more than anything. "Since when have you ever cared about me Potter?" I continue.
"Lily this isn't like you, I was just worried that's all okay?" I could tell that he was getting angry but he is that one who is changing how they truly feel the one who is lying. "Well I don't need your worry!" And that was it at that moment I knew that the poison of his hazel eyes left me and I knew at the moment that as long as I hated him, I could stay in this world of mine.
I walked out, but as I reached the door I could sense him following me, so I sped up but before I even turned the corner, I felt a warm presents grabbing onto me. "Lily, listen to me." He said pleading but I couldn't let that poison enter my body, I couldn't let him take over my thoughts. "Get off me Potter." I spit those words out. But I can't give in... not to him.
I walk off, and I hear the distant shouting of him, yelling my name. And that was it. I walk back to the now brightly lit common room, putting on the same fakeness I put on every morning and walk upstairs to my dorm; the only one up is jade, applying her face. "Hello Lily, nice day isn't it?" She says brightly "Oh ... yeah." The words just come out, they are not from me, but from the empty sell that I live my life in.
After about 10 more minutes I leave, more people waking up, more people to deal with. I walk to breakfast and sit alone sit at the far end of the table. The only ones there when I got there, was 2 second years and to my surprise James Potter and Sirius Black.
I sit at the opposite end of the table and avoid the glances that I am getting from Potter and Black, I cant look at them, I just cant, something is coming over me, and he will not be the one to break my world.
Sirius Black is handsome; well that is what people tell me anyway, I have never really have a conversation so I would never know. He comes over and sits beside me leaving Potter alone. "Miss Evans, would you mind telling me exactly why you hate my good friend Jamesie all of a sudden?" These words shock me I don't know what to say. I never thought that I hated him; I just could never be poisoned again. I couldn't tell him that though he would not understand my world my thoughts and I would not open up to him. "Um...it's complicated." I say I cannot stomach another word so in silence I get up and leave again.
I race out of the door and walk to my place my sanctuary the place that no one can bug me...the library. I sit at the back of the room once more and get over taken be my thoughts, my life.
(Flash Back)
"Hey there you freak," A cold voice says, I don't even have to turn around I know who it is. "Would you mind leaving this house and never coming back, it's not like your wanted here anyway." She cackled and walks back into her room to meet her friends.
My mother died when I was very young and my dad remarried and a year later I had Petunia. She is 1 year younger than me and still haunts my thoughts. My dad is always away on business and can never really see what goes on when he is not there.
I Sit in the bathroom and look into the mirror and hate what I see... A purple bruise is just now beginning to appear, from this morning when my step mom through a porcine lamp at me it hit my cheek and broke causing a split lip and a bruise.
But its not like I'm not used to it, I just take it and go up to the bathroom, lock the door and hate what I see in the mirror. If my father ever knew he would probably leave her, but whenever I used to tell him my Step mom and Step sister would just say I was lying and though I know he believed me he would not say so. So eventually I just gave up, and I keep this abuse to myself.
I don't know how long I had been sitting there in the bathroom, but there was an over whelming pain on my cheek and I couldn't open one eye. I hear banging on the door and I go and see who it is. Is it Petunia, "I am going out be back tomorrow, DON'T touch any of my stuff, I refuse to have whatever you got on it!" she says, her 2 friends sniggering behind her, "Oh yeah..." she continues, "this is well...just for being you."
He two friend's come around and just start holding me down, though I am older she is taller, and her friends are much fatter and stronger. Then petunia comes and just starts beating me, I plead for her to stop and I try to get out but there are 3 of them and only one of me. She rips my shirt and then ties me with a rope that she brought in with her; my only thought was that she was going to kill me I knew that she would if she really wanted to. But no she just takes the vase that was sitting on the window sail and hits me over the head with it. I am chocking on my blood, and I cant breath, I am out.
(End of Flashback)
I think back to last summer when that happened. It wasn't one of the worst things that have happened in that house. But it is one of the most recent. Imp 15 now in my 5th year. And I still have not been able to open up to people; I am still scared of getting hurt. My Step mom and sister always say how ugly I am, and how I am trash, and I have really started to believe it.
I dwell on these thoughts; I hate the life that I live. But I have to deal with it. I bell rings and that is a sign that class in about to start. I quickly go and get my things and race to my favorite class, Charms. I thin I like it because I am good at it, I excel at it. And that also gives my some light on the darkness inside.
Remus Lupin calls me over and willingly except the invitation, I would rather sit beside him than anyone. "Hey Re." I say, but though my words sound happy, there is nothing happy in my voice. "Hey Flower." He is the only one who calls me Flower as a true name, as a friend. Any one else I usually tell them not to. "My flower can I ask you something?" He says with a ting of nervousness in his voice. "Um...I guess." I say same fake happiness, same emptyness. "Well would you... um would you..." He stutters, I think I know what's coming and I cant he doesn't know me, the true me and I don't know him. "Can we talk after class." I say hurriedly.
And for the rest of class silence hangs over my head. But it is almost as though I don't want it could not be true. I like the solitude, the feeling of being alone, and no hurt. Something inside of turning and, I cant tell what it is.
For the rest of the day, everything goes okay, Remus has not talked to me yet, and I have not had to deal with Potter. I sit in class with my thoughts as usual and take notes, but I still see no point. It is like something is missing, Jest before dinner though 4 girls came up to me.
"Hey Lily!" a voice says behind me in a sicken sweet voice. I turn to see four popular girls behind me. "Oh hi Trish." I say turning to leave; I don't like this being around people, having to be fake. "You know Lissa, and Kate... oh and of course jade?" Trish says, even more sweetly. "We were wondering if you wanted to sit with us at dinner." "Oh I don't know..." I say trying to get our of it. "Great common we are meeting James and his group." But before I could do anything Lissa and Kate had linked arms with me and was dragging me to the dinner table.
Trisha in front of us, swooshing her long curly, chestnut hair from side to side. Smiling and pretending to care about anyone. As we walk to the table I suddenly loose my appetite. I am in a sandwich between these people. And I can sense heads staring.
"James!" Trish shouts, and I get dragged along and we walk to the end of the table and sit, "Hey babe..." says James a hint of boredom in his voice, only sensed by me. What is going on? I tell myself suddenly, why do I care so much? No time for my own thoughts one again, because I get thrown into another useless airhead conversation. But I get dived from this nightmare, but none other than Remus. "Lila, can I have a word?" he says. I don't want to go but it is better then staying here. "Uh... sure." Lissa suddenly gives me a nasty look, and stands up takes his arm and walks out. Me on their trail. I leave with them but I do the opposite direction. And feel like I am falling and I can't stop. A feeling suddenly comes over me, and I am alone.
I run outside and to the lake, it is dark now, for it is November. The sun has just set and there is a blue haze still in the sky. The lake looks black, and as a cool breeze fills the air, the lake looks like it is freezing over. Tears in my eyes, I fall to the ground, and just let it all out.
It is the only way I can let out my feelings is by the blackness of night. I cry to let out what the true feeling beneath my skin, shriek. I cry, and I do not care for the time, it is not like any one would go looking for me not like any one would care. After a while of being out there looking into the darkness. I hear something, a crack a rustle of trees. I get up instantly of course.
"Who is it... whose there?" I say a crack in my voice.
"Lily?" Comes the reply.
"Who is there?" I say quickly wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Where are you? Hold on wait there... CRAP!!!"
"James..." I say. Great now he will go on to every one about me I cant state it and I run. I run from every thing and once more I am left alone, I keep running though, not willing to stop, not waiting for anyone.
I awake, with a bright empty room in my wake. Not remembering how I got there... I slowly make my way down to the common room, no one there great. And I am engulfed in a book, not a great book, one that is unrealistic, one with a happy ending, I have read it many times, my Dad gave it to me for my second birthday.
I hear someone come down the stairs, I don't even turn around, and a blur go red Quidditch robes and blonde girl, run by, and don't even look back. Probably Trish and James. Then I remembered that it was a game today, Ravenclaw against Griffindore. It should have started 20 minutes ago. Oh well.
An hour later, no one is back so I decide to take a walk, to clear my head. I look out the window and realize that a light frost glittered the ground, and the air was cool and crisp. It was a Saturday, and I would soon be back in the library, and the very last table, behind the ancient spell books that nobody needed, doing my work, only emerging for meals. But this didn't bug me, I didn't mind being secluded. That was what I fond to be welcoming, something that I could always count on. I will I could be normal happy, not have to be fake...laugh. But that is all behind me, not something that I am now.
Chants, and yells can be herd, "GRIFFINDORE, GRIFFINDORE, GRIFFINDORE ..." Slowly comes by, and slowly creeps away, there will probably be a party tonight, hosted by Sirius Black. Both him and James are on the Quidditch team. Now I have no chance to go back to get to sleep, into my own world.
We all know that their own groups will surround James and Sirius and I will not join in. I get interrupted from the thoughts as I hear some one enter the library. Its Rumus, what is he doing here? My question soon answered and as he walks towards me, I can't help but shudder.
"Lily?" he asks so kindly, so concerned.
"Hi Re." I say simply.
"Are you going to the Party tonight?"
"No."
"Oh... Are you even going to come out for dinner?"
"No."
"Lily...can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Would you ever go out with someone... someone like me?" His pale eyes so cold right now, I hate to see him like this, but yet I try to pull away.
"Someone like you?"
"Yes... you know."
"Oh..." that is all I can manage, nothing else wants to come out. I cant stand this, why do I care, when all I want to do is pull away. "Re, you are who you are and I like you for that." Simple, yet I could tell that is not what he was looking for and he stands, his eyes, like looking at ice... like mine.
He gets up to walk away but manages to say one last thing. "James wants you there tonight Lily, please don't break his hart." And he is gone, left cold, and I did that. I swore to myself when I got to Hogwarts not to let any one into my life, but as time goes on, I get stronger, and weaker.
It is late and I make my way to the common room, as I enter and walk across the carpet, I see at least 4 small heads peering though the banister, to the girls Dorm. They are talking very loud, and I hear part of their conversation.
"...I cant believe that it is only 4th year and up!" Says one with brown hair, with red highlights, she was very pretty for her age.
"I know this sucks, but that 4th year invited you..." I didn't get to hear the rest as I quickly walk past. An up to my dorm, alone I sit by the window, thinking that I have been here before, but and event like this has not crossed my mind.
There are laughing and the pattering of feet and in come my four dorm mates, oh great, now I have to pretend to give a crap about them, pretend to be their friend.
"Lily!" Oh it was Jade, I know that this has happened before now, but I still go on with what happened in my dream.
"Oh hello, what are you doing back up here Jade? I thought there has a party in the common room 4th years and up?" I say.
"Well, you see from the state of my robes that Mr. Black dumped punch on me. But what are you going to do?" She says as she stares to get undressed and into another set of robes.
"Yeah... what." I sat confused. "What do you think of me?" I ask, I don't know why, I feel shocked and I leave the room.
Downstairs there was the usual crowed around Potter and Black. The blonde skinny ones... the popular ones. But as I entered that room, the venom of the poison that I felt engulfed me, once again, but I fought it, unlike my dream, and I went and sat by the fire, gazing at it dance, until he came up behind me...
What do you think?
R&R PLEASE!
Next Chapter- An argument may happen, and Lily get put with some one she is not to fond of in Transfiguration.
