12: Juhani

She awoke from a feral nightmare, filled with savage growls, and gnashing fangs, of claws tearing forth from tender fingertips and rending innocent flesh. The scent of fear filled her nose with its briny lure, and she realized it was her own. A Jedi does not fear!

Her yellow eyes flashed open and her slitted pupils drank light from the darkness desperately. A growl rumbled at the back of her throat, and she glanced around furiously, seeking the enemies from her nightmares, the prey from her ancestral memories, now given faces she remembered all too well.

But all she found were the trees.

Twisted gnarled trunks writhing upwards around her, like bars in some vast arboreal cage, penning her in no matter where she turned. The sparse dusting of silver fur on her pale flesh bristled and she yowled an animal cry of helpless rage.

Juhani could feel her rational mind slipping further and further away. She tried to hold onto it desperately, but the tighter she held, the more it flowed through her fingers. Tears ran freely down her cheeks, and she hurled herself into a run, ripping away the ground beneath her naked feet. She blazed a blind path through the knotted trees, seeking a release from the eternal twilight that clung in the air. But every path she took was the same. She felt as if she had run for months, never finding an exit from the prison of trees, never finding the path home.

But she had no home. Not anymore. Beasts had no home beyond the wilderness. They didn't deserve to walk as men did, and to know the warmth of love. She collapsed to her knees with a moan and glanced down at her robes, now torn to ragged shreds. She was a beast, an animal; beasts did not wear the clothes of men.

Didn't deserve! Didn't need!

She unsheathed the slender claws from her fingertips and ripped at her clothing with a snarl. She bared her flesh, her fur to the endless half-night around her, tearing at the belt around her narrow waist. Her claws scraped across the metal cylinder hanging on her belt and she paused.

An elegant tool…refined weapon…

Her talons closed tightly around it, but her muscles froze. She needed that tool. She would keep that tool. Yes.

Yes…

She rose with a sobbing groan and pressed herself against a bent and bowed tree. She buried her scarred face against it and cried. Despair pounded against her shoulders, wracked her chest. There would be no release for Juhani. She was alone and lost in darkness. Trapped in the Grove.

Then, something tickled against the inside of her skull; the animal awareness of prey. Her yellow eyes flashed brightly, and the pungent scent of walking, living meat straightened her spine.

Not alone…

Lal's nose wrinkled at the stench of rotting flesh. Bloated corpses of long dead kath hounds lay torn open in the withered brown grass that lay before a stand of twisting, crooked trees. A cold breeze crawled against her skin as she stared into the murky depths between the trunks. It seemed rather a small stand of hunched over trees, cowering and huddling together like frightened old women. But with every step she took towards the Grove, the trees seemed to uncoil and loom over her, as if they grew taller before her.

Lal hesitated as she passed a carcass, and stared down at it. The body bore gouges of moist, dark red, carved into the swollen flesh, around the face, the legs, the ribs; it looked as if something had ripped its throat and belly open…with…teeth. She glanced at the other bodies and saw similar damage, as if…as if the creatures had torn each other to ribbons. Fighting amongst themselves.

And the smell of their old death, like syrup spread thinly over feces, dug into her lungs and trickled into her belly. The longer she stood there, the thicker the stink became. She pressed the back of her hand against her lips and screwed her mouth shut against the gagging that surged up her throat.

Lal staggered forward as her stomach churned. The air seemed cleaner closer to the Grove. She lurched towards the trees and fresh air. A dim part of her mind warned her; told her the stink was driving her towards the entrance to the Grove. But she had no choice. Forward was her mission, her goal. And forward she had to go.

When she finally took the step forward, into the trees, the air shifted and grew still, as if she had pushed through a bubble. The dry reek of dust fluttered into her nose and darkness swallowed her. Lal's blood froze in her veins and she glanced around, looking for some explanation, something to justify the black pall hanging between the twisted trees.

She whirled around, suddenly frantic to leave, but saw behind her a measureless expanse of cracked, withered trees and darkness. She could not see past them, could not see outside of the Grove, even though she had only taken a single step inside. Lal made a desperate dash towards what had to be the exit, but she only crashed through murky darkness, and nearly tripped over a thick cluster of roots thrusting up from the caked soil.

She dropped to one knee, and suddenly felt a wave of pressure gusting down against her back. Instinct twisted her body, and a pale shape blistered down towards her with a snarl. Fire burned along Lal's bicep and she fell backwards, thrusting herself away from the attack. Rolling backwards onto her feet, she caught a glimpse of bright yellow eyes. Her lightsaber leaped into her hand and she ignited a single blade.

In the pale lavender glow, she saw a feral creature crouched on all fours, snarling at her. Lal thrust forward with her weapon, but the creature dashed backwards in a flash of silver. It leaped upwards and ricocheted from tree to tree in a white blur. Lal tried to follow the creature's path, but lost it in the darkness.

She stood there for a moment, realizing the beast had just completely eluded her. She hadn't even gotten a good look at it. Lal glanced down to the wound on her arm and saw four red lines carved into her suit and flesh.

"What was that thing?" she gasped, closing down her lightsaber.

"Enemy…"

Lal whipped around and looked up to see the shadow from the previous night, towering above her. Its body was stretched absurdly long, and its arms coursed out to either side like ribbons fluttering in a stiff wind. Its body bent sharply in several places, curling its head down towards Lal.

"It wants only to kill you."

"Of course," Lal groaned. "I'm not playing your game, ghost. How do I get out of this place?"

"Death is the only release. Your only path from this place will be painted with blood. Only your rage will free you…"

"Rage…? Oh…I believe I understand…I have to kill this thing in order to get out, don't I? But…but that's what you want, isn't it?"

"There is no want…only desire…"

"Quite. I've heard that before. Well, I've no intention of playing your game, creature!"

"Defiance. Rebellion. These things define you. You will rage. You will kill."

"No. I won't. Not until you tell me what you are."

"What…I…am? I…I don't remember…I…I…hunger! Release! Freedom! Death!"

The shadow splintered apart before her eyes and exploded in a thousand droplets spraying into the air. Lal covered her eyes and dropped to one knee. When she glanced around, the shadow was utterly gone. She spun about, looking for it, but saw only the crooked trees.

And the white-bodied animal, nestled in the arm of a tree before her. Lal gasped and dodged aside as the thing pounced. It landed beside her and sprang back into the air, lunging out with its claws. Lal hurled herself backwards into a handspring. Her feet flipped up beneath her and caught the creature's chin, hammering it backwards.

It hit the ground hard and sprawled in a loose tangle of white limbs. Lal peered down at it and gasped. At first glance, it seemed to be a half naked woman, clad only in tattered, soiled rags. Her skin was almost completely white, and was frosted with a thin layer of…fur. Dark stripes slashes across her fur, streaking delicately down her cheeks and brow; across her lean, muscular belly and her lanky thighs. A wild nest of silver hair splashed around her head on the ground, framing her face in a manner that Lal found…familiar.

A lightsaber hung from the alien woman's belt.

The woman's eyes flashed open, shedding a dim yellow luminescence; eyeshine, drinking up the ambient light. Her lips peeled back across slender, needle-like fangs and she hissed.

"Wait!" Lal whispered, holding her hands out defensively. "I won't hurt you! You're a Jedi…"

The woman popped up into a crouch and gazed at Lal in confusion. Her yellow eyes flickered to the lightsaber in Lal's hand, and then down to the one hanging from her own ragged belt. "Jedi?" she snarled, cocking her head to the side.

"Yes…a Jedi! That's what you are!" The woman had to be a Cathar, a race of near-humans evolved from massive, predatory felines. She'd only seen one, once on Taris, forced to fight in the Arena, but she knew of them; hunted almost to extinction by the Mandalorians, enslaved by the Hutts…But this one…this one…

"You have a name?" Lal hissed softly.

"Name?"

"Yes, a name! We all have names. Don't you remember your name? My name is…is Lal."

The Cathar woman rose, and Lal saw that she was really little more than a girl. Barely much older than Mission. The Cathar glanced around nervously and her slender hands absently covered her nakedness.

"M-my n-name is…Juhani…I think…I…this must be a dream…I've been dreaming…"

"Juhani!" Lal gasped, remembering the alien child from her dreams. She suddenly saw a clear picture in her mind; the girl, a slave of Tanka the Hutt…Revan freeing her. "Juhani! I can't believe this…it's almost as if…my dreaming led me to you!"

"How did I get here?" Juhani asked in a trembling voice thick and heavy with the snarling accent of the Cathar tongue. She frowned as she gazed at Lal.

"I don't honestly know, but my suspicion is that we're here to amuse the Shadow…"

"Shadow?"

Lal nodded, glancing around warily. "That…that black shape…it's somehow the cause of all of this, I believe."

"The cause…" Juhani muttered, staring blankly into the darkness. Her face slowly twisted, and fury sketched the soft lines of her features in sharpened contrast. Her eyes seemed to glow with anger and she returned her gaze to Lal's face. "What do you know of the cause?" Juhani demanded. "They sent you didn't they? To kill me! To destroy the monster! This must be all your doing!"

"Hold on…"

"Well, I won't go so easily, human!" Juhani thrust her palm at Lal and screamed. Lal felt an invisible hammer slam into her chest, hurling her backwards through the air.

She gasped as a hard wind ripped through her hair, but gathered her thoughts enough to collapse into a ball. Her feet scraped into the ground and she leaned forward, skidding backwards at least ten feet. She came to a halt in a three-point crouch, and saw Juhani charging her. The Cathar held her lightsaber up above her head, igniting a blue spear of light from the hilt.

"Bloody hell…" Lal groaned, igniting her own weapon. She lifted her blade to meet Juhani's and a shower of light splashed forth from the clashing lightsabers. Juhani's face was a mask of rage as she pressed down against Lal's blade. Their lightsabers spat and hissed and snarled, and Lal pivoted to her right, letting Juhani stagger forward with no blade to resist her.

Lal danced around behind Juhani and kicked the back of the Cathar's knee. Juhani dropped and Lal stepped forward to slide her lightsaber against the side of her neck. Juhani froze and her eyes rolled down to see the lavender glare of Lal's weapon.

"I'm not here to kill you, Juhani," Lal began. "This thing has done something to you…"

"No," Juhani hissed tightly, clenching her teeth together. "You don't know! I'm a monster! Not fit to walk in the light! This is my prison!"

"What are you going on about?" Lal cried. "This Shadow has made you mad…"

"No! I killed her! I did! I lost control…I killed her…"

"Killed who, Juhani?"

"Stop calling me that!" Juhani suddenly leaned forward and kicked back, shoving her heel into Lal's pelvis.

Lal staggered back and Juhani spun around, her lightsaber cutting in a low arc towards Lal's legs. Lal hopped back out of range and Juhani leaped to her feet and charged again. This time, she whirled her blade before her in a series of arcs and pinwheels, driving Lal backwards.

"All I am is a beast!" Juhani cried, spinning her lightsaber furiously at Lal's face and arms. "A monster!" She backed Lal against a tree and stabbed towards her chest with a roar. Lal pivoted out of the way and Juhani's blade burned deeply into the tree bole. Lal maneuvered behind the Cathar and slammed her elbow into the back of Juhani's skull.

Lal's momentum spun her body around in a circle and she hurled her knee into Juhani's kidney. Juhani cried out in pain and Lal reached her free hand around the Cathar's head to grasp her forehead. She then took a wide step straight back, dragging Juhani with her, head first. She slapped Juhani's body down hard against the ground and straddled the stunned woman. Lal dropped down, jamming her knee across Juhani's throat. Her other knee crashed down on Juhani's forearm, pinning her weapon to the ground.

"Juhani," Lal growled as the Cathar struggled uselessly beneath her, "I really have no idea what you're talking about, but just listen. Please…"

"I killed my master!" Juhani wailed, closing her eyes. "I lost control of myself…I lashed out…in anger…and now she's dead! If you kill me, it means I am not fit to live…but…if I kill you…then destiny has chosen the path of the Dark Side…And I will walk it!"

"Why can't I just get a single straight answer…?" Lal sighed as Juhani glared wildly up at her, snarling and drooling like the beast she claimed to be, straining to wrench herself free.

Free…? Freedom…hunger…Lal tried then to remember the spirit's words. Slowly, she started piecing together a thought. "It's…it's feeding off of you…feeding off of your anger…your rage…your pain…your fear. It's using you to try and…to try and escape…maybe?" Another thought formed, freezing inside her skull like a dagger of ice. "And it's using me, too…lured me here…It wants us to fight! Survival of the fittest…whoever survives…it wants to have a body to move around in!"

"So long have I been imprisoned," the Shadow hissed. Lal and Juhani both jerked around to see it, hovering behind them. "Your passion…growing stronger, it feeds me…my memories…"

Lal rolled forward off of Juhani and rose to her feet. She twisted her lightsaber apart into two weapons, instinctively reversing the grip of the left blade. The shadow appeared to have gained more of a static shape. No longer did it billow and flutter like a set of rags. Now, Lal could just barely make out a shape, tall and impossibly lean, with arms like spears. Its head stretched up and tapered into a vague cone, and Lal saw fingers like curved blades flexing anxiously.

"I must feed upon you, your anger…the darkness in both bodies…I will have my freedom!"

Juhani's rage sobered as she slowly rose. Her eyes gazed upon the thing in unreasoning terror. "What is it? Why do you torment me, creature? Tell me!"

"Juhani!" Lal cried out, "it wants your anger…It wants to…to make you a slave…once more!"

"No!" Juhani hissed. "I am free! I will be no one's slave! I'll destroy you, first!"

"Juhani! No! It…there…there…is…no emotion…"

Juhani paused and glanced back at Lal. Confusion shoved the rage on her face aside, and her lips began moving soundlessly.

Lal had no idea where the words had come from. But they continued to slip free of her throat. "There is no emotion!"

"Th-there is peace," Juhani added. She lowered her lightsaber, and a sheet of calm rippled across her features.

"There…is no ignorance," Lal went on.

"There is…knowledge," Juhani followed.

"There is no passion…"

"There is serenity," Juhani said, her voice growing softer.

"There is no chaos…"

"There is…there is harmony." Juhani's eyes slid shut.

"There is no death…"

"There is…the Force." Juhani's eyes snapped open, her madness gone. She glanced at Lal with the same wide yellow eyes of that child she'd been on Taris. Lal walked over to stand beside the younger woman and nodded.

"You have no power over us, ghost," Lal said to the Shadow. "Within ourselves," Lal went on, speaking the words with an alien, unfamiliar confidence, "we are luminous beings. We are Jedi."

"Jedi…" the Shadow fell away from them, bleeding slowly away into the surrounding darkness. It drained into the black air, drifting into nothingness. "Freedom," was the last word it hissed before its voice became nothing more than breeze.

Lal and Juhani stood there several minutes more, staring into the cool night air for any remaining trace of the Shadow. But it had gone. Juhani suddenly fell to her knees, crying. She pressed her hands to her face and sobbed.

"My dear Master…my friend…she's gone…and I did this to her…"

Lal knelt beside Juhani and slid her arm around her shoulders. She hugged the young Cathar to her and felt Juhani's body shudder with tears.

"I can never make up for this crime!" Juhani gasped. "Look what I've become!"

"Shhh. Whatever happened her, Juhani…it's over now, I think…"

"Who are you, Master Jedi? Why did you come here? To save me?"

"I'm no master…I…I don't know what I am, to be honest. But I do know this, Juhani: people can change. Mistakes…do not define you…It's the choices we make. Come. Let's get you up. We still have to get out of here."

Lal helped Juhani to her feet and glanced around at the trees huddling wearily over them. Lal gasped sharply when she saw only a handful of trees clustered around them. She could see the grasslands beyond, bathed in moonlight, she could see the distant white walls of canyons. The Grove they stood in couldn't have been more than a few meters square; just a modest stand of old worn out trees.

"I don't believe it," Lal murmured, stepping out of the Grove. She turned and looked back at it. "It…it was like…an entire forest…"

Juhani merely trembled in the cold wind, trying to cover her nakedness. Lal wished she had a blanket or a cloak for the young Cathar, and could only hug her tightly to share body heat. Neither of them could explain the mystery of the Grove, and perhaps it wasn't productive to even dwell on it. Juhani's feral madness seemed to have completely disappeared as soon as the Shadow realized they would no longer be its pawns, and Lal didn't want to tempt fate by dwelling on the matter.

But she knew what she had seen, and what she had felt…an entire forest now reduced to a mere scrap of trees. The power of that spirit had been indeed great to alter Lal's perceptions so fully. If that was indeed what had happened. Maybe it had actually changed reality for a brief moment in time. An odd thought flickered inside her mind; what if they had been inside the Shadow, literally inside it, the entire time? What if that drama had simply played out in the arena of their minds? A consensual hallucination…

Whatever the truth was, Lal was certain of what she had experienced, what she had encountered…her first brush up against the power of the Dark Side…