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Chapter 4—I Want to Know

"What's wrong with Lily, Prongs? You've been rooming with her for 2 weeks...she must've told you." Sirius asked. James shrugged.

"I've tried, she won't tell me. Sometimes I wake up at night and hear her crying. She thinks I don't know she does but I do." He said.

"Yeah, she's so distant and her smiles don't light up her face anymore and she hardly laughs." Remus put in.

"Hey! Maybe Shelley knows!" Sirius said. "SHELLEY!" He yelled loudly. Everyone in the common room flinched. Shelley came over.

"Geez, way to blow up the place." She said. Sirius grinned guiltily.

"Anyway, we want to know, what's up with Lily?" James went straight to the point. Shelley's smile faded.

"I can't tell you. She'll tell you on her own time. I promise, she will tell you." Shelley told them.

"Oh, please, please, please Shelley! Tell us!" Sirius whimpered.

"No!" She said. He pouted and Shelley rolled her eyes. James sighed and got up and walked into his room. Lily was sitting on her bed, writing in her diary.

"Hey." James said, startling her. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"No, it's alright." She said quietly.

"Lily?" He was going to make her tell her this time.

"Yeah?"

"What happened? I mean, you are so distant and quiet, your smile never lights up your whole face, you cry in the middle of the night and your laugh isn't real. What's up? I have tried to be patient but you're killing me!" James said all at once. Lily looked down, she hadn't realized she had been like that.

"You really want to know?" She asked.

"Uh-huh." James said, nodding his head.

"Fine but you promise to stop bugging me about it?" Lily reminded him.

"Uh-huh." James wanted to know, if he was this close.

"Sit down." James obeyed, he sat next to her on the bed. Lily took a deep breath.

"You know how I was in a car accident this summer?—." James nodded "—Yeah well, I wasn't the one driving." She started. James looked confused.

"Jacob and I spent the whole day together, shopping, hanging out, eating ice cream and everything fun because he was supposed to go to Auror training the following day."

"Supposed to?" James interrupted.

"Shh...don't ask questions." Lily told him, her voice shaking slightly.

"We just had ice cream and got in the car. We drove on the highway and then I saw bright headlights coming towards us. Jacob tried to steer away but it was too late. The guy (who was drunk) hit us head-on. Jacob and I both blacked out. I was out for three days and when I woke up, felt terrible. But I had made out better than my brother. James--," She paused. "--Jacob is dead." Lily said, and started to cry. James seemed frozen. Jacob was the coolest guy ever, he taught the Marauders jokes and pranks, which came into good use.

"Jacob?" He repeated. Lily nodded, tears streaming her face. James felt like a hundred blocks were on his shoulders. He gave Lily a hug and let her cry, while he rested his chin on her head. He knew how close Lily and Jacob were and it must be so hard for her.

"I'm sorry Lily, I'm so sorry." He whispered. Lily pulled away and looked at him. He wiped a fresh tear away.

"You might as well tell your friends, go ahead." Lily said. "I don't want to tell it again." James nodded, gave her a kiss on the forehead for sympathy (not to mention he had loved her for years and still does.)

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sirius and Remus saw James come out of his room, looking depressed. Sirius looked at Remus and nodded.

"Lily told him." Remus said aloud. James made his way to the couch where his friends sat.

"So...tell me!" Sirius said, always being the impatient one.

"Y-You know how Lily was in a car accident? Well, Jacob was the one driving and a drunk driver hit them head-on. Jacob was killed." He said, telling it the short way. His friends were speechless for a while. Sirius finally got his voice back.

"Jacob Evans?" He said, disbelievingly. James sadly nodded.

"Wow." Remus whispered. "But it's amazing Lily wasn't killed either." He added.

"Yeah." James said, but Jacob didn't deserve it either. They sat in the common room for 20 minutes, not really talking. They looked up when they heard a door shut and saw Lily coming out. She made her way over to them.

"How're you doing?" She asked quietly. The boys shrugged.

"You?" Sirius looked up. Lily laughed a fake laugh.

"Been better." She said for what felt like the millionth time. As everyone else went to dinner, Lily went to dinner with everyone else. Even though she felt terrible, she ate some. Everyone sat in the common room afterwards. Most people doing homework or playing games. Lily sat curled up on the couch, with James on the other side. She started to doze off and eventually fell asleep. She felt James carrying her up to their room, but was too tired to open her eyes.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Lily! Wake up!" Lily woke up to see Shelley. "C'mon, let's go to Hogsmeade!" Lily groaned.

"I don't want to go."

"Well, you're going." Shelley decided. Lily finally got up, showered dressed, fixed her hair and applied make up. She went downstairs and found Shelley sitting with the Marauders. Lily joined them but almost as soon as she sat down, they got up to go to breakfast. Lily stood up but tripped on her black shiny boots. James caught her just before she hit the floor. She could tell he was trying not to smile.

"Clumsy are we?" He smirked. Lily rolled her eyes but said thank you. As soon at she to the Great Hall, she worked on wiping off the scuff mark on the toe. Jacob had gotten her the boots early in the summer and she wanted to keep them looking nice. After a yummy breakfast, all five of them went to the Hogmeade village. It was chilly out so Lily slipped on her sweater. It just hit her how much Jacob had bought her, as he bought the sweater (or jumper) last year for her.

"Three Broomsticks!" Sirius boomed out and led everyone there. They got a booth together and ordered butterbeer. Lily sipped her warm drink and warmth spread to her fingertips. She must've shown it on her face because James said something.

"Warm you up, Lily?" He said, grinning. Lily smiled but of course, her eyes did not. They walked around the village and James bought Lily a pretty bracelet, as an 'it's okay' thing for everything happening to her. They walked into a new store, that was sort of muggle-type. It played muggle music and everything. Then a song came on that she knew...I'm Already There. Tears flooded her eyes and she ran out of the shop.

"Lily!" James called but Shelley shook her head. Lily ran back to the castle and kept running all the way to her dorm and flopped on the bed, crying. She hated hoe everything made her cry but she missed Jacob so much!

Authors note—hope you like it! Please, please review!