I present to you at last, chapter seventeen!
Some notes about this chapter:
-I apologize for taking this long to write this - but it is nine whole
pages, so woot - I was feeling uninspired and am self-conscious about
my ability to write certain aspects of the plot that I am leading up
to. I've never written Voldemort, for instance, save for Draco's
occasional nightmare. I feel like I'm trying to neatly wrap this story
up far too quickly and not getting to enough romance in that time -
face it, my stories need plot to survive, heh.
-As for this
particular chapter, it doesn't end on a cliffhanger for once - just a
spot that I figured was stoppable at - because I need to post this
today, before I go off on a mini vacation for 4-5 days. It will get
more exciting from here - I need to cover everything important so the
next things make at least some sense. The next chapter will hopefully
have more events taking place, if not as long. (But who knows - I've
only got a rough idea of what will happen, so maybe it'll take, oh, 9
1/2 pages or something. :B)
-This is shameless advertising, I know,
but in the wait between this chapter and next (it will be a while - I
won't be able to write between July 13th and 18th), I suggest that you
read my three new fan fiction short stories - A Good Reason (rather
stalkerish HPDM, if you're interested in that pairing - I'm not,
really, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone :P), Insecurities (HPSS),
and Reassurances (HPSS, the companion piece of Insecurities). All three
are one-shot and wrapped up in one chapter, so you wouldn't be getting
into another huge story like this one, hehe.
-Statistics! This
story, after the completion of this chapter, is quickly becoming a
longer and longer one. There are 41,879 words (excluding author notes
for all but chapter one), 90 pages, and I'd like to give my 300th
reviewer (holy crap, 300 reviews) Kouryou Sanomi a cookie! ::awards
cookie:: Yay! :)
-I've been reading some HPSS by Shadowpheonix, and
I must say, it's amazing stuff. ::Pokes:: go read Fine Lines, it's an
amazing story, even if it does mostly take place in New York.
Also! I've never had a beta reader and it's been suggested that I find one. Any volunteers? I'd need someone who understands grammar and can constructively critisize parts that need it and can catch errors so I can redo them. If you're willing to do so, I wouldn't mind an e-mail about it at adrienneATcnicheDOTcom (ugh, ffn deleting special characters in text is rather inconvenient if I say so myself). Thanks! :D
The characters we know of are (body - person IN body):
Blaise Zabini - Harry
Crabbe - Padma Patil
Goyle - Dumbledore
Neville - McGonagall
Ron - Blaise Zabini
Draco - Lavender
Padma Patil - Ron
Harry - Draco
Pansy - Snape
McGonagall - Hermione
Snape - Neville
Trelawney - revealed in chapter 17
Thank you to my wonderful reviewers!....
ataraxis - Don't worry, Harry will come to his senses very shortly. :P
Ruth - :S Hope I'm not too predictable....
Pilas - :D Thanks, glad you liked it!
Kaaera - Yes, Harry is quick to assume things, isn't he?
moseys-dragon - Thanks!
Winnie2 - :D
risi - Well... we'll see....
Chaows
- Ack :S No, don't worry, I don't mind constructive critism - it is
necessary, really, I plan to rewrite parts of this before trying to
submit to the PSA, tie up loose ends and such. I'll try and be more
careful about that in the future - and if you see any more instances
where that happens, please tell me about them. :S
Lady Doncaster - :)
wwwendy
- :S Am I that predictable? Anyway, to answer your questions... one
would think that the little Death Eaters (haha... ::coughs:: anyway)
would have a basic idea of Pansy being Severus. As for the other ones,
we'll see....
Doneril - See my note above about that. I'll try and work more in! Honestly!
penny - Here's more! :)
Katie Lupin Black - Thanks!
Kouryou Sanomi - :D Thanks for being reviewer 300.
severus's-bane - Don't worry, it'll happen.
Cloudburst2000
- Thanks for reviewing, it was extremely helpful - I'll watch what I'm
doing with the pronouns and reread again for them in the future. As for
Padma knowing how to use the Map, I'm pretty sure that I had written
that she overheard him once - if not, I'll go back and add it once I
finish the story and rewrite it. If I may ask, where are the confusing
points? I have taken your suggestion about a beta reader and am looking
for one. :) With referring to characters, I've been trying to refer to
them as the body they're in, for everyone except Harry and Draco - and
some characters refer to others in dialogue as the person who's in the
body. I'll need to figure out something appropriate, or indicate where
the point of view changes in the future. Thanks again for your review,
it really was helpful!
Ah yes, this is slash, male/male romance... both Blaise/Draco and Harry/Severus... just to enlighten the unenlightened. Potter belongs to JK Rowling. I'm not JK Rowling. I'm just a girl who lives in the United States who happens to enjoy terrorizing JKR's creations. :D
.---.
Chapter Seventeen
Pansy's eyes opened five minutes before her alarm was set to go off, at six.
Turning it off, she stretched and silently changed into another set of
school robes. Refusing to wear Pansy's tiny slip to bed, she'd been
sleeping in her robes. She picked an ivory comb off of the cupboard and
absently ran it through her hair for about six seconds before it caught
a tangle. And another. And another.
Twenty minutes of hair warfare
later, she retreated to the showers instead, working conditioner
through the curly locks, feeling oddly cut off from the world. More so
than usual, that is.
Harry rolled over at a quarter after the hour, but once he was awake, the dorm's coolness got to him and he decided he had to get his robes on. He yawned while he undressed for a shower, and after showering tried to make his hay-colored hair do something other than fall in short waves around his face. Used to a messier hairstyle, he reluctantly came to the conclusion that he was just destined to have hair problems. Getting dressed, he left the dormitories, passing Crabbe's now-empty bed with a sigh.
They
came face to face in the balcony-hallway, both pausing. Harry was the
first to go down the stairs, averting his eyes and not saying anything.
Crabbe watched this, unseen from his seat by the fire, in curiousity.
Did they fight last night? he wondered, realizing that it wasn't possible. Pansy had gone upstairs with him. Wonder what's up. He stretched, looking into the flames, waiting for breakfast.
Pansy
tried not to let herself think anything of it, the look Harry had given
her. She wondered if Harry was just tired of her, wanting to find a
boyfriend (or girlfriend, she reasoned, insides contracting)
closer to his age. She glanced out the window. It was still dark, the
winter months made the days short and rather dim. As she saw the
forest, she saw ward work ahead–probably that which she would have to
go outside and study the wards up close–certainly not her pastime of
choice. Indeed, whenever she did do it, she ended up finding exactly
what she didn't want to find in the wards, and would have to rethink
her entire approach to the situation.
But that was to do at night,
when no one was allowed out to bother her. She certainly wasn't worried
about expulsion, Albus could do little in that sense when they were all
switched. They had to all stay in one place or the Dark Lord would
catch on.
Glancing at Harry again, who was silently doing the end
of what looked like the Transfiguration essay, she sighed. She had yet
to do that particular essay. Of course, she could certainly win her way
out of it with Dumbledore, claiming she needed the time to do Death
Eater training and all, but she had a very large pride in those areas.
Besides, that would draw attention to herself. Especially since
Granger, inhabiting Minerva's life impeccably, probably knew by now who
she was. At least she assumed that Minerva was Granger. Seemed like the
only likely student.
I'll do it later. She leaned back in
the sofa she'd seated herself in a few minutes later. The next thing
she knew, she was waking up at the sound of the clock over the mantle
chiming seven times and the rustling of robes of the few students
already down this early heading off for breakfast.
"I just..."
Harry stopped in the middle of a sentence, cringing. "I thought that
Crabbe wanted nothing to do with Sev–Pansy, whatever, you know? And
then she says she knows what I see in her and starts coming back from
training with her every night...."
"I think you're fretting too
much, Harry," McGonagall said, sipping her coffee, as Padma gave her
bit of advice, which was: "Ask Pansy to the ball before Crabbe does."
"I think they're in it together though!" Harry said with a sigh. "She's
just been ignoring me because she's always with him."
"So you're
going to sulk about it, Harry? Make her jealous!" Padma exclaimed, like
it was the logical thing to do. Harry and McGonagall both glanced up at
her.
"How?" he asked her.
"How?! Go find some other pretty girl and start hanging out with her."
"That's disgusting, Ron," McGonagall said, sliding away from her.
"Well, hey, they should expect broken hearts anyway, they don't know who we are."
"Hey
guys," Crabbe said, sitting next to Harry and taking some toast off of
the tray in the middle of the table. Harry gave Padma a strained look
where the boy couldn't see it, but she just shrugged back. After about
a minute of silence, he looked around at the three of them. "Something
wrong?"
"Nothing at all," McGonagall supplied, kicking Padma under
the table, and starting a short conversation about teaching that
managed to last until Draco and Ron pulled Harry out into the hallway.
"Potter, seriously now, are your dreams real or something?"
"Ugh, I don't want to be confronted by this problem right now," Harry
told the two, looking somewhat longingly back into the Hall. Draco ran
a hand over his messy, bleached blonde hair. The roots were beginning
to show. "They sometimes are. Last year they... weren't though...."
Seeing a distance in his own body's eyes, Ron nodded, not questioning
further. "Describe it, he can decide if it's real or not."
"Eh. I
was watching a Death Eater meeting, they've lost contact with Hogwarts,
Dark Lord's mad because he hasn't recruited Blaise, knows Snape's a
traitor, wants to get you before you can begin auror training...
etcetera."
Harry blinked. "When was this?"
"Halloween."
"Huh." Harry clutched his right wrist with his left hand, again noting
how bony Zabini's wrists were. "Well, it certainly sounds real. Why's
he want to get Zabini there?"
"Revenge," Ron said simply, shrugging.
"Ah. And he knows Sev–Snape's a spy? Does Snape know they know?"
"I don't know, Potter, you're the one dating him."
"Not really," Harry said, before hurrying to keep speaking so Draco
wouldn't get curious, but the boy raised a dark eyebrow anyway. "So he
at least feels that when I begin auror training, I'll be more
threatening?"
"Apparently." Draco shrugged, eyebrow still raised.
Harry
frowned, and leaned back against the wall next to where Ron was. "So,
are you going to being a Death Eater once you're in a body that
Voldemort won't kill you on the spot in? Or has being the 'golden boy' dramatically changed your views of the light side?"
"Actually, it's not being you that's made me decide to become a spy,"
Draco said, giving a smug smile and putting an arm around Ron, whose
eyes went up to the ceiling almost immediately. Even after rolling his
eyes, though, he smiled. "It was Blaise."
"I... see. You don't need to go into any more detail, if you don't mind," Harry said, coughing.
"I wasn't planning to."
"Good."
"Yes. Now, what about you and Snapey?"
Harry made a face. "Snapey?"
"Needs a pet name, doesn't he?"
"Eh. I don't think he'd let me give him a pet name, let alone... Snapey." Between the two talking, Ron was doubled over in silent laughter, so they spoke face-to-face over him.
"Still. What's supposedly wrong now?"
"Eh. Crabbe and Pansy seem rather fond of spending time together."
"Ever heard of friendship? Wait, never mind, Pansy hasn't," Draco
muttered, shrugging. "It's still amazingly funny to hear about your
dramatics."
"Gee, thanks," Harry grumbled as he left, heading
automatically to Gryffindor commons before he remembered he was Blaise
Zabini and therefore Slytherin. His own body and Ron laughed at him as
he passed the doors going in the other direction.
Sundays always
were rather dull. Too cold to go outside and too boring to stay in the
nearly-empty commons, Harry set out for a walk around the castle.
He ended up near the tower down the corridor from the South Tower, and
leaned against the wall outside the open arch and staircase, deciding
it was too cold to go outside without a cloak on. He smiled to himself
sadly; this was where he realized that Pansy was Severus. He never
would have wanted what he wanted now before they were switched–what he
wanted now would have seemed completely crazy, not to mention
suggesting that he was going mad.
Hell, maybe he was. Harry wanted Snape to love him back. Statement worthy of St. Mungo's, eh?
It
just didn't make much sense though. What would Crabbe want with Pansy?
He sighed, realizing that it just didn't make him mad, just... tired.
What was it that made every relationship he tried to get into
completely screw up?
Well, Ron's advice, perhaps. Chuckling to
himself, Harry looked up at the ceiling, smiling, and then realized
that he heard footsteps.
It wasn't like he was out out of
curfew–heck, this was their free time to roam wherever they wished–but
he didn't exactly want to talk to anyone at the moment. Taking a look
in both directions and then next to him at the open arch, he shot up
the steps just before a second year Hufflepuff happily walked by,
unaffected entirely.
He was already halfway up the spiral
staircase; it wouldn't hurt to go all the way up, he decided. Rubbing
his arms with his hands, he slowly ascended, nose trying to adjust to
the suddenly much cooler temperature.
He was kind of expecting
himself to be the only one up in the tower, but realized with a feeling
of stupidity that towers were often frequented by students and teachers
alike on weekends. He didn't exactly expect to find the Divination
teacher up there, though, and the mere sight of her exaggeratedly bushy
hair was enough to make him start to turn around. He cursed his heavy
footsteps, because she glanced over her shoulder and greeted him,
before looking back out at the Forbidden Forest.
Sighing to
himself, Harry dutifully reminded himself that the teachers had
switched too. He moseyed up next to her, looking out over the
decorative edging of the castle; he could see almost half the student
body on the grounds, in small clumps on the pathway, or singled out by
the lake. It looked just like what Hogwarts looked like from here on
weekends when they weren't switched, in fact.
It startled him
almost, how much he'd become used to being Blaise Zabini, a Slytherin
instead of a Gryffindor. They'd all grown used to their bodies. And
some even liked the change. Many didn't, though. He pictured McGonagall
for a brief second in his head for some reason; sitting at a desk piled
in books, marking essays and listening to a spell that was reading off
from a Potions book to her. She must've been continuing her studies. Only Hermione.
Blinking, a different picture came to mind. Pansy. Harry gripped the
stone harder, and the teacher next to him glanced over. Pansy in a
dungeon with Crabbe, laughing....
"Something wrong, Blaise?"
The words came and the picture broke up, and he realized again where he was. "No, I'm fine. Was thinking about stuff."
"Ah. What's on your mind?"
"Er... dunno, it's just all jumbled. I need a pensieve or something."
"Hmm. Do I know you?"
"Er... I dunno, maybe? Are you a teacher?"
"Yep. I taught here three years ago too...."
Harry wracked his brain for the answer. Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Lupin. "Professor Lupin?"
"Indeed."
Harry grinned. "Hey, it's Harry," he told her.
"Shh, don't let anyone know," Trelawney told him, but looked delighted. "Enjoying being a Slytherin?"
He shrugged. "Well, yes and no." His eyes followed the path of a tawny
owl as it swooped out of a window some floors below. "I have found
some... friends... I never would've had... but there are still
complications."
She smiled, watching the bird also, as it swirled in graceful circles, enjoying flight. "Complications, you say?"
"Well..." Harry was frustrated at himself. He was too open. "Nothing I can really talk about."
"That's alright, Harry. If you ever need someone to talk to, my quarters are right below the North Tower."
"Thanks," he told her, smiling. "I'll keep that in mind." On a second thought, he decided as he stared off at the students more, they're more mixed up than we'd ever be normally. Different years, sexes, houses. That would never happen normally. On a sudden whim, Harry glanced up at Trelawney and asked, "Did you still transform on the full moon?"
To his surprise, she sighed and ran a hand back through her hair. "No,
but I had to mentor the student who's in my body. I will continue to do
so, I suppose."
Harry winced. "You never do get a break, don't you?"
She smiled sadly. "Not until death."
Pansy,
with a goofy grin plastered on her face, chuckled continually for no
apparent reason. Crabbe, however the sight of the girl doubling over in
giggles had been entirely too funny at first, had begun to worry. He
couldn't remember the counter-curse of the incorrectly-cast Cheering
Charm, and there was some doubt to whether Pansy would be amused when
he did figure it out.
"Blast it," he muttered as he flipped through
a textbook. Upon finding the spell to undo his mistake, he immediately
fired it at Pansy. The girl shut up immediately, slowly bending up and
giving Crabbe a death glare. Her curly hair stuck up in all the wrong
places. Even Crabbe had to admit that she looked pretty damn scary.
"You'll
need to work on your multitasking skills." She tried and failed to
smooth her hair with her hands, finally just giving up. "You shouldn't
fire off random spells while trying to guard your mind, unless you're
sure of where you're aiming. Focus on getting your mind blank enough
that there's nothing to see."
Crabbe nodded, glancing up at the clock.
"Go ahead, just practice making your mind blank. Try to get something
out of Potter, or at least teach him something. You took so long to
find the countercharm to the Cheering Charm that it's nearly time to go
anyway."
"Alright sir." Crabbe left, wondering how he was to go about doing what Pansy had requested. It certainly didn't sound like Harry got all that far either. I don't particularly blame him, actually.
Said
Potter appeared at the common rooms at the same time as he did, from
another direction. Crabbe greeted him cheerily enough, but he didn't
really seem in the mood to talk.
"Hey Blaise."
"Hi. Where's Pansy?"
"Uh... back there somewhere. Why?"
"What were you doing?"
Crabbe gave him a funny look. "I was learning Occlumency." Harry's ears
went pinker for some reason. He looked away after stepping into the
commons after him. "Hey, she said you might know some, can you show me?"
"I... don't remember any." Well, it's half-true, really, I haven't practiced it ever since the last lesson....
"Oh. Ah well, I can bring you along and she can show us both. You
probably need it more than I do." He gave Harry a grin and left before
he could protest; just what he needed, more time around Crabbe and
Pansy.
He'd been reminded of the pensieve. Harry slowly went up
the steps, passing several bickering first years on the way up. As he
turned to the boys' dorms, Pansy came into the commons, sporting rather
messy hair; they both paused, glancing at each other for a second
before she ducked her head and hurried through the common room to the
girl's dorms, no one noticing her except for Harry.
As he sat on
his bed, he sighed. He really should take Occlumency. It was a skill
that he needed to match in battles with Voldemort or he would certainly
make himself a much easier target. But Occlumency reminded him of the
pensieve, where he'd seen just how arrogant his father really was. Even
compared to Sirius, who had constantly bickered with Snape whenever in
the same vicinity, he was horrible–sure, Sirius had tried to get Snape
bitten by a werewolf but... oh, never mind, they were both pretty bad. In a twisted sort of sense, maybe it was good that he didn't grow up so arrogant....
Even
when he thought of Malfoy, who he still very much considered an
arrogant git, they'd never done anything to each other that was
permanent or irreversible. Malfoys were just gits. Snape... well, he
was a bastard too, but Harry had seen him vulnerable and it wasn't
something he particularly looked forward to. He'd never been nice, but
he'd never been evil. And he seemed to try and save Harry's life every year, too, that had to count for something.
And no wonder the man found it so hard to see Harry as Harry instead of
James; they were almost identical, really. But it almost insulted him.
He used to love being compared to his father, but now it disgusted him.
They were so different, why couldn't Snape see that?
Maybe he just
didn't want to. Maybe Crabbe was just easier to get along with. It
didn't really make sense, but nothing ever did anyway.
Death
Eater training was particularly trying that night. Pansy had begun to
teach again–and this class was about facial expressions, something that
normally was a hard-earned skill that came after being punished several
times. She knew this; that's how she had finally learned. She wanted
them to get it right the first time–her students under Unforgivables
was something she didn't care to see.
"The way you stand, the way
you hold your head, where your eyes are–they can give away what you are
thinking even before you betray yourself verbally. You are a servant of
the Dark Lord, and must therefore give him that respect. You may not
slouch in his presence," she said, stopping in front of a seventh year,
who looked at the ground as he shifted so that his stance was rigid.
"You also must keep your eyes on him the entire time. He may not put as
many outlandish expectations on his younger followers, but... rest assured that if you do something wrong, it will be noticed."
"Clearing
your mind is the first step to keeping your expression blank. You
already know enough information to betray Professor Dumbledore and
your..." she half-heartedly curled her lip, wishing she were elsewhere,
"...beloved Mr. Potter." She looked pointedly at Crabbe, whose
eyes did not drop, but stayed, looking right into Pansy's. He was
frowning. Pansy walked over to his end of the line.
"You are
frowning at my commands, are you not?" Heads turned to glance at
Crabbe, and Pansy chose to address that issue later.
"Sorry, ma'am."
"Do not apologize to the Dark Lord unless you are begging for mercy.
The best thing to do to avoid doing so and being punished is to not be
noticed as anything different from the next Death Eater." She paced
back towards the other end of the line. "As I was saying, your mind
must be blank to make your face blank. This is also the first step to
blocking unwanted access to your thoughts.
"It doesn't matter what
you do to clear your mind. All that matters is that you do so. Stay
focused on the meeting and do not whisper among yourselves. This may
have been a fun change of pace back in October, but right now it is an
entirely serious matter. You could be summoned tomorrow. You could be
summoned tonight. I cannot go with you and remind you of what to do, so
your focus on reviewing and taking in this information is deciding
whether you, and many others, live or die."
There was a silence as they took this in, and Pansy crossed her arms. "Clear your minds. Blank expressions, now."
The line of students, lined up in the order they would need to line up
in to join Voldemort's circle, visibly shifted as one; backs were
straightened, hands were dropped, and they all focused on her. Walking
down the line, she stopped once in a while to correct things. When she
nodded to Crabbe, at the end of the line, she gave the group a look
that one might venture far enough to call respectful.
"It seems
that you've begun to listen to my instructions at last. At ease. Walk
to random spots around the room. When I tell you to, you will line up
in this order once more and repeat the process you've just completed."
After
several tries of this, Pansy was satisfied. "You're learning quicker
than I expected. I imagine I could test your Occlumency once before you
need to leave."
And down the line she went. She really didn't care
to find out about some of the images, but found herself enjoying the
looks of horror when she inquired about them more than she probably
should have. Malfoy's mind brought images of a rabbit... Gryffindor
four-posters... cheering wildly at a Quidditch match... stubbornly
trying to see something in a blank crystal ball... wandering through
dark halls to meet someone. Closer to the middle of the line was
Millicent Bulstrode. There was a circle of Hufflepuffs in a hushed
corner of the library... a snake was hissing at Harry Potter and
Millicent was yelling... a large group of students gathered around the
golden trio in the Hog's Head... her hands were polishing a prefect
badge. So far, all of the students had not managed to push Pansy out of
their minds. She reached the eleventh person in line, a black-haired
seventh year girl. Memories appeared in her head. And then there was
Crabbe.
Crabbe was one of the few who had silently watched the
proceedings, not moving anything except her eyes. These eyes were the
same that followed Pansy's every move. You have not failed to impress me yet, Pansy noted, walking the two paces to stand in front of him. Let's keep it that way.
"Legilimens."
The image in Crabbe's head was shaky, so different from the crisp
memories that he'd experienced in their quick practice earlier in the
day. That had to be good. The Yule Ball flashed on and off in her mind,
and she fought to keep her expression blank even as the memories grew
sharper. An argument with Parvati. Bunk beds as a child, resenting her
twin for getting the top bunk. Activating Harry's map. No, he thought, as Pansy fought to get in and Crabbe fought to make her get out.
Somewhere along the line she'd tripped into her neighbor, dropping her
wand, and Pansy stopped the invasion. "Perhaps that was a bit more
dramatic than was necessary." She turned and walked the few steps to
the center. "Practice making your minds blank, I didn't expect for any
of you to be able to overthrow the Occlumency anyway. Dismissed."
As
was usual these days, Crabbe stayed behind. "How will you work on the
wards while teaching, training me, and having to do homework?"
"That can wait. Lives are more important at the moment." Pansy threw
the cloak she'd discarded at the beginning of the lesson over her
shoulders again, picking up the research she hadn't touched. "Was that
Potter's map that you were looking at?" she inquired, stuffing some
papers into a textbook and snapping it shut.
"Harry's. Yeah."
Crabbe watched Pansy's lip curl, even if it looked rather odd on the
girl's face. "You've noticed how weird he's been lately, right? You
should ask him to the winter ball if you're planning to go at all." A
shrug. "He doesn't seem like he is going to ask you at this point."
She looked at him, frowning. "Dances and social gatherings have no point."
"But are so important," he added, shrugging again. "I don't know–it's really up to you two, I guess. Keep it in mind."
Just as Crabbe was halfway out the door, he heard Pansy whisper
something. He glanced back over his shoulder. "What was that?"
Pansy made a face. "I don't know what to wear, if I do go."
"What, suddenly Parkinson has no clothes?" The look on her face
explained it all. "Oh. Heh. Guess you don't want something pink and
frilly then, huh?"
A glare.
"Well, I'll try and figure out
something for you. I mean, you could probably just transfigure
something into a dress, temporarily." Pansy looked particularly sour at
the word 'dress,' no doubt recalling Neville's boggart from three years
ago.
Harry watched them enter, and was surprised when Pansy's
light-colored eyes went straight to him, in his sofa close to the
stairs. For a moment he felt nothing but a twinge of envy for Crabbe,
and then his anger flared before he had the chance to stop it. This
girl–this Potions Master–had put her through so much self-analyzation
and confusion that she couldn't help feeling pretty angry when she'd
gone and chosen someone she'd only just stopped insulting every time
they came into contact.
So it was rather unfortunate that Crabbe
disappeared into the dorms and Pansy decided to come and sit on the
other end of the couch, watching him.
He looks confused,
Pansy told herself, not bothering to hide how she was studying the
boy's expression. Harry ran a hand through hay-colored hair, finally
getting used to the thin, stringy texture of it, staring right back at
her. Should I say something?
For once in her life, she squirmed. "How're you?"
The face that had been running through his hair covered his face for a moment, and when it dropped, Pansy shrunk away.
"How're you?"
Harry tried to calm himself, taking in a breath while his hand was over
his eyes, but it did little to stop the wave of emotions he was
feeling. From the way she seemed to back further into the cushions gave
him one more warning that he was being irrational, before he exploded.
He was angry. He felt like he used to when Snape had baited him when he
was younger, trying to rile him–and this time, he'd not even been
baited. It was an innocent, ignorant question that made him explode,
and later Harry would find himself sheepish when she brought it up.
"How am I?" he repeated, shakily. Oh, bloody hell,
Pansy thought, wondering what it was she'd done. "You're appearing
every night after training, long after the other Death Eaters are back,
with Crabbe. You haven't even noticed me waiting for you every
night. Damnit, I thought you were almost ready to admit to yourself
that it doesn't matter to you if I'm me. I'm Harry! I want to be with
you, Severus Snape, whether or not you choose to accept me for who I am
and get over damn prejudices against my father and his friends. Guess
what? I'm not my father! I never was my father! I never will be
my father!" Harry took several calming breaths, looking the girl who
was a meter away from him in the eyes. "What does Crabbe suddenly have
that I don't? He–she–oh, whatever, remember Crabbe? The person who you
kept insulting whenever possible? When did you two suddenly begin to
enjoy one another's company? Going to go to the ball with Crabbe
because she's not me?"
Harry had yelled himself to silence, and was
waiting for Pansy to yell back at him in return. It really was a stupid
move, once he thought back on it a second later–ah oh, how the
unreadable expression in her eyes was bothering him–
"I see."
He blinked. "You–excuse me?"
Pansy set her stack of research on the table with a sigh, looking back
at him. "First of all, Mister Potter, contrary to what you may deem
believable, I am not nor am I considering dating Miss Patil." Her
sudden formality was making Harry's insides twist, and it took several
seconds for the statement to sink in.
"You're–you're not–?"
"No." One of the corners of her mouth was threatening to go up.
"Secondly, I know you're not your father. I've seen enough these past
few weeks."
Harry, knowing how important her pride was to her,
nodded, feeling like he could dance around in glee but not daring to
move.
"And... eh... if the winter ball is so important to you, fine, I'll be in attendance."
"You'll go with me?"
"Yes, Potter, I will."
She noticed how close in proximity he had suddenly become, somewhat uncomfortably.
"Please, quit calling me Potter," he said, and now that he was closer
Pansy could see that he didn't look nearly as worried. "I'm just Harry."
"Harry," she acknowledged, and he didn't miss the fleeting smile on her face.
.---.
