Hopes and Fears

By: AShauni21

denotes flashbacks

thinking

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

I sat there, transfixed by her. Those ruby orbs of hers shone so beautifully in the light, intently fixed on Kurama as the fox regaled everyone with a detailed retelling of our last mission. Inwardly I winced as I replayed the mission in my head, that bitch's voice rang in my ears and I clenched my fists just thinking about it.

"You coward," she sneered at me. Her long black hair fell around her face like a funeral veil, as she shook with laughter. I felt a fire spread throughout my chest as she raped my tightly guarded emotions. "She scares you .Oh that is rich, doyou think she could ever love you after everything you've done, every lie you told her."

I shook my head trying to shake that bitches voice from my thoughts. Just remembering her voice makes my blood boil. She was right, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I'm terrified of Yukina. That's why I came to a decision.

"Mr. Hiei, are you alright?" Yukina's soft voice penetrated my thoughts, concern clearly showing in her deep ruby eyes.

"Why do you ask." I replied a little more harshly than I intended. Kurama had stopped talking and you could've heard a pin drop. They were all staring at me and I shifted uncomfortably under their gaze.

"Hiei you're bleeding." Kurama said as he stared down at the hand clenched by my side; I followed his gaze and saw droplets of blood pooling on the floor. "Shit..." was all I could say. Now they were all staring at me, the oaf, the detective, the oaf's sister, the detective's woman, the fox, even the hold hag. The walls started to close in on me.

"Hn." was all I said before I made my way outside. I needed the night, the cool breeze on my face and the full moon above me. Wide open spaces.

The wind carried a chill with it but I didn't mind. Times like this I needed the cold, it cleared my head and grounded me in the here and now.

"Mr. Hiei..." I turned to meet Yukina's worried expression. " Let me heal your wound."

Before I could protest she clasp my hands in hers. It felt right, the warmth flowing from her hands to mine. I savored the feeling. When I told her about her brother, I would at least have this memory.

"Yukina, I have news of your brother." I said quietly. She looked up at me with hope glistening in her eyes. I abruptly removed my hands and turned my back on her, I couldn't say what I was about to say with her innocent crimson eyes staring into my harsh ones. A long silence hung between us as I searched for the right words.

"Please Hiei." she pleaded, finally dropping the formality. I heard the clank, clank of teargems , I was breaking her heart with this silence; and her tears were breaking mine. Please sister forgive me for what I am about to do.

"Your brother is every bit the blood thirsty monster your people thought him to be." I said quietly. Dam it all. I can't stop now.

"He lied , cheated, manipulated, and murdered. He delighted in spilling the blood of anything that got in his way." I paused, waiting for the inevitable disgust in her eyes as I turned to meet her gaze. But there was only hope shimmering in those crimson depths.

"Is he alive Mr. Hiei?" that dam formality again.

"Yes" I said quietly, her ruby eyes glazed over with tears again, only this time they were tears of joy. After everything I just said...

"You must take me to him. Please I have to see my brother."

"After everything I just told you about him, you still want him?" I asked genuinely confused.

"Yes, and thank you so much Mr. Hiei! Thank you so much." she said nearly jumping for joy, and I could tell it was all she could do not to envelop me in a bear hug.

"Wait," I grabbed her arm in an attempt to calm her down. The girl looked like she was about to jump out of her skin.

"Why do you want to see him? His soul is tainted, it was so before birth." I said a little more harshly than I intended. My chest was starting to tighten, I had to know why.

"You're wrong." her demeanor suddenly changed, the smile faded from her face and a harsh tone shone in her eyes and voice. "I was in the womb with my brother and I can assure you he was not tainted. Any impurity in his soul only exists because of what my people did to him." I stared into those crimson eyes that seemed to gaze into my very soul... This can't be... I could hear the walls cracking.

"He was never loved, never nurtured. If he truly is the monster you claim him to be, its only because of the life he has had to lead." the sorrow in her voice told me more than she could actually say. The glisten on her cheeks, from previously shed teargems, made my heart melt because they were shed in my defense. It was a gift I would never take for granted.

"I have to show him how wrong they were. I have to show him he is loved and always was." There they went, the walls surrounding my heart, barriers I spent my entire life creating; came crashing down. I felt moisture roll down my cheek and heard the clank as it crystalized and hit the ground.

Dam ...emotions...

"Hiei" she said as she hesitantly wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me into a comforting embrace. I just pulled her closer and buried my face in her hair. "I'm sorry Yukina, I'm so sorry. Forgive me please all the lies I told you." I whispered into her ear, I tried to stop the words but they just tumbled out. She pulled away from me and reluctantly I let her go. She stared at me with utter shock in her eyes.

"Hiei... are ... you..."


I know I'm evil. Don't worry this is a two- shot and I'll only wait a day or so to post the conclusion.Until then R&R. Love and Peace!