CHAPTER 6

Hawkeye sat on the front porch with Erin playing catch with her. She was easy enough to please and he thought it would be a big help to Peg to have her out from under foot while she was putting the finishing touches on their Thanksgiving dinner. This gave him some breathing room. All around him were couples in love. Even his father had brought a special someone. Erin had turned into his date and it was better than he could have asked for. She was fine talking about Mickey Mouse and puppies. She didn't ask him anything personal except if he had a dog or children. Simple answers were fine by her.

It was a nice day and there were only a few people there from their close knit group of friends from Korea. The Potters were there as were Charles and his bride. Dan was there with Helen and then there was Hawkeye. As nice as the dinner was he couldn't help regretting the fact that he came all that way to be shoved in a corner with a three year old. If he was at home work would have occupied his time, but here thoughts of Margaret were filling his head. All of these people around him were in love and as much as they all loved each other, he loved Margaret more. Enough to spare her the pain of marrying him and being stuck for life.

Around five that evening he fell asleep in a chair in the living room where the TV had been on and tuned to a Christmas movie. It had seemed too soon to go back to his hotel room, so he waited until they woke him up for dessert and then he excused himself and went back alone. There he fell back asleep and stayed that way until late into the next morning.

He loved these people more almost more than anything, but he wasn't a happy man. He was more lost now than before he and Margaret spent the week together. Now he was starting to think it would have been better if he just stayed at home.

Somehow she managed to get a few days off from work over the holidays. Her mother still lived out in California so that was where she went. Her mind was on BJ and his family. They weren't too far south from where she was. It was a tempting idea to go see them even if it was just for a day or two. She'd regret it if she didn't do it.

Her sister decided to tag along and they drove the three hours down to Mill Valley to see her old friends. She had heard that the Potters had been there and she hoped that they still were. There was one person she wanted to see more than anyone and her romantic broken heart wouldn't let her pass up that chance. She was starting to think she was a masochist.

"Are you sure we're going the right way?"

"That's what the directions say." Margaret looked at the paper in her hand. "Next left."

"So, you think he's still there?"

"Who?"

"The reason you're going."

"We're going to see some old friends. Turn left here!"

Abby turned the car and they headed down a gravel road with only a few houses on it. The ocean was in the back of every one of them. "This is where he lives?"

"I guess so." Margaret looked around. It was a new house on a beautiful piece of property. "Are you ready to meet these people?"

"Are you?"

"I think so." She was nervous about seeing these people again. She got out of the car and grabbed her purse. "Let's go."

"Right behind you."

Everyone was excited to see her and she was the same with them. It was a bit awkward at first, but soon they settled back into their comfortable friendship. It was nice to finally meet Daniel Pierce, but that only meant that Hawkeye was there. She wanted to see him, but she didn't at the same time. She was either going to kill him or break down and turn into a bumbling fool. Which, she wasn't sure of at the moment.

The evening was nice but Hawkeye never showed up. Daniel was asking a little too many questions for Margaret's liking. She was very uncomfortable with him, not at all like she had pictured he would be. All he wanted to talk about was Hawkeye. That was the one topic that was off limits, but she didn't know how to tell the older man that without being rude. He must have known some of what went on while his son was away. She had stood next to Hawkeye; she was actually wrapped in his arm while he talked to his father one afternoon. Margaret knew Daniel was fishing for information, but she wasn't about to give anything up.

Margaret and Abby decided to leave after dinner was over. They had to get back up to their mother's house before too late. She said goodbye to all her friends and then they took off. BJ must have told Hawkeye that she was there and that's why he didn't show up. She pretended that she was relieved when her sister asked her about it, but she was a terrible liar.

"Margaret, cheer up." Abby said as they drove.

"I'm fine." She was staring out the window watching the darkness pass by.

"You said you didn't want to see him."

"I know."

"If you still love him why don't you call him or even write him?"

"I don't love him," she mumbled.

"Right."

Fifteen minutes later they were getting out of the car at a gas station. The two of them ran into the bathroom while their gas was being pumped. Margaret hated when her little sister followed her every step and at the moment she needed some breathing room. She told Abby to get a few things and that she would meet her outside. Hopefully there was a long line.

While Margaret was walking to the car she stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Right next to their car was a man with his back to her leaning on his car as he waited for his tank to fill. His back was slouched and his head was turned to the left as he waited. It couldn't possibly be him. She knew she was going crazy now. Margaret dismissed the thought and continued walking to the car. Her eyes shifted to her feet as she walked.

"Margaret." She felt hands on her upper arms. She closed her eyes before looking up. She didn't want to look at the owner of that voice or that scent. "Hey."

Her eyes opened and she looked up. "Hi. Excuse me." She moved back out of his grasp and then walked around him. Maybe she could pretend it never happened if he didn't say another word. She tried to run to the car, but he grabbed her hand and stopped her. "I have to go," she pleaded. The weakness in her voice was alarming to even her.

"Wait." He hadn't imagined running into her like this. He was kicking himself for not going near BJ's knowing she had been there. He knew this was his last chance and the only chance he was ever going to have to win her back. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." Margaret wanted to run away, but he was holding her there and her body was subject to what he would allow her to do. His presence was holding her there. "Let me go, please."

"I'm not holding you." He had dropped her hand as soon as she turned around. "Margaret," he called. "I love you." She wanted to keep walking, she really did, but she stopped. She kept some form of dignity by not looking back. "I understand if you hate me forever."

Hate was a strong word and one that she would never use with him. They had both made mistakes. She could have made more of an effort to get him to talk, but she didn't. She could have called him; Crabapple Cove was a small down. There were many scenarios that played through her mind and each of them had a solution that worked, but that would never really happen. "I don't hate you."

He stood in front of her. "I ruined my life by pushing you away."

"I don't want to hear it." She could push just as much as he could. She had more practice. "What do you want from me?"

He didn't expect to see her there. She was supposed to be long gone. He had to come up with something right now so she wouldn't leave him. "Can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about." His eyes were mesmerizing and she couldn't walk away. She had seen those eyes in her dreams many times.

It was easy to see that she still had feelings for him. "I think we have plenty to talk about."

"No, I can't." She couldn't get roped in again just to be hurt.

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"I want to talk to you."

"You've had plenty of chances."

She was right. He had her number and her address and chose to do nothing with them. He didn't even know that she had moved. "Isn't this a chance?"

It could have been. Maybe it was fate. "Why didn't you come see me at BJ's?" Her hands were on her hips now.

"I…I…" He sighed. "Did you really want an audience?"

"No, but that wasn't what kept you away."

"Partly."

"Pierce, get out of my way." She moved to the right, but he moved in front of her. She moved to the left and he blocked her there too. "What do you want from me!"

"Talk to me." He said softly staring into her eyes.

Margaret sighed. Those damn eyes were hard to resist and now his hands were back on her arms. She looked down at them and then back to his eyes. "Like I said, there's nothing to talk about. You didn't want me when you had me and you will never want me."

He had a lot of time to think things over. He knew how she would see things and how she would feel about all of it. She would put the blame on herself not realizing just how much worse he could make her life if he were in it. Didn't she know she was better off without him? Even now, standing there like he was he thought about how she would have been better off if he wouldn't have said a word. It was all selfish reasons. At the sight of her he went weak and couldn't just walk away. It was for selfish reasons that he called her name.

"That's not true. I wanted you and I still want you."

It would tear her apart if she left him standing there. If she had it her way the two of them would be together, married. She knew things didn't always go her way, rarely if ever did they go her way. She had to give him a chance. Her future was nothing without him; she was nothing without him.

The sky was an incredible shade of blue. Every cloud seemed to stay out of the way of the sun. The trees were standing as tall and as proud as he felt. Today was going to be different; it was going to be better. It was a new beginning. She was back in his life along with the sunshine and he planned on doing everything in his power to keep it that way.

It was strange how it all happened, but as long as it happened was all that mattered. He barely slept last night, and yet he was wide wake feeling like he was in a dream. Feeling had returned to him once more and she was the one that brought it. He wouldn't let go of her this time.

"Morning sir. You're out early."

Hawkeye smiled at the doorman. "It's a great day. No sense in spending the day inside."

"No sir." He pulled the door open to let Hawkeye back n. "I assume I'll see you again on your way out."

"Maybe. A few hours inside wouldn't kill me," he grinned as he passed by.

"No, I guess not." He had seen the women he brought back. He'd still be in bed with her if it was him, not out alone.

The smile just wouldn't come off his face. He felt like he could climb the ten stories to his room, but decided against it. He'd save his energy for other activities. He whistled the entire way up greeting other passengers with smiles and nods.

"Excuse me, my floor."

He squeezed out and bounded down the hall to his door. He wasn't sure if she was still sleeping so he was quiet entering and ceased his whistling. He placed the bouquet of roses on the dinner table and went to the bedroom. She looked like she was still sleeping so he slipped his shoes off planning to slid in behind her and hold her as she slept. That was when he heard gentle sobbing. Concern over took him and he laid down making his presence known to her.

"Hey, what's the matter?" He wrapped his arms around her. Margaret turned to lay on her other side to face him. Her face was tear stained and her eyes were bright red. She hugged her body to his and sobbed against his chest.

"Whoa baby, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" He rubbed her back feeling her body shake. "Margaret?"

She caught her breath and spoke. "You weren't here."

"I just went out for some things. There's no need to cry. Please don't cry." It hurt so much to see her cry.

After a few deep breaths she pulled away from his chest and looked into his face. "I was so scared. I thought you..."

He nodded. "I know."

"Please don't ever leave me."

"Margaret, I'm not going anywhere without you."

She wasn't sure she believed him, even though she wanted to. She nodded and buried her face in his chest again.

Hawkeye knew then that she didn't believe him, she didn't trust what he said about not leaving. But she didn't leave, she didn't say another word. She just cried silently praying they would last.