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Chapter 10—I'm Sorry for Everything

After class Lily went to the Heads room. James was propped up on his bed reading "The Guide to Being An Auror".

"Hey." He said when she entered.

"Hey." She smiled and dropped her books on her bed. "How're you?" She asked. James was allowed to skip classes for three days. James shrugged.

"Alright." He replied. Lily tiredly fell back onto her bed and her books fell on the floor.

"How was your day?" James asked. Lily didn't reply so James looked at her. He knew that look on her face: she was mad at someone.

"Who are you mad at?" James got straight to the point.

"No one." She lied.

"Lily." James raised his eyebrows.

"Sirius. He just thinks about himself!" Lily confessed.

"Well, think about it Lily." James said.

"Think about what?" She asked.

"Oh gee, I don't know, maybe that my parents died and they were pretty much his too." James snapped. "You think he thinks only about himself but you do the same." He added. Lily looked away but then became angry.

"You know what? I'm sorry your parents died, I'm SORRY! But honestly, no one remembers I lost someone too! And I miss him so much! Not even Shell knows how much I miss him—," Lily was starting to cry hard, her face wet with tears. "—It's so hard! I loved Jacob, he was the greatest! I miss him and I want him back!" Lily cried.

"I know Lily! But you aren't the only one missing someone right now! I told you, I'm sorry about your brother, okay?" James raised his voice.

"I know that James! I tried to help you and Sirius because I KNOW how you FEEL! But you can't see that!" Lily yelled.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sirius, Shelley and Remus were in the common room and they heard yelling.

"Is that Prongs and Lily?" Sirius asked bewildered. He never heard them fight before.

"Yup." Both Remus and Shelley answered. They listened to the yelling.

"Just leave me alone James! Don't talk to me!" Lily yelled. Before they knew it, Lily was running out of the Heads room and to the portrait.

"What's--," Sirius started, but Lily was still ticked off at him.

"Shut up, Black!" Lily yelled and ran out. Shelley looked sadly behind her, but knowing Lily, she wanted to be alone.

"Oh great, we're back to last-name basis." Sirius said sarcastically. Shelley kept her mouth closed, so she wouldn't say something she'd regret.

"Look--," She said after a while. "Just give her time. She misses Jacob. Oh gosh, so do I." It suddenly dawned on her how much she missed him. "He was the greatest. You guys should've gotten to know him. Man, I loved him, as a brother. He always cheered me up and everything." Shelley started to sob. The boys had seen her cry, but never like that. It was awful and they felt bad. She was crying as hard as Lily was.

"I'm sorry, Shelley." Sirius scooted over and hugged her. She sobbed onto his shoulder. He rubbed her back and Remus stared sympathetically. James came out, looking sad and frustrated. He saw Shelley sobbing, hugging Sirius and Remus looking sadly at them.

"Have you seen Lily?" He asked wearily.

"I don't know where she went, but she went running out, crying." Remus told him.

"What happened to her?" James asked softly, looking at Shelley.

"It's a long story. But it really hit her how much she missed Jacob. I mean, she always did, but she was thinking about it and got a blast of Jacob, that's all." Remus explained. James looked away.

"Lily hates me." He groaned.

"She's just upset, Prongs. She just can't get over Jacob not being here anymore." Remus reasoned.

"I don't think she'll talk to me." He replied.

"Give it a try." Remus told him.

"How do I find her?" James whined. Remus looked at him as if he were stupid.

"The map." He said simply.

"Oh yeah!" James sort of laughed and summoned the map. Lily was sitting at the edge of the Astronomy tower. James said a quick, 'I'll be back' to Remus and ran to the Astronomy tower. He saw Lily sitting unbelievably calm, no tears, no red eyes, on the edge of the tower. She was facing the wind and it was blowing her hair away from her face.

"Lily, are you okay?" James asked quietly. Lily didn't move, all she did was blink.

"Lily?" He tried again. She spoke, but didn't look at him.

"I don't want to talk." He said quietly.

"Lily, I'm sorry. I'm hurting inside too, but I'm sorry." This time Lily looked at him.

"I know. And I'm sorry too." Lily said tonelessly. James took a step forward but Lily halted him.

"No. Please, I want to be alone." She said calmly.

"Lily, I--," James started.

"Shut up. I don't need help or anything, can't you just leave me alone? If you care about me, you will." Lily cut him off.

"If I care about you, I will help you." James said firmly.

"Then don't care about me." This time Lily had a slight annoyance in her voice.

"I can't help it." James told her simply. Lily rolled her eyes. "What happened to you?" James asked, almost wanting to yell at her.

"What do you mean by that?" She snapped.

"I mean, every since we fought 10 minutes ago, you're acting scary. I mean, you were so calm, too calm. Lily, you're scaring me." James confessed.

"I'm fine. I'm just thinking. Besides, no one remembers what day it is. Well of course Shelley, but she was too sad to talk about it." Lily looked at him so calmly he felt like shuddering.

"W-What day is it?" He asked, hesitantly.

"Jacob's 20th birthday." She looked down as the grass far below. The wind blew roughly and Lily lost her balance, but didn't fall. She steadied herself back on the edge.

"I miss you, Jacob." She whispered into the wind, forgetting James was there. The wind was making her cold, and she felt James drape his cloak on her shoulders. He squeezed her hand and then left, but gave her a kiss on the forehead first. Almost as soon as he left though, Sirius appeared.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I know this is no excuse, but I've just been having a rough time." He told her. Lily stood up and walked over to him.

"I know, I'm sorry too. These few months without him have been horrible." Lily said.

"And Lily? I am truly sorry about your brother." Sirius looked at her.

"Thank you." She said quietly and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders tightly, shielding her from the wind. They finally pulled apart and walked back to the common room. Lily felt a lot better. Talking to Sirius and James helped a lot. They walked inside, found James cracking up on the floor, but looking in pain and Remus chucking. Shelley was at the top of the girl's dorms, wearing Sirius's old boxers and t-shirt, (what she wore around the common room and dorms) cracking up. Lily looked questionately at them, but then realized the girls's stairs were a stone slide. She started laughing.

"You tried to get up there?" Lily laughed.

"Well, I wanted to tell Shelley where you were." He said, trying to get up but failing. Lily helped him up and kissed him.

"I'm sorry for getting mad at you." She said.

"Me too." James smiled.

Authors note: hope you liked it! So sorry it took me forever to post! Hope you aren't mad!

LynyAngell: I was looking at old reviews and I don't know if I told you this but I really hope your brother is okay in Iraq and that he comes home safely. Thanks for reviewing for like, every chapter so far! Also, I really do want help so if you have ideas..don't hesitate to ask!

ZumZumZoo: haha I love the little confetti thing. Thanks for reviewing and hope you like it!

DramaQn610: lol well hope you don't cry anymore!!! Thank you sooooo much for reviewing...you rock! What did ya think of this?

Queen-of-ny: lol 'wow' is definitely good enough for me! Thank you so so so much! Hope you liked this one too!

Dan-Radcliffe's girl: (Awesome name by the way!) haha I'm so happy you liked this! Thank you for reviewing and hoped this one was good too!

James' girl: That's okay! I'm still glad you are reading it and hope this was a good chap. too!

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