Rules are rules, but . . .

by SoulsFire (former PulsingSoul)

Chapter 3

Rule Nr. 3

Your only loyalty will be directed towards this Organization.

Another rule she knew well. Never betray.

There was no use in betraying anyway. Those who joined the Organization either did so by their own free will, which meant they truly had no interest in just giving up all the wealth and power they obtained by joining, or by force, like she had.

Left by the parents to live the same dark life, or just left with no one in this world. No one would miss you. And if you grew up in a world full of death and hate, what would stop you from become an assassin?

Of course, the children were tested. She had been there herself. They were testing the children for their intelligence, their physical abilities, as well as for the emotional decay. She could only call it that. Emotional decay.

Some people are born with the same intelligence as Einstein, some are very good at sports, others though, might not be as lucky, and might be born with a frigid heart. A great man once said evil was nothing more than the absence of compassion. Very true indeed.

When you are born you have no compassion. You have to learn it.

It was true in her case. She had had little compassion, but had had it nonetheless and had learned that killing was not something you could do just for fun. Others, who did not have her chance, turned out perfect killer machines, because they were that, machines. People considered her emotionless, but what would they say if they saw them?

No betrayal. Never. It would kill you. Alone the thought was something which made you the next victim. The funny thing, she had never thought about it. Never. She knew when the thought had first occurred. The same time she had found out the APTX was working.

She had killed. Indirectly, but the poison she had created killed. She had thought that by her research she would stay out of this, and even when she found out her poison killed, she had thought it never depended on her to do the actual killing.

But she realized it. She realized that she was responsible. Not the Organization she was loyal to, no, but herself. What did loyalty mean to them? Oh yes, she knew what it meant to them very well, it meant giving up herself, losing every little spark of light which still resided somewhere in her soul.

That was not loyalty, was it? Loyalty was ... what?

Looking down, her eyes saw all the children playing in the school yard, saw them laughing, saw them yelling, arguing, some she saw even kissing. They . . . were loyal to one another, they would never do something to hurt the other.

Even her sister had hurt her. She had after all, fallen in love with Shuichi, had indirectly let herself be used and then killed. Her sister had helped her own killer. Didn´t she know? Did she not?

She had told her. She had. She had stayed in that Organization to keep her safe, and yet ...

She had been loyal, and had been betrayed by them all.

,Haibara, you can rarely find the meaning of life in just one brake." A quiet voice interrupted her thoughts.

This guy was irritating, and you must very well realize it too.

,Why don´t you go and annoy another? Ran must be free at this time. ¨

,You know Haibara I never gave you a reason to doubt me until now. I only ask for a chance. And for your information, I do not wish to annoy you, and if I do so, I will now leave you here to mope on the roof. ¨ He instantly thought about the chance of her commiting suicide, but brushed it off. No, not anymore, and he would be just behind that door, the door his blue eyes now looked at, nothing would happen to her.

He turned around. Was about to leave. But then she said it, her whisper so soft, it was almost untraceable, and yet the wind carried it to him as if it was a sacral call.

,If I give you the chance, will you honor it?¨

He turned around, his eyes wide with the surprise. He never expected her to give him the chance, no matter how much he wanted her to. He saw her turn around, scrutinized her figure, saw the way their eyes locked, neither caring about the harsh wind making the view almost impossible.

will try. I won´t make a promise Ai, but I will do my best to try. I am no God, and therefore I cannot know what will come, but I will never, never, knowingly hurt you or put you in danger.¨

She looked at him, and she knew it then.

He wasn´t them. He was Conan Edogawa, or Shinichi Kudo. He was someone who was not demanding, someone who didn´t want this chance just because she owed to him. He was asking.

He gave her the choice. The choice she was never given in the past.

He was treating her not as a murderer scientist, but as . . .

,Yes, you have your chance.¨

AN: the past chapters all showed Ai´s memories and thoughts, and they were fairly short, but they needed to be here. I wanted these chapters here, so we could all see into Ai, and the further chapters will slowly make you see into Conan too. Thanks for all the reviews! And don´t forget to review again!