Disclaimer: Same as before… style belongs to Helen Fielding, characters to J.K.Rowling.
A/N: I know that "butterbeer" is harmless to wizards/witches and are only intoxicating to house elves. But there is reason why Tonks gets drunk off of butterbeer. (No, no. She's not part house elf or anything.) And is not big secret/mystery or anything either.
Chapter 2
8:00pm, Aurors Party
Right. Am here. Think is more than Aurors in the Ministry here. See Dumbledore, oh, and Sir Nicholas Flamel. Both in shocking contrasting colours. Dumbledore in purple dress robe with rather appalling yellow socks. Flamel is in yellow robe and socks that change into each colour of the rainbow. Odd. V. odd. Ah, his wife also here. Know about the sorcerer's stone, but really… rather young looking, compared to their actual ages.
Gaah! Just spotted Snape standing in the corner, arms folded tightly and glaring at possibly everyone present. Right. Shall steer other way.
Bloody place swarmed with people. Seem like entire wizarding populace is here. Will not fret, shall act like poised, controlled, professional woman, despite fact that already managed to crash into table and dumping entire plate on Dumbledore. Apologized frantically, of course.
Sigh. V. depressing, am perhaps only female here without date. Even ol' MacClair got herself a man, though is slightly boar-looking. Realize can just morph into beautiful creature, but, I mean, want man to love me for who I am, not what I look like.
Oh bullocks. Maybe can cheat a bit and make self look… thinner… and taller… slightly larger breasts… higher cheeks… bigger eyes, longer lashes? No, no. Am poised woman. Will let men come to me for who I am. Agh, but cannot even get a little thinner? Bah. Good thing have stomach-shrinking garment on.
Mm… is that butterbeer? No. Will not submit to alcoholic substances. Poise.
GAH!
8:05pm
Just ran into Mr. Robes (formerly Sex-In-Pants). Dumped entire contents of butterbeer on his grey-tinted cloak. Gah. Is possibly most patient man have ever met. Extremely frustrating though, would not even take my bloody apology.
9:20pm, Aurors Party still
So lonely. Maybe instead of morphing into female who is epitome of beauty, will just transform into wicked, ugly ogre and be done with male population forever.
I know! Will have some butterbeer.
9:43pm, Arror Prtie, woopie!
Mm… so good buttbeer... mm…
Oopsh… Prrefesor Snapey-Snape? Mm… quite shexy in black… look v. lonely, thhink will go say helo.
Blurry hell cannot see proply.
10:40pm
Ahh, slightly better. Someone spotted me (was smashed so had no idea who), and saw was beyond mad with drunkenness, so gave me anti-alcohol drink. Took a while for drink to take its effect. By the time came back to, stranger already gone. Caught Shaklebolt looking v. guilty. HA! Was him, wasn't it? V. appreciated, yes, yes. Agh. Bloody hell, lost all sense of poise, didn't I?
Grr…
Well at least Shaklebolt was rather nice about it. Have not spoken to me about me being smashed earlier yet. Maybe will ask me to dance?
How come people keep shooting me odd looks?
GAH!
10:50pm
Was bloody Mr. Robes, hovering over me.
"Er, I don't mean to alarm you, Miss Nymphadora, but there is something rather peculiar sticking about your mid area. Er, sorry. Just thought I should let you know." Then he turned around and walked off.
Hands went flying to stomach. Fuck fuck fuckitty fuck. Was large bulge sticking out of self. Was haggard-wear malfunctioning. Great. Have belly size of Russia. Am fuming. Who the fuck did he think he was to tell me that? Would rather had no one tell me so would not know about it, thus not worrying over catastrophic episode of typical self. Bloody bastard. I hate him. Then have nerve to simply walk away?
Great. Am now Ministry laughing stock, instead of Aurors laughing stock. Sooner or later will become national laughing stock. Bloody party stupid. Do not have moral strength to make self thinner now. Will go drink more butterbeer.
June 5, 1995
135lbs (gah, aftermath of butterbeer), Hair colour Brown (just woke up, and anyway always assume natural colours when no one around), no. times changed hair style 0 (v.g), no. times tripped over self 2 (catastrophic considering have not gotten out of room yet)
10:00am
Gah! Where am I? Do not recognize this place… is v. morbid…
Oh!
Right.
Grimmauld's place. Why am I here?
Hm… must have drank too much butterbeer. Cannot recall one bloody thing. Is too hard to think. Think will let all memories slide for now. Surely they'll come back sooner or later.
10:30am
Went downstairs, found Sirius whistling cheerfully to a tune by Nerk Twins, dusting kitchen with his wand in manner of house elf. Was v. entertaining, actually. Was good to see Sirius in good spirits. Anyway informed me Harry should be here soon, then whisked away with his wand.
Mm… must make some coffee.
10:35am, kitchen
Hmm… how do you work this ruddy thing?
11:00am
Apparently is code of some sort written on ancient stove. Tricky… very tricky.
11:40am
Hurrah! Am coffee goddess!
GAAAAAAAH!
12:30pm, random room
Was bloody Remus Lupin. Turned around to go back in room and crashed into him. Coffee mug went flying out of hands and content splashed on his chest. Bare chest, actually. He jumped back and yelped in pain. Coffee was quite hot. Was v. embarrassing. Muttered sorry repeatedly. Am so fucking clumsy.
Quickly conjured a rag and started cleaning him up. Could not help but notice immense amount of scars he have on his upper body. Was rather surprised, actually. Did not seem the buff scar-receiving type.
Looked up and saw him grinning sheepishly. Did not expect that either.
"You seem to have a habit of spilling things on me, Miss Nymphadora," He said pleasantly, gazing at me with such intensity had to glance away.
"It's Tonks," I grumbled.
"Miss Tonks." He finished, still smiling.
"Just Tonks," I began to say but words died away.
Could not help but smile back. Could feel collar bone, his, not self's, jutting out from his thin physique. One hand still on his bare shoulder, the other holding ruddy rag, felt self being sucked inward. His lips grazed mine…
Then heard familiar voice.
"Am I interrupting something, Remus? Perhaps I shall leave while you busy yourself with a wanton schoolgirl and conveniently forget to give you this," Snape said slowly, corners of his lips curled into a malevolent, amused smile as he shook a bottle lightly. Bloody, fucking fuckwit.
Broke off gaze with Lupin and stalked off in rage. Refused to look at either one of them. Ran into edge of dining table and cursed loudly, but held head high and slammed door closed. How dare he! Me? Schoolgirl? Am poised woman! Am mad. Am beyond mad. Who the fuck does he think he is? Just because he's a little intimidating doesn't mean he can degrade me in manner of… of… Oh, so mad cannot find words. Hate Snape, bloody bastard. Hate Lupin, too. All fuckwits, fuckwits! Mostly hate self, though.
Sigh. Why does this always happen? Maybe Snape right, am wanton schoolgirl. Just kissed man more than 10 years senior. Could have been brother! Could have been COUSIN! Oh Merlin's Beard. Am twisted boggart. Am warped goblin. Am perverse blast-ended shrewt.
No, no. Poise, poise. Inner poise.
Oh fuck it. Will go eat some chocolate frogs.
A/N: Right. Um… I promise there will be more Tonks/Remus! They'll be working together (for the Order) so… yes.
