..: The Wrath of Jubilation Part II :..
Okee, so my big sis is having some friends over right now, and they're all in her room. She just walked by with Life (the board game), Truth or Dare Jenga, and a plushie dog in her hands. I'm not even gonna ask.
DISCLAIMER: "Taco Bell, Taco Bell, product placement with Taco Bell!"
So Sam had just crashed through the roof of Rahne's room. Rahne, of course, noticed, and grabbed a bouquet of daisies that were conveniently located next to her bed, lying down and pretending to be asleep and stuff. Meanwhile, the Fiona Theme Song played (ya know, Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah).
So Sam walked up to Rahne, and she oh-so-subtly puckered up her lips for a kiss. Instead, Sam shook her by her shoulders. "Are yah Princess Rahne?" Sam asked.
"I am," Rahne said. "Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me."
"Oh, that's nahce," Sam said. "Now let's go."
"Wait, Sir Knight," Rahne said, obviously bent on being traditional and formal and such. "This be-ith our first meeting. Should it nay be a wonderful, romantic moment?" She hit a DID pose (ie, back of hand on forehead, etc).
"Yeah, sorry, lady," Sam said. "There's no tahme." He grabbed Rahne's arm and started walking for the door.
"Hey!" Rahne said. "What are ye doing? Ye should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto ye valiant steed."
"Yah've had a lot of tahme to plan this, haven't yah?" Sam said, accidentally pulling off the doorknob.
"Yep," Rahne said.
Then Sam Cannonballed through the door and ran down the stairs, dragging Rahne behind him. "But we have to savor this moment!" Rahne said. "Ye could recite an epic poem for me! A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!"
"Ah doan think so," Sam said.
"Well, can I at least know the name of my champion?" Rahne asked.
"Uh…Sam," Sam said.
"Sir Sam," Rahne said, clearing her throat and holding out a handkerchief daintily. "I pray that ye take this favor as a token of my gratitude."
Sam took the handkerchief. "Thanks," he said, wiped his face with it, and gave it back to her.
Further off, Jubes roared. Why? Probably to scare/intimidate Bobby some more. "Ye dinnae slay the Jubilation?" Rahne said.
"It's on mah ta-do list!" Sam said. "Now come on!" He grabbed Rahne's arm and they set off running again.
"But this isn't right!" Rahne yelled. "Ye were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did!"
"Yeah, raht befoah they were attacked by fireworks!" Sam said.
"That's nay the point!" Rahne said. They got to a door that had a green "EXIT THIS WAY" sign hanging over it. Sam ran for the other door. "Are ye daft?" Rahne said. "The exit's that way!"
"Well, Ah have ta save mah Assicle," Sam said.
"What kind of knight are ye?" Rahne demanded.
"One of a kind," Sam said. Then he walked through the door to see…well, it was probably mind-scarring. Care to hear? No? Too bad!
Bobby was tied up with a chain (the other end of the chain was attached to a chandelier above Jubes's head) and hanging upside down five feet off the ground. Dancing around him were the Teletubbies. Life-size Teletubbies. Jubes was standing a few feet away with an eeeeeeevil smirk on her face. Po was holding Forge's RLLT, Laa-Laa was holding Jamie's SaCoLiRED present, Dipsy was holding the Bourbon Land bazooka, and Tinky Winky was holding a purple Prada purse (YAY for alliteration!).
Tabby was sitting on Jubes's tail and taking pictures of the whole thing. She also had Evan's video camera set up in the corner. Why? Because the Teletubbies were now starting to sing.
Tinky Winky!
Dipsy!
Laa-Laa!
Po!
Teletubbies!
Teletubbies!
Say hello!
Thankfully, the song was short. However, they were now holding hands and skipping in a circle around Bobby.
I love you
You love me
We're a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
They all leaned in and gave Bobby a kiss on the forehead/cheek/ear/chin. And if that wasn't bad enough, they were all wearing lipstick. So Bobby now had red lips dead-center on his forehead, yellow lips on his left ear, green lips on his right cheek, and purple lips right on his chin.
Won't you say you love me, too?
"Kill me now," Bobby mumbled. "Just kill me now!"
"Nope," Jubes said. "Sing, my minions, sing!"
The Teletubbies thought for a moment. Then Tinky Winky started.
Are you ready, kids?
Aye, aye, captain!
I can't hear you!
AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!
Ohhhhhhhhh
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Absorbing and yellow and porous is he!
Spongebob Squarepants!
If nautical nonsense be something you wish!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Then jump on the deck and flop like a fish!
Ready?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Spongebob Squarepants!
Tinky Winky pulled a piccolo out of his purse and played the ending notes on it.
But no, they weren't done yet. Dipsy and Laa-Laa started singing a duet. (Laa-Laa's a girl, right?)
Have you ever seen such a beautiful night? Dipsy sang.
I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright, Laa-Laa sang.
Then I see you smile and I go oh, oh, oh
I would never want to miss this
In my heart, I know what this is
This is what dreams are made of
This is what dreams are made of
I've got
Somewhere I belong
I've got
Somebody to love
This is what dre-e-e-eams are made of
Then the music started getting upbeat and pop-ish. The other Teletubbies danced around Bobby while Laa-Laa grabbed a mic out of Tinky Winky's purse and started singing.
Hey now, hey now
Hey now, hey now
Have you ever seen such a beautiful night?
I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright
Then I see you smile and I go oh, oh, oh
I would never want to miss this
'Cause in my heart I know what this is
Hey now, hey now
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now, hey now
This is what dreams are made of
I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love
This is what dre-e-e-eams are made of
(Hey now, hey now, this is what dreams are made of)
Have you ever wondered what life is about?
You could search the world and never figure it out
(Figure it out)
You don't have to sail all the oceans
No, no, no
Happiness is no mystery, it's
Here and now
It's you and me, yeah
Hey now, hey now
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now, hey now
This is what dreams are made of
I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love
This is what dre-e-e-eams are made of
(Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now)
Open your eyes
This is what dreams are made of
Shout to the sky
This is what dreams are made of
Then I see you smile and I go oh, oh, oh
Yesterday my life was duller
Now everything's Technicolor
Hey now, hey now
This is what dreams are made of
Hey now, hey now
This is what dreams are made of
I've got somewhere I belong
I've got somebody to love
This is what dre-e-e-eams
Dre-e-e-eams
This is what dre-e-e-eams are made of
Hey now, hey now
(Hey, hey, hey, hey)
Hey now
(Hey, hey, hey, hey)
This is what dreams
Hey now hey now
(Hey, hey, hey, hey)
This is what dreams are
What dreams are made of
"…You know, that actually sounded a helluva lot better than Hilary Duff," Bobby said.
"Hey, thanks, dude," Laa-Laa said in a totally not-Laa-Laa voice. She took off her head to reveal…
"THAT WAS ALEX SINGING?" Bobby yelled.
"Mind-scarring, isn't it?" Jubes said as Tabby snapped pictures of Bobby's horrified expression.
"Just be glad you didn't have to sing a duet with him," Robbie said, taking off Dipsy's head.
Bobby was clearly horrified now. "So you were Laa-Laa – nice singing voice," he said, pointing at Alex, "And you were Dipsy," he said, pointing to Robbie, "And Jamie's the only one short enough to be Po," he said.
"Yep!" Jamie said, taking off Po's head and snatching his SaCoLiRED present from Alex.
Bobby turned (it's quite funny, since he's still tied upside down) to Tinky Winky. "Do I even want to know who you are?" he asked.
Ray pulled off Tinky Winky's head. "Dude, I don't even want to know who I am," he said.
"So, how exactly did you guys get suckered into doing this?" Bobby asked.
"Tabby," they said in unison.
"She gave a HUGE bag of lollipops," Jamie said.
"Uh…the whole Karaoke Night thing," Alex said.
For those who don't know what happened on Karaoke Night (which would be everyone), Alex got more than a little drunk – well, let's just say he drank as much alcohol as Evan drinks milk – and on his turn at the mic, sang every song in Hilary Duff's Metamorphosis album.
"Blackmail," Robbie said.
"Same as Robbie," Ray said. "And this is her purse," he added, holding up the purple Prada purse.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Bobby asked.
"Well, do you wanna know what else is in here?" Ray said, reaching in.
"NO NO NO NO NO!" Bobby yelled, but it was too late. Ray had pulled out…
The keys to the Blackbird.
"Oh," Bobby sighed in relief. Then he remembered: This is Tabby we're talking about! "HOLY-!" (1)
"Okay, Ah've definitely heard too much," Sam said. He grabbed a Random Sword and cut the chain holding Bobby upside down. "No, wait!" Bobby yelled.
Too late. Bobby landed on his head. The chandelier landed around Jubes's neck. "Aw, come on!" Jubes said. "Robbie sounds JUST like Britney Spears when he sings her songs!"
Sam had picked up Bobby and was about to run for it, but at hearing that, they both turned and looked at Robbie, then at Jubes, then at each other. "Run fast," Bobby advised.
Sam did. Jubes breathed fireworks at him, mainly just to keep him running. Sam grabbed Rahne and ran for the exit.
"Hi, princess!" Bobby said.
"It talks!" Rahne exclaimed.
"Yeah, it's gettin' him ta shut up that's tha trick," Sam said. He stopped running when they got to a big tube thingie. Jubes was running right behind them, so he slid down the tube. Then there was a section of the tube missing.
Ooh. That looked painful. Sam hopped off the end of the tube, his eyes just uncrossing.
They got to a room full of columns. With Jubes hot on his heels Sam ran toward the exit. Then to the right. Then to the left. Then he ended up face-to-face with her and just barely missed getting singed by her fireworks.
Sam jumped over the chains until he saw two chains crossing each other on his right, and another Random Sword on his left. "Head fo' tha exit!" he said, dropping Rahne and Bobby, then grabbed the Random Sword. "Ah'll take care of tha Jubilation." He stuck the sword in the two links of the chain.
Rahne and Bobby stopped near the exit to wait for Sam. A few minutes later, Sam appeared, running in slow motion. "RUUUUUUN!" he yelled. Rahne and Bobby started running in slow motion as Jubes appeared several feet behind Sam…in slow motion.
Finally! They sped up to real time as Jubes breathed out a huge-ass volley of fireworks that followed them halfway across the bridge. Unsurprisingly, the castle half of the bridge burned into nothingness, and Sam and Rahne grabbed on to the nearest plank as the other half went totally horizontal. Bobby, having no fingers, fell down until Sam grabbed him by the leg.
Jubes came running out, about to fly at them and force them to listen to Robbie sing "I'm a Slave 4 U", when the chain caught and jerked her back. So she was stuck in the castle. And roared at them.
"Wait, Bobby!" she yelled. "I was just kidding!" Sam and Rahne kept climbing. "I forgive you about Sue-Anne!"
"Maybe it's just me," Amara called up from where she was still swimming in the boiling lake of lava, "But I think you're stuck there until Piotr sings Hallelujah."
(1) – For any of you that didn't get the innuendo, go read SickmindedSucker's ficcie Not Just a Sleepover. Chappie 12, The Fun Game of Never Have I Ever. Kitty's Never Have I Ever.
Whoa, only one ref! That's gotta be a record!
That's all for today! Tomorrow, chappies 6-8!
