Disclaimer: Don't own GB, please don't sue!
He avoids her for a while after Makubex changes his mind about the IL. He seeks the rooftops to be alone, as if being nearer the place of his origin will help him sift through his conflicting thoughts and almost frighteningly intense emotions with a cold and analytical manner. It doesn't.
This frustrates Kagami, and because he doesn't know what to take it out on he directs his anger at her. If she had just minded her own business and stayed by the monitors like she was supposed to do, none of this would have happened. If she could have resisted the impulse to humble him by showing him how wrong he was about her, he would never have his mind inflamed by memories of her breath on his cheek, of her smile when he thanked her, of everything that had happened in that stolen moment. If she had just slapped him for being an asshole instead of helping him anyway, he would have forgotten all of this by now. In other words, he doesn't know who is to blame or if there is any blame, so he takes the easiest route by blaming her.
It's easy to do, to direct curses her way in his head and pretend that nothing has changed since he saw her in a new light. It's definitely easier than admitting that she has brought him into unknown territory and admitting that there is a possibility he could actually like being here. It's easier to ignore the sparks that went off in his very cells when she touched his face than to try to explore it.
Standing on a roof where he can see without being seen, Kagami watches the Retrieval team leaving Mugenjyou after mending ties with old friends and making new ones with recent acquaintances. An outcome that he had considered, but had not thought likely. It seems like nothing turns out the way he expects it to anymore, and it's easy to blame her for his resulting annoyance rather than wonder if his people in Babylon City are trying to irritate him with irony. After all, he couldn't even measure one of Makubex's weakest subordinates accurately, so why the hell should he have the nerve to believe any of his other conclusions should be? He likes surprises, but not when they keep coming in rapid succession.
I need a break from this. Weariness, fatigue, not enough rest from his job, that's the cause of this departure from the norm. Kagami tells himself that he isn't himself because he's too tired to be, steadfastly ignoring the part of him that knows that is bullshit and that it sounds like it too. He wants to get away from here so that he can rebuild himself and come back as complete and indestructible as he had been before, with that familiar aura of cool serenity instead of this annoyingly enjoyable jumpiness that comes into play whenever he sees a camera and knows that she is watching him at that exact moment.
Funny how being wrong sends me to pieces. I must have a bigger ego than I thought.
Kagami doesn't have to give Makubex any explanation for the disappearance he is about to effect, so he heads in the direction of those that he does. Sauntering through the streets of Lower Town without condescending to even glance at what he regards as lesser beings, Kagami reaches the entrance to the Belt Line, a place even Raitei never went to. Kagami pushes open the door without hesitation.
He gets through the Belt Line unmolested, its residents knowing better than to attack someone who is death in a white suit. After all, news of his defeat by a teenage girl hasn't filtered through to this damned place yet. They still have reason to fear him. And if they forget it when they do hear about it, he will gladly remind them of that reason. As it is, he steps into Babylon City without breaking a sweat and climbs the steps to the cold, sterile white corridors, the familiar hum of machinery and low, neutral voices reaching his ears. It is a little depressing when you think about the barrenness, frigidness of this place, which is so clean it looks like it's never seen any human usage or had life passing through its halls, but this was home to him. Kagami finally reaches the right door, which hisses open automatically to admit him into an even colder futuristic, fibreglass-and-plastic office manned by a woman whose face is so flawless and proportionate that she doesn't seem real. Add that to her almost unnaturally perfect figure and hair that never has one strand out of place, and you would get a physical form most women would hate because they can't have it. Up in Babylon City, it's the norm. He gives the reason for his departure as wanting to observe an interesting specimen who has unfortunately gone beyond the limits of Mugenjyou, and since he is the star child of his generation and the poster boy of Babylon City he is granted permission. He flashes an easy, flirtatious smile at the woman who looks as unreal as him and turns to leave, the sea inside calming and raging at the same time at the knowledge that he is free to go.
"Kagami…" A voice like red wine makes him turn around before he reaches the door. He hadn't sensed anyone else in the office besides the woman, but disembodied voices and people that pop up out of nowhere are the norm in this place. Kagami faces his superior and mentor, a middle-aged man who still looks like a force to reckon with despite his long, grey-streaked hair and drooping eyelids. This is the man who has taught him everything he knows, and in some way that makes Kagami fear him as there is nothing he knows that the older man does not. He struggles to hide all the tension inside him when he looks into the eyes of a man whom he knows by no name other than 'Sensei'. His mentor has the eyes of a hawk, the eyes that look like they can see everything. And Kagami does not want his soul laid bare before him. Not now.
"Yes, sensei?" Maybe if he keeps his expression unworried and his voice cool, with a vague hint of curiosity, it will hide his apprehension that the sensei will see all the turmoil swirling around in his mind and, if he could bring himself to use the word, heart.
And maybe Makubex doesn't know how to use Microsoft Word.
"There isn't any other reason, is there?" It doesn't sound accusatory or suspicious at all, and yet it still makes Kagami's chest tighten. He suspects. The sensei's all-seeing eyes, clear as diamonds and about as sharp, bore into Kagami's. He struggles to not gulp or blink too much in case that gives him away. An aura of incalculable depth and perception surrounds the sensei at all times, and while it is usually assuring because it confirms Kagami's belief that his people are wiser and more powerful than any other in the world, now it sparks off an icy fear that starts in his gut and works its way up to his throat because he has no way of knowing or anticipating what his mentor is going to say or do next. There is an almost irresistible urge to make a surprise attack and then flee while the victim is still in shock, but he knows that if he gives in to it he as good as signs his death warrant. So, he feigns mild surprise, the type that you give voice to but don't bother to follow up with curiosity because it isn't worth all that energy.
"Why would there be?" With a smart-ass smirk and a flippant 'Ja ne!' Kagami turns once more, not wanting to stick around and wait for the situation to get even more dangerous than it already is. But even as he leaves as fast as he can without arousing suspicion, his mentor's laugh still reaches his ears. Usually, when the sensei laughs, Kagami knows why and laughs too. This time, it makes every ounce of instinct he has urge him to run and he barely stops himself.
"That's good, Kyoji-kun," the sensei says, his voice not loud but somehow still reaching Kagami's ears with astounding clarity, considering the way his heart was pounding in them too. His tone, no matter how casual he makes it, still carries a sinister undercurrent that gives off an indistinctive threat that chills the blood nevertheless. "I wouldn't want my star pupil to disappoint me. You are, after all, the perfection that we have been striving to create for years. Keep yourself that way, won't you?"
Believe me, I'm trying, Kagami thinks with a bitter laugh that he can't let out in case he gives the voyeurs of Babylon City even more about him to study, dissect and discuss until the cows come home.
This time, he deliberately picks a fight instead of passing through the Belt Line serenely with that insolent smirk fixed on his face like he usually does. He enrages them with his arrogance and insufferable pride, and when they get angry enough to overcome their innate fear of him he lets go, more so than he will ever be allowed to in Lower Town. Shards of glass rip through their flesh, as vulnerable as his and yet not seeming that way right now, and he brings down hordes with the deadly dust he sprinkles with ease like a deadly drizzle. A rain of silver mirror slivers falls onto those that try to run from him and slices them almost as finely as the scalpels of the Jackal can. He stands over their dying bodies and gloats at his prowess, but somehow this cheap victory doesn't bring him the assurance he thought it would. His ego, so badly shattered by his inability to do anything right anymore and bruised by the fact that he was actually afraid of the sensei, tries to take this win to feed itself up again, but its taste is bitter in his mouth. Killing frightened lesser beings is nothing to be proud of, and the fact that he did it just to make himself feel better even less so.
Kagami is disgusted with himself. You don't become great by stepping on the heads of those below you. Pretending that's not true is only a further sign that he really is not himself anymore.
This is all her fault.
Kagami walks out of Mugenjyou without looking back. He doesn't want to, just in case a camera catches him and she sees all the uncertainty in his eyes. Damn Kakei Sakura for turning him into the mess he is now. Forget the noblewoman in the servant girl's rags. On to Kudo Himiko, from whom he can expect annoyance and fury and strength stemming from sheer determination, but not another lady who will have that devastating effect on him that all real ladies seem to have.
As he strolls with the effortless grace of a Babylon City prince in the streets of Shinjuku and breathes air that for once is not thick with the gazes of those who are always watching, Kagami chooses to think about Himiko. She commands his interest, not the fireworks in his ribcage, and brings the analytical, scientific side of him to the fore instead of the mushy cheesecake he's just realized he can be. He wants to study her and her obvious connection to Midou Ban, to observe her and find out for himself what is it that makes her so damn stubborn that she won't just bloody give up and die. It's a trait that he respects, and that makes him want to watch her all the more. That is why he is out here. It is absolutely not because he wants to forget about Saku–
I thought you weren't going to think about her anymore, a snide thought slips in unbidden. This makes Kagami snap, angers him again, and he turns and looks at the dark shape of Infinity Castle looming in the sky. He directs a wrathful frown in that direction because he knows she is there, silently watching the progress of Lower Town like an angel monitoring earth. Damn you.
No more looking back, he decides. No more thinking about that stolen moment in her room. No more remembering the sinfully delicious shiver that he knew was not born of lust running through him as she slipped his stained shirt off him. No more imagining the beauty of that second when he looked her in the eyes and was rewarded by the faint colour in her usually pale face at night when he looks at the stars. No more savouring the memory of her breath on his cheek. He gives full attention to the study he is carrying out as if that can block out the first smile she had given him, because it's easier to pretend she doesn't exist when she's at the back of his mind rather than dominating all of it.
Sure enough, Himiko and her posse of friends eventually realize that he is following her around. It makes her furious, and a part of him breathes a sigh of relief that he can still find cold, sterile amusement in her anger because that means he is coming together at last, that the shards of glass are finally drawing back to make a perfect picture. He always watches, through a window or from a rooftop, and it becomes an easy ritual to slip into. It's not hard to become fond of her, this one. He regards her with as much affection as a zoologist would a lioness that he has watched from birth to adulthood for being so interesting and yet not dangerous to him in the unconventional sense, as someone that he did not want to remember was. When by chance he ends up in one Jagan master's company, the conversation inevitably turns to Kagami's appearance outside Mugenjyou. He senses all of Midou Ban's protective instincts flaring up like an invisible, ferocious aura and allows himself a little smile that he does not bother to hide from the other man.
"Why are you following her?" Sharp blue eyes, steadfastly hiding the secret worry for her even as the tenseness of his neck muscles betray it, stare into Kagami's as if they could burn him with their gaze. Midou Ban has intimidating eyes, but to someone who has been under the tutelage of the sensei since childhood their effect is somewhat lessened.
Kagami turns to face him and grins, as if he has some private joke to laugh about. Ban's anger only makes Kagami's smile widen, and he says in a voice so sappy that he nearly gags with laughter before he's done speaking, "I'm in love with her, of course."
The look on the self-acclaimed invincible Midou Ban-sama's face is priceless. Unfortunately, it gives rise to alarm and sympathy (something that he wasn't sure if he should find offensive or amusing) for Himiko among her friends, and soon enough the good doctor finds him and personally transports him to the entrance of Mugenjyou with a polite reminder to avoid further stalking activities under pain of dismemberment and mutilation as well as having a J carved into his body once the Jackal tires of his screams. Kagami had suggested that he continue on the condition that he would not let himself be seen and was convinced to not pursue that point by several well-flicked scalpels. Who would have thought that Akabane Kuroudo could be so concerned about the mental health and sanity of a co-worker? Kagami laughs, even though his body doesn't quite agree with Jackal's methods of persuasion.
The dark shape of Mugenjyou looms up in front of him, lit up by the few places where the electric lights inside could shine at the world outside. He wonders if Babylon City has made preparations for their prince's return. It is very vain of him to even think of it, but the fact that he is sounding arrogant and very much like himself before is comforting. He does not need to walk all the way up to Mugenjyou's highest levels to report his return because they will know their star pupil has come back from exile once he steps into Lower Town. Babylon City has eyes and ears everywhere, and that is only one reason why Kagami secretly refers to the sensei as the all-seeing one.
Kagami deliberately stops in front of one of Makubex's hidden cameras and smirks impudently, waving once and then continuing on his way. He does it to show he is not afraid anymore, to show he is Kagami Kyoji, Babylon City's dream of perfection realised, once again. He does it to show himself that he can, even if things that have slumbered beneath his conscious mind for far too long are beginning to stir once more. He clamps the iron control he has regained on them and ignores them as if they will cease to exist just because he pretends so. He refuses to let his heart pump faster at the thought that he is about to lay eyes on the face that drove him out of Mugenjyou. He refuses to even begin pondering the possibility that all that time spent driving Himiko up the wall did not really manage to dispel the unfamiliar emotions that Sakura had caused to come into being.
"Welcome back, Kagami-san," someone hidden behind rows and rows of computers and screens says as he enters Makubex's base. He sees a long bandana and silver hair and realizes that he's holding his breath when he sees Makubex's head appear. The young governor of Lower Town is alone, fingers still flying at breakneck speed doing something that Babylon City would probably hate him for even though his eyes are looking straight at Kagami. He lets it out in a frustrated, inaudible sigh. Damn it. Not again.
Remembering to breath normally this time, Kagami smiles at Makubex, the mere child who is still here, watching over the people he tries to protect even though it's four in the morning and every other sane person is asleep. He offers no explanation as to where he has been, what he has done or why he has a cut on his cheek and a gash in his thigh, and Makubex does not ask. Lower Town courtesy. Sakura has taught him well.
With a nod, Kagami saunters off, casually throwing up a shield to make himself invisible to Makubex's cameras. It doesn't hide him from Babylon City, where just his body heat is all that is required to trace him, but at least he is hidden from someone. The blood flows steadily in a tiny stream from the scalpel-inflicted wound on his leg, his white slacks marred by that red giveaway, but it isn't a life-threatening wound. As Akabane put it so silkily, just a sample of how much worse it could get if he forgot certain things like the 'no stalking' rule.
He wants to face her. He wants to look her in the eye and be able to laugh at himself for ever having experienced anything so dramatic and sappy the last time he did so. He wants to confront the lady with an angel's face who inspires as much terror in him as a demon with all the unfamiliar emotions she stirs in him and see that she is nothing more than a woman, an inhabitant of Lower Town, a lesser being. He wants to be able to see her face without being dazzled or transported to a garden of ecstasy that he knows cannot exist. He wants to put her hand on his face just to assure himself that whatever he felt the last time was just a pure desire to procreate, nothing more and nothing less, perfectly healthy for a young man like him and absolutely nothing to worry about. They're wants that fill him with reckless ruthlessness, the sort of thing that turns foolish obstinate men into crazy gods that are damn near invincible just because they're so bloody stubborn.
He finds himself walking in the corridor that leads to her room purposefully, as if daring anything to try and stop him. He pushes the door open without even knocking just to show that he doesn't have to ask for her permission, that he's the boss here. He isn't going to shatter and break like he did just because she made him feel…'horny' was the only thing he could finish that sentence with without continuing the great debate of how much of this was hormone and how much of this was real emotion. But then when he walks in and the first thing he sees is her with her back to him, hair loose and clad in an old, faded but charming dressing gown, weaving something soft and warm, it's as if he never went away. That stolen moment of long ago extracts itself from the past and reinserts itself in the present, and now he's just wondering if he can relive it and come out in one piece. The sight of her and the dizzying feeling of chemistry without the test tubes sizzling in him makes him lose his concentration, makes him forget what any woman who is not defenceless would do if they found a man in their room at an unholy hour like this and makes him almost embarrassingly easy to capture. Before he can make another movement, he finds himself bound like a mummy and strung up from the ceiling in something pink and smooth but irritatingly sturdy. One finger pulls expertly at a bit of the shawl and it slides over his face so that she can identify the arrogant punk who dares to sneak into a companionless woman's room at four a.m. Kagami finds himself annoyingly void of any smart-ass comments about her idea of a guest bed and the like, only able to stare at her face and vaguely wonder why is it that just one look at her is enough to transport him to Nirvana or somewhere damn near it. His heart could stop now and he wouldn't notice.
"Kagami-san?" Her lips stay parted in surprise and a slight frown creases her forehead in confusion and bewilderment. Her long hair is still messy from her sudden attacking motions but she hardly seems to notice. This close, he can see the few fine lines that an unstable life of twenty-three years has given her. There is a freckle on her cheekbone, and an almost invisible scar from the days of VOLTS just below it. One of the teeth on her bottom jaw is very slightly out of alignment with the rest of the others, only noticeable because he happens to be hanging in the air above her. She looks shockingly realistic by Babylon City standards, or, if you prefer, an example of all the little physical imperfections that they have been trying to eradicate for decades by experimenting with their gene pool.
God, she's beautiful.
But her surprise is brief and with one firm tug of her shawl, Kagami finds himself facedown on the floor. Her eyebrows go up a little at his no longer all-white trousers and the blood on his face, but she does not apologize like most people would for dumping him without a warning on hard cement because he deserved it for walking into her room without even bothering to knock. The fact that it seemed a lot harder than it should have been was probably Babylon City's punishment for that one image flashing in his mind of what might happen if he dared to kiss her. He can see the question on the tip of her tongue, but he knows she won't ask. Not in Lower Town.
Sakura turns around and he accepts the unspoken invitation to sit down. All the recklessness and bravado that propelled him here seem to have abandoned him and now he feels the beginnings of shame for his outrageous conduct. It humbles him that Makubex and Sakura, both of whom he still regards as lower beings though they preside over Lower Town, are more courteous than he, the supposed star pupil of Babylon City. It also strikes him that this is the second apology he owes her, something he would usually resent as someone who never says sorry unless there are no other means to a favourable end, but strangely he only accepts the fact quietly now. She brings him a hot cup of tea, poured from the same pot she was drinking from. He notices that the old rattan chair he sat on the last time is still there, and that it does not complain when she is the one whose weight it bears. Knowing as much as he does about the control Babylon City exercises over Lower Town, Kagami cannot help wondering if that is a sign of displeasure from his superiors.
They sit at the table like ordinary people drinking tea, except that it is an ungodly hour of the morning and he is still bloody thanks to Akabane. The silence is heavy with awkwardness and expectation, laden with unasked questions and masked emotions. Kagami wonders how much longer he can sit here and look at this quiet domestic goddess before he runs away out of fear of everything building in his chest. In the end, Sakura speaks first. Her voice is uncertain and there is a queer sort of look in her eyes, as if she feels that she is doing something wrong by saying anything at all, as she tells him that if he wants, she has one of Juubei's yukatas that she just washed and he can wear that until his clothes are dry. It is an awkward but sincere gesture, the best help she can give him while he remains under her roof. He doesn't dare think she is doing anything but playing her part as hostess. She goes to the back of the room to extract the garment from a stack of clean-smelling clothes and he touches the gash in his thigh. He is almost regretful that he won't have any excuse to make her tend to him like she did the last time, catches himself and is going to berate himself for it when he decides that it won't make a difference anyway. She gives him the yukata with a wet cloth and averts her eyes, turning away politely.
When he is done she takes the bloodstained clothes and goes to the sink at the back of the room, a small smile on her face at the sight of him wrapped up in a robe that looks enormous and hangs off his slender frame. As tiny as it is, it's more electrifying than the lightning bolts of the Thunder Emperor and he can't seem to move because of it. A tiny ache in his chest tells him that no matter how much he denies that there is something different about this lady, he'll always know that he's lying to himself deep down. The feeling that he's not in control anymore comes back with a vengeance as he watches her brown hair slip over her shoulder and frame her face as she bends to place the clothes in the sink; poetry in motion. And this time, it doesn't feel as frightening as it does promising. She catches his glance and her smile slips off her face, not sure if she is being rude. He responds with a little smirk of his own, all he can muster in his entranced state, and the tiny smile returns. She doesn't laugh, as might have been expected if they were both different people. Not yet. It's too soon for either of them to do things like that in front of each other.
She blushes at his unabashed staring, and when she begins to wash out the blood the moment passes. But in the magic that lingers on after that, there is the taste of promise for something bigger and better than all they have now. The first leap of faith has already been taken, and now finishing the rest of this journey that began when he first came into this room doesn't seem like such a horrifying thing to do. It's still uncertain. It's still fraught with difficulties. It's still full of challenges and obstacles. Basically, it's still the riskiest gamble he's ever taken. If he stops to calculate the chances of reaching the end that is so far off he can hardly begin to predict what it might be like, he'd be put in a straitjacket and imprisoned in a rubber room if for even considering forging ahead. But what he can have if he reaches the end, now that he isn't afraid of it anymore, is so tantalizing that the huge risk involved doesn't just seem worth it, but practically negligible.
He is still in unfamiliar territory, but if she is his guide he will willingly walk all of its paths. After all, Kagami was never one to shy away from beautiful places.
A/N: Thanks to my reviewers! Rabid Lola and Atropos' Knife, I'm really glad you both liked it, especially since you two are ranked pretty high in my list of favourite authors. And I have an idea that Kagami's portrayal is greatly influenced by a lot of guys I know (read: perverts in their own rights). Anyway, please review, suggestions welcome.
