Half Metal Panic
By Lord Raa
Chapter 01
Disclaim-me-do: According to the Chair leg of Truth, I do not own the intellectual copyrights to the component series'. Which, in case you were wondering, are Ranma ½ and Full Metal Panic!
Sergeant Kurz Webber was grumbling about his latest assignment: babysitting some punk kid. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a group of pretty girls but he didn't like the idea of watching over a teenaged boy with an attitude.
Putting off his protests at the injustice at it all, he made a sweep of the area in his Arm Slave.
Kurz liked the Arm Slave, or AS, as a weapon system. It granted the firepower of tanks with the manoeuvrability of heavy infantry. Admittedly, it was that of 8 and a half-ton infantryman, but it gave Mithril a great advantage in combat situations.
It also helped that you could punch holes in walls and pick up light vehicles and throw them as if they were toys.
As a highly advanced weapon, it put most vehicles to shame, but it was the camouflage system of the AS that truly set it apart from the rest of the ground vehicles. Not a radar absorbing paint scheme that broke up the out line, but an electronic system that made it invisible to most detection devices.
Kurz set the AS sensor suite to full passive scan and went out on his patrol.
Ranma walked home with Akane and Nabiki happy in the knowledge that he was not in the Tendo's bad books.
The fact that Kaname Chidori had completely ignored Ranma and the fiancées had helped his current situation.
It seemed that she was a normal student, if though her tastes were a bit out of the ordinary when it came to popular culture. It was as if she hadn't had access to what would be called "normal" things for girls her age. If she had mentioned that she was a martial artist, then the rumourmongers would have had a field day and Ranma would have enjoyed yet another argument with Akane about his intentions.
Nabiki asked her sister about the new arrival, to which Akane replied, "she seems nice enough, but I didn't get much chance to talk with her."
Nabiki was about to mention something to Ranma, when a nearby wall exploded.
Ranma leapt in front of the Tendos, his eyes scanning the clouds of dust for a threat. 'Where are you
chan?' he thought as he angrily recalled the Lost Boy's penchant for property damage.
Before the dust even settled, Ranma had pinned the culprit to the remains of the wall by the throat.
"Well? Who are you?"
The unwelcome visitor managed to choke out "Screw you!"
"Wrong answer, buddy."
Ranma punched the man in the solar plexus, flooring him. Turning to the Tendo sisters, he asked if they were all right.
Nabiki nodded, while Akane seemed angry. "Just who is this Ranma? Another rival? A jealous boyfriend of some floozy you picked up?
"I don't know, Akane. He came from nowhere!" Ranma seemed tired of the idea that he was the one responsible for all of Nerima's disturbances. "And I don't go around picking up floozies!
Nabiki shook her head and Akane's naïve point of view. 'If only she could see how lucky she is to have Ranma, she'd treat him with a lot more respect.'
The man went with his back up plan. Pulling a silenced, single shot pistol from his boot, he charged Ranma.
As Ranma turned too late to face his assailant, he was treated to a vicious gunshot wound to his belly.
Ranma's face contorted in pain as the bullet forced its way in, almost all the way through.
Staggering backwards, he quickly recovered enough to shatter the assailant's jaw with a powerful backhand before collapsing to his knees.
Nabiki and Akane rushed to Ranma's side and checked his wound.
"Ranma, can you walk?" Akane asked.
"Akane, you idiot! He shouldn't move until an ambulance gets here," Nabiki chided her sister.
"But he always got up after every other injury!"
"He's never bled like this before."
As the sisters bickered, Ranma fell to the floor, hitting his head on a large piece of debris from the wall.
"Ranma!" Nabiki shouted.
Akane looked on in horror as her fiancé lost consciousness. "Do something Nabiki!"
Luckily, a passing police patrol saw the injured young man and radioed for medical assistance.
At the hospital, two doctors looked at medical chart for Ranma Saotome.
"He's lucky, two centimetres to the left and he'd have a punctured bladder."
"Yes. But I'd bet that he'll be in pain every time he breathes deeply until the muscles heal."
A nurse walked up to the surgeons. "Excuse me, but will Ranma be able to handle visitors?"
"I'll need to vet them first. Sometimes relatives get too emotional and can set back the recovery of the patient. Who are they?"
"Two of them say they are his parents, plus there are the Tendos. They claim to be his future in-laws."
"His parents? I need to speak with them," the bespectacled medic informed the nurse.
The nurse led the doctor to the waiting room where Nodoka, Genma and the Tendos.
"Hello, I'm Dr Fujishima, I operated on Ranma. He is now in a stable condition, but I wanted to ask his parents a few questions."
"That would be us," Nodoka gestured to herself and Genma.
"I think it would be best if we talked in private, when Ranma came to, he said something that gave the staff cause for concern," Fujishima looked over his glasses at the assembled visitors.
"Was it something about a curse?" Genma hazarded a guess.
"No, we know about his changing sex with water. This, while not as interesting scientifically speaking, is something a lot more troubling," the doctor said somewhat cryptically as he led the Saotomes to an empty office.
As the doctor motioned for the married couple to sit down, Genma began to look nervous. But then he always looked suspicious when authority figures wanted to ask him questions.
"Ranma is under the impression that he tried to kill himself and that you, Mrs Saotome were to act as his second. He mentioned something about not being 'a man among men'. His conviction that he should die was so great that we had to restrain him."
Nodoka gasped. "But I judged him to be manly."
Fujishima looked Nodoka in the eye. "Explain yourself."
Nodoka straightened in her chair. "Genma promised that Ranma would grow up to be a man among men or they'd both commit seppuku. I know that Ranma turns into a girl when splashed with cold water, but I decided long ago to judge my son as a whole, not just the shell visible to the world."
"I'm shocked and disgusted by this situation. The only thing that's stopping me from calling the police is your son's condition. His wound is not self inflicted." Fujishima leaned back in his chair. "You need to convince your son of the truth – that he was shot."
A slightly shocked Nodoka nodded.
"I should warn you that he's in a lot of pain. He's to have no more than two visitors at a time."
Genma grunted in agreement, he'd suffered stomach injuries in the past.
In the secure ward, Nodoka rushed to her son's side. "Ranma, are you all right?"
"Yeah," Ranma replied in a weak voice. "Mom, why did you change your mind about the seppuku?"
Nodoka knew the reason but needed to hear it for herself. "What do you mean, son?"
Ranma gasped in pain shifted his position in his bed. "I mean you were going to be my second and next thing I know, I'm in the hospital recovering from having a knife in my guts."
"That's not what happened. You should know the truth, son. You defended your fiancée and her sister from some gun wielding maniac."
"Fiancée? What fiancée?" Ranma asked puzzled.
Nodoka blinked. "You know Akane Tendo? You've been living with her and her family for over a year now."
"Tendo?" Ranma repeated. "I don't remember the name. But I think I hit my head, so my memory could be a bit patchy."
Genma had appeared having "borrowed" some food from a nearby ward. 'Now is my chance to get him married to Akane and ensure my retirement.' "Ranma, you should not joke about such things. Akane Tendo is a fine young woman, she cares for you deeply."
"Who are you?" Ranma asked as if he had seen his father for the first time.
Genma's face turned quite stern. "Boy, this is no time to joke. As soon as the doctors let you go, you'll marry your fiancée."
"Well let me see this 'fiancée' of mine. This girl that I don't remember," Ranma was getting tired of the blubbery fool's antics. Turning to his mother, "I don't know who that man is, but I don't trust him."
Nodoka frowned when Ranma turned to face the other way. 'He doesn't remember his fiancée or his father, why does he remember me?'
"Mom?" Ranma ventured.
"Yes Ranma?"
"Why do I get the feeling something's being kept from me?"
Before Nodoka could answer, Ukyo rushed in.
"Ranchan!"
"Are you Akane?"
"NO! I'm Ucchan, your cute fiancée!" Ukyo insisted.
"But Mom said that my fiancée was called Akane something or other."
Ukyo looked at the Saotome matriarch. "What did you tell him? Why can't he remember me?"
Nodoka shifted slightly in her chair. "I told him that he defended his fiancée, Akane Tendo."
"How can I have two fiancées?" Ranma asked his mother.
"You shouldn't. Akane Tendo is your fiancée."
"What about the stolen dowry?" Ukyo countered.
"I don't know anything about that," Nodoka replied.
Ukyo frowned. "Your husband made a deal with my father."
Ranma looked at the newly arrived girl. "You're right about the cute part, but I don't remember anything about any fiancée."
Ukyo was not impressed with this latest turn of events. "What about Shampoo?"
Ranma looked even more puzzled. "What's what brand of shampoo I use got to do with whom I'm supposed to marry?"
Ukyo's face turned neutral. Now that Ranma remembered nothing about any of the fiancées, the playing field was now level. The fact Ranma couldn't remember Shampoo meant that she hadn't sabotaged him.
"What's your name again?" Ranma asked the cross-dressing chef.
"Ukyo Kuonji."
Nodoka decided that Akane needed to bolster her case. "Miss Kuonji, I think you should leave now."
Ukyo was tempted to say something back to Nodoka, but decided that it would do more harm then good for her chances with Ranma. She left silently vowing to make Ranma remember her.
As Akane entered with Genma, she looked at the despondent Ukyo. 'What did they say to each other?'
"Here boy," Genma strode up to Ranma, "this is your fiancée, Akane Tendo."
Ranma looked the shorthaired girl over. "Nope I don't remember her. The first had nicer boobs, though."
Akane felt her anger rise at her callous dismissal at the hands of Ranma. "Just what do you mean that you don't remember me?"
"I have no idea who you are," Ranma shrugged his shoulders.
Genma was beginning to get angry with his son. "Boy, you should be nicer to you fiancée. If you continue this charade any longer, she'll leave you."
Ranma blinked at his father's proximity to his face. "And you are?"
Genma was about to beat some sense into Ranma when Akane realised that her chest had been insulted.
"Ranma, you pervert!"
Slapping the injured boy, he stormed off in a huff. "Flirt with these other girls, see if I care."
"See, she can't be my fiancée if she keeps hitting me," Ranma pointed out to Genma. "Mom, are you sure about that seppuku thing?"
"Of course son. You were attacked," Nodoka insisted.
Ranma yawned. "I'm tired, but will you come back to visit me tomorrow, Mom? We can get to know each other better."
"Yes Ranma, of course," Nodoka nodded. 'Perhaps I was wrong about Akane.'
"Son, I'll have words with the Tendos about you moving back in with me."
Soun was on the verge of tears when he saw Akane come striding out of the ward, her stream of profanities turning the air blue.
When Nodoka ushered Genma out, she had a serious look on her face. "Soun, I have some bad news. Ranma doesn't remember any of his fiancées or his father. He thought that I forced him to commit seppuku and then had a change of heart and called an ambulance."
Nabiki frowned. 'If Ranma can't remember Akane, then she's probably lost her chance. Should see if I can pick up the arrangement? Nah, he's cute but not worth all that hassle.' "Father, perhaps I should talk to Ranma?"
Soun and Genma's faces lit up.
"Yes Nabiki, you often managed to make Ranma see sense," Kasumi remembered.
Nabiki thought about how to handle Ranma. Her standard manipulation tactics could be ineffective if Ranma really had lost part of his memory. But she had limited options at the moment.
She noted that Ranma had a handprint on his left cheek. "Well Ranma, I see that you still know how to get under my sister's skin."
"And you are?" Ranma asked around a yawn.
"Well I was going to be your sister-in-law. But since Akane has dumped you, I guess that it's up to me or Kasumi to fulfil the pact to join the schools of Anything Goes."
"That tells me you are the sister of that Akane and someone named Kasumi. That, while interesting, doesn't tell me your name," Ranma pointed out.
Nabiki sat in the chair next to Ranma. "Ranma, you can drop the act. Though I must admit it's surprisingly good."
Ranma was no longer in the mood for more games being played on him by someone else he didn't recognize. "Look, I don't remember any fiancées and I'm not in the market for any." He yawned again. "You want the truth? You're attractive, but I get a vibe that says I shouldn't trust you."
Nabiki managed to keep her mask of ice in place at Ranma's harsh dismissal, but Ranma had fallen asleep before she could respond.
Walking off, she wondered if she had pushed Ranma too far in the past and that it was his subconscious that was protecting him in his weakened state.
A nurse noticed that Ranma was in no state to receive any more visitors and gave the bad news to the growing crowd out in the waiting room.
That evening Nodoka asked Genma about the whole Ukyo Kuonji situation and she was not impressed with the web of lies that her husband had spun.
"So let me get this straight: Ukyo is a girl Ranma met on your training journey and became obsessed with him. Ranma took pity on the girl and agreed to go a date with her, she convinced her father to engage the two of them and offered you an okonomiyaki cart as dowry. You refused because of the pledge to unite the schools of Anything Goes, but both the Kuonjis were insistent that an agreement was in place and that she is affianced to our son?"
"Yes."
Nodoka looked at Genma, but for some reason his couldn't meet her gaze. "You aren't getting any dinner until you tell me the truth, Genma."
"But it is the truth, dear," Genma protested.
"I recall the antics of Mr Panda every time I visited the Tendos. This is your last chance to tell me the truth." Nodoka reached for her sword as she spoke.
Genma started to sweat. 'Time for "Crouch of the Wild Tiger".'
As Genma touched the floor with his forehead, Nodoka's face became stern. "This had better be good, or you're in for a lot of trouble."
"I'm sorry No-chan, I sort of accidentally engaged Ranma several times. I thought that if a number of girls chased after him, it would allow him to practice so he could be manly enough with his wife."
Mrs Saotome had a feeling that the crouching idiot on the floor was trying to pull the wool over her eyes, but the idea of her son being manly with several girls filled her with pride. 'Ranma did appraise the chests of his fiancées earlier, and that would mean that he's seen them naked at some point. And peeping on girls is manly behaviour…' "Genma this had better be the truth – if I find out that these engagements were to fill your stomach, I'm cutting it open! Understand?"
Genma gulped and nodded. "O-of course dear."
Nodoka smiled. "Now, unless you plan on cleaning that floor, get up."
The next morning, Ranma was transferred to a normal ward. When the doctors looked at Ranma's wound, they were astounded by the rate it had healed. They even suggested that he could go home in a day or two. That suggestion was met with a hearty approval from the Saotomes.
Good food always aided a recovery and Nerima hospital was renowned for its low quality cuisine and as Nodoka was anxious to help her son's recovery, she had brought some of her fine home cooking with her.
As Ranma ate the tempura his mother had cooked, he told her what he remembered. "I'm still a little fuzzy, but I remember being reunited with you after hiding my curse and that makes me ashamed. Can you ever forgive me?"
Nodoka nodded tearfully. "What else do you remember about your life?"
"I now remember who that man was yesterday – he's my father. I think he's cursed like me, but he changes into something. I know it's not a girl, but something else."
"That's right," Nodoka confirmed. "He turns into a panda. Can you remember anything about your fiancées?"
Ranma sighed, "I think so. But they're not all good memories."
'This does not bode well,' Nodoka thought to herself. "What are your instincts and memories telling you about them?"
Ranma took a sip from his juice and a deep breath before answering. "Right, first of all Akane Tendo – she doesn't trust me and has a bit of a temper. Ukyo was my friend when we were growing up, but I thought 'she' was a 'he'. Shampoo has some blind nut-job that's obsessed with her and her great-grandmother has manipulated me more times than I can count."
"So is there a girl that you like?" Nodoka asked, concerned that her manly son had been abused all the women he met.
"Well, to tell you the truth I don't really remember if there is one." Ranma took another sip of his juice to wash down his painkillers.
Nodoka scratched her chin in thought. 'Perhaps it would be best if I gave Ranma the freedom to choose his own girlfriend?'
"Ranma, how would you feel if I annulled all the engagements?"
To be continued…
More evilness from the author at leaving it her at this awkward place.
I'm sorry for using the clichéd plot device of Ranma gets amnesia, but it will allow for greater comedy value when I get around to writing later chapters.
In case you are wondering, this takes place pre-Saffron, but post Nodoka finding out about the curse.
This is a minor reworking of the story, all because of reader feedback.
Do you like the changes? Can you see where I'm going?
Need to contact me, use email (it's in my profile). You should get you a response before doomsday.
