Half Metal Panic!
By Lord Raa
Chapter 3
Disclaim-me-do: Moose bites can be quite nasty, you know.
Kaname was not too happy about the dismissal she had received at the hands of Ranma. Deciding that her relationship with Ranma was on rocky enough ground, she left the pigtailed martial artist's apartment building and headed back to her base of operations.
When she returned, Melissa had pinned Kurz to the floor in a painful looking joint lock.
"Care to repeat that again?" she asked the human knot beneath her.
"I said that you're the best small unit commander I could ever wish to server under," he grimaced.
Mao became all smiles. "That's better. What'd you find out, Kaname?"
"Ranma thinks that I'm stalking him," the blue haired girl sighed.
Mao shrugged before reaching for a can of beer. "I can't say I blame him, if a guy was following me like you are him, then I'd call the police."
"You see any trace of that redhead?" Kurz enquired.
"No, that's the strange thing," Kaname mused. She was torn between solving the mystery of the pigtailed girl and trying to keep Ranma from hating her and making her team's task even harder.
"We'll keep our distance for a few days, just casually observing those around him," Mao decided, having read the look on Chidori's face. "Sousuke can take up some of the surveillance by befriending Ranma."
"Agreed," the other members of Urzu team nodded.
The next morning, Ranma made his way to school via the top of a chain-link fence. He was constantly scanning the area for threats, both the ones he was used to due to his time in Nerima and the newer ones, like his assailant and the troublesome Kaname Chidori.
His journey was incident free up to the point just outside the gates of Furinkan High School. Then a freak accident with a beer truck happened.
A keg of Asahi "Super Dry" slipped from the delivery truck ramp and bounced off the kerb, striking a set of traffic lights.
Ranma landed at just the wrong time and found himself sprinkled with draft beer. The transgendered teenager grumbled at the injustice of it all.
Luckily for Ranma, it was just his face that was introduced to the salary man's potion of stress relief, so she wouldn't have to change her clothes or reek of booze all day. She just needed to wash her hair and she could do that at school before her lessons started if she hurried.
Ranma-chan entered the gates of the school and found Kuno there, spouting his usual brand of pompous, flowery and, quite frankly, piss-poor verse about how the defeat of the foul sorcerer was nigh.
The student renowned for being a few heroes short of a sentai team saw that his beloved pigtailed girl had arrived at school.
"My dear pigtailed goddess, how I have yearned for you," he gushed as he ran towards her with his arms outstretched.
Ranma was now no longer in a good mood and so felt the need to punch Kuno when the delusional fool copped a feel.
With a power that was unexpected from such a small frame, the redhead hit Kuno with an uppercut that lifted him a good metre off the ground.
"'Tis but a love tap lavished on me by my goddess of affection," Kuno managed to babble before unconsciousness granted Ranma and a few others a reprieve from the inane prattle that the captain of the Furinkan kendo team was famous for.
The petite female martial artist stomped off towards the building, hoping that no one else would bother her.
Aboard the Tuatha de Danaan, Captain Testarossa was reading the briefing about the research facility that held much of the data on the "Whispered" phenomenon.
"I want you to strike at night, to minimise casualties," the young captain ordered.
"Yes, ma'am," Lt. Commander Kalinin saluted.
The silver haired prodigy dropped a stack of photos and quickly leapt into action to recover them.
Kalinin saw one of the images, but decided that the best course of action would be to remain as if he saw nothing. It was made a bit harder when he saw another in the series: this one was of a shirtless Ranma, fresh from the shower.
"I'll make the arrangements, Captain," Kalinin saluted again and strode off while he still had respect for the young commander.
At Furinkan high school, Ranma's newest classmate was being told of the beautiful pigtailed girl that was often seen around there.
"She is a girl bursting with healthy beauty," Kuno explained, gesturing with his hands where the girl in question was healthy.
Sousuke made a note that the girl's description was similar to that of Ranma's visitor from the night before. "I see."
Looking up, Kuno saw his love wander down the hall. The girl was grumbling about something.
"My Angel of Loveliness!"
"Piss off Kuno."
"I see that the foul sorcerer still has you in his depraved grip!"
"Who is this 'foul sorcerer'?" Sousuke asked, unaware that Kuno was a delusional fool.
"Ranma Saotome," Kuno informed the recent transfer as he rushed to embrace the surly looking girl.
"You know Ranma?" Sousuke asked the redhead.
"Yes," Ranma-chan answered the new student, before smacking Kuno away with a ferocious backhand.
Sagara watched the girl stomp away angrily. "I don't think that she likes you, Kuno-sempai."
Kuno smiled, someone seemed to respect his position, but then frowned when he saw that Sousuke was interested in the pigtailed girl. "Do not think that you deserve her affections, kohai."
"I don't have time to for a girlfriend," Sousuke replied honestly. "My job means that I could get called out on a moment's notice."
"Well see that you leave her alone, I cannot allow any to defile her fragile spirit further," Kuno pompously insisted.
'She's obviously a skilled martial artist, perhaps that's why she's interested in Ranma?' Sousuke pondered.
After an uneventful afternoon, Ranma walked home via Nerima's shopping district. He was looking at the radishes that were on special when woman walked towards him.
"You really should consider the firmness of the daikon, Ranma-kun" the brunette pointed out.
Ranma turned to the woman and upon looking at her face, felt a twinge of recollection. "You look familiar. Do I know you?" he asked, not sure of his memory.
"Yes it's me, Kasumi Tendo. How have you been, Ranma-kun?"
Ranma slapped his forehead in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Kasumi. I've been going through a lot recently, which answers your question. I've got a lot more freedom than before, but I still have to deal with perverts, but hey, what can you do?"
Kasumi didn't know how to respond to that, so she nodded politely.
A van drove past the two a bit too quickly and caused Kasumi to lose her balance.
"You alright?" Ranma asked having leapt into action to stop the woman from falling to the ground.
'I will be if you keep holding me, Ranma-kun,' Kasumi thought as she enjoyed being held in Ranma's strong arms.
Ranma helped Kasumi to her feet, and handed the slightly dazed woman her shopping back.
"Ah," the eldest Tendo daughter winced in pain as she put weight on her ankle. She grabbed on to Ranma as if he were a crutch. "I'm sorry to ask this, Ranma-kun, but could you help me home?"
"Of course," Ranma smiled pleasantly. "After all, you were the only one that was nice to me when I stayed at your place."
Kasumi allowed herself a light blush when Ranma scooped her and her purchases up. The pigtailed young man smiled to reassure his passenger before taking off for the rooftops and heading in the direction of the Tendo dojo.
It only took a few minutes to arrive at the Tendo house. Bounding over the wall, Ranma set Kasumi down in front of the back door. "Here you go madam, safe and sound."
"Why thank you, sir," Kasumi smiled and formally thanked Ranma with a bow.
"What brings you to our neck of the woods, Ranma?" Nabiki asked, appearing from the kitchen.
"I was helping Kasumi home after she hurt her ankle. I'll be leaving now, no sense in getting further into your debt," Ranma said bitterly.
Another female figure approached the impromptu gathering, though this one was more muscular.
"Or risking injury," he added, departing as quickly as he arrived.
Nabiki maintained her mask of indifference, but could feel Kasumi's disapproval before it was directed towards her other sister.
"What are you looking at me like that for?" Akane asked. Not having seen Ranma, she was puzzled by what was going on.
"Nothing, Akane," Kasumi replied, though her voice lacked the usual sweetness.
Ranma decided that he had enough food back home, and made his way to his apartment. He was a little surprised to see his mother standing in the lobby of his building.
"Hello Ranma," Nodoka greeted her son.
"Hi Mom. Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here?"
"I came to talk to you about the upcoming school trip to Okinawa."
Ranma blinked. "There's a school trip planned?"
Nodoka's frown was well hidden from the young man in front of her as he led her into his apartment.
"The faculty want to combine this trip to cover both Japanese and natural history. There are some interesting animals in that region and a temple that has remained relatively unscathed since it was built in the 10th century," Mrs. Saotome explained.
Ranma hummed, feigning some interest as he put the kettle on for some tea.
"Apparently the monks there also developed a fighting style that looked quite interesting from what I saw."
Now Nodoka had Ranma's attention. "Fighting style?"
"I'm told that it takes involves some kind of complex motions that make them look like a mass of writhing snakes," Nodoka told her son what she had heard as he returned with the tea paraphernalia.
For no apparent reason, Ranma rubbed his ankles, as if in memory of a past experience.
"Yes, that would make you harder to hit in a fight. But in order for it to be truly effective, you'd need to combine it with pin-point accuracy and relentless strikes to vulnerable areas. So is my class going on this trip?"
"Yes son. I want you to go along and enjoy yourself with your school friends."
"But what about the cost?" Ranma asked. He didn't realise that he'd picked up a few things from Nabiki during his stay at the Tendo's.
"Don't worry, I can afford to pay for you to go, Ranma."
"Thanks Mom. When is the trip?"
"Next week. Is that going to be a problem?"
"No. It's just that it's the first I heard about a school trip," Ranma answered.
"Actually, they planned this several months ago. Perhaps you missed their announcements."
Ranma nodded, though he felt like a big chunk of his life was missing or being kept from him.
"It'll do you some good to get away from Nerima, Ranma. You never know, you might meet a nice girl. I saw a very pretty one near here, you know," Nodoka pointed out.
Ranma managed to avoid rolling his eyes at his mother's seemingly endless ploys to match him up with "a nice girl or two".
At the Tendo house, and while Akane was practicing in the dojo, Nabiki was questioning Kasumi about Ranma's visit.
"So, why was Ranma here earlier?"
"He was helping me home with the shopping after I hurt my ankle."
Nabiki nodded as that fit in with Ranma's known behaviour. "Why'd he take off like that?"
"I think you know, Nabiki," Kasumi snorted, albeit in a dignified fashion. "He's slowly getting his memory back. And not all of his time spent here was pleasant."
Nabiki nodded in an attempt to keep the peace, but mentally kicked herself for not noticing that her elder sister was developing a crush on Ranma.
The next day, the final attendance lists for the school trip to Okinawa was posted. It was a major shock for the student population to see the name Ranma Saotome on it.
At recess, the boy in question was asked by some of his class if he had chosen a travelling companion for the expedition.
"I ain't given it that much thought," Ranma confessed, rubbing the back of his head.
Elsewhere in the schoolyard, two of the Fiancée Brigade were discussing the situation.
Akane Tendo was a little upset, having been told that she couldn't go on the trip several times by both Nabiki and her father. "Nabiki said that Ranma couldn't afford to go and we weren't going to pay his way. Daddy wanted us to stay together to help our relationship."
Ukyo Kuonji's otherwise cute features developed a nasty twitch around the left eye. She too was not going on the school trip to Okinawa. "I passed on this trip to be close to Ranchan."
Kuno was quite happy about this latest development, as he realised that he'd have a good chance to "ensure that the spell that held the fierce tigress Akane Tendo captive to the degenerate whims of a foul and perverted sorcerer was truly broken".
Unfortunately, Ukyo heard this and took offence.
She stomped over to the Captain of the kendo club and smacked him repeatedly on the head with her baker's peel, her attack stunning Kuno into silence.
"Don't say things like that about Ranchan," the chef threatened the man shaped heap on the ground.
"I see that he has ensorcelled the fair maiden of okonomiyaki," Kuno burbled.
Ukyo turned away in disgust at the idiocy of Kuno and visibly shuddered. 'Gross, I think that Kuno likes me.'
Elsewhere in Tokyo, a scarred man looked at the surveillance photos he had taken earlier in the day.
"This kid'll be difficult to take down," he commented as he examined the shots of the target training.
His satellite phone rang, interrupting his preliminary analysis.
"Yes?"
>Gauron, our research facility was hit an hour ago by cruise missiles. We need a copy of the Whispered data you backed up for insurance.>
"I see. Well that means I need to postpone the acquisition of the target. Not that it will be easy since your team bungled the last attempt." Gauron hinted that he might be after some more money.
>We did not anticipate him being that skilled. The voice on the other end of the line was becoming agitated.>
"I'm going to have to change my plans because of this. I'll pick him up after the school trip instead of before. I'll get the data to you when I can."
Gauron switched the phone off and picked up the photos and a cup of coffee.
"We shall see how much cash you net me, Mister Ranma Saotome."
To be continued…
I thought that this was a good place to leave this chapter.
I also enjoy hitting people with sticks.
This chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne, who pointed out silly errors that I missed.
If you want to complain/write fawning praise about the story, then leave a review or send me an email:
Lordraa(at)digitalpimp(dot)co(dot)uk should get you a response before doomsday.
I know that the chapter was rubbish, so here is some omake to make up for forcing you to read this tosh.
The sound of hoof beats 'cross the glade.
Good folk, lock up your son/daughter.
Beware the deadly flashing blade,
Unless you want to end up shorter.
Blue Thunder, Blue Thunder. He wields a sword of wood.
Blue Thunder, Blue Thunder. His brain is not that good.
Hack. His foe has some gall.
Slash. His loves are delicate petals.
His head is harder than that wall.
The redhead is reaching for that kettle.
Blue Thunder, Blue Thunder. With many a cunning plan.
Blue Thunder, Blue Thunder. You're lusting after a man!
Bonus points for guessing the source inspiration for this, but no prizes at this time.
You'll get over it, I have.
Until the next time.
