Half Metal Panic!
By Lord Raa
Chapter 5
Disclaim-me-do: Ranma ½: not mine. Full Metal Panic: not mine. Fanservice Frog: MINE!
Previously on Half Metal Panic: "No, the fire extinguisher."
Upon his return to base, Sousuke removed his shoes and jacket. He saw that Melissa and Kaname were looking at a printout and asked, "Lieutenant, what're our new orders?"
"Oh hi, Sousuke. What happened to you? You looked a bit tired."
"I was being taught my first lesson in Anything Goes by Saotome," Sousuke replied before taking a drink of water.
"What? Why?" Kaname asked, standing up from her seat.
"Intel mentioned that he was a combat specialist, so I took the opportunity to observe Saotome in a fight," Sousuke admitted. "We talked afterwards, and he is going to train me in the Anything Goes style."
"You and your combat training, Sagara," Mao shook her head. "Anyway, our mission is over. It seems that an important facility was knocked out a few days ago, so now we don't have to watch over Saotome."
"Oh," was all Kaname could say on the matter. "What about the trip to Okinawa?"
"Well, there's some good news about that: the Captain has decided that you deserve some R and R and since the trip has been paid for, you get to go," Mao said with more than a hint of envy in her voice.
Elsewhere in Tokyo, a certain female martial artist was complaining about a certain someone to her sister.
"That baka!"
CRACK, went a breezeblock, neatly splitting in two.
"I mean, he keeps insulting that new girl in school, not to mention he keeps having a go at me when I stick up for her."
CRACK, went the next block in line.
Before Akane could grumble more about the idiotic Saotome, Nabiki interrupted the ranting with a sigh. "Akane, did it occur to you that Ranma needs some space?"
"Space? What that idiot needs is a good smack round the head to beat some manners into him!" Akane huffed angrily. "It's the only way he'll learn."
"Akane, have you heard the term 'carrot and stick'?" Nabiki asked with a forced niceness in her voice.
"What do you mean?" Akane asked, not getting the metaphor.
"Well, when you're training an animal, let's say a horse for the sake of this example, there're two methods that people use: the carrot and the stick," Nabiki explained. "Are you with me so far?"
"Yes," Akane nodded, puzzled as to where this was going.
"Well, Ranma has been trained all his life with the stick method: 'do this or I'll beat you' rather than the 'do this and I'll give you the carrot' approach."
"Yeah, I know, I have seen his training methods," Akane said in a "like, duh" voice.
Nabiki had to take a few breaths to calm down. "Right, so maybe he's tired of getting the stick and not the carrot?"
Realisation slowly dawned across Akane's face. "Shit."
"Exactly," Nabiki said, helping her distraught sister sit down on the dojo steps.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Akane asked after thinking for a moment.
That question put Nabiki in a very bad position. As she saw it, she had two options: admit that she was playing with the Saotome boy like a puppet her own amusement, or she pretended that it just recently occurred to her, making her look as stupid as almost everybody made Ranma out to be. Neither of those sounded particularly appealing.
"Well?" Akane asked.
"The thing is…" Nabiki started, but was interrupted by Kasumi.
"Dinner will be ready in five minutes," the oldest Tendo offspring called out.
"You better get cleaned up, Akane, you know how Kasumi is about personal hygiene," Nabiki did her best to deflect the angry girl's attention.
"Yeah."
Back in the Tendo kitchen, Kasumi smiled as she averted disaster, if only for the moment.
'I don't know what Nabiki is going to say to Akane if she brings this up again at dinner,' the brunette mused as she prepared the dishes for the evening meal.
At the Nekohanten, Shampoo was not feeling too happy with the situation surrounding Ranma's engagements. 'What is Great-grandmother thinking?'
Nodoka's invalidation of her Kiss of Marriage was something that Shampoo thought that Cologne would have argued over, but for some reason the aged and wise elder agreed to the Saotome matriarch's decision.
In a corner of the Chinese restaurant, a surly looking duck observed the disheartened girl in front of it.
'I'll make sure that Saotome pays for toying with my beloved's feelings like that,' Mousse decided, before being put away in a cage by one of the oldest members of the Nerima community.
Seeing her heir brooding at the counter, Cologne hopped over to the purple haired girl.
"What's the matter, Shampoo?"
"I thinking about Airen," the normally bubbly girl answered.
"You're wondering why I agreed to Mrs. Saotome's request that Ranma is free to chose his mate?"
"Yes," Shampoo answered, looking at the wrinkly face for signs that there was a greater plan in motion.
"Well, we discussed it like reasonable adults, a first for Nerima, or so it seems," the elder wryly commented. "We decided that it would put everybody on an equal footing, with no advantage being given to the Tendos of the Kuonji girl with their histories."
Shampoo just silently nodded, waiting for her great-grandmother to explain the rest of the plan.
Cologne sighed when her successor failed to see what weapons they had in their arsenal. "Remember that Ranma likes to learn martial arts techniques and he does enjoy his food."
"Aiyah!" Shampoo exclaimed, jumping up. "We now have plan to win Ranma!"
"Yes, Shampoo."
Ranma was in a pleasant mood when he returned to his apartment. So good in fact, he opted to put his culinary skills to good use, rather than eat instant ramen.
His stir fry was cooking nicely, the aroma from the spiced meat and vegetables filling the kitchen, and escaping from the open window, when there was a knock on his door.
Frowning, Ranma removed his dinner from the heat and went to see who was visiting him at feeding time.
Looking through the spy-hole, he saw that it was his mother and quickly opened the door and let her in.
"Hi Mom, what brings you here?"
"I was just in the neighbourhood, so I thought I'd pop by," Nodoka answered.
"Come in, I'm making dinner," Ranma gestured to the living area. "Are you hungry?"
"I think that I can test my manly son's cooking," Nodoka said with a proud smile.
Ranma smiled back before setting the table for dinner.
As the pair ate, Nodoka asked how Ranma's day went.
"Great, I start teaching my first student tomorrow after school," Ranma said with a smile.
"Is your student a beginner?"
"No, he's got talent and some actual experience to back it up. It should be a challenge to bring out his full potential."
"That's nice dear," Nodoka nodded. "Oh, I've got something for you."
Nodoka handed her son a paper bag. "I thought that this might come in handy at when you're out and about."
Back at Urzu team's base of operations, Kaname finally got around to asking the question that had been puzzling her for a while now.
"Sousuke," she started as she cleared the table of the dishes.
"Yes, Chidori?"
"First off, call me Kaname. Second, why weren't you assigned to this mission in the beginning?"
"I was on another mission on the Captain's orders. I can't tell you much about it, but I was using new Arm Slave models," Sousuke answered. "Please do not ask for any details."
"Ok. So who are you going to travel with to Okinawa?" Kaname asked, changing the subject.
"I have not yet made that decision."
"Well, I was thinking that maybe one of us should sit next to Saotome," Kaname suggested. "Or at least in an adjacent seat."
"That would be prudent," Sousuke agreed. "I shall ask him if he has made his decision tomorrow."
After dinner at the Tendos, Nabiki asked her older sister about what she should say about her treatment of Ranma to Akane.
"You should have been nicer to him," admonished Kasumi. "That way you wouldn't be in this position. Fancy manipulating him by telling him that you love him."
"You're one to talk, Kasumi. 'Oh, this is Ranma's girlfriend from China'. 'Oh, how can you find these cute cats scary, Ranma-kun? Let me see how many I can hang on him before he falls over?'" Nabiki countered snidely.
Kasumi winced as she blushed at the memory of her actions.
"None of us here are saints, Kasumi. Least of all me. But I want to make things right. I don't want to hurt Akane anymore than she has been over the last year and a bit," Nabiki said with a sigh before reaching for a chocolate biscuit. "So what do we do?"
"Apologise," Kasumi suggested cryptically.
"To who? To Ranma?"
"Yes. And to Akane. We did push an unwanted suitor onto her, knowing full well that we'd be able to handle it better," Kasumi explained. "Mother would be ashamed of us, treating Ranma like an old ox. There to serve us and nothing more."
Nabiki, for the first time in a long while, had a look of shame on her face.
"Mother would be upset, wouldn't she?" the middle sister asked, her eyes nearly tearing up.
"Come here," Kasumi said with her arms outstretched.
"Thanks, nee-chan," Nabiki hugged her sister.
After a moment, the longer haired girl broke the silence. "Now let's see Akane, shall we?"
Akane sat at her desk, idly tapping her pen on her chemistry textbook, her mind wandering away from the flow of electrons as described in the mnemonic OIL RIG and towards what her sister had said about Ranma's training methods.
The first knock on her door failed to rouse her from her introspection. The second knock, however was much louder.
"Who is it?"
"Akane, we need to talk," Kasumi said through the door.
Akane opened her door and was surprised to both of her sisters standing that there. She half-heartedly waved her siblings in.
"So then, what did you want to talk to me about?"
Nabiki said nothing until she was nudged by Kasumi. "We wanted to apologise to you."
"For what?" Akane asked, suspicious of Nabiki's motives.
"For forcing the engagement onto you," Kasumi finished.
Akane remained silent before sitting down on her chair. "Why're you doing this now?"
"I was thinking about Ranma," Nabiki admitted. "About how we all treated him."
"And?" Akane gestured for her sister to get to the point.
"And we reacted hastily leaving you to deal with the engagement. We should have stuck together as a family and sorted it out properly. We're very sorry, Akane," Nabiki said with a suitable look of shame on her face.
"Well, apologising doesn't exactly help me here, now does it?" Akane said in a slightly bitter tone.
"You're right," Kasumi nodded. "There's nothing we can do about it right now, only promise that we act more as a family."
Akane sighed when she realised that her oldest sister was right. "You're right. I'll forgive you, if you can forgive me."
"Deal," Nabiki quickly answered, not wanting anyone to change their minds.
The next morning, Ranma walked to school via a number of chain link fences. In his bag was a towel and water bottle, in addition to his new thermos that his mother had given him.
He hoped he wouldn't need that last item today, but wasn't holding his breath.
Nearing the school gates, he hopped off the fence, lightly landing on the balls of his feet and waved to his new friend, Sousuke.
"Saotome," the mercenary waved back.
"You ready for your first lesson later?" the pigtailed martial artist asked with a smirk.
Sousuke saluted. "Ready to learn, Saotome-sensei."
Ranma waved off the formal term of address. "Just call me Ranma: all that fancy name stuff makes me feel a bit weird."
"And that is proof of your low-born nature!" a voice called out from behind the recently transferred student.
"Kuno," Ranma rolled his eyes. "No what can I do for the Blue Thunder Pants of Furinkan High?"
"Simple: die!" Kuno suggested as he charged Ranma with a bokken in position.
Sousuke was about to interfere, when he saw Ranma smile at him.
Timing his move to perfection, Ranma rushed past Kuno and grabbed the older boy by the collar.
"What manner of foolishness is th-URK!" Kuno was cut off in mid ramble as he was swung around by Ranma into the outside wall of the school face first.
"Really, I thought that it would have sunk in by now, Kuno," Ranma taunted. "You are not invincible. No-one is."
"Lies!" Kuno burbled from the concrete.
"No, you look pretty defeated to me," Kaname said as she walked past the boys.
"My Blue Haired Lovely! Have you come to see me eliminate the foetid stain on our hallowed school's record?" Kuno asked, recovering quickly when there was a pretty girl around to see his manliness.
"What? Are you going to commit seppuku, Kuno?" Ranma asked with a smile that would have made Nabiki proud.
The subsequent silence was deafening.
"You dare say such things to me?" Kuno bellowed at a bored looking Ranma.
Ranma stepped into Kuno's personal space. "He who dares wins."
Sousuke smiled at use of a familiar motto.
Kuno's blood pressure skyrocketed, causing several veins to bulge on his forehead and neck.
"Are we going to start this before or after school?" Ranma asked, staring the older boy down. "I've got classes, you know."
"The sooner you are defeated the better!" Kuno countered.
Kaname stepped up to Sousuke. "This is your new teacher?"
"Affirmative. He is quite skilled."
"But he's so arrogant and rude," Kaname commented. She hoped that Sousuke was not going to pick up any of those behavioural traits. It was going to make future operations with the Sergeant more trouble.
"You've got that right," a female voice concurred from behind them.
"And you are?" Sousuke asked the short haired girl.
"I'm Nabiki Tendo. Are you really Ranma's student?"
"Yes. I formally begin my training this afternoon."
Nabiki's face remained neutral. 'He's been here for only a few days and already he's managed to get Ranma to agree to train him. How did he manage that?'
The trio turned their attention back to the staring contest in front of them.
"I shall defeat you, Saotome," Kuno growled.
"You've said that before, Tate-baka," Ranma yawned in an exaggerated fashion. "Unless you've got a real sword or a number of new attacks, I suggest you leave me alone before I get angry."
Kuno, now far beyond mere mortal definitions of rage, swung his bokken into Ranma.
Ranma easily caught the wooden blade. "I'm bored with this, Kuno. I suggest that you go on a training mission before you get hurt. Again."
"I will never take suggestions from you!" the captain of the kendo team yelled in his nemesis's face.
"Not even about personal hygiene?" Ranma asked innocently.
"SILENCE!" Kuno roared.
"And that is why the girls don't like you Kuno, your breath reeks."
The crowd laughed at the tall boy's misfortune.
"YAARGH!" Kuno screamed as he lashed out with a headbutt that failed to connect.
Ranma dodged his head to the side, dropped the training sword and moved behind Kuno in the blink of an eye.
A loud ripping noise clued the audience into the fact that Ranma had down something painful to the school moron.
Ranma stepped around to face his opponent. "You should see the look on your face, Kuno. It's an absolute picture."
Kuno remained silent at the disrespectful conduct of the biggest thorn in his side. Some thought it was a testament to Kuno's delusion that he was able to maintain a level of stoicism that made all other samurai look like they were made of butter.
Others that had a better vantage point were able to see that it was because of the atomic wedgie he received.
Then the whispers came from the crowd.
"Are those Lone Wolf and Cub boxers?"
"I can't decide if that's cool or sad."
"I think it's sad."
"It could be worse."
"True, he could be like that old pervert that steals underwear."
Ranma turned to his student. "I think we're done here, don't you?"
Sousuke nodded.
Ranma's first lesson was Classical Japanese Literature. Unsurprisingly, the Saotome heir was having difficulty staying awake.
Sousuke was also having problems with the subject matter, though his were different.
"Sensei, I do not understand the meaning behind this passage," the mercenary said, raising his hand.
"Well," the teacher started.
The brown haired teacher was interrupted by a boy in a white robe bursting into his classroom.
"I'll make you pay for hurting Shampoo's feelings!" the newcomer screamed.
"Eh?" Ranma asked, half asleep. "I did what to who now?"
"Shampoo is upset and it's all your fault!"
"How do you work that one out?" Ranma asked around a yawn.
"Simple – everything is your fault!" the myopic warrior shouted.
Mousse, not content with just disrupting the lesson with his nonsensical outburst, threw half a dozen knives at what he thought to be Ranma's direction.
Ranma caught them, looking unimpressed as he placed them on his desk. "Is that all you got, Quackers?"
Before Mousse could reply, he felt something cold and metallic under his chin.
"You may want to reconsider doing anything rash right now," Sousuke suggested. "This gun is loaded with hollow points. They are designed for use on soft targets, like people who aren't wearing body armour."
Mousse gulped. "What next?"
"I don't think it would be appropriate for me to discharge my weapon in class at this time, but I will if it becomes necessary."
The teacher found his voice. "I take it that this is one of your friends, Saotome?"
"What? Me? Friends with this muppet?" Ranma scoffed.
"Shall we call the authorities?" asked Sousuke.
"Nah, let him go, he's not as bad as he's been in the past," Ranma waved off the security concerns of his newfound student.
"But he endangered us," the teacher protested.
"Fine, then I'll kick him out the window," Ranma sighed as he closed the distance to the Chinese boy.
"What? Hey! Stop that let go of me!" Mousse struggled in Ranma's iron grip.
Saotome gestured to the largest sliding window. "Sousuke, if you'll do the honours."
Manhandling the male Amazon to the window, Ranma smirked. "I hope that you'll enjoy this flight in your human form."
"Stop that!"
¬PUNT!¬
And so Mousse became a speck on the horizon.
At lunchtime, Kaname grabbed her co-worker and dragged him to a quiet, secluded spot.
"What the hell do you think you're playing at, Sousuke?" the blue haired girl demanded. "Bringing out your gun in class like that?"
"I thought it was necessary to ensure that the assailant was no longer a threat to the rest of the class," Sousuke countered.
"I did see the five throwing knives," Kaname sighed. "So this is what Ranma has to deal with every day, huh?"
"There were six of them," Sagara corrected. "And yes, apparently, this is considered a light day for attacks against Ranma."
Chidori shook her head. "What did we get ourselves into?"
Afternoon at school passed relatively uneventfully, mainly because a squeaky voiced Kuno had left early.
When the final bell rang, Ranma walked with his new friend to where they were training.
"So how long have you been training, Ranma?" Sousuke asked as they entered the clearing.
"For as long as I can remember. How about you? How long have you been a soldier?" Ranma asked.
"I was a child soldier. I never knew my parents."
"That's rough," Ranma said in a sympathetic tone. "I was only recently reunited with my mom. Stupid panda."
"Panda?" Sousuke asked, not understanding.
Ranma realised he'd made a slip and changed the subject. "You going on the Okinawa trip?"
"I am. Have you made any seating arrangements?"
"Not yet. You?"
"Not at this time," Sousuke hinted.
Ranma put two and two together. "You wanna partner up with me?"
"If you don't mind," Sousuke replied, his plan seemingly falling into place.
"Not at all. Let's get started, shall we?"
After a good hour and a half's exercise, Ranma decided to let his trainee finish for the day.
"You've done well, Sousuke. I recommend taking a bath though, your body'll thank you for it in the morning," Ranma advised.
"I don't have a bath in my apartment," Sousuke said, breathing heavily.
"There's a public bath not too far from here," Ranma pointed in a direction away from the school.
"And what about you?" Sousuke was a little disturbed by the apparent lack of fatigue in his sensei.
"I've still got some training to do," Ranma said before taking a swig of his water. "I'm training to be the best, I can't stop after such a short session."
"That was a ninety minute lesson!"
Ranma laughed. "I swam to China. That's the kind of training I went through to get to my level."
"That's insane!" Sousuke insisted, wondering what he'd gotten himself into.
"Don't worry, I don't plan on making you do anything like that. Yet."
To be continued…
This chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne.
Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?
What, you were expecting an apology?
No. Not here.
BeForU was the only person that correctly guessed the source of the omake.
Are there any questions? In answer to the question of "who is going to end up with whom?" all I can say is Ranma and Akane is not going to happen in this one. I did mention that in the early chapters.
Until laterer comes.
