Rachel had never expected her life to change so drastically, so quickly. Walking back to the girl's lodging house, decked out in new finery courtesy of Alex Macmillan—who it had been proven now was her father thanks to a court appointed inquiry—the newsie girl could feel her heart turn to a pit of lead in her stomach. The fancy dress Alex had bought for her only added to her discomfort. It helped that Sarah and Jack had agreed to meet her at Alex's house, her home now, or at least it would be very soon. Jack carried a large box under his arm.
It was late afternoon so all the newsies were gathered in the small cul-de-sac between the two lodging houses. Only Jack and Sarah knew about the monumental discovery of Rachel's family, but soon all the newsies would know. And they were beginning to ask questions as the trio approached. Suddenly too scared to face the others, Rachel grabbed the box out of Jack's hands and dashed into the girl's lodging house, up the stairs and into the long hall where the girls all slept. With aching slowness, putting off the inevitable, Rachel put her belongings, few as they were, into the box. Heart still dragging and a cloud of doom over her head, she walked slowly back out into the square.
She hadn't gone to steps out the door when several of the girls came up to her, hugging her and crying, calling it a miracle, like something out of the dime-store novels. Some of the newsboys even congratulated her on finding her family. But in a small cluster near Jack and Sarah was her particular set of newsies, none of whom looked very happy for her. Feeling even lousier, Rachel approached them slowly, her eyes glued to her feet as she jostled the box on her, just so she could be doing something. As she got closer she forced herself to look up and at least attempt a brave smile.
It failed miserably.
"I hear's youse leavin' us, Wren, found yaself a real family now," Race growled.
"Yeah, youse looks fancy enough to fit in with dem hoity-toity rich folks now, doncha?" Mush added.
If she hadn't been subjected to tougher insults when she was younger, Rachel was pretty sure she'd be crying right about now. As it was, she certainly felt like crying, or maybe yelling at them for being so selfish. Couldn't they be happy for her? Hadn't she always dreamed of finding her family, didn't they all? Surely all the other newsies in New York, maybe in the whole world, dreamt of finding their family, their home, the place where they belonged? But that was a two-sided coin, she realized. She had belonged here too, the newsies were her family.
"Lay off her guys. You should be helping her out. You know, she didn't ask for this to happen, maybe you should be helping her to get used to the idea of not being a newsie, not giving her grief over it," Davey chimed in, putting his arm firmly around her shoulders.
God bless you Dave! Rachel sent up a heartfelt prayer that at least someone was on her side.
"Why? She's always wanted ta find her family. She neva belonged here, she was neva really one of us. Now she can pretend she don't see us when she walks by. She'll have loads of fun wid all her money," Blink said coldly.
"Blink, how can you say dat?" Rachel gasped, feeling the tears finally well up in her eyes.
"Please, ya was neva like us, you was always too good for da streets and ya always acted like it so why doncha jes get back dat rich old man o' yours." Blink scowled and turned sharply to leave.
Rachel held out a hand to Blink, trying to find the words to convey how horrible she felt. It wasn't as though she had wanted to stop being a newsie or something. Why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't any of them see it? So far only Davey really seemed to understand the compromises she'd had to make. All those blissful years of innocence she'd spent with all of the Manhattan newsies, the Brooklyn newsboys and all of her friends, they had only been a prelude to something else. Now she was set up for something much bigger. She couldn't just turn her back on the dream she'd held onto for over thirteen years. Why couldn't he see that this was her chance to know her past, to know where she came from and who she really was?
"Blink!" The boy continued to walk away from her. "Blink! Noah please!" she cried out on a sob.
Blink stopped, his head bowed, indecision screaming along every visible nerve. "I hope you have a good life Rachel," he said quietly before breaking into a run, carried far by his long legs, a stride that Rachel had never been able to match even on her best day in boys clothes.
Rachel stared after him, one hand raised as though she could summon him back through sheer force of will. Her other hand clenched and unclenched as she tried to keep her tears back. She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat and her eyes burned with unshed tears. She felt Sarah's comforting hand on her shoulder and was suddenly glad for the older girl's strong prescense. She turned, blindly seeking safety in Jack's open arms, arms that had never judged her, arms that had helped her cope with being one of the only girl newsies in Manhattan. The same arms that had helped her get past all of her silly crushes on the newsies she'd worked with, the ones she'd always known she wouldn't get far with, now held her as her world seemed to crash down around her. She'd thought Blink, he of all people should have been happy for her. He'd always helped her keep her dreams alive even when she was about frozen solid in two or three feet of snow. Now she felt empty inside. Blink had turned away from her, had shut her out of his life as easy as she would have tossed yesterday's paper out the window. Now she hurt in a way she'd never known possible.
Sarah took her home, leaving her at the doorstep only because Rachel had insisted she was fine. She had managed to stopper her tears on the walk home though it had taken a great deal of what little energy she had left. Now she felt drained and stretched thin as she waved goodbye to Sarah, forcing a wide smile onto her face. She entered her new home, her footsteps echoing back at her in the eerie quiet. Alex, she still couldn't call him father, not yet at least; he stopped her on the stairs, asking if everything was all right, had she been crying? Rachel had laughed and shaken her head, claiming it was only the cold playing tricks with her skin. Alex hadn't believed her but he was as new at the 'family' thing as she was and so he let it pass. Their relationship was still too new and fragile to test just yet.
As soon as she was encompassed in the one room that felt at all familiar, Rachel's painted smile melted beneath salty tears. She knew she was making too much noise not to attract Alex's attention and he wouldn't understand why she was so upset. Stumbling she made it to the fire-escape window and after fumbling with the lock for a few seconds, the window slid open with a well-oiled hiss. She fell out of the window and curled up in a corner where the balustrade and the wall met, crying as she felt her heart inside of her breaking again. It felt as if her chest was on fire and her body and soul seemed to ache unbearably. And all she could think of was the pain, the betrayal she had caught in her brief glimpse of Blink's sole azure eye and the way the blue had seemed to ice over while she watched, helpless, not understanding. She cried for hours, finally crawling back through the window as fat raindrops began to fall around her. Not bothering to do anything more than kick off her shoes, she fell into her bed, exhausted, and pulled the covers up over her head while she cringed, tears still falling from her lashes and pooling on her fisted hands.
