A/N- Okay, due to computer viruses I have to proof this and respond to reviewers before I upload it to the site, so I won't be able to do bolds/italics/those little lines across the page. But I'll do what I can to make sure it appears as normally as possible.
AmZ- Don't worry, there isn't much of a point or plotline. But must say I find that box/pox thing quite hilarious...
Estella Brandybuck- Yes... I have no idea how Montparnasse and Marius got so friendly... Plot convenience?
ArgentineRose- One really can't watch movies with Geoffrey Rush without thinking of Javert at least once... even Finding Nemo.
(insert name here)- I actually read a fic a while back where they were brothers... I really want to steal that idea...
Kang Xiu- I actually once thought I was good at making up words, but I relinquish that crown to you for "spifferific filk."
Robyn-Enjolras- Look out for that squirrel's future guest appearances in this fic.
Tziporah- Isn't insecure OOC Enjy adorable?
Mlle. Verity- Huzzah! Yes, the synopsis of Into the Woods would probably help everyone who's trying to read this jumble-y thing.
Cosette sits in the garden, watching glow-worms in the grass and birds in the sky. She begins to sing to herself, reading over the love letter from the pretty young man for whom she moved the loose bar aside yesterday.
There is a slight sound from the bushes, but she is so intent on watching a little squirrel with a bit of red fabric in its mouth that she does not hear. There is a tug on the back of her head, and she whirls around to see a young lady she does not know holding a knife in one hand and a huge clump of her own hair in the other.
"Sorry!" she cries, turning and exiting through the loosened bar.
Cosette rushes into her house, glances in the mirror, and finds a huge bald patch on the side of her head.
"DADDY!"
"Claire!" Jacques shouts, approaching his wife with the boy clinging to his hand. "Claire! Look, my dear, I have the vest! I found it!"
The baker's wife nods. "And see this, darling? Hair!"
"Wow... is that blonde or brown?" he asks.
Claire looks at it. "No idea."
"Perfect! You know, it really does take two, doesn't it?"
"Yes, I suppose so. What do we have?"
Jacques repeats the old man's words, pointing to each thing. "A brat without a home, a hair of blond or brown, a vest as red as blood... All we need is the boot that's full of holes and we can lift the curse on our house!"
Nodding, Claire looks over their inventory. "But wait, dear... are you sure that is the same vest?"
"Yes, that Mysterious Woman gave it to me. Why?"
"Well... look at it."
The baker lays the vest down and steps back. The poor thing is so covered in muck and dirt that it is no longer recognizable as red.
"Dear heaven!" he cries. "We'll need a new vest!"
"Only two things..." Claire moans miserably. She stashes the remains of Bloody-Red in her apron pocket.
Jacques sighs. "I suppose you'll have to find another."
"What? Why me?"
"Because you're the one who lost the first one!"
"But I'm the one who knows where to find the boot that's full of holes!"
Thus an argument begins. In the end, Jacques the baker goes in search of a new vest while Claire goes after the boot.
Cosette is sitting in the garden, hugging her love letter and crying over her hair. She does not hear her adopted father enter the gate, and is unaware that he has joined her until the letter is pulled out of her arms.
"What is this, my girl?"
"Nothing, Daddy, it's just – "
"EUPHRASIE OR EUPHRASIA, DEPENDING ON WHETHER YOU HAVE THE NORMAN DENNY TRANSLATION OR THE CHARLES E. WILBOUR VERSION! I AM SHOCKED AND MORTIFIED!" he shouts upon reading the letter. "You've been seeing boys when I'm out threatening the neighborhood baker!"
"Daddy, it's not like that! I can explain!"
"And what's more," he continues, pointing to her hair, "PLAYING WITH MY SCISSORS! I'll teach you to play with boys and scissors! Tomorrow to Calais, and then a ship across the sea!"
"No, Daddy! You can't split us up, we're in LOVE!"
"HA! You love me, dangit, and no one else in the world! That stupid boy will never replace me in your life so there!"
He grabs Cosette and drags her into the house, locking her in her room.
"TOUSSAINT!" he screams, "WHERE'S MY SHOTGUN?"
"No, Daddy!" Cosette cries, but he does not listen.
Marius Pontmercy is still pouting on a bench in Luxembourg when he hears footsteps approaching at a run. He glances up and sees the father of the woman he loves dashing toward him with a gun.
What would you do?
He jumps to his feet and runs away.
Cue chase scene. Marius dashes by. Valjean dashes by. Marius runs up stairs. Valjean runs up stairs. Marius runs down a hallway full of doors, selects the third on the right, and enters. Valjean goes to the second on the left. Marius comes out one door and enters another. So does Valjean. I get bored and skip ahead to the part where Marius is running along the street, dashes across Pont Neuf, trips, falls into the River Seine, and drowns.
Oops.
Valjean laughs maniacally and returns to the garden.
