Title: Lists!
Written by; Samantha Riddle
Disclaimer; I own nothing. JKR owns it all…I'm just taking the characters out for a spin
"Is it just me or do I have an obsession with Snape?" Hermione asked her younger, redheaded best friend.
"You're obsessed,'' Ginny laughed, "What kind of list did you come up with this time?"
" 'What Would Make The Student Body Die If They Saw Snape Wear It', catchy, no?" Hermione glanced over her list. It looked a bit like this:
WHAT WOULD MAKE THE STUDENT BODY DIE IF THEY SAW SNAPE WEAR IT
1. A RABBIT SUIT
2. A SPEDO
3. A BALLET TUTU
4. JEANS AND A T-SHIRT
5. ABSOLUTLY NOTHING AT ALL
6. A FIG LEAF
7. A TOWEL
8. A BALL GOWN
9. WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR
10. DEATH EATER ROBES
"Yeah, that could kill someone," Ginny commented. "Why are you so obsessed with him anyway?"
"No clue,'' Hermione tucked the list away with the others, "maybe I want to shag him or something."
"Didn't you have a list of places where to shag Snape?"
"Haha, yeah.' Hermione giggled and blushed, "you think I should send these to him for Christmas?"
"If you want to kill him, die, or get hexed into oblivion, sure. Why not?"
"I'll do it! I really want to see that reaction." Hermione transfigured a few pieces of parchment into a box and started placing the lists in it. "So far, I have about nine hundred and sixty two lists of stuff about Snape. I wonder how he'll react."
'Your funeral, mate." Ginny patted Hermione's shoulder before leaving the library at Grimauld Place. Hermione snorted and started transfiguring parchment into wrapping paper and ribbons. After two hours of working on Snape's gift, she walked downstairs and placed it under the Christmas tree.
Two days later, the Order had its Christmas party and everyone, including Snape had to be there. Since Voldemort had been defeated three years prior, a year after the Golden Trio had graduated from Hogwarts, everything had been relaxed and o one had any worries. It was nearing midnight and Albus had decided everyone should open their gifts. Hermione eyed Severus as he opened her gift. He had a puzzled look on his face when he read the top parchment.
"Miss Granger, thank you for the gift, may I have a word with you in the kitchen, please?" he said in a sickeningly sweet voice. Hermione grinned and flounced into the kitchen only to be flanked by the dreaded potions professor. "What is the meaning of this?"
"It's only a few lists I have come up with since I was thirteen." She looked at him innocently. "I thought I'd finally give them to you." He grumbled and ordered her to sit next to him as he read the parchments. All of them.
It was one o'clock in the morning when he finished reading them. A look of absolute shock on his face when he regarded the girl that wrote them. The lists had been in chronological order, oldest first. When he got to the last list, there where only two things on it and no title. The two items were:
Give Snape the lists
Do what is in lists 750 to 961
"Miss Granger," he just stared at her, "how? Why?"
"Shut up," she got out of her chair and pushed the table back a little and straddled her former professor. She kissed him roughly on his lips and forced her tongue into his mouth. Severus's hands automatically went to her hips and pulled he closer as she reciprocated the kiss. "Happy Christmas, Professor"
They immediately went to go number two on list number nine hundred and sixty two.
The End
A/N: obviously a one-shot fic. I was bored and this just popped into my head. Lol. No, I don't know what's on these lists, but I thought it would be funny to see what you guys would think of the list idea. Lol. Since one of the rules is "NO LISTS" I'm bending it. Not breaking it. I only had one list with a story. Lol. Oh yeah it works. REVIEW PLEASE!
Much love,
Samantha Riddle
