15) Though there´s no one there to guide you

"So, that´s the whole story.", Christine said. Maybe for the first time she had been completely honest with Raoul, neither sparing him certain details nor making the situation better than it was. It would be very unfair to leave him in the dark, and she liked him far too much to do that.

At first Raoul didn´t react at all. He simply kept staring at the trees around them, just like he had done while she had spoken. They had met for a walk, but then settled down quickly on a bench as Christine´s urge to talk had overwhelmed her. "So?", she asked timidly after a few seconds. The silence was unnerving her a little.

"Let me summarize this, so that I can be sure I didn´t misunderstand you.", he said, now looking at a couple of sparrows that sat on a bush. "Your singing teacher, this Erik, did violence to Meg last night, and you want to go and talk to him?" He shook his head incredulously. Christine couldn´t mean that. She was probably just upset by the assault on her best friend and didn´t think about the consequences which such an action might have.

"It´s not as if I had a choice, Raoul. This is the least I can do for Meg." Raoul´s voice sounded suspicious as he asked: "What kind of advantage should she have from a conversation between Erik and you? Five minutes ago you told me she will go away from Paris anyway. I don´t think she´ll want to hear explanations about why this was done to her.".

"Well, maybe she…" Christine stopped herself in mid-sentence, feeling that her resolution not to lie to Raoul again began to crumble. "You´re right. It´s because of me. I need to know whether he´s really… evil." However, she had no idea what she would do once she had the answer. On the one hand she couldn´t believe that her Erik was bad all of a sudden. This had to have developed gradually, which would mean that she had had an entirely wrong impression of him all the time. On the other hand it would be easier to walk away from him and never come back if he was evil.

"You seem to care a lot for him." There was a certain undertone in Raoul´s voice that she couldn´t comprehend. "I… I love him. At least I did love him. But after…" He turned his head and looked at her for the first time since they sat here. "I know.", he said simply. Christine stared at him blankly. She hadn´t told him that, at least not explicitly, afraid that he would be unwilling to listen if he knew it.

Raoul´s gaze was inscrutable. "You didn´t hide it too well. Every time you speak about him your eyes sparkle, and you have this special way of smiling. It wasn´t hard to guess that your feelings for Erik exceed the limit of a teacher-student relationship." "I´m sorry, Raoul.", Christine whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I should have told you earlier."

"That´s true.", he agreed. With a sad smile, that made the girl feel even more miserable, he went on: "Still I have to thank you for the time we spent together. For me it was wonderful… even though you would have preferred to be with someone else.". Raoul didn´t dare ask whether she had only endured his caresses thinking of the other man. Probably it was best if he preserved his illusions about it.

Christine couldn´t help thinking that his behaviour only added to her impression that she was nothing but a heartless monster. If he had yelled at her, she would have yelled back and been glad about getting rid of this idiot. But it was difficult to cope with the fact that, even with the prospect of being left, he was still so friendly to her.

"I´m so silly.", she voiced her thoughts. "I don´t even know what waits for me down there." Raoul covered her hand with his. It still felt comforting, perhaps even more than the first time he had done this. "You´re not silly – you´re in love.", he said softly. Christine stood up. "Since when does the one thing exclude the other?", she wanted to know with a bitter smile.

Raoul stayed where he was, aware that asking whether he could come with her was pointless. "Promise me you´ll be careful!", he muttered. Christine, who had already turned around to leave, called over her shoulder: "I´ll try.". But all the same she was certain that from the moment she entered Erik´s world things would no longer be in her hands.