18) No face as hideous as my face...
Meg´s gaze was fixed on the part of Erik´s face she had seen before. If she hadn´t been certain it was the same men, she wouldn´t have believed it. Dozens of blood-red lines ran across the left side of his face like a spider´s web. Some were inches long, going from the forehead to the mouth or from the cheek to the chin. Some reached to the part that had been disfigured before. Blood was still oozing out of one or two of them.
"What have you done to yourself?", she whispered. Tentatively she stretched out a hand and touched one of the cuts. The resulting pain made Erik whimper softly. Meg pulled back her hand at once. She placed the candelabra on the floor in front of her and sat down, facing him. "Why?" was the only word she could utter. "After hurting you so much this seemed to be logical. Now no woman will fall for me, thinking I was a decent man, only slightly disfigured." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.
Meg couldn´t stop staring at his face. The candlelight cast shadows on it, making the network of lines look like cracks in the ground on a dry summer´s day. "Why like this?", she asked. "One for every kiss, one for every touch, one for every thought of you.", he explained calmly. Something very weird was happening in Meg´s stomach. So she was the cause of all this. But should she feel guilty now?
"It appears you haven´t thought about me too often. Or was there simply not enough space left?", she remarked in a feeble attempt to make fun of a situation that couldn´t have been more serious. He looked at her for a long moment, not saying a word. Meg´s heart skipped a beat. "No… don´t tell me you…", she muttered, but he nodded and unbuttoned his shirt. Hadn´t the room been so dark the girl would have seen the traces of blood earlier.
The chest was even worse. Apparently Erik had been able to work more violently here as the cuts seemed to be deeper. But Meg´s attention was drawn to the most terrible wounds she had seen so far. In at least three places his skin was badly burned. The first blisters were showing. "What´s this?", she wanted to know, pointing at one of them. The mere sight of them made her shudder as she thought about how much serious injuries like that had to hurt. "The difficult ones. As long as my interest in you was only physical, I could still tell myself I wasn´t really unfaithful to Christine. But a few times…" He looked down at his chest for a moment before his eyes returned to Meg. "… I actually imagined how it would be to share my life with you. To have you live here with me. To become the father of your children. For these thoughts… well, sometimes a candle is better than a razor if you understand what I mean…"
Meg gulped, fighting against a wave of nausea as she noticed the smell of blood and burnt flesh for the first time. She didn´t know how to react to this revelation. Did he expect her to say something comforting? She opened her mouth, but no words came out, just a sigh. Leaning closer she cupped his right cheek with her hand, careful not to hurt him. She looked deep into his eyes. He was so helpless, so vulnerable. Yet there was something else. When his breath tickled her face a flash of images hit her. He was lying on her again, his weight pressing on her ribcage making it hard to breathe. She saw the lust in his eyes and knew he wouldn´t stop, not until he was satisfied. Without thinking about it the girl raised her other hand and slapped his face.
Erik gave a yelp of pain. "You almost got me convinced.", Meg muttered. "You´ve only shown me this to make me pity you, the poor ugly man with the forbidden desires. But I can see through you. What do you say now?" She threw him a hostile glance, amazed at her own daring. Judging by all the tales she had heard he was capable of killing her in an instant. Yet she wasn´t afraid. Not anymore.
At last Erik replied. "Do it again.", he whispered. "What?", she blurted out. "I deserve it. If it makes you feel better, go on." When Meg didn´t move he grabbed her wrist almost fiercely and lifted her hand into the air once more. She stared at him. By now his face looked as if he was part of one of the horror stories she had liked as a child. The force of her blow had made some of the cuts open again. Blood trickled down his cheek, not unlike tears. "I´m sorry.", she said in a small voice. She spotted a cloth on a chair nearby and used it to stop the bleeding.
"Don´t do that!", he muttered, but didn´t protest physically. "I´m all confused.", Meg said, pressing the cloth against his cheek. "I came down here to shout at you how much I hate you. But you´re saying these things…" Her voice trailed off as new pictures invaded her head, very different from the first ones. Erik was singing for her with his beautiful voice. He looked at her and only her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Meg sighed. In the books she had read problems had never been that complex. Good men stayed good, and bad men stayed bad. So the heroine always knew what to feel and whom to trust. For Meg it wasn´t that easy: Erik´s behaviour changed constantly, and so did hers.
"´Father of my children´ - Did you really mean that?", she asked. "Yes.", Erik answered with a lopsided smile. "It must have been the most ridiculous thought I´ve ever had. As if I had anything to offer to a woman, let alone children… I´m just a pathetic old fool." "Don´t you think you´re a bit too hard on yourself?" Meg took the hand she had slapped him with earlier and ran it through one of the few strands of hair that were left on his head. Erik had jumped as she raised her hand, but relaxed quickly under her caress. "No wig today?" He shook his head slightly. "No. Today it´s just me in all my hideousness."
"You must think me mad.", she said quietly. "One moment I hit you, in the next I take care of your wounds. One moment I can hardly bear looking at you, and in the next…" The sentence was finished by action rather than words as she brought her lips to his, startling them both. As long as the kiss lasted they watched each other. After a few seconds Erik moved his head away from her. "I´m afraid I don´t understand you.", he muttered, giving a peculiar sound, somewhere between a chuckle and a sigh. "Neither do I.", Meg confessed.
"How did it feel for you?", she asked. "Good. Very good.", he replied hesitantly, not knowing what she had in mind. Actually this was an understatement. It had been brilliant, even more so because he hadn´t thought he´d ever been shown affection in that way. He had refused to remember his first kisses with Meg as the memory was clouded by the incident last night.
The girl frowned, trying to analyse her own emotions. "It felt so… right.", she said pensively. Suddenly she exclaimed: "But that´s all wrong! I can´t still be in love with you, can I?". Silently Erik took the cloth out of her hand, so that she could get a clear view of his face. "Look at me!", he urged her. "Don´t you see how repulsive I am? Don´t you remember what I did to you? Answer your own question: Are you in love with me?"
Author´s note: The third cliffhanger... But at least I don´t let you wait too long with the updates. So there´s no reason for complaining, is there? keeps hand at the level of her eyes... just in case
