If Only They Knew

Prologue

Thump

I jumped. I saw Mr. Sayuke standing in front of my desk, ruler in hand. I smiled sheepishly, brushed my bangs back, and sat up straight. He frowned.

"Now that Ms. Fujibayashi is with us, let us continue with our lesson." I looked all around the classroom, and all the girls with dyed platinum-blonde hair were giggling. I glared at them, and they stopped and turned towards the front of the classroom.

"...What a freak..." I smiled. The girls all brushed their straight hair behind them and re-applied their make-up. I rolled my eyes. Such material girls.

I tugged on my sweatshirt, rested my head on my desk, and headed back into the sweet bliss they call sleeping.

After class, I gathered my books and stepped out into the hallway. It was filled with tons of different types of people. Jocks, "Material Girls", the "Smarts", and the "Druggies" were all with their little clicks. But then there were loners, outcasts. Me. Us loners don't really have any friends. While we may have one or two, no of us really hang out with a group of friends. Most people are either afraid that we'll kill them, or they are just too caught up in their own drama to even consider us outcasts as friends. Plus we are basically the High School's trash. We get average grades, and we don't participate in any after-school activities. But other people aren't necessarily the problem. A lot of us outcasts... we are just too...scared.

Chapter 1:

Life Behind all the Fake Smiles and Material Girls

The walk home is probably the best part of my day. Except for the fact that I have to go home at the end of the walk. I share a house with my grandfather and one of his friend's, Taiga. I didn't use the word 'live' because I am never home. And if I am home, I am not spending my time with them. I am usually in my room, or in the Roido Park under the big oak tree writing in my diary.

The wind brushed my uncombed hair forward, covering my eyes. I brushed it back and stopped walking. I sighed. Today was the day that Grandfather talked to a bunch of smelly old Japanese men about business. I didn't want to go home, not now anyway. I started walking toward the Roido Park. No one came here. To the citizens of Chiba, Japan, this park was an old run down piece of trash. Construction that was never finished, no bathrooms, no water fountains, and no playgrounds. But plenty of beautiful, inspiring trees for me to sit under.

I sat down next to the oldest Oak tree. There were signs of life, maturity, and death on it. Indentations of love, and silly games like Tic-Tack-Toe written on the bark of the tree. Rotten pieces of bark, and dead leaves that hung from the withering tree. One signature of love stood out. It said:

Z+S

Forever

I always wondered what that indentation meant. "Z" and "S" could've been great lovers, full of heartbreak and love, but no one will ever know, and will never feel what they felt. The disappointment of a disapproving family, and a forbidden love will never be uncovered. That was always a little unsettling for me.

I rested my head against the tree, and opened my green book bag. I pulled out my bright yellow diary and a pen. I flipped to the nearest page and started writing.

-----Life just doesn't make sense. Every human being should live for a purpose. Not to be humiliated every day at some unimportant High School were looks would get you father than brains. Everyone should be loved, and live for the hunger to be loved. Not the disappointing result of hate and sadness. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to when I was 5. When I had tons of friends and didn't know that when I grew up that I would be ignored and laughed about by hundreds of people. That even my own grandfather didn't approve of how I acted, my choice of activities, and even my personality.

I mean all things aren't terrible. I do have one friend. His name's Orochi. We were better friends last year, but then that stupid moment happened. I can't believe I actually did what I did. It was raining, and after spilling all my guts to him about stupid nothingness… I can't believe I was so stupid. But I mean, our friendship isn't totally ruined. It's kind of hard to see him with other girls, but it's not like I had feelings for him anyway. I probably go over to his house at least once a week. He's probably the only person that really listens to me and really understands me. But that doesn't mean I love him. Besides, that's want my grandfather wants, and I am in no mood to actually give that to him.

Someday I want to get out of here; I want to leave this place. Leave this place where nothing outside of how you look matters. Where love is equally given to people with emotional disabilities and people with beautiful face.

I wonder if such a place really exists………