22) Her heart is also alight

Erik should have known better than to assume that there would actually be sung in today´s lesson. He had entered the room and sat down on the sofa, just as Christine had asked him to. Then she had wanted to hear the entire story of Meg and him. So her had told her. Since he only had to repeat what he had said to Meg – although he had still believed her to be Christine at that time – it hadn´t been that difficult. He hadn´t even bothered to gloss over things. Judging from the way she had looked at him during her visit to his home Christine´s opinion of him couldn´t become worse anyway.

"So Meg and you slept with each other to find out whether you loved me or her. Was that really her suggestion?" was the first question Christine had after Erik had stopped speaking. He nodded. Seen in a sober light the idea sounded even stranger than when he had first heard it. "I was taken aback myself. It was puzzling that she came to me at all, and then this plan… But we both wanted it, really." The urge to defend himself was stronger now than with Mme.Giry. As much as he appreciated the ballet teacher´s loyal services his relationship to Christine was probably one of the most important things in his life. He took her hand and squeezed it slightly. "Do you believe me?"

"I don´t know.", she replied. Her attention was drawn to the fact that for the first time ever he had touched her. Was it supposed to merely add to his attempt to persuade her or was there another reason? "Erik, I don´t understand why you didn´t tell me about these… fantasies right away. Perhaps I could have-" "And how should I have done that in your opinion?", he interrupted her. "Should I have said at the end of a lesson: ´By the way, Christine, last night I pleasured myself imagining how it would be to make love to you, to have your hand wrapped around my-´?"

"Erik!" Christine´s cry told him that he had been a little too direct. Again. Why did women keep asking such questions when they couldn´t bear honest replies? "Well, you wanted to hear it." "I didn´t mean that.", she corrected him quietly. "It´s just… my hand…" His face turned scarlet under the mask as he looked down. Without noticing it he had brought her hand closer and closer to his lap till it had almost made contact with the fabric of his trousers. "I´m sorry.", he mumbled, letting go of her. To his immense surprise she was smiling. "Thank you for the illustration. That was very… graphic." She giggled.

Erik glanced at her as if she had gone crazy. "See? I´m not angry. If you had really talked to me like that, I´d have probably reacted similarly.", she told him. "You have the tendency to forget that I´m a normal girl, even though you call me ´angel´. After the day we had met face to face you must have known I had certain feelings for you. Do you really thing that I…" She gulped, struggling with herself whether she could say what she had in mind. "…that I´ve never daydreamed about you and me?"

She couldn´t mean it. It was impossible that she had fantasies like his, that she maybe even did things… He forbade himself to finish this thought. "Christine, you´ve only seen me twice.", he said, trying hard to sound like a teacher who showed his student a particularly obvious mistake. His voice, however, was so full of partly suppressed emotion that he could hardly get the words out. "So how can you…?" "But I´ve heard you so often.", she replied. "Do you have any idea what you do to me by merely saying my name?"

He shook his head. Of course he knew about the power of his voice. But he had never guessed it could have that effect on her. "Why haven´t you told me?", he asked. "You think it would have been any easier for me than for you?", she said seriously. "What should I have said? Something like: ´By the way, Erik, yesterday when Raoul kissed me I imagined it was your tongue in my mouth and… and your hands on my breasts.´?" For a moment Erik was stunned. Christine had thought about him while being with the Vicomte? The full meaning of her words, which he understood a second later, was less pleasant: The Vicomte had fingered her breasts?

It was this thought he voiced first, looking anywhere but at her chest. "You allowed him to touch you that intimately?" Startled by his harsh words she felt the need to defend himself. After all, it wasn´t as if she had particularly enjoyed it. Besides, he certainly wasn´t the right person to judge her. "I guess you didn´t touch Meg at all while sleeping with her.", she said cynically. "You probably just thrust your… your thing into her, not caring whether she was influenced by the sleeping pills. It didn´t matter to you at all if she liked it!"

"But she didn´t act strangely or anything like that, or I wouldn´t have done that, I swear.", he whispered. He accusations penetrated his skin like sharp little needles, adding to the doubts he had since he had first heard of the medicament. He knew his question about the Vicomte had gone too far, but he couldn´t help being hurt thinking that this boy, who seemed to be so insensitive, might have made love to Christine. What if he had not treated her well or forced her to do something she hadn´t been ready for?

As calmly as possible he waited for another outburst of Christine. Something told him she wasn´t finished, and indeed it happened, but not in the way he had imagined. The girl burst into tears. Awkwardly Erik put an arm around her shoulders. "I´m sorry for saying such a nonsense.", she sobbed. "You would have never done anything against her will. It´s just…" She looked up at him, her beautiful eyes shining with tears. "I´ve always dreamed of you being my first. I wouldn´t have let Raoul go any further; he simply wasn´t the right man for me. You are – now I know it. But it´s too late, isn´t it?" Her face was mere inches away from his. "Isn´t it?", she repeated.