Chapter 40

Mariemaia studied the frightened child in front of her. The little girl had
finally come out of her coma many hours of ago, but she had been so hysterical that
doctors had been forced to sedate her until she calmed down. The poor child had just
woken up again, and from the looks of it, she was still terrified.

Jaasalin looked back at the woman in front of her, mute with fright. Thousands of
questions raced through her head. Would they kill her? Would they torture her? Or,
worst of all, would they send her back to the lab?

Just when she was about to break into another fear-induced fit, Mariemaia spoke.
"Little one, could you please-"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't want to do it! I didn't want to do any of it!
Please don't hurt me! Please don't send me back to them!" Jaasalin shrieked. Before
Mariemaia could say anything, the child jumped up from the bed and ran to the door, only
to find that it was locked. Beating futilely on the door, she wailed, "Let me out! Let
me out! Please, someone, anyone! Help me!"

Mariemaia stood up quickly, then winced as her stomach lurched. Slowly making her way
over to Jaasalin, who was still wrestling with the door, she said gently, "I'm not going to
hurt you. No one here is. Please stay calm. All I want to do is ask some questions-"

"Questions...questions...THEY did that too. They did it, right before they took
me away. They asked questions, so many questions...then they...they..." Jaasalin muttered,
hunched over and shaking. "They...they..."

"What did they do?" Mariemaia asked in a voice she hoped was soothing. "Can you
tell me what they did?"

"They killed them! My family...my entire family! All of them...Mommy, Daddy,
even my grandparents, cousins, everyone! My brother! My...my dog! Then they burned
everything...my house, the cars...I know what they did. The newspapers called it an
'accident.' It was no accident! I READ what kind of garbage they put in it! Lies...all
of it! Lies!" she burst out before finally starting to sob. Continuing, she said
bitterly, "Then they took me...to their lab. They experimented on me...on other children.
Hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of them. Then they all started to die...one by one, they all
began to die. Finally, it was my turn...They strapped me into their disgusting machines...
made me do their filthy commands...PUNISHED me if I didn't...I can't take it! I can't I
can't I CAN'T!"

Mariemaia watched the crying child thoughtfully. "Experimented on?" she said to herself
quietly. That explained a lot. After all, how else could such a young child have such
a large vocabulary? Filthy certainly wasn't a word little girls used that oftenly, and
if she could already read newspapers...

"What kind of experimenting did they do on you?"

"They called it...'intelligence-enhancement,'" she choked out, still crying.
"Everyday, they put us through test after test; poured poisons into our brains. Some of
that killed them...I can hear their screams in my head. They died slowly...painfully..."

"And they did it because?"

"Because they needed someone to control their mobile doll units...but it was too
dangerous for them to sacrifice any of their soldiers. So they used us instead," Jaasalin
said bitterly. Sadly, she looked up at Mariemaia. "Do you...do you know how long we
lasted? A week, maybe a few days more. Then we either died or went insane. Made no
difference; they killed the insane ones anyway..."

Jaasalin sagged limply against the door, too tired to cry anymore. Closing her eyes, she
said, "And now...I don't know what will happen to me. Without the drugs, I don't know
what'll happen to me. I'll lose all the enhanced intellectual abilities; I'll go back to
being a normal child. What I don't know is if it'll kill me in the process...Oh!" she
said in surprise as Mariemaia suddenly gave her a hug.

"Don't worry," Mariemaia said gently. "We'll take care of you. We have some of
the world's best doctors on staff. They'll take care of you. You wouldn't mind going back
to being a normal child, would you?"

Jaasalin shook her head fiercely. Burrowing her face into Mariemaia's shoulder, she said
in a muffled voice, "I WANT to be normal again! I hate being such a freak! Normal
children...they don't have to be in wars. They don't have to fight. They don't have to
watch their families get killed; watch the ones around them die...More than anything, I
just want to be normal again..."

"What's your name, little one? How old are you?"

"My name's Jaasalin. I'm five years old."

"Well Jaasalin, my name's Mariemaia. You can call me Marie, if you would like.
Don't you ever worry about being sent back again. We'll take care of you. I promise you
that."

Jaasalin's eyes filled with tears again. "Thank you...Miss Marie." Smiling a little,
she said, "You know, Mommy had red hair too. But she didn't have blue eyes. They were
green. But Daddy did...and so did my brother. I miss them..." she whimpered.

"Shh shh. You're safe now," Mariemaia soothed, rocking her back and forth, wishing
that there were something that she could do to comfort her...wishing that she could have
been holding her own lost child at the moment...

later...

"Thomas! Hey! Thomas!" Geoffry called, running down hall. "Thomas geez...THOMAS!"
he finally shouted, catching up to his friend. "Haven't you heard me?! What's wrong with
you today?" Geoffry said in a frustrated voice.

Thomas' glazed eyes cleared. "Huh? What? Were you saying something? OW!" he
finished furiously as Geoffry smacked him on the head. "What's your problem?!" he
demanded angrily.

Geoffry glared back just as angrily. "What's my problem?! Didn't you just hear the
announcement?! Neo-Rommefeller's pissed! They're launching an attack on L1 colonies! We
need to go, and we need to go now! Lady Une's furious that you missed the briefing, to
say nothing of your parents! And-"

"I'm scared. I don't want you to go," Thomas blurted out suddenly, then frowned.
"Huh? Did I just say something?"

Geoffry stared at him. "Thomas..." he said slowly, "is there something wrong with you?"

"Well, I've been feeling weird all day. Like...I'm not me. Like I'm someone
else...but that's not quite right either. I don't know how to explain it-"

"THOMAS!" Jerry roared, storming down the hallway. Stopping in front of his
younger brother, he snarled, "Where...the...hell...WERE...YOU?!?!"

"I...I...I don't know," he muttered, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. "I can't
really remember much...I'm sorry I made you forget about the meeting. What?!"

Both Jerry and Geoffry stared at him. "This isn't the time to joke Thomas!" Jerry said
angrily. Turning around angrily, he growled, "You have seven minutes to get your ass in
gear," before stomping back down the hall.

Thomas slumped against the wall, head in his hands. "What have I done?" he murmured
tiredly.

a little while later...

"You know Maxwell, I'd usually expect your brother to pull such a stupid stunt
like missing a meeting, but I have to admit, I'm pretty surprised at you right now," Wuten
called over snidely over the intercom. Ignoring Thomas' silence, he continued, "Bad
enough that you missed the meeting, but to completely miss the announcement blasted
throughout the compound? 'Thomas Maxwell, please come to the briefing now. Paging
Thomas Maxwell!'" he mimicked.

"Look, 'Chang,'" Thomas shot back, "I KNOW I screwed up, all right? Heck-"

"You did more than 'screw up,'" Wuten retorted. Returning his focus to patrolling
the area, he muttered, "I just hope you know what you're doing."

"Yeah yeah. I don't need you to rub it in, okay?"

"For the record, you DO know your assignment, right?"

"Of course I do! I...I..." Thomas stuttered, clutching his head. "I knew it! Why
can't I remember it?!"

Wuten couldn't take it anymore. "MAXWELL!" he exploded. "What the FUCK is your
problem?! Here we are, fighting in a war that determines the fate of the entire known
world, and here you are, in the most powerful mobile suit ever created, and you can't
remember something as simple as your DAMN FUCKING JOB?!?!"

"What's going on over there?" Giselle's voice came over. Ever since Rayan had
come back, she had thrown herself at the war and everything in it. She had visited him in
the infirmary a few times, and was overheard to have said that she would fight her
hardest if that was what it would take to bring Rayan's sanity back. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh yes! Fine except that Maxwell here has forgotten what to do!"

Silence. Then, "Wuten, you're joking, right?"

"What was it that you said, dear Younger Cousin? Oh, that I couldn't joke if my
life depended on it? Well, there you go!"

"Look Giselle, I swear I know what I'm supposed to do! It's just...like someone's
blocking my memory or something..." he trailed off helplessly, then slammed his fist
into the console when the intercom crackled to life once again, only this time it was his
father. "Dad?"

"Thomas. Get back down here. Now," Duo said coldly.

"But Dad! My mission-"

"We'll send Mariko."

"But she doesn't know what to do!"

"Well, it won't make a difference now will it?!" Duo shouted into the intercom,
barely keeping his temper in check. "If you know what's good for you, you'll come back
now!" he growled before angrily cutting the connection.

"FUCK!" Thomas snarled angrily up in space before ashamedly heading back for Earth.

back on Earth...

Thomas opened Wing Zero's hatch and slowly came out. Expecting to see a crowd of angry
adults, he was surprised when all he saw was Duo. Slowly raising his hands, he said,
"Dad, I swear, I don't know what's going on with me-"

"Don't give me that crap."

Thomas winced at his father's sharp tone. Taking a deep breath, he tried again. "Look,
I really don't-"

Thoams was cut off abruptly once again, but this time by Duo's fist. Falling heavily to
the ground, he looked up at his father in shock.

Duo, breathing heavily, growled slowly, "Have I...not TAUGHT you ANYTHING?!"

"I...I..."

"You don't lie to me! That's what I've taught you, isn't it?! You...don't...
ever...fucking LIE to me!" he shouted, fists clenched.

"I'M NOT LYING!"

"AND DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE OF VOICE WITH ME, THOMAS MAXWELL!" Duo shouted back
just as angrily. "I've heard what you said, 'Oh, I don't know what's wrong with me! Oh,
I've just been preoccupied all day. Oh, I swear I have amnesia!' What kind of bull shit
is that?!"

"It's the goddamn fucking truth Dad! Whether or not you believe me, it's true!"
Thomas said desperately. "I DON'T know what's wrong with me! I have NO IDEA!"

The veins began to bulge in Duo's forehead. Stepping slowly towards his son, he said, "So
you want to be smart with me now, is it? So you want-"

"Duo!" Quatre shouted, running in. Duo turned around and said in a strained voice.
"Quatre. I have everything under control. Please, leave."

"Duo, I don't think Thomas is lying," Quatre said quietly in a disturbed voice.
Duo stared at him. "What do you mean?"

Quatre shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "I don't know, but I've been sensing some very
strong thoughts recently. It's almost as if two people were constantly thinking the same
way, and doing the same things. I finally figured out that it was coming from Thomas."

"Thomas? Look, Quatre, I know about you being an empath. I know about Rayan being
an empath. But Thomas? How could that work?"

"That's the thing. I don't know. I don't know how it could possibly work. But
I know two things: The first is, Thomas isn't lying to you. I can guarantee it. I'm no
psychic, but feelings of betrayal, hurt, and anger can't be counterfeited. His feelings
are genuine. The second is that I can feel many of his other thoughts, thoughts that I
wouldn't be able to normally feel in a person. But I just don't get how-"

"Oh my God..." Thomas whispered, slowly sitting up. Staring ahead of him in shock,
he choked out, "It...it's true. But why...why wasn't I told? Dammit, why the hell wasn't
I told?!" he shouted, leaping to his feet and racing down the hall.

"Thomas! Come back!" Duo shouted, but Thomas was long gone.

a few minutes later...

Thomas ran furiously down the hall, the blood pounding in his veins. Racing past confused
looking Preventers as well as some of his other friends, he weaved in and out of hallways,
not sure of exactly where he was going, but just knowing that he would end up where he had
to.

Finally, he reached a door and flung it open. Storming in, he shouted accusingly at the
only other person in the room, "YOU!"

Clare stared down at her hands silently, not knowing what to say. She had known he was
coming, of course. His feelings were certainly projected obviously enough, but now that
he was here, she didn't know what to say.

Thomas noted her discomfort, but at this point, he no longer cared. Stomping across the
room, he stopped about ten feet in front of her. "You...you BITCH! Do you have any idea
how much trouble you've caused me?! I don't know what the fucking hell it is that you are,
brainwashing me and whatnot, but dammit, you're just a fucking whore, you know that?! A
fucking WHORE!"

Clare still didn't say anything, although tears began to well up in her eyes. Thomas
continued, "Yeah, cry all you want, bitch! Cry all the hell you want! I want you OUT of
my head, you got it?! Out! I don't want ANYTHING to do with you anymore! Not a thing!
Got it? Hey! Hey, I'm talking to you! HEY!" he said furiously, closing the last bit of
distance between them. Grabbing her by the shoulders, he began to shake her. "Do you
hear me?! Are you deaf?! I said..." and he trailed off when he heard the sound of
something hit the ground. Slowly looking down, he saw that it was a blood-stained knife.
Thomas stared at it dumbly, then quickly turned his gaze back to Clare. Yanking up her
arms, he could only stare with shock at the blood that was running down from her wrists
and to the floor. "Clare..."

Clare smiled savagely, swaying a little. "You...you want me out of your head? Fine..."
she whispered, feeling darkness creeping over her. Slowly sinking to the blood-stained
floor, she murmured, "Fine, I'll leave your head. I'll leave it...permanently..." she
said slowly, her eyes closing as she hit the floor.

Thomas stared at Clare's body. "Clare?" he whispered. "Clare-chan? Clare...Clare! This
isn't funny! Clare, come on, wake up! Wake up!" he cried, kneeling down and shaking her.
"CLARE!" he screamed, and the feeling that he had felt in his mind all day, the feeling of
someone else living with him, breathing with him, slowly evaporated.