Jake

The morning I was dreading. Friday morning and the morning of Tom's funeral. I got up and thought I'd try one more time. You're probably thinking, try what? Well I'll tell you. Yesterday I got in a fight. My hand was pretty bruised and cut up, so obviously I decided I should morph so I'd be all perfect and nobody would wonder why I was all cut up. I hid in an alley after I said goodbye to Allison and concentrated on my peregrine falcon morph and looked down at my body, expecting to see feathers sprouting out of me. But what did I see? Nothing. So I tried again and again, but still nothing. Thinking that it was probably nothing, I went home and was about to try again when Marco and Rachel showed up. So I had no time, with trying to organize my penguin suit for the funeral. But this morning, before I did anything else, I was going to morph before my parents caught a sight of my hands. I concentrated on falcon morph…nothing happened. Now I was starting to worry. How could I have suddenly stopped morphing? Maybe it was the peregrine falcon morph that didn't work. So I tried to morph tiger. I concentrated, but I didn't feel the sudden surge of adrenaline I'd usually feel when morphing tiger, and when I glanced at the mirror, a confused kid stared back at me.

"Hey," I turned around. Rachel was standing in the doorway. I had completely forgotten her and her parents were coming over before the funeral. "You have to get ready."

"Oh, yeah," I said, feeling embarrassed. I was standing in my boxers while my cousin stared at me, smiling. "Have you come to have a laugh?"

"Yep," she said. "Hey, haven't you morphed yet?" she asked, looking at my hand.

"Oh, I'll morph later."

"What did you tell your mum yesterday?" she asked.

"I didn't," I answered. "I hid my hand in my pocket for the whole time."

I walked over to my dresser and pulled out my suit.

"Well, get a move on," Rachel said. "Your mum's freaking out down there."

"Alright," I said as she left, still worrying about my inability to morph and wondering if I should have told Rachel.

When we got to the service, there was already a huge throng of people. I caught sight of Marco and his dad, Cassie with Tobias and Ax, along with several people from school and Tom's friends.

The service took place and I sat next to my mum and dad at the front. My mum was sobbing in her seat, while my dad watched Tom's empty coffin with watery eyes. I just sat there, in between them, expressionless as the priest talked about how Tom was such a great boy and how he had the best going for him before his life was cruelly taken away from him.

I thought about that and the more I thought about it, the more I came to realise the priest had no idea what he was yabbering on about. He didn't know Tom. How could he have known Tom? I didn't even know Tom by the end. The priest had probably said that about a million guys before he got to Tom. So for the rest of the service I blocked him out and tried to think of happy things. It didn't work. Instead I thought about reasons why I suddenly couldn't morph. Nothing made sense. And then another thought came into my head. Was it true what John had said about me? Was my morals mixed up? Was I using my fighting ability for the wrong reason? I mean I could have devoted my time saving Tom and not saving the rest of the world. Was I hanging around with the wrong people? No. What I was doing was the right thing. It wasn't my fault if I Tom died. That's what I kept telling myself, but somehow I didn't believe myself.

Marco and his dad were a few rows behind me and my family, Rachel and her family were sitting in the row behind me and I had no idea where Ax, Tobias and Cassie were. I was actually surprised Cassie showed up at all. Cassie and I had become more distant than ever. I didn't know why exactly, all I knew was I felt as if she didn't care anymore. Maybe because, lately, I haven't been acting like myself or maybe because I seemed evasive, but something was definitely wrong between us.

When the service ended and four men, including my dad and Rachel's dad, carried the empty coffin out of the church, everyone hung back for a talk about how great Tom was. Rachel's mum went straight over to my mum to try and comfort her when she completely broke down. It just made me hate the Yeerks even more knowing they were doing this to her. Marco's dad went over to speak to my dad and when they had finished, my mum and dad were reunited when Vice-Principal Chapman came up to talk with us.

"I am very sorry for your loss," he said, solemnly to us. "He was a great student and a great person. He truly was."

I felt like spitting on him.

"Jake, I assume you'll be at school on Monday?" he said looking at me.

"Yep," I said, showing to emotion.

"I would like to see you in my office," he said. "Maybe we can arrange for some counselling."

"No thanks,' I said, feeling like it was another elaborate scheme to force me to become a host. "I'm fine."

"Even so," he said, staring me straight in the eyes. "I want to see you in my office. I want to give you something for your loss."

I stared at him. I wanted to morph to tiger and rip out his throat, but I couldn't morph.

"He'll be there," my mum said, interrupting my murderous thoughts. "Won't you, Jake?"

"Yeah, sure mum," I said, trying not to make my mum cry again.

"Alright," Chapman said. "I'll see you first thing Monday morning."

He shook hands with my parents and walked away to a waiting car. After that, it was just teary friends and family. It was nauseating. But the strange thing was, I felt the same way as all those teary people, even more, but it was like I had a mask stuck to my face. I couldn't show any emotion. Was it because I was cold? Or was I ashamed?

Everyone left soon after that. Marco and Rachel stayed the longest. They whispered something about seeing me later. I had no idea what they were talking about until Rachel reminded almost forcefully that there was a meeting at the Ax's scoop. Cassie, Tobias and Ax had already left without a word to me and we left soon after Rachel and Marco.

"Hey, do you mind if I go somewhere?" I asked my parents as we pulled up to our house.

"Don't you think you should stay home, tonight?" my mum said, still sobbing.

"I just don't feel like staying home today," I lied, disgusted in myself. "I just feel like air. To clear my head."

"Alright," my dad said. "Make it quick."

I got out of the car and quickly ran into the house and tried to morph again, with no luck. Giving up I changed from my suit to a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I walked out of the house and started walking up the road towards Cassie's barn and the woods. I knew everybody would probably be there already; they would, after all morph and be there quicker.

As I fought my way through the woods, gaining more cuts and bruises, I wondered if I should tell my friends. If it was absolutely necessary, I thought. As I got closer to Ax's scoop I could hear voices. I walked through and as I thought, everyone was there and everyone had morphed to get there. Tobias, of course didn't have to morph, but only to stay in his natural form. Ax was there in his natural form, Andalite and the others had all their morphing outfits on.

"Okay, let's get on with it," I said, trying to ignore the stares.

"Why didn't you just morph to get here?" Marco asked, suspiciously.

"Wanted to walk," I said dismissively.

"Look at your hands," Rachel said. "You still haven't morphed to cure those? And now you have all those other cuts on your face and hands."

"Look," I said, trying desperately to turn the subject over before they would find out I couldn't morph. "It's no big deal. Now, what are we here for again?"

((To reinstate the Animorphs?)) Tobias suggested.

"Oh, yeah," I sighed. "Let's take a vote."