Jake

Monday. The weekend had gone by so fast. I hadn't spoken to any of my friends since our meeting in the woods. The Ellimist hadn't bothered me as yet and Crayak stopped haunting my dreams just so I could have more terrifying images about killing my cousin. I had spent most of my hours at home lounging in front of the TV. My eating had picked up and I tried to block everything else out that didn't have a square screen around it. But one thing I couldn't block out was what the Ellimist had said: there's another cause. Another cause to fight. But what cause was there? The only cause I could think about was to avenge Tom's death. What else was there?

"If you have any problems ring me up and I'll pick you up, alright," my mum looked earnestly at me.

My mum had offered to take me to school and I accepted, not wanting to sit on the bus and have kids staring at me awkwardly.

Mum had parked right outside the school and I could already see kids who were walking past staring at me.

"Yeah, alright," I said, getting out of the car.

"Have a nice day, honey," she shouted after me.

"Bye."

I walked in, very much aware that people were whispering and staring at me. I was probably paranoid, but they were all looking at me.

I saw somebody point to me and knew I wasn't being paranoid. I was just about to turn around when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around and found myself staring straight at our Vice-principal. Chapman.

"Jake, I thought you might have forgotten," he said, smiling. "To go to my office."

"Oh, yeah," I said, trying very hard not to look at his forehead.

"Let's go then."

He turned back around and walked away, I followed him. People were still looking at me. I heard a conversation between two girls.

"…sorry for him," one girl said.

"What was his brother's name? Tim?"

"Tom," the first girl corrected.

"What are you stalking Jake now?"

"He is cute."

"Here he comes, shush."

The two girls stared at me as I walked past. Chapman walked into his office and I followed. He closed the door behind me and asked me to sit.

I sat down on the edge of my seat and waited for him to sit down. He looked at me intently and I felt like he was examining my brain.

"So, Jake," he said, finally. "How have you been?" He put on a concerned face that didn't fool me for a minute.

"I'm okay," I said.

"Really?" he said. "You know I am a big member of the Sharing and we are there for people who have lost family members and since Tom was one of our members, we know how much you must be hurting."

I wanted to scream, you did this to Tom! But instead I smiled.

"No thankyou," I said, politely. "I'm not into groups."

"You should at least consider it," he said, almost desperately.

"I'll consider it," I lied, just trying to keep him quiet.

"Good," he sighed, like he had won me over. "I would just like to personally give you this." He pulled one of his drawers open and took out a package. He handed it to me and I looked at it. It was a Discman. He had given me a Discman.

"I don't want this," I said, trying to hand it back to him. But he had this strange smile on his face.

"It is a condolences present," he said, pushing it back.

"Thanks," I said standing up. "I'd better go then. The bells going to go."

'Alright," he said, standing up. "Please close the door on your way out."

I opened the door and strode out, closing the door behind me. The bell hadn't gone yet, so people were still hurrying around. Most of them kept staring at me, intently. I had enough. I started to walk up the hallway. I was in such a rush that I didn't even notice when I passed my friends.

I had reached my goal. The boy's bathroom. I hurried in and checked nobody was inside. I then walked back to the door and was about to lock it when Marco came rushing in.

"Hey, Jake," he said. "Fancy meeting you here."

I ignored him and continued to lock the door before anyone else had a chance to enter.

"Hey, what's that?" Marco said, trying to grab the Discman from me, but I swerved away and started to take it out of the box.

"You going to talk or do I have to guess everything you're doing?" Marco said, impatiently.

"This is what Chapman gave to me," I said, hollowly, taking the Discman from its bubble wrap wrapping.

"Pretty expensive earning for a Yeerk," Marco commented. "Visser Three must be overpaying."

"Shut up," I said. I had taken the Discman completely from its wrapping and was looking at it intently.

I turned to the nearest wall and for the second time in two weeks I threw an expensive item against a wall where it crushed.

"What is wrong with you?" Marco exclaimed. "Do you know how much those things cost? If you didn't want it I would have taken it."
I ignored him still and went over to the broken Discman. It had split in two. I opened it up in the middle where the wiring was and what I saw made me want to chuck back up what I had eaten over the weekend. A slimy Yeerk was slithering away inside it.

I walked over to the nearest toilet and let the Yeerk drop in the toilet bowl. I had one glimpse of it slide to the bottom before I pushed the flush button. I chucked the broken Discman in my bag.

"Good call, man," Marco said as I came out of the cubicle. "You would have been done for."

"Thanks," I said, going over to the sink. I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. I don't know how I looked to everyone else, but when I looked at myself I was shocked. I just looked so tired and weary. Like I had aged so dramatically.

"Hey man," Marco said, coming up behind me. "You alright? You don't look too good."

"What?" I said, distractedly, running my hand through my hair. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Marco just looked at me sceptically.

"I think I'm going insane, Marco," I said, finally giving in. "I just think I'm losing my mind."

I slid down against the wall, next to the remains of the broken Discman. When I looked up at him, I could see the pity. It just made me want to cry, because I knew now how the rest of them saw me. They didn't see me the way the Yeerks saw me. Hard, ruthless, merciless. My friends knew I had my limits. They knew I had taken a lot since I became leader, that I had suffered the most. They didn't buy into the whole fearless leader act. And they knew that this one fight against myself, the death of Tom, the choice of life and death was my breaking point. They knew me so well, that I was scared to be around them, because that would be the one time that I might have to show all the pain that I've been keeping inside me.

"You're not losing your mind," Marco said. "You're just having a hard time."

"Yeah," I said, trying to have some humour and failing terribly. "I'm probably overreacting."

I tried to get up, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I fell back down, tears running down my face. I didn't even know they had started. One minute my face was dry the next I couldn't control them.

"It's alright, buddy," Marco said, putting a hand around my shoulder, as I dug my face into my hands. "It's alright."

I wanted to scream, to yell, to shout, to do anything that would control the pain.

As if from far away I heard the bell go and the pounding of many feet as people rushed to their classrooms.

"I…I can't do this any…anymore, Marco," I sobbed into my hands, thanking God silently that the bathroom door was locked. "I can't choose your future."

"Hey, I'm cool with not fighting," he said, squeezing my shoulder encouragingly. "It'll be alright. First we'll figure out how to get your morphing ability back, then we'll sort through this problem."

"Why is life so unfair to me?" I asked, grabbing my hair painfully.

"It's alright, buddy," Marco said, softly, sitting down next to me. "We'll get you through this. You're our fearless leader remember?"

I gave a small laugh. "Yeah, very fearless now aren't I?"

"Even heroes have their off days," Marco shrugged. "This is yours. Everyone saw it coming."

"That's comforting," I said, wiping away the last tears. "So now you can all shove this in my face if I yell at you for something or other."

"If you get another chance at yelling at us," Marco sighed. "You know as much as I hate to admit it, we're Earth's only hope. We can't do this without you."

"I can't do it anymore, Marco," I said, desperately. "There's too much pressure. And I can't morph and I still have to choose. Life just doesn't get any easier."

"Just calm down, alright?" he said, getting up off the floor and wiping himself off. "Relax, man, and your morphing power will come back."

"Yeah," I said, standing up and turning to the mirror. I looked terrible. I looked more worn out then I did before. I rubbed my eyes, but that just created more red. "Just relax, like that's not hard. Now I've got Chapman on my tail to infest me."

Marco groaned. "We've got Maths now," he said. "Rachel's in our class this period. Cassie's in English. I had to practically restrain her from coming in after you."

"Yeah?" I asked turning around. Maybe this was a sign that we could still be together.

Marco smiled. "Yeah, a bit romantic don't you think?" he laughed. "You and her in the bathroom together. Smoochy-smoochy."

"Shut up," I said, chucking my bag at him. He caught it and threw it back at me.

"Hey, keep your own junk," he said, walking towards the door. "Do you want me to wait for you or do you want me to go on?"

"You can go on," I said. "I'll be a minute."

"Alright," he unlocked the door and before he walked out I grabbed his arm.

"Hey thanks man," I said.

"No problems."