Chapter two: Danger Ahead

It rained. Angel sat on the cold windowsill allowing the cool freeze to caress her face as she watched the rain fall down on to the wet, black road. Everything outside matched perfectly with her blue state of mind. She felt not only depressed but also damn scared.

Oh God, she thought while looking at her own reflection on the windows surface; dark brown, almost black short hair and big brown eyes staring right back at her without even blinking. Like a zombie staring at you from empty darkness. Yeah, that's me alright. She looked exactly the same as always but inside she felt that everything had changed, turned up side down - collapsed.

She pressed her head, like she usually did, against the cold glass to get her mind to cool off; but it didn't help this time. This had always been her own way to relax and get away from it all, and most of the time it worked, but now the sound of falling rain only got her thinking about everything that had been going on recently. And that was definitely one of those things she didn't want to be thinking of.

The fact that she had no idea of what was going on with her at the moment was driving her insane. Why did she feel so depressed? Why did she feel that something was really, really wrong? Was she imagining things again? Why should she even care whether something was wrong or not?

How the hell did I end up at this point?

She was an X5 for heaven's sake! What the hell was she doing there then, playing home? Home with an ordinary human that had no idea what was really going on? She didn't want to play that stupid game anymore, not with him anyway. Why? She was too tired of pretending that she was someone else, and something else than what she really was. Too damn exhausted. Piece by piece it made her forget who she really was and… what she really was. Shit.

At first it had been a great opportunity for a young X5 to show off her skills and just to see the world outside the Manticore… but now - Angel sighed sadly. Now she didn't know how she could keep doing all that anymore. Making him believe that she felt differently than she really did... Or did she? Lately that question had played a major part in her life.

Goddamnit, she cursed silently. What the fuck am I gonna do? Strangely, a part of her didn't care anymore about the job she knew had to be done. But even a bigger, scarier part of her was sure she could still do it - she had to do it. That part wanted it all to be over quickly, and that was the part of her she had to be listening to. Just had to. Angel wanted, no she actually needed to get back to Headquarters as soon as possible or – or she'd totally lose it. But then again, she'd lose everything else if she went back.

The future could've definitely seemed brighter.

Yeah, great. Absolutely fucking great... What was she supposed to do in a situation like that, huh? Manticore hadn't really taught her how to deal with these kind of emotions… or emotions in general if that mattered. In Manticore there was no place for humanly weakness such as feelings. In there, everything was so much more simple; everyone knew what to do, when to do and just how to do it. And at the moment, that was the way she wanted it to be.

Simple.

Being an X5 was easier than being a wife. In Manticore they had strict regulations and she followed them without questioning, just like a good soldier was supposed to do. They knew where they belonged, to whom they belonged and it made it so much easier to handle. How did normal humans deal with all that emotional shit life in general kept pouring on them? Angel didn't know. She had to give credit for those pathetic little creatures for that one though. What they lacked in skills, they made up in willpower.

Frustrated, almost sad sigh burst out of her mouth again. So what if I'm not good with feelings? Feelings or no feelings, she was going to complete the given assignment one way or another! In the end, accomplishing it was what mattered the most. She had come so far already; to the point where there was no turning back.

"God damn", Angel cursed again, only this time out loud. Gods, she had even crossed the line by having a child with her "target." Didn't that prove that she was able to finish it up? Of course it had been Manticore who had ordered her to do so, but in the end, it was her who had taken the necessary step and got herself pregnant. It hadn't happened by praying God.

What was so special about Ben Moreau anyway? Why had they ordered her to spy on a young man who seemed no more important than their very own postman? She didn't have a clue, but as she very well knew, it wasn't her job to ask questions. So, she didn't ask any.

Angel had tried so hard to think of the whole thing as it was; her assignment, her job, her duty, but the as time slowly went by, she had started to forget it. After all, it was hard to think like a soldier when she was trying to live a normal life like a normal human being at the same time. Normal, humanly situations, conversations and feelings 24/7… it had to take its toll.

Behind closed eyelids, she could more than easily see her baby boy's figure in front of her and a little smile reached her lips. The normal life, a baby and the fact that she had some sort of "family" to support her were like a dream come true. It wasn't just a chance to taste the different kind of life, but a breathing space between her and Manticore, too. The problem was that now that space had literally become the air she was breathing. At first she had been so sure about her abilities to conclude the job but lately doubts saying otherwise had crawled into her mind uninvited.

Fuck it. Who was she kidding? She couldn't do it anymore. Failing had suddenly become an option. And just then she realized that it had been the thing bothering her for so many weeks... I failed.

"Hey", someone said softly from behind her. She was startled by the interruption for she hadn't paid attention to her surroundings. Seemed that letting her guard down was her bad habit. Angel pulled her forehead away from the window but didn't turn around. Instead she only stared at the reflection of Ben on its surface.

"Hey", she answered with a soft, sad tone of voice after gathering herself up and turned her head t0 see him better. Immediately her eyes met comforting eyes and suddenly Angel didn't know what to say. Ben rested against the doorframe arms crossed, one leg in front of the other. "So what are you thinking here in the dark, all alone?" He asked tilting his head to one side, smiling. Not getting up and throwing herself into his arms was probably one of the most difficult things she had ever faced. Even giving up on smoking hadn't been that painful. Being super-soldier didn't cover up for everything unlike one could've assumed.

"Nothing much." She sounded calm, but there was a storm tearing her insides apart.

"Really? You looked like you were thousands of miles away from this place I like to call Earth."

Exactly so. Angel tried to smile. "Well, maybe I was lost in my thoughts for a second there. Ya know me, always thinking, always worrying", she replied and only now the smile met her lips. Ben gave a short laugh shaking his head a little. "Yeah, I know ya, baby. Just don't worry too much, okay? Nothin' bad is gonna happen to us, you just gotta believe that", he said as he took a step closer. Slowly he walked to her putting his hand onto her shoulder and squeezed it gently. Angel responded to the touch by lifting her own hand on his breathing in his scent with closed eyes.

If only could she have warned him… tell him what would most likely happen… "You can't be sure 'bout that, Ben", she said sounding like she'd known exactly what she was talking about even though it was exactly the opposite. The only thing she really knew for sure was that her; their normal life wasn't going to last forever. "Something always happens. Haven't ya learnt that already?"

"You know there's no point in worrying 'bout the future when it'll only fuck things up. It's gonna come anyway. All you need to focus on is the present."

"Ya mean like who wants to live today if he knows that he is gonna die tomorrow?" She questioned. To her that kind of logic was completely faulty.

"Yeah, exactly. What is meant to happen, happens Angel. So why worry?"

Why the hell not? Foretelling your future had some good sides too, at least as far as she could tell. "You could prevent something from happening if you knew it's about to happen, right?"

He frowned, confused. "Okay, that's it... What the hell is with ya, baby? You do know that you don't sound like yourself, Angel. The way ya talk – are ya alright?"

"Always." She looked down only to hide the tears.

Yeah right - Ben wasn't too sure about that. Angel was such a fascinating little creature… He couldn't take his eyes off her now – not now that she looked so beautiful, so fragile; like a little thunderstorm could've easily broken her down. And still she tried. Tried to be strong to get it done with. She always tried to hide her weaknesses from him but he knew better. Truth be told, there was nothing he wouldn't have done to protect her from the pain she was feeling right now, but there were some things even he couldn't do. And now, even the thought of what he had to do next was killing him inside. Slowly eating him.

But the job was almost done. It was halfway done now and she - she had failed. Ben didn't want to hurt her, but it was the only thing he could do to save her life; not to mention his own. Not that he really cared that much about what was going to happen to him.

Sometimes ya have to lose something to gain something, right buddy? It was the only consolation he allowed himself to believe in. It had to be that way, had to. He couldn't live with the thought of everything he had done being in vain… everything she had been forced to do.

"Are ya ever gonna tell me? You've been acting weird for weeks, and I've been trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with ya. So tell me, what's wrong?" He asked getting back from his thoughts… Why had he asked her to tell what was wrong, when he knew more than well what it was. She probably didn't know it yet, but she felt the danger too.

"It's just", she started tightening her grip of his hand, "ya know, I'm just – I mean having a baby and all – mothers are always depressed after labor. I think."

It was a good try, he had to give her that. So good in fact, that it brought a vague smile on his lips. "You think, huh? Fine, I guess I have no other choice but to take your word on that, Angel. So I think I can live with that but please, do this one thing for me."

She glanced up suspiciously. "What is it?"

"Go to bed already." Affectionately he petted her hair before wiping a lock of hair off her forehead. "You're gonna catch a cold in here", Ben continued grabbing her shoulders with both hands, lifted her up from the window seat to her feet and pulled her against him, running his hand through her almost black hair. She looked up into his deep green eyes trying to smile but it was more like a grimace than a smile.

Gods, those eyes sure had a strange effect on her; every single reasonable thought her brain had been tossing around, disappeared from her head when ever she saw his eyes.

They said being in love was the greatest feeling on earth. Somehow she disagreed… So far it had brought nothing but a great deal of pain and that was it. Whenever there was a reason to celebrate… something took it away from them. Angel pressed her cheek against his chest only to hide herself from his eyes. To keep her from drowning into them… Damn, that kind of behavior had to stop!

Angel felt Ben's arms wrapping around her body pulling her into a real hug. The only thing he wanted was to show her he wasn't going anywhere. In a way of course, that was a big fat lie, but he didn't care. If the lies were able to erase the pain for awhile it was well worth it. What she don't know can't hurt her, right? It was a good philosophy to live by; definitely better than his old ones. If she'd known his part of the play – it would have destroyed her for good… and before that, she'd destroy him for good. Getting killed by her didn't sound that tempting, especially when he knew all the different ways she had been taught to take a life.

Suddenly Angel pulled away from Ben and looked straight into his eyes. "Let's go to a walk."

Let's what? Ben raised his eyebrow with a question in his eyes. "It's raining", he stated carefully. Angel shrugged her shoulders indifferently and dropped her arms down to her sides. "So what? I'm not made of sugar. Are you? It's not like we're gonna leave Mike alone if that's what's bothering you. Of course not! We'll call Val."

No it wasn't that. He just didn't want to leave their house's comfy safety knowing it could be the last time he got to experience it. "It's kinda late."

Sure it was, but she wasn't going to give up. "Come on, I'm sure that she can look after him for a couple of hours. Come on, whad-da-ya say?" Usually the puppy-eyed-look worked wonders…

"Well…"

Oh there it was. It still worked, huh? "Ben please, I really want to get out of here. I need this, baby. I really need this."

Really, she wasn't lying. She didn't care if it rained; she wouldn't have cared if it had madly stormed outside, she just needed to get out. Needed to go some place, any place. She really needed it. It was like all the walls were closing in on her… crashing down on to her neck with deadly force. No matter how strong she physically was, the tricks her mind kept performing were the ones she couldn't handle.

Examining look brushed over her. "Yeah, maybe ya do. I mean you really look like ya could use a little break."

Angel straightened his coat's collar with amused smile on her lips. He always had a way to break the tension, didn't he? "You really know what to say to a lady, don't ya?"

"Yeah, what can I say?" She both saw and felt him shrug, "I've always been good with females."

"Yeah, they probably keep throwing themselves against ya", she gave a laugh. One that wasn't faked.

"Yeah, it's a serious problem – I know", he said with a sigh. It always felt good to make Angel smile like that. "Anyway", he continued taking his cell phone out of his pocket. "I'll ask if she can baby-sit him for the night and you go make yourself ready."

Sounded good to Angel. "Fine by me", she said and gave him a quick kiss on the lips before exiting the room. If only had she known how to manipulate life like that, too.