Chapter three: About to get heavy
For the longest time Angel just stared the mirror without really seeing anything. Minute after minute she stood there, in the middle of their small bathroom, leaning against the sink with both her hands trying to gather up all the broken pieces of her thoughts without success.
You can do this, Angel, she kept repeating the thought in her mind, but no matter how many times she said it, she didn't believe it… But still, she had always been good at lying, especially when it came to lying to herself. It was more than easy actually.
You can do this cause ya have to do this. There's no other way, no other choice, ya know it. I can complete the mission. I can do this.
She tried to think of something other than her life back at Manticore, but it was hard with all those memories racing through her head. When had everything gotten so complicated? For the first time in her life, Angel wasn't so sure about what was waiting her back there. A couple days ago she had suddenly began to realise how unhappy she had been in Manticore, without a life of her own and now there was no way out. It didn't really matter what she did, she'd still end up into the same position she'd already been in. Back to her little cell.
The crying had stopped; Angel realised it as she heard Ben's foot steps coming closer. "Are you OK?" She heard the question but was unable to bring herself to answer right away. "What's keeping you so long?" Ben knocked the door impatiently, making her glance over her shoulder to look at it. He was more than worried about her, she had been in there over twenty minutes and not even a sound had reached his ears. She hadn't gotten a seizure, had she? No, he abandoned the thought instantly. If that had been the case, he definitely would've had heard something.
Is she beginning to suspect something?
"Did Val come already?" The question snapped him back to reality. What? Oh, right. "Just came", Ben replied sighing, while trying to sound as normal as he could… It never ceased to amaze him how easy it in the end was to lie to someone you loved. "Look, honey, if we're gonna go somewhere, now would be the time. It stopped raining for a moment. So you coming or not?"
"Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming", Angel finally answered and slowly opened the door a few inches, enough for her to slide through into the hall. "Let's beat it then, right?"
"That was the idea."
Unable to recognise the feeling in the pit of her stomach, Angel followed him to the little living-room where Val had already made herself comfortable. She was reading an old magazine sitting on this thing Ben liked to call his precious sofa. To Angel though, it looked more like a rotten bunch of blankets and pillows that had been tried to glue together. When Val heard them coming, she turned around on the sofa to see them better and pulled her legs under her. The smile Val had on her face when they stepped into the room was so wide and so warm that for a moment Angel forgot that she was supposed to be feeling down. She responded to her smile with equally wide, only her smile had more sadder theme.
"Hey, A. How's my girl doin'?" Val asked immediately. It'd been at least few weeks since they had met last time… things had been rather hectic around the city. "The same as always, Val, the same as always. And you?"
"Me?" She shrugged, "Nothin' new."
"Too bad. Listen, I really appreciate you coming over this late." It was already over 10pm, not the smartest time to take a walk in chaotic city where people just drifted from one direction to another. With the pulse things had taken a bad turn and it looked like the world just wasn't ready to overcome it.
"No problem, girl, ya know I love that brat even though he is too much like his daddy", Val teased Ben with raised eyebrows. She always had this little thing going on with him, but Angel didn't mind. They were just fooling around, having fun and so on. Teasing each other because it was what they were best at. And occasionally it truly was hilarious to listen to.
"Funny", Ben said letting a quick smile reach his lips for a second and grabbed Angel's hand, holding it in his. This time he didn't reply to Val's remark in that cocky way of his, which seemed pretty weird to Angel. She frowned. What's going on here? He never gave up that quickly.
"So, ya ok here?" Ben questioned one more time and Val nodded with her who-do-ya-think-you're-talking-to- smile. Well, it was a pretty stupid question to ask. Val was a tough chick; she'd handle anything. "See boy, I've done this before as ya know, so go – you two lovebirds just fly away. We'll be fine here, really. Tell him, girl."
As said. "She's right Ben. This is one of those things that even I don't worry about", Angel backed her up without looking at him. Instead she stepped closer to Val and leaned down to kiss her forehead quickly. Part of her felt guilty for summoning her there only to babysit when there were millions of things she would've wanted to share with her. Maybe later. "Thanks, girl." Angel gave her a grateful smile.
"Always", Val answered before Ben helped Angel with her jacket. Time to go. "See ya soon." After saying that she followed him out of the apartment to the hallway.
When they finally got out of the front door, Angel stopped. The air was so refreshing after the rain that she had to take a couple of deep breaths just to feel the air inside her. Heaven on earth.
She didn't see them but as they walked down the street, Ben sure did. Across he street, there was an old looking van parked which he had seen so many times before. From outside it didn't seem so dangerous but the unit inside was more than dangerous. Not only that, but they were also ready and willing to follow the orders - his orders. Without Angel noticing Ben gave a slight nod to a woman sitting behind the wheel. She responded by nodding as well and turned to signal something to the unit waiting in the back of the van.
Here we go.
"So, where're we going?" Ben asked drawing his eyes back to Angel. She looked pensive for a moment as if she had been pondering upon some big issue. "I don't know", she replied finally with a shrug and smiled. "To somewhere I can get a drink, I guess."
Get a drink?
Unknowingly she answered his silent question. "I'm planning to get totally wasted."
"Oh. Okay then." He sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. In a situation like this even he felt like pouring a drink down to his throat. Any drink.
For a while they walked in silence… but it was too much for him. Being so close to her, smelling the scent of he shampoo… "It's a beautiful night", Ben started trying to get her to talk, but when he didn't get any reply from her, he stopped walking. Angel didn't notice it for she was too deep in her thoughts and so she just kept walking.
"Angel? Angel?" Ben's voice interrupted her thinking and got her to turn around. "You stopped? Why did ya stop?"
"This is exactly what I meant earlier, Angel. You just totally space out every time I try to talk to you… or with you. Have I done something?" he asked. Well, he had to find out if it was just him or if she suspected something. God he hope she didn't.
"'Cause if I have, you need to tell me…"
"No, it's not you, Ben. It's me… God, I hate that line. But really, it's me. I'm just going through these emotions - my life has totally changed and I need to think about it." Naturally, she wasn't lying. She just wasn't telling everything. Big difference.
"You know you're not the only one whose life has changed, Angel. You're not alone in here." It felt wrong to talk about it, but he had no choice. "I'm alone even when I'm with you. You know what I mean?"
Yes, she knew.
"You just keep pushing me away - when I take two steps forward you step back four. This is not normal!"
Normal? Nothing in my life is normal, Ben. The words almost slipped out, but she managed to catch them before they did. Emotions definitely sucked.
"You can't keep doing this to me. I love you." It was the only thing she hadn't wanted to hear. Couldn't hear. He had to tell it before it was too late, although he knew that it was only going to make her pull back into her little shell again. She always did. But he knew why the thing between them was so damned complicated. It wasn't her fault and he didn't blame her, but she did. He just wanted her to open up to him so that maybe, maybe things could've worked out. But as he remembered the van in front of their home, he knew it to be impossible. The illusion was about to be broken.
Game over.
"We have to get back. It's getting cold - And I - I'm tired - And Val – she needs to get back to her home - This wasn't a good idea."
Yeah, like he had predicted. "See, you're stepping backwards again. It wasn't like this before."
Nothing was like this before. "Things were different then."
"What things?" Well he had to ask so that she wouldn't suspect anything, right?
Of course, she wasn't going to break the rules completely and spill it out. "I'm sorry, Ben. I really am. I can't tell you without putting you in danger. I can't 'cause I don't even know for myself what's messing my head. Maybe I really am a total pessimist."
And for a good reason. "Don't be. Things were so good back then."
"I know - Let's just get back, okay? We have to talk but - it's gonna start raining again."
They had to talk, she said. Only he was more than sure they'd never get that talk. "I thought you weren't made of sugar." There had to be a way to get her stay, he didn't want to go back yet. Few more minutes with her, it was all he wanted.
"Well, I changed my mind. Now I am."
Here he had thought she'd get rid of her mood changes with the labour, but no. "Convenient", he replied glancing at her, "I changed my mind too. We're going for that drink you mentioned. Now I feel like I'm in need of that."
"734 reporting, sir."
"Let's hear it, 734. But give me the short version."
"Yes sir. We're ready to proceed."
"What's the problem then?"
"Just waiting for you to verify the next move, sir."
"You are? Already? Did 493 give you a signal?"
"Yes he did, sir."
"Good boy. I see – Fine, very well then, carry on, 734. You have permission to proceed."
"Yes sir."
"And remember, nothing and I mean nothing is allowed to go wrong on this one – and if it does, I'll hold you responsible for it and that means sending you and your whole unit into psy-ops for a lot longer than six months, understood, soldier?"
"Positive, sir. Nothing is to go wrong, you can count on me, sir."
"I hope so, for your sake, 734. Report to the headquarters immediately after the mission is accomplished."
"Yes, sir!"
