Chapter Four
Finally I'm back! I'm really sorry for the long delay but first there were the holidays with its family business to deal with and after that my computer striked and then...well, I guess you're getting a picture here, right?
Anyhow, now I'm back with chapter four. I hope you'll like it though there's no Spuffy action in it. But there is some sweet Spike/Dawn stuff. And Spuffy is on its way into chapter five or six, I promise.
When Buffy entered the front door of her home after she'd stormed out of Spike's crypt she was greeted by the phone ringing. She tried to ignore it but the persistent noise nearly drover her crazy. So she went into the kitchen and grabbed the receiver.
"Hello?" she answered annoyed.
"Buffy? It's me, Willow!" the redhead sounded nervous.
"Hey Wills, what's the matter?"
"Matter?" Willow's voice got even more anxious and she began to ramble, "There's no matter, nope, nothing at all. A completely matter-free call. Well, no, there is something, otherwise I wouldn't call, would I? But it's nothing serious, really Buffy. No need to worry!"
"Willow!" Buffy nearly yelled to interrupt her friend.
"Ugh, sorry. Rambling girl again. Well, I just wanted to say that Dawn is on her way home."
"Alone?" Buffy's tone was sharp.
"No, of cause not! Xander's giving her a ride!" the Wicca replied.
"Oh, good. Thanks, Will. Bye!" Buffy answered shortly and was about to hang up when she heard Willow's voice again:
"Buffy, wait! Is everything okay? You sound…antsy!" Willow asked concerned.
"I'm not antsy! I'm fine!" Buffy assured out of habit and rolled her eyes at the somehow dense question.
'Oh yeah, sure, I'm fine! My mom is dead, my sister isn't real and I just happened to embarrass myself to the bones in front of a stupid, annoying, evil, soulless, pain-in-the-ass vampire that looked as if his face had been cultivated by a rake! A vampire I all of a sudden care for! But other than that? Yeah, I'm FINE! Thanks for asking!'
"Really?"
Buffy snapped out of it by Willow's inquire.
"Really, Wills!" Buffy sighed.
"Okay, listen Buffy. Perhaps you should know that…" Willow trailed off unsure.
"What?"
"It's that…Dawn…"
"What's with her, Willow?" Buffy got impatient quickly.
"Well, you should probably know that…she asked…well, we talked her out of it, of cause we did, but…" Willow started to ramble again but Buffy had enough.
"Willow, for god's sake, tell me! What did she ask you?"
"Okay," Willow braced herself and continued, "she asked Tara and me to bring your mom back."
There it was, now out in the open.
Buffy was taken completely aback. "Come again?"
"Buffy, she wanted to know if it would be possible…you know, us being Wicca's and all…but Tara and I talked her out of it. Sure thing we did. I mean, even if it would be possible to bring someone back from the dead…which I doubt it is at all…well, perhaps there have been some really powerful witches who could do something like that…but it would be very dangerous and very dark magic and…"
Suddenly Willow noticed her rambling again and stopped.
"Buffy? You still there?"
"I…yes, I am." Buffy tried to sound calm, "But you talked her out of it, right? Wills?"
"I guess we did. But you should speak to her about it! That's what I wanted to say all the time. Talk to her, Buffy. Don't exclude her from you, don't pull away from her. You two have to stick together, you know?"
"Yeah, I know!" Buffy was tired of everyone telling her what to do or how to feel.
"Promise you talk to Dawn?" Willow wanted to know.
"Yes, I promise!" Buffy said and when she heard a car pull into the driveway she added: "She's coming, Wills. I have to go!"
"Okay, bye Buffy! And if there's anything I can…"
"Yeah, thanks. Bye!" Buffy hang up and waited for Dawn. When her sister had slammed the front door shut Buffy shouted:
"Dawn!"
The teen's head appeared in the doorway.
"What?"
"Dawn, can you…we…we need to talk!"
Dawn sighed and braced herself for whatever lecture was to come this time.
Half an hour later the front door was forcefully closed again. This time it was Buffy leaving the house for a quick patrol.
Dawn stomped upstairs to her room muttering all sorts of swearwords and curses she'd ever learned (mostly from Spike). She was angry.
First she'd been angry with Willow and Tara for talking her out of her plan to bring her mom back. They'd said it wasn't possible but that was a lie, Dawn was certain. They were witches and witches were very powerful. They could do anything they wanted. Their refusal had made Dawn furious but then Willow had given her a hint for the book she would need to perform a spell.
Ha, so it was possible after all!
Dawn had taken the book from the Magic Box and had come home to examine it and to find a spell to make her life whole again.
And then Buffy had been there with her lecture. She'd been yelling about the dangers of magic and that she should know things like that weren't possible and that she should stop acting like a child and start facing the reality like a grown up…
Dawn had been standing in the doorway the whole time looking down at her shoes. She had to bite her tongue to stop herself from yelling back at her sister but somehow she'd managed. She'd been waiting silently for Buffy to finish her stupid sermon because Dawn had known for sure that Buffy would leave her afterwards. Again.
That's what Buffy always did; abandon her.
So now Buffy was out and Dawn was alone again. Buffy had made her promise to 'be a good girl and stay at home' but that was not what Dawn had in mind.
Buffy with her lecture could go to hell!
Dawn had grabbed a small bag and had started to pack together some of her belongings. She wouldn't need much. Just the spell book and a few things for the night. Then she would soon be on the way to her mom's…to the cemetery to prepare everything for a resurrection spell.
With one last glance around her room Dawn went downstairs and out of the back door.
"I'm gonna make everything right again!"
Spike awoke with a start when he heard the door of his crypt open with a squeal. He tried to sit up in his bed and with gritted teeth and the support of the headboard he managed to pull himself into a sitting position. He also tried to pry open his swollen eyes. And although he knew it had only been two hours of sleep at best his vampire healing had kicked in so that he was able to actually glance around.
It was dark and upstairs there was someone tapping around cautiously.
"Spike? You here?"
"Nibblet?" Spike wondered and stood up with a bit difficulty.
"Can I come down?" he heard her ask. He could tell that she had approached the hole in the ground and was now peering down curiously.
"No!" Spike yelled back and walked on wobbling legs over to climb upstairs. "I'm coming! Stay where you are!"
Moments later he appeared out of the hole and turned around to face Dawn who leaned against a sarcophagus.
"Oh God, Spike!" she shrieked.
The vampire looked down himself and frowned. He had forgotten what he must look like with his black shirt all torn and bloodstained and his face covered in angry red wounds and gashes.
"S'nothing, pet! Looks worse than it is I guess."
Dawn didn't seem to be convinced. "What happened to you?" she wanted to know.
"Koshur'nokwfa demon. Nasty little bugger." Spike told her and added considering: "Well, not so little as it's about eight feet tall; but daft as a wooden stick!"
"Did you kill it?" Dawn asked anxiously.
Spike threw a pointed glance at her. "Do you think I would be here sleeping the night off if that sodding thing would still be out there looking for a little snack?"
"Guess not!" Dawn replied.
"Hhm!" the vampire nodded and staggered over to the fridge to get some blood.
"Speaking of, snack–size," he threw over his shoulder, "tell me, why are you sneaking around a vampire's layer at midnight? Shouldn't you be tugged in your bed safe and snoring?"
"I was…I didn't…I was out there and then I had to come in hiding from…" Dawn tried to explain.
"Hiding from all the nasties that were suddenly creeping around the cemetery? Are you completely out of it? What the hell were you doing out here?" Spike yelled, "If Buffy finds out…"
"That's why I had to come in hiding!" Dawn yelled back at him, "I nearly ran into Buffy on my way to mom's grave and I didn't know where to go and…" she trailed off helplessly.
Spike's eyes had softened at the mentioning of Joyce's grave and the pleading sound of the kid's voice but he was still angry with her.
"And what the hell were you thinking, running to your mom's grave in the middle of the night? What's this all about?"
The sudden dear-in-headlights-look on Dawn's face was enough to tell Spike something was very off. He looked around and caught sight of her duffel bag on the stone floor. A large and dusty looking book was peeking out of it.
And suddenly it all made sense to him.
"Oh no!" Spike's voice went dangerously quiet as he stepped closer to where Dawn was standing, "You don't wanna mess with that, pet!"
"Spike, please! You don't understand…" Dawn pleaded.
"I know good and well what you're up to!" He stopped directly in front of her and looked her straight in the eye. "And I tell you, Nibblet, you don't wanna mess with dark things like that. That's pretty bad stuff!"
"But I have to…" Dawn started sniffling, "Spike, I have to do something! I have…I have to get her back! I can't go on without her!" She turned and let herself sink into the armchair in the middle of the dim crypt.
Spike followed and perched his aching body cautiously at the left arm. He stretched out his hand as if to touch her bent head but when Dawn looked up he let his hand fall limb to his side and sighed again.
"I know," he stated quietly.
"What?"
Huge tear-filled eyes searched his and Spike had to swallow a sudden rush of emotion before he continued: "I know what it feels like, the loss!"
"How could you know?" Dawn asked suspiciously and then the tears began to fall.
'Bloody hell!' Spike cursed inwardly and scooted closer towards the sobbing teenager. Tentatively he stretched out his arms and pulled Dawn in a loose embrace. When the girl didn't reject but leaned in closer Spike tightened his grip and pulled her against him. His hand came up reflexively to push a stray of brown hair behind Dawn's ear.
"It's okay, Nibblet, it's okay!" he shushed.
The face that had been resting against his firm chest looked up and tear-stained eyes met his. And it was that moment that Spike decided to tell her.
"Back when I was human my own mom was very ill. She suffered from what was called consumption. You know what that is?" He waited for a confirming nod from the girl before he continued with stricken voice:
"It was horrible; to helplessly watch her suffer; to watch her die slowly. I felt terrible for not being able to help her. You know the doctor's back then were idiots, they couldn't do anything for her. Then when I had become a vampire I went back home. And I…" he looked to the ground, "I turned her."
Dawn broke out of his embrace with a start.
"You killed your mom?" her voice was shrill. "Why are you telling me this?"
"You don't understand, Lil'Bit. I didn't kill her!" stormy blue eyes met shocked green one's. He relented: "Well, okay, I did, but I wanted to help her. I wanted her to not suffer anymore."
Spike turned his eyes away from her accusing stare and stroked his hair back frantically. Then he added: "The demon I had become felt strong and invincible! And I wanted her to feel it, too! So I turned her into a vampire. Because I wished for her to be healthy again, I wished for us to be happy together again!"
"What happened?" Dawn's voice was hoarse.
"Well, what happens to every selfish bloke. My wish turned against me. She turned against me. She wasn't my mom anymore, she'd become a demon. I had created a monster, a monster that went after me. So I had to kill her…again." Spike sighed and repeated quietly: "I had to kill her all over again!"
He sat there at the arm of the recliner hunched and crumpled, lost in his own thoughts. Thoughts he had successfully abandoned from his mind for so long. Now they were back, haunting him.
Silence filled the crypt as both Spike and Dawn sat together lost in their own thoughts. Then suddenly Dawn looked up.
"Do you regret it?" she asked the vampire next to her.
"Huh?"
"Do you regret what you did to her?"
"I'm a vampire, pet. Shouldn't feel any regret!" Spike answered evasive.
"Do you?" the teen insisted.
Spike looked into her eyes. "Yeah!"
Dawn nodded and sighed deeply.
Spike thought about something to say to cheer her up, to lighten the mood a little. So he settled for boasting cockiness and smirked:
"Don't spread that around, Nibblet, will you? No need for the world to know the Big Bad's gone all soft over his mom! Got a reputation to hold after all!"
Dawn's eyebrow shot up at that. "Oh, yeah! Like you still got that rep with everyone knowing you're like stalking my sister the slayer and you're practically drooling all over her!"
That brought Spike to his feet immediately. "Oi! Watch it, missy!" he glared at her. "I don't drool!"
"But you're stalking her?" Dawn smiled.
"No, I…" Spike searched for words, "I'm there to watch her back, that's all!"
'Not very convincing, was it? And where did the girl get all her presumptions from anyway? Did Buffy tell her about the other night? Not bloody likely!'
"Yeah, you watch her back," Dawn smirked, "as well as her front and her sides and…"
A piercing glance from Spike let her leave the sentence unfinished.
"It's okay, Spike!" Dawn tried seriously, "I am well aware of what's going on between the two of you!"
"Is that right?" Spike leered and stepped closer to her. "And what would that be?"
"Oh please!" Dawn scoffed, "You are completely obvious!"
"Am I then? Enlighten me!"
"You're head over heels in love with her!" Dawn simply answered, "You can't deny it!"
"I don't!" Spike said stunned by her bluntness.
"You…oh, good!" Dawn smiled.
"But that doesn't mean there's something going on between your sister and me!" Spike continued determined, "There isn't! Believe me, I would know!"
"Yeah, right! Just because she doesn't act on her feelings doesn't mean she doesn't have any!"
"Huh?" Spike was taken aback again by Dawn's assumptions.
"Believe me, Spike. I know Buffy!"
"You may know Buffy but you don't know the slayer!" Spike stated flatly. "Even if she had some feelings for me, which I doubt, she would never ever admit it, let alone act on them. She would be too bloody disgusted. I'm a vampire, Nibblet! I'll never be anything else for her than a fucking evil soulless monster!"
Spike sighed.
"And now…" he went on when Dawn tried to reply something, "I've had enough for tonight. It's time for you to go home."
"But…" the girl tried to protest.
"None of that now!" Spike grabbed her duffel bag and shoved it into her arms. "If Buffy ever finds out that you're not in your bed, safe and sound, then, believe me, she's gonna show her feelings to me! Along with the wrong end of a wooden stake!"
"She could never kill you!"
"Don't be too sure of that, Nibblet! Don't be too sure!"
Spike grabbed his brown leather jacket from the sarcophagus and walked over to open the door of his crypt.
"Come on now, pet. Let's walk you home!"
Buffy was hiding motionless behind a gravestone and watched both her sister and her vampire walk out of the crypt. Her eyes followed the small figures through the darkness of the cemetery. Only when the two had vanished Buffy allowed her body to relax and move.
She stood up and brushed her hand over her eyes. It came down wet with tears.
Was it really true what she'd heard Spike say? Was she disgusted with herself for liking him? And, more important, was it true that she'd always see him as a monster?
After what she'd just witnessed she doubted it. What he'd said… the way he'd comforted Dawn… what he'd told her about his own mom…
…he'd not acted like a monster, not at all. He'd acted like a man!
And Buffy knew for sure that she would never be able to forget that!
...TBC...
Do you still like it? Let me know please!
