Chapter Six
Okay, I'm back with a new chapter and I hope there are still people out there waiting for it. But even if there weren't I would still post this till the end. Otherwise my mind wouldn't be free for something new. And there's already something new on my mind; so I have to finish this quite soon. But there's still too much stuff I want to put into this story, so I guess there will be another two or three chapters. I hope you guys still like it.
Buffy and Giles were on their way back home from their quest in the desert where Giles had performed the ritual earlier. It had sent Buffy a spirit guide in the form of the first Slayer who should have had answers to all her questions. But all it had said had only added to her confusion. It had spoken in such riddles that Buffy was unable to put sense into the words.
'Death is your gift.'
Buffy had wrapped her mind around the words over and over again on their silent way home. She couldn't bring any sense into them. Death wasn't a gift; not at all. It was painful and it hurt whenever she thought about it.
Her mom…
Buffy sighed inwardly and let her thoughts travel to the other things the first Slayer had said. She had assured that Buffy hadn't lost her ability to love; that she was full of love. All she had to do was to accept her feelings; to allow them to guide her and they would lead her to her gift.
'So that means my feelings will lead me to death, right?' Buffy wondered. The words 'feelings' and 'death' together in one sentence made her inevitably think of…
…Spike.
He was a vampire; that meant he was dead. And he claimed to have feelings for her. He said that he loved her. But vampires couldn't love, could they? Not without a soul.
But if Buffy was truly honest with herself she had to admit that this theory didn't fit anymore. Well, at least not with Spike. He didn't fit into that 'all-vampires-are-evil-and-don't-care-about-anything-but-blood-and-mayhem-and-doing-evil' scheme.
A scheme the council had built up and held over years. And she had taken it for granted.
It was just not like Spike anymore. And, if it was true what she'd heard him say about why he'd killed his own mother, it hadn't been like him ever.
The way he'd reacted to her mom's death, the way he'd comforted herself and Dawn, the way he looked out for them…
…no, Buffy had to admit that Spike really did care about Dawn. And obviously about her as well. He truly loved her.
And it didn't matter to him if he went against everything a vampire should ever do or feel (well, a vampire shouldn't feel at all). It didn't matter that he had to turn away from evil and go against his nature. That was what he had done, right? Buffy tried to think about when it had been the last time Spike had done something evil.
Oh, well. okay. Chaining her up and threatening to let Drusilla kill her if she didn't admit some feelings for him…
…that had probably not been one of his best actions. But she could understand his intent. And after all… he had not let Drusilla have her way; he had helped her out, hadn't he?
"Are you feeling alright?"
Giles' voice suddenly interrupted Buffy's train of thoughts. She turned towards him and managed a weak smile.
"Yeah," she answered, "just thinking, you know?"
"About what the spirit guide told you?" Giles inquired cautiously.
Buffy hesitated. Perhaps she should ask Giles about his opinion? Not what he thought as a watcher but his own thoughts as a friend, a father, whatever. So she braced herself and said eventually:
"No, actually I was thinking about Spike."
"Spike?"
"Yes," Buffy answered and added before she would change her mind again, "do you think he's really able to… to have feelings?"
Giles threw a glance at the girl he thought of as a daughter. "You mean if I think him capable of… love?"
Buffy nodded mutely.
"Buffy," Giles sighed, "he's a vampire. Vampires cannot love. They are not capable of feelings of any kind."
"That's what you have to believe as a watcher, Giles. But what do you think? Personally?"
"Buffy…"
"No, Giles, I mean… I know that vampires are supposed to be evil and I know the terrible things Spike's done in the past. But…" she hesitated, "remember what he was like when he first came to Sunnydale and then look at him now. Don't you see that he's changed, Giles?"
Giles didn't like the desperate tone that had crept into his slayer's voice. He tried to reason:
"That's the chip, Buffy! Spike cannot kill humans anymore but that doesn't mean…"
"No!" Buffy cut him off instantly, "It's not just the chip. The chip stops him from killing people but it can't make him do all those things. Good things."
"What good things, Buffy?" Giles asked determined to set things straight. "He kills demons because he craves the violence and not to help you! And if he's happened to help us out that's because he gets blood or money in return. Spike is a selfish being; only looking for his own benefit! He's a demon whose only interest is to gain any advantage he can get!"
"And what advantage does he get from looking out for Dawn? Caring about her? Stopping her from doing stupid things like trying to bring mom back from death?" Buffy threw back at a stunned Giles.
"Pardon? Dawn tried what?"
"She wanted to do a spell to bring mom back and Spike caught her in time and he stopped her," Buffy told him enraged. "I secretly watched him comfort her, Giles. He didn't have to do it, he could have just let her mess with the dark arts and watch us all suffering from afar. But he didn't!"
"Buffy," Giles tried again to open her eyes, "if he did indeed do these things than he did it just to get into your good graces. He is lusting after you and therefore he would try anything to… to get into your pants!" Giles found it very hard to concentrate on driving his car with such a delicate discussion going on.
"To get into my pants?" Buffy repeated stunned that her ex-watcher would use such an 'un-british' term.
"Yes! Buffy, everything Spike does he does out of ulterior motives! Don't you see that?"
Buffy answered immediately: "And why would he embarrass himself by crying together with me over my mom's death if he didn't care about her? Why would he comfort me and hold me and kiss me and then reject me when I finally gave in to him if all he ever wanted is to get into my pants?"
The car screeched to a sudden halt when Giles stepped on the brakes forcefully. When the engine had died spluttering he turned white-faced towards Buffy and stared at her in shock. Not a single word came out of his mouth.
"I'm sorry, Giles." Buffy murmured, "I know you'd probably be the last person I ever thought I would talk to about this and you must be shocked to death but… now that we've started… it was just… he was… he simply was there for me. He didn't take advantage of the situation. He was… nice."
"When…?" was all Giles could let out.
"The night after mom died. When I'd finished patrol he was there and he somehow knew what had happened and… he was really sorry, Giles. I started crying and then he cried, too and he took me into his arms and held me close and then…"
Giles took a deep breath and signed her to go on. "Then?"
"Well, then one thing led to another and we… we kissed and..." Buffy blushed slightly.
"I don't think I want to hear more, Buffy." Giles managed to say.
"Okay, I won't go into details but…" Buffy glanced up to Giles' face, "the point is… it was Spike who broke the kiss. Spike stopped me from going any further; not the other way round. Why would he do that if all he ever wanted was… you know?"
"I don't know, Buffy. I really don't. But I'm not inclined to believe Spike did it to stop you from making a terrible mistake," Giles said determined.
"A mistake…" Buffy whispered, "that's what it would have been, right?"
Giles' eyes shot up at the questioning tone of Buffy's voice. He looked closely at her and before he could stop himself he said:
"Oh dear! You do have feelings for him, don't you?"
Buffy looked down at her lap and sighed. For a long time she didn't reply but finally she lifted her head and Giles was able to look into her eyes. What he saw was nothing but confusion.
"I don't know, Giles. Maybe I do. What I know for sure is that Spike has changed. And it's not just the chip, it's him. I can't go on treating him like the evil vampire he once was. I am certain he deserves better."
"But he'll never deserve you, Buffy!"
Giles' voice was once again determined and fierce. He continued:
"Buffy, I know that I'm neither your watcher nor your father. I don't have the right to forbid you anything. But if you are thinking about starting a… relationship with a vampire, a soulless one on top, then there's only one thing I can promise you."
Buffy met his eyes and waited for the inevitable 'he-will-be-dust-the-moment-he-as-much-as-touches-you-again'. But it didn't come.
Instead Giles managed a slight smile and said:
"Trouble. Big bad trouble!"
Buffy smiled back. God, she loved Giles. Though he obviously didn't approve of her getting involved with Spike (and there was still a big 'IF' with a question mark behind it) Giles would never try to interfere. He would simply watch her making her own decisions. Or making mistakes?
"Guess I have to find out by myself." she sighed and watched Giles starting the car again. The rest of the drive home they both sat in silence.
Spike was waiting.
He had started pacing back and forth in his crypt; smoking one fag after the other and occasionally taking big swigs out of his whiskey bottle.
He was waiting for the striking lightning that had to come. It couldn't be that he would actually get away with this. No, fate or the sodding powers or whatever was up there guarding the world would strike any time now. They would inevitably take him down; for he refused to believe they would actually allow an evil vampire like him to have so much luck in his unlife. It couldn't be that all the good surprises which had happened to him over the last few days would go unnoticed.
But so far nothing had happened.
Two nights ago Spike had survived the movie-night at the Summer's house without a scratch. Okay, so he had been forced to watch one girly flick after the other. And all with the Lil'Bit drooling over whatever poncy romantic fool had been the hero of the hour. Even the Wicca's had gone all mushy over that one bloke, whatever-his-name-was, and they were gay!
But Spike had actually had a great time mocking the sodding bloke with his great actions for being all poofy and peaches-like. It had led to a heated but funny discussion between him and Willow about men in general and their heroism in order to impress the other sex.
Their argument had been real fun but Spike had soon been overpowered by all three girls and their opinion on how a man should woe a woman. He had stored away their way of seeing it for… well, perhaps he would be able to use it any time or the other.
The pleasant evening had ended when the whelp and his demon girl had shown up after patrol. Xander had been speechless to say the least when he'd seen Spike sitting among the girls in the living room. At first. Then he'd started yelling at him and suddenly all the girls, all the girls, mind you, had been jumping in for him. Him! The female members of the Scooby gang had been defending the Big Bad against their own friend!
Spike had been watching with stunned awe while Xander hadn't known what had come on to him. He had stood there listening to Red's ramblings about the nice evening and Spike only being there to help and protect Dawn. The witch had turned on her resolve-face and had asked, no ordered the whelp to cut some slack for the vampire. After that she'd dared her friend to say anything against it and…
…the whelp had truly managed to shut his gob and had silently sat down on the sofa for the rest of the night.
When the sun had nearly come up and everyone had prepared to finally go to bed Spike had left the house (but not without confirming to a pleading Dawn that he would come over again the next evening if Buffy would still be gone by then).
Spike had to dash back to his crypt in order to flee the sun and when he had arrived safe and sound he had nearly immediately fallen into a deep and carefree slumber.
He had awoken in the late afternoon the next day, yesterday, and after drowning a big mug of pig's blood he had waited for the time to go by. When the sun had set he had left the crypt in direction of Revello Drive. He had promised the Bit to come over again and that was what he'd do!
But when he'd reached the house Spike had seen Buffy descending the watcher's car. The slayer hadn't noticed him hiding behind 'his tree' and so Spike had stayed there watching what was going on inside. He had had no doubt that some way or the other Buffy would soon find out about his visit the other night.
And Spike didn't want to be anywhere near the probably raging Slayer. So he'd turned around and walked off to go and kill something.
Would be his last chance anyway, wouldn't it? As soon as Buffy would find him he would be at the wrong end of her little pointy stick.
That had been yesterday. Since then Spike had been waiting in his crypt, waiting for either Buffy or fate calling in.
But nothing had happened.
He didn't believe for one single second that Buffy would simply accept the reason for his 'friendly stay-over' for what it had been. True concern for the Nibblet (and if he was honest for Red and Glinda as well, but he would never ever admit it openly).
No, Buffy would believe…
"Bloody hell, I have no fucking idea what she'd believe but she's never gonna simply let me get away with it!" Spike cursed and took another swig of whiskey.
He nearly started choking when the door of his crypt was suddenly squeezed open and Buffy shoved her head inside.
"Oh, bloody hell!" He sighed and braced himself for whatever was to come.
"Ugh, hi Spike!" Buffy greeted him astonishingly cautious and walked down the few steps. "I hope I'm not disturbing you?"
'What was that?' Spike thought, 'Disturbing me? If I didn't know better I would say the slayer is… nervous.' He placed the whiskey bottle on top of the nearest sarcophagus and looked Buffy up and down.
"Are you feeling alright, Slayer?" he asked smirking. "Cause that was probably the most unusual entry you ever managed to make. Normally you just barge right in here."
"I know," Buffy spoke and looked almost shy to the side. "But I've decided to change a few things."
'God, is she blushing?' Spike wondered and managed to ask:
"Is that right? And what things would that be, pet?"
"Well, first of all…" Buffy broke of unsure how to go on. She was terribly nervous and she wasn't even sure what it was she wanted to tell Spike.
"I… I wanted to thank you." Buffy whispered eventually.
"What?"
TBC
I know I'm really evil to leave it at this point for now. But I had to make a break somewhere because what is yet to come would be too much for one chapter. But the next chapter is already completely written and will be posted later this week. So please review and the good stuff will come soon. Promise!
