Cravings

Chapter Seven

Sorry, sorry, sorry for the terribly long delay. I don't have any excuse besides me being lazy and inspiration having obviously gone on holiday. But it came back with such force that you'll now get all of it.

Today I'm posting both this and the next (final) chapter and I really hope there's someone out there still waiting for it. I guess there is cause I got all these wonderful and kind reviews on chapter six; thanks so much for your nice words. You are my reason for writing!
I hope you're not disappointed with me that I'm finishing this story rather sudden and I really hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing the last parts. And now I'm gonna shut up.


This part starts right where we left our beloved ones...

"I… I wanted to thank you," Buffy whispered eventually.

"What?"

Spike didn't think he'd heard her right. This couldn't be happening now, could it? Buffy thanking him?

"What the hell for, pet?" he inquired when Buffy didn't answer at all.

'Now this would be the hard part,' the slayer sighed inwardly. She was at a total loss. Perhaps she should have thought about what to say before she'd actually come to see Spike? But it was too late now, wasn't it? Now she was here and Spike was staring at her like she'd grown a second head. And he was waiting for her to say something. So she took a deep breath and started quietly:

"You know… well, I mean…" Buffy broke off helplessly. She never would have guessed it to be that hard to say 'Thank you' to someone.

"Well, no, pet, I really don't. I mean," Spike shrugged and started pacing. "Last time I saw you, you ran out of here disgusted with yourself. And now you're thanking me? What for?"

He stopped pacing and threw a glance at Buffy who was still looking everywhere but in his direction. Without seeing her face he couldn't tell what was going on in that pretty head of hers.

Suddenly Buffy lifted her stare from the floor and threw Spike a confused glance. And then her mouth opened and an incomprehensible rush of words came out:

"IwantedtothankyouforlookingafterDawnandcaringaboutherandforyoubeingthere…"

"Whoa, slayer," Spike interrupted and took a few steps nearer to the rambling girl, "hold on a sec. Even with my enhanced hearing I didn't get a word of that. Now you go again but don't skip the breathing part between the words, okay?"

"Spike, stop making fun of me." Buffy answered annoyed. "This is really hard."

Spike froze. "Oh yeah, right," he spat with sudden anger, "having to thank an evil monster like yours truly really takes it out of you, doesn't it? Sorry I forgot! But since I really don't remember having done anything lately that would make you bloody thank me… why don't you skip the whole nice-making and go back to threatening me? It suits you better anyway, Slayer!"

Buffy threw an irritated glare at the vampire. Why did he have to be so infuriating all the time? And why was he suddenly back to calling her 'Slayer'? Not that she wanted to be called 'pet' or 'luv' but…

Buffy forced herself to not raise to the bait and yell back. Instead she took a deep breath and answered:

"I… I'm not gonna threaten you, Spike. I just…" she broke of and sighed deeply. "Okay, once again," she braced herself. "I wanted to thank you for… for what you did… you know… stopping Dawn."

There, it was out.

"Oh, t'was no big, Slayer." Spike answered still thrown by Buffy being nice.

"But it is big, Spike!" Buffy gave back and looked into his eyes. "I don't dare to think of what could have happened if Dawn had really… you know, I tried to talk her out of it, too but… she didn't listen to me… she never does… and then you come along and… well, " Buffy frowned, " what you told her and how you comforted her… well, I don't know; she really listened to you." Buffy sighed again and added as an afterthought: "She likes you."

"And that's what's bugging you, isn't it?"

"No, I mean yeah…" Buffy thought about it briefly, "no, I know it should but… the way you treat her I can understand that she likes you."

Spike took a step closer to her and smirked: " Is that right?"

"Yeah, I know you can be all nice and… well, nice." Buffy glanced away quickly. It was true, she had seen that side of him herself but what she didn't get was…

"How?" she spoke her last thought out loud.

"Huh?" Spike frowned, "How what?"

"How can you… care? Without a soul?" Buffy finally managed to express what had been weighing on her mind for so long now. Ever since he'd declared his love for her she'd thought about how it was possible for him to… feel? To love?

Spike sighed. It all came back to that one fucking thing. How could he love without a soul?

"Believe it or not, Slayer," he tried to explain, "this whole crap about vampires not being able to love is just that. Bloody crap! Vampires can love. They do. It may be different to how humans do but…"

"Okay, I get the Sire-Childe thing but…" she interrupted but Spike beat her to it.

"No, pet. Not just between Sires and their Childers. In fact that's hardly got anything to do with love. It's all about power and domination. It may turn into love, well, take me and Dru for example…" Spike broke off. Not the best example he could have used, was it?

Buffy smiled slightly. "Oh yeah, that one turned out great, didn't it?"

Spike threw her a piercing glance but when he answered his voice was soft: "Would have gone well but for you."

"Me?" Buffy wondered. "What did I have to do with that?"

"Nothing," Spike assured quickly, "but Dru knew that I'd fall in love with you before I did. She said the stars told her, remember?" He rolled his eyes at that.

Yeah, Buffy did remember. But that didn't mean she had to understand…

"But how could you…?"

Spike shrugged and started pacing. "Believe me, pet. If I'd known it would happen I never would have come back here! I never fucking wanted this to happen! If I knew how to stop loving you…"

Buffy felt as if a bucket of ice-water was suddenly crashing down onto her. Spike never wanted to love her! He hated it! Involuntarily she took a step backwards and stammered:

"Oh, I see…"

She turned around and started walking to the door. How stupid of her to think they could actually try to get along, try to work it out. 'God, I'm so glad I didn't confess anything!' she thought embarrassed and reached out her hand to open the crypt door.

"But there's nothing I can do about it."

Spike's quiet voice broke through to Buffy and she let the door slip out of her hand again. Stunned she turned around.

"What?"

Spike's eyes pierced her longingly. "Buffy," he sighed and stepped closer, "I never asked for any of this. I never wanted to fall in love with you. But now that I bloody did…"

"Yeah?" Buffy pried and moved down the steps towards him.

Spike took an unneeded breath and said:

"I can't help it, Buffy. I love you! I would do anything for you."

Buffy's heart skipped and she felt like being hit by an electric bolt. In a good way. Disturbing and frightening; but strangely good.

She managed a weak smile despite her racing heart.

"I know."

Spike stared incredulously at the woman he would give his last limb for.

The crumb he had been craving for; there it was. Though Buffy hadn't said she loved him back, well in fact she hadn't admitted any feelings for him at all, to Spike this simple 'I know' was a bigger smidgen than he'd ever dreamed to get. It was more than he'd ever thought possible.

Buffy believed that he loved her! She accepted it! She hadn't denied his feelings, she hadn't shut him down, she…

Spike locked his eyes to her green orbs and searched for any sign of repulsion, disgust or even a shimmer of doubt. But all he could catch was a slight astonishment, much more confusion and above all…excitement? Even joy?

When he took another cautious step towards her he couldn't hide the true smile spreading over his face. Not a cocky smirk but a real heartfelt smile.

The two were standing face to face now with only inches between them.

"You know, pet?" he asked huskily.

"Yeah," Buffy whispered. Her heart was racing in her chest and she knew that Spike could hear it. But she didn't care; all she could do was wonder how it was possible for two simple words to conjure up such a genuine smile. And how that smile managed to change his features into the most beautiful face she'd ever seen. God, he really was gorgeous.

Without a thought she lifted her hand to trace the lines on his face tenderly. His skin felt cool but soft, smooth but strong… so full of contradictions. And that's just what he was. Buffy suddenly understood.

Spike had closed his eyes in bliss at the first tender caress of Buffy's hand. He crooked his head slightly and leaned into the touch afraid that if he moved further this dream would be over.

Buffy watched his face in stunned awe. She couldn't believe how she'd ever managed to see a soulless monster in the man she saw now. And why had she tried to convince herself that it was wrong to care about him?

Why had she felt the need to deny her feelings? What was it she'd been so afraid of?

"Spike?" Buffy whispered.

He snapped out of his relishing trance with reluctance and forced the emotions shown on his face back into a mask of control. Only when he had his feelings stashed away he opened his eyes; he needed to be prepared for the scorn Buffy would probably show him for craving her touch that badly. She had to be disgusted by his need. And he couldn't bear seeing that but neither was he able to avoid her eyes.

Buffy's face was mere inches away from his and all he could see in her beautiful eyes was… hope?

"Spike," she repeated and he could feel her breath on his own lips. "Would you please kiss me?"

Spike didn't bother with an answer but leaned down and covered her waiting lips with his own.


to be concluded...

Okay, I know this chapter turned out rather short but I had to set the break at this point. It's some sort of small happy end and the bigger one is already waiting for you. The final chapter turned out much longer than every other part but I hope you're gonna like it nevertheless. But please, before you move on to it: review this and make me happy.