Chapter 7: Cold welcome

I sat with my back to the mast, legs stretched out in front of me, carefully examining the rope. He wouldn't untie me even to eat, and so I didn't eat. He wouldn't untie me to take a piss, so I didn't. Not a real hardship. I was slowly drying off after a nasty squall; he was snoring a few feet away. I sunk my teeth into the strand and yanked; after a lot of yanks, sore teeth and a horrible taste in my mouth, I had managed nothing.

"It won't come loose, you know," Travis said lazily from his perch. I turned and glared; his snoring had been a sham. "I know my knots." I looked away as his eyes trailed lazily down my body. I'd seen that look before, and it always meant trouble.

He leaned forward, edging around until we were practically nose to nose and he was squatting over my legs. "You know, you'd be really pretty if you just stopped looking so hateful."

I had reason to be hateful. I stared, willing him to be the first to blink.

He was, but he didn't move away; instead, he ran his hands lightly along my upper arms. You can't flinch two ways at once, but I tried.

"I won't hurt you," he said softly, pupils dilated, before he leaned in and tried to kiss me. I jerked my head sideways and tried to kick him, getting nowhere. I just couldn't get enough leverage to do anything. I settled for spitting at him.

It missed. Like lightning he was there, pushing my head back against the mast, trying to get me to open my mouth again with his tongue. I clamped my lips and teeth shut, prepared to bite on his tongue if that didn't work, but he just pulled away a fraction.

"I like a challenge," he whispered as he got up. Was that all I was to him - a challenge? Did he make a game of wooing girls and dumping them? I did not need that. As soon as he was out of sight I turned my attention back to the rope. I had less than half a day before we were back at the atoll; I had to figure it out fast.

I didn't.

Travis hauled me off his boat like a sack of fish. I didn't intend to make it any easier for him. He dumped me on the ground as gently as it is possible to dump someone of my size and weight who's not helping you at all.

I looked around at their faces. Accusation. Fear. Distaste. Contempt. Revulsion. Pity. All things I'd seen before. I'd thought I had nothing left to lose, that they couldn't hurt me anymore. I was wrong.

I sat up and tried to get to my feet, but Travis grabbed my shoulder. "Leave her alone," he said to them. "I mean it." I sat there while they eventually went back to work. The last to go was the hugely swollen Micah. I remember Greta asked me something. "Is it fun?"

I looked away. "Guess not," she said finally and left.

Finally it was just me and Travis. He was still holding onto my shoulder.

"You really are determined to be alone, aren't you?" he asked me as he came around to look me in the eye.

I spoke for the first time in days. "It hurts less that way." He looked guilty, glancing once quickly at the floor before meeting my eyes. I tried to convey coldness, disdain, to get my eyes to show I didn't need people like him.

I don't think it worked.

He trailed a hand gently over my face. I turned away. I didn't want him to know how badly I missed having someone who would touch me. I certainly didn't want him to know what my body was doing. "How old are you, Kayla?" he asked gently.

"Maybe eighteen."

"How did you get so old and never have a friend?"

"I had a friend. Once. He died."

"I'm sorry." The sympathy disgusted me suddenly, and I jerked away. "Just leave me alone."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm worried about you."

"Don't bother."

"Were you trying to kill yourself when you swam away?"

"Yes," I said mildly. "I was rather looking forward to it, actually."

"I won't let that happen."

"You can't watch me all the time."

"How about if I give you something to live for?"

"I never knew you went in for pointless cruelty," I said. He jerked back as if I'd slapped him.

I have no idea how long we sat there staring at each other. I was quite content to sit there silently, waiting for him to give up and go away, and he wasn't going to give up that easily. Finally Jason came to tell us it was time to eat. Travis picked me up with the gentleness of a parent handling a newborn and lead me to the table. I didn't eat.

That evening I was sitting on my bed, eying the stars. Greta came in to see me.

"What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"Being…" she hunted for a word.

"Being a freak?"

"I didn't mean that."

"It's the worst thing in the world," I turned away from her and tried not to cry. "Go away."

"What's it like to breathe water?"

"Over-rated. Go away."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I want to know."

"Does something in the air here breathe stubborn stupidity."

"Travis likes you, you know." I kept staring at the wall. "It's not just that he likes a challenge. He likes to be needed as well. Most women he chases just aren't interested. You're a different sort of challenge, and he's not going to give up."

"I don't need a pity fuck."

"It wouldn't be that. I'm more than a bit jealous. Travis is cute."

"He's more dangerous than a shark. He just hides it better."

"He'd be flattered to know you think that."

"Tell him if you want to. I don't care."

"You do care. Just because your family treated you like shit doesn't mean we will. But you won't see it that way. You're too convinced we're all heartless buggers."

"Oh, so there's not the slightest bit of difference between us. I'm just your girl next door."

"You don't need to be so sarcastic. You're not like us. That doesn't mean you're not welcome. We'd probably be dead without you, or at least in a lot of trouble."

"Tell that to Toby."

"He isn't an idiot. He's just religious."

"Maybe they're the same thing. Did you ever think of that? Have you ever seen God? Talked to Him? Asked Him why the world is the way it is?"

"No. No one has. You've got to believe."

"I believe what I see. And all I've seen is that you guys start looking at me like I'm a freak the moment you found out I was one, and you won't just get rid of me while I'm useful. It's exactly the same as it was back on the other atoll. I'm only good for the work I can do and the rest of the time I'm the icky muto no one wants to be friends with. Nothing ever changes." I curled up into a ball and pulled the blanket over me. "You should go to bed. We all have to get up in the morning."

She sighed and got into her pallet. "You're not so special, you know," she said. "It's just a small thing. And if the others would think, they'd see it too. It's no stranger than Travis having black skin."

"There are plenty of people with dark skin. I've heard about them. I've never heard of anyone with gills. No one but me."

"And maybe if you had kids there'd be more."

"I'd be condemning them to be treated like I have been. That's pure cruelty."

She sighed again. "I can see Travis is going to have his work cut out for him."