"Come here, my love

That it's good to see you

The world is so complicated right now

That today I just want to do

Everything for you"

(O Mundo Anda Tão Complicado by Legião Urbana)

Jess

Rory had left Jen and Jack's house about 20 minutes ago. She had to, there was nothing there for her. She turned on the radio and some lame song started. She stared out of the window into the desert that was around her. The road was empty, the day was hot and she had no idea about what to do. Was he ready to see her? Was she ready to see him? She had been chasing him all the way, but now that she was so close she wasn't sure anymore if she had the guts to go to him and do something. She wasn't even sure what this something was.

There was so much going on in her mind, in her heart. All those confused thoughts, all those mixed feelings. She had broken up with Mark and odd enough it felt right. She couldn't keep that relationship, it wasn't working. She knew that from the start, but it Mark was such a good guy, and maybe it would work out eventually. At least it was what she kept telling herself. And now that it was over she felt relieved.

Then there were feelings towards Jess. She didn't know what it was, but it felt surreally in love. And she wanted so badly to figure it out. She wanted to lay the cards on the table and find out exactly where both of them stood. But she just didn't know where to go.

She took a deep breath. She was starting to get homesick, right now she only wanted to cuddle in her bed and rest. She had been feeling tired and frustrated. It seemed like he was running from her, thought Jack said now he was probably running to her. She simply didn't know if it was true or not. She didn't know if she should go back to Stars Hollow or keep hunting him. She sighted frustrated, thinking that if he actually wanted to find her he would go to Stars Hollow, and took the left road. She was going home.

Six hours later Rory was in the middle of nowhere. The rain was pouring pretty hard and she was about 200 miles away from home. She decided to stop for the night in a little motel by the road and sleep there. Parking her car next to the motel, she ran in the ran to the door and entered the place.

The motel didn't look so bad, actually it looked very decent. It had an old pink flowered wallpaper and the furniture was all in dark wood. The place was small, there was a reception desk with an old gold lamp, a stairs to its left that probably took the guests to their rooms and at the other side of the reception desk there was a door that should lead to the kitchen. By the front door there were two chairs. The first thing Rory noticed when she entered the motel were the soaked umbrellas on the right corner of the room. She looked down to the dark wooden floor and finally realized she was feeling cold, everything that day seemed to be happening in slow motion, like in a movie, and her brain was taking more time than the usual to process her thoughts.

She was going to the reception desktop check in when she noticed someone was already being attended. She took a few steps back to give the guests his deserved privacy. It was a little bit weird that he didn't have any company. Maybe he was in the same situation that she was, maybe he just needed some place to stay for the night.

When the receptionist finally gave him the key to his room and he turned around to go up the stairs, she had a glimpse of his face. Jess. He slowly turned around. She hadn't noticed she had said his name out loud.

"Rory", he recognizes her and she nodded.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"Looking for you."

This answer took him by surprise; it was so honest.

"Do you want to go to my room?"

"Yeah, it would be nice."

He went to the stairs and she followed closely. They climbed it in a painful silence, neither of them knowing what to say. They reached the door to his room and he unlocked it, opening the door for her.

"Thanks", she said while stepping in the small room.

He followed her inside, closed the door and put his backpack on the floor, next to the wall. She looked around the room uncomfortable and decided to sit on the bed. He thought it was more prudent of him to sit on the armchair. He thought it was strange that there was an armchair in a motel room, but after all he had lived, strange had become normal to him.

"It's been awhile", she tried to start the conversation.

"Yeah", he agreed.

"I'm sorry about Katlyn."

"Me too", he nodded.

The extremely awkward silence was between them again, and she just needed to break it.

"I want to talk to you but I don't know how to start it", she said honestly.

Listening to her confusion both seemed to relax a bit.

"You said you were after me", he reminded her.

"Yeah, after I heard about Kaitlyn I went to Kingstone and found your note. Since then I've been after you; following you from town to town."

"And we finally meet in the middle of nowhere. Ironic, huh?"

"Yeah, I would say so."

"Is there a reason for you to be following me?"

"Yes, I suppose there is."

"And it would be...?"

She looked away, "I wanted to be sure that you would be okay."

She wasn't really lying, she just wasn't telling him all truth.

"Well, I'll be okay eventually. Thanks for caring." He said getting up and going to the minibar to get himself a bottle of water.

"Where were you going?" she asked nervously, trying to find anything that could keep their conversation going on.

He sat again in his armchair and answered evenly, "Stars Hollow."

"But you hated Stars Hollow", she said a little to spontaneous.

"Well, you live in Stars Hollow."

Her jaw dropped a little as realization came in. He really was going to her.

"Okay...yeah...uhm, I live in Stars Hollow. So, you were going to see me?"

"Yeah, I thought it was about time."

She sighted relieved, and it seemed it had taken a burden from her shoulders, one that she hadn't even noticed she was carrying.

So, you were going to knock on my door and ask to stay there and talk to me for a couple of days? Just like you did in all other places?"

"Actually I wouldn't ask to stay in your house; I would stay in the Inn. But other than that..." he trailed off.

"Why the Inn? We were much more intimate than that from what I remember."

He looked away and took a deep breath before looking at her again and answering, "If I remember correctly his name is Mark."

She nodded slowly. "You always had a good memory. I could never compete with you when it came to quoting books."

He looked at the night stand where the keys were, focusing on them. Focusing at anything but the fact that she was confirming there was a 'Mark'.

"We don't live together", she said softly, "to be honest we are not even together anymore."

Jess dragged his eyes to her face, "I'm sorry", he said, not really meaning it.

"No, you are not", she affirmed and he looked at her in the eye, accepting that she still knew him so damn well. "But I don't want you to be either. I'm not."

"Glad to hear it."

"Then I'm glad to tell you."

"So, why did you and Mark break up? I know it's none of my business and I didn't meet him..."

"You."

"What?", he asked confused.

"He didn't take the news that his girlfriend was leaving town to go after her ex-boyfriend very well. I can't really blame him."

"Yeah, I guess you can't", he agreed.

The stayed in a long silence, just listening to the rain pouring outside,

"Why did you run away?"

Jess leaned against his armchair and sighted, "I just couldn't stay there."

"Still, you didn't have to run from place to place for weeks", she pondered.

"I wanted to remember how it felt...it's been so long...", he said, distracted.

"What?"

"College, you and me...and just the people that were there with us, with who we spent time with back then...I thought they were the only ones who could help me remember."

"I was worried about you", she confessed in a low voice.

"I'm fine."

She looked hard at him. Her eyes piercing his until he spoke.

"I will be."

She looked at her hands. She suddenly had the urge to hug him, but she couldn't. They had been apart for a long time, she didn't know if the gesture would be well accepted or if it would be awkward for them. So she kept her hands busy, playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Do you intend to go back to Kingstone?" she changed the subject.

"I will have to, eventually."

"for good?"

"I don't know...there's nothing really attaching me there."

She paused, trying to weight her next words, "You could always come back to Stars Hollow."

"No, I can't", he answered quicker than she had expected, putting absolutely no real thought into it. It was automatic answer, the only answer he could give her.

"Of course you can", she insisted. "There is always Luke and me to help you out with whatever you need."

His eyes became glassy and red. She couldn't remember when was the last she had seen him crying. She remembered she had seen him crying once, just after he came back from California and everything was still messy between them. But after that she couldn't remember seeing him drop one single tear. The scene happening in front of her was new and scary. He kept quiet, knowing he had to speak first.

"It would be no good for you. And that would be bad for me."

"How can you say that?", she still tried to mask the hurt in her voice.

"I don't know. Sometimes I just feel I can't ever have someone forever. It seems I was born to be alone."

"It's not true. I'm here. You could always reach me."

"Until when? When it's going to end?"

"Never!"

"Oh, I do have to disagree. Nothing in my life lasts, Rory."

"Hey, I'm here. Since I met you I've always been here to you and I intend to keep it this way."

"Don't you understand? It hurts. It hurts that no one can be around me for too long. It hurts that I didn't...it hurts that my first thought when...when I got to know..." He was sobbing. It really disturbed Rory, she felt so lost seeing the toughest person she knew so vulnerable.

"What? What hurts Jess? Maybe I can help you", she tried. She would do anything to end his pain.

"No, you can't. I can't...pass through this again."

She knelt down in front of his chair, her hands on his knees, trying to make him look at her, "Jess, please, tell me. Let me try to help you."

He tried to control his sobbing with little success. "It's horrible, but...when I got to know that katlyn was-was dead, the first thing I thought was-", he paused crying like a child, face on his hands, hiding his eyes with shame, "was that I was glad it wasn't you. That's when I realized that I would never get over you. That I had never really loved Katlyn. I made her spend all that time with me, and we had this façade relationship where I always lied to her when I said that I loved her. And now she is dead. I made her spend her time with me, a time she should have spent with someone who really loved her. And now she can't, because she is dead.

"Jess...", Rory began, but didn't know what to say.

"I can't believe I was so selfish."

"I'm so sorry", she started again. "But Jess, you thought you loved her. And I know you liked her in some way..."

"Yeah, I did. I did care about her."

"See. You weren't selfish. You were just mistaken. You thought you loved her."

"Yeah, but I didn't."

"You found it out later. Don't do this to yourself. I'm sure she wouldn't have spent her time with anyone else. She cared about you and I know she wouldn't have it any other way."

Now he was crying even more, guilt and relieve mixed in tears.

"Come here", she said, hugging him really tight. She got up, took his hand and led him to bed. They lied besides each other, Jess on Rory's arms. Rory simply kept hugging him while he cried. This is how they fell asleep that night.

A/N: Thank you to Stephanie for the beta!!! And please, drop a line and let me know what you think about it.