This Is Thursday

He came to early in the morning, panicking as the mist around him hid the world. There was nothing, but him and the whiteness and the cold lacings of snow around him. He rose, blue eyes wide and flashing, dusting the snow off his ANBU uniform, trying to recall what had happened.

He was in a snowdrift. In winter. In his ANBU gear. Alone.

Yes…that almost made sense…if only he could remember WHY?

And then the silence broke with noises, as the world around him burst to life. He heard, but couldn't see. Birds, and animals, and the wind through the trees. Even in this, there were others, but he was alone. He had been able to see, but unable to reach, now even sight was impossible.

Black eyes flashed through his mind, and emptiness settled over him.

I am not the one you wanted to walk with.

He crushed his hand into a fist.

Sasuke….

Sasuke.

His blood pushed violently through his veins and the Kyuubi grumbled and growled its way into his throat, unleashing a low noise before being pushed back. The emotion—something between hate and anger and jealousy—wrapped tightly around him and chased away a bit of the emptiness. He was alive, and alone, and lost. But he couldn't be scared. Couldn't let himself know the terror that was boiling up.

When you reached for me, I wasn't there.

He told the Kyuubi to shut up unless it was going to help him find his way home. Which it wouldn't, of course. Smartly, the demon silenced itself and left the blonde to his thoughts, as his eyes darted wildly around.

There were footprints in the snow.

So he hadn't been here alone. No sign of struggle. It had been peaceful.

There was a brush of heat against his lips, fingers in his hair, and he felt dizzy, before he realized it was simply the ghosts, trying to help him remember. Ghost hands over the uniform.

And then he noticed his mask was missing.

I'm sorry. So sorry. But I…

He heard a branch break and stilled, eyes widening, that terror boiling up again, this time fighting its way to the surface. And his mask was nowhere he could reach. He could smell them, then. They smelled like midnight, like the cool steel of the kunai after it had made contact with skin, and like the vanilla beans. It sent chills up his spine.

This is the part where he'd break down.

But damn it, he was ANBU…even if he was terrified.

Damn it, he was future Hokage…even if he was practically shaking.

And damn it all, he was NARUTO UZUMAKI...

I know you can make it on your own.

There was movement, and suddenly there was total silence. It stung. It burned until he was numb. Or maybe that was the snow.

He pulled his cape tight around himself, and shivered as the black eyes returned to his mind, staring into his very soul. This is the part where I love you too much.

Go deeper.

He heard his name in his ear, and spun to find nothing. The white canvas of the early morning startled him once more. He thought he felt movement, thought he could see something, but there was nothing. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand, cursing himself and the images his brain tried to create.

There's nothing there that will hurt you any more than I have.

Sasuke…

Sasuke.

I need you.

Wetness stung at the corner of his eye and he wiped at it futilely. He wasn't crying, damn it. It was the snow. And the mist. Yeah. And damn it, he DIDN'T need Sasuke. He was fine on his own.

He dropped to a knee and felt around; searching for the bits of himself he could collect and hide again. But the mask he desperately wanted was still gone. So he was still naked and the fear was still powerful.

His hand shook.

He forced himself to move.

Go deeper…I won't wait for you. Welcome to an early morning.

The mist hid the world from him. But it hid him from the world. So he felt a little safer. But empty. The warmth was gone, and he wanted that scent again. Wanted to have those lips and fingers on him.

He hurried himself. He had no excuses for where he was. He hoped he was going in the right direction. He felt a little safer, and a bit more confused. I am lost without you. He pushed himself faster, waiting for the end of the world to rush up to meet him in his blindness.

I am lost within you.

It wouldn't matter, anyway. The black eyes watched him.

I am not the one you wanted

And when the mist fell away, he stilled in a tree branch, blinking.

Just let it all fall apart.

His mask tumbled to the forest floor, and shattered.


Hmmn…yeah…I'm not sure either…just had to get it out. There is actually a second part to this I'm planning. "This is the part where I love you too much." Is from a Josie and the Pussycats The Movie song. Other than that…it's all my own oddness. Thanks for reading!

Oh, yeah, the title of this comes from a song from a local band who's name escapes me at the moment (damn it…)