Can't Let Myself

Author: Base

Summary: I'm pretty bad at this, but I guess Ares thinks about his relationship with Xena and attempts to confront her. She refuses to allow herself to love him. A plot may come later, but I doubt it.

Rating: PG-13, it may change though.

Disclaimer: I far from own Xena: Warrior Princess, or Ares the Greek God of War. If I did, why would I be writing fan fiction?

Note: This started as a single chapter, but I am thinking of continuing and maybe giving it a plot. Please tell me if you think I should leave it here, or keep going.

He felt the soft furs against his exposed chest, her body on his. They were attached by their lips, all the rest of the world already gone. Ares reached up and put a hand behind Xena's head, the kiss becoming more intense. If time stopped now, he would not have cared. This was bliss.

Ares opened his eyes, and saw his arm extended out toward the ceiling clutching... nothing. These dreams kept haunting him, torturing his mind whenever he let it wander. He brought his hand down and rubbed his eyes. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up, gazing around at the lavish room that he had been sleeping in. It was in a temple... somewhere, really only there for formality; the God of War rarely spent enough time in his temples to need a bedroom.

But right at that moment he felt the extreme need not to be on Olympus. Ares could not stop thinking about Xena, but then again that was nothing new. Though now he was thinking about her with... what? Anger? Resentment? He could not figure out what to think.

On the one hand Xena had betrayed him and lied to him, leading him on with bait she knew he could not resist. On the other hand she had kissed him, kissed him passionately and he could see in her eyes that she had felt something. No matter what she tried to tell him or herself, Ares knew she had felt it. But that was it, wasn't it? It did not matter how much she felt for him deep down inside if she could not even admit it to herself.

Ares pounded the bed in fury, wondering why he could not have fallen for someone who was not so stubbornly against everything he stood for. But he could not lie to himself; did he really want someone who would blindly follow him with not enough brains for morals to even pass in their mind? No, of course not, he thought. The very opposite was what he loved about Xena. Ares suddenly felt that he needed to see her, right now. He let himself vanish, hoping he could find her. Ares found himself beside a river, still invisible, watching Xena cleaning her breastplate. Other armor lay on the ground nearby, meaning that she was in only a black shift that barely made it halfway down her thighs. He could feel his heart leap up to beat in his throat, but he couldn't let himself get carried away. He was here to talk, that was all. Before Ares appeared, Xena stiffened, and then stood. "What do you want, Ares?" she snarled to the air. He appeared before her.

"Xena, I'm not here to play games. Please just hear me out." He pleaded silently for her just to listen to him. She scowled, but said nothing. "Xena, at Amphipolis you led me to believe it was the greatest day of my life, but it turned out you were lying to me. I want you to believe me when I say 'I love you,' because I love you."

Xena stood still, her eyes wide and staring at Ares' expression of utter sincerity. She tried with all her heart not to believe him, to remind herself that this was another of his games, that he only tried to tell her he loved her because he wanted something out of her. She tried not to believe him, but she tried in vain. Xena covered the distance between them in two steps and pressed herself into him, pressed her lips to his. A small moan of tortured desire escaped him, but a second later Xena had pulled away, shaking her head.

"I can't love you, Ares." She said barely above a whisper. Xena turned and scooped up her armor before departing. Ares watched her go, swearing he could feel his heart ripping in two inside his ribcage.