Close To You
By Cerulean Sapphire

Infatuation


I always saw her walking 'round the castle grounds. Her brown hair was always bushy, curly, and just out of hand, but she didn't mind it. It always stayed that way…except that time back in fourth year. I could still remember the shock of seeing her...beautiful…wonderfully attractive to my eyes. Oh, how I wished then that I could have even just one dance with her. She was very beautiful that night.

Although I wasn't intending that the Yule Ball was the only time that she was beautiful. She was always beautiful. To me.

I always looked at her every Potions class…always admiring the look on her face as she studied. She was very serious as she put ingredient after ingredient. I always imagined if I could ever see that serious face of hers up close, for I never did before. I only had the privilege to glance at at now and then.

Before, I glanced out of utmost contempt. I hated every part of her. I hated everything about her. But then…it all changed. So sudden it was that I never had the chance to turn back. A few days after had I just realized what had happened to me.

I became infatuated with the Gryffindor resident know-it-all, Hermione Granger.

Oh, it would be the shame of all if my fellow Slytherins found out. It would be the shame of the century. It would be the talk of the whole school. I knew I had to keep it a secret…a secret only I myself should know. I shouldn't tell—I couldn't tell.

And so started the late-night torments.

Every night I'd never get asleep. I'd always think about her. There were so many nights of tossing and turning on my part that made me sleep during class. Believe me, it never happened before.

What was it with Granger? I hate feeling like this…like I need to see her everyday, and I need to know if she was alright on her own. It made me sick, actually. Who did she think she was, anyway, some goddess? Merlin, I've never felt like this before.

She was the first girl I ever fell in love with.

Merlin, help me.

It was the most impossible love of all. I couldn't even talk to her seriously about anything, much less get close to her or even say 'hi' now and then. It was turning out to be a nightmare. She, of all women, was the one I fell in love with. Hermione Granger, best friend to Harry 'Potty' Potter and Ronald 'Weasel-King' Weasley.

It could never be.

What I meant was…well, it could never be. She and I were total opposites. She hated me—and still does, and I…well, hated her before. It was turning out to be one of those sick one-sided love stories that would end up with total heartbreak and all.

Oh, no. I don't want mine to turn out that way.

But then…it already was. Before it all even started, we were worlds apart. What the hell was I thinking, anyway? She could never even like me. Merlin, after all the things I did to her? No way.

Days passed and the cold December came. Most students were already packing their stuff to go back home for the holidays. I wrote home in advance to tell my folks I wasn't coming home that time. Mother, apparently, was distraught as she read my letter and bawled all day long.

Sheesh.

I didn't feel like coming home. I needed some time off from father and mother. But most of all—

I heard she was staying for the holidays.

Well, yes, I knew there was no chance at all that I could ever get to be alone with her even just for a minute. But seeing her around Hogwarts was better than not seeing her at all.

During holidays, I always walked down the corridors and pathways, trying to see if I could ever come across my favorite Gryffindor. Sometimes it happened, but during those times I just ignored her or threw a nasty remark or so.

I was…well, shy.

She'd always glare at me whenever we'd cross each other's path. Sometimes she just…ignored me, like I wasn't there. It kind of hurt, actually. I mean, she was the girl I really liked and all.

But then, I always did glare at her like she was the most repulsive thing I'd seen, so it did make sense, her being nasty and all. But…I wanted so much for it to change.

I wanted to be close to her.

But…how? It was one of the most impossible things in the history of my life.

Well, sort of.

A few hours later, I knew I had to do it.

I had to be close to her.


Author's Note: Whew! After the agonizing plot bunny jumping up and down my head for the past fifteen minutes, I wrote it. What a relief. :) Like it? Then, do review!

Up Next: Tactics—how far will Draco go to get close to Hermione?