Chapter 23: Trust Issues

"Find away to show Kurt and everyone else that you trust him and that he can trust you. And you have to do it in a way that Kurt can't back out of and where everyone can see you do it."

It was only a week after her arrival that Brin stood before the assembled performers. They were seated on the floor around her, loosely collected by acts. All of them were dressed in their workout clothes, looking at her expectantly. She glanced over at Wolfgang and started to talk.

"Most of you will each play several roles in this show. It's not going to be a circus in the traditional sense as I'm sure you've figured out, so we have to pay close attention to characterization." She began and then paused to let Wolfgang's translating catch up.

"Most of you play a gypsy and a forest creature." Brin checked her notes. "In fact, our only full time forest creatures are Christian and Kurt."

"Full time forest creatures." Christian said laughing. "Dude, that's righteous. Gimme three Kurt!" He held up his hand to high-five Kurt who returned the gesture rather patronizingly.

Brin stared at him. "Sorry," Christian mouthed sheepishly.

"You'll be changing costumes of course, but if you don't change the way you move as well, the audience will know and the illusion will be lost. So that's what we're going to do today. We're going to invent our "forest creature movement". Brin said.

Some of her audience was looking at her quizzically. By the time Wolfgang had finished translating into German and Russian for her, they all were. She had had a feeling this was going to happen. Luckily, Brin was ready. She pulled out a large portable stereo.

"We're going to dance." She said.

Sven raised his hand. "Dance like how?" He asked.

"However we want. We'll each experiment until we find the movements that we like to define our creatures." Brin leaned over and pressed play on the tape deck. She'd borrowed on of James' many electronica tapes. This one was mainly dance music along the techno and house vein. She'd mix it up later, but she figured this was a good beginning since it was most definitely danceable.

She turned it up as loud as it would go and started dancing around. At first everybody was just watching her. She made a point of not dancing in any particular style, simply moving in a way that was suited to the music. When nobody got up to join her, she made her way over to Lars and took him by the hands. He looked amused at first and tried to follow her movements, but finally got the idea and started experimenting. It wasn't long before she'd managed to coax the rest of the group into dancing around on the floor of the tent.

She noticed that it wasn't long before collaborations started. It seemed that the performers naturally wanted to work in teams. She didn't discourage it, but when she noticed too obvious a link up, such as a catcher and flyer pair together, she wandered over and gently cut in. Christian, apparently still thrilled with their full time forest creature titles had joined with Kurt, but the two of them were being way too silly. She caught Christian by the hand and encouraged him to tone it down. Without his comedy partner, Kurt followed suit, crossing the floor to dance with Amanda, who for the first time would be a performer in the show. Actually, now that he was being serious, Brin realized he was the best of the bunch. Then again, he kind of looked like a forest creature anyway.

Brin tried to encourage them to stay away from contrived movements and come up with something new. And for the most part they were. She was sure that it wouldn't be long before they each created an identity of their own through movement. It was her favorite kind of choreography because it came from the performer's heart rather than a set of instructions.

Brin shut the water off and plucked her towel off the hook. After two weeks with the circus she'd gotten into a routine of taking the first shower each morning. She had to admit that of all the so-called amenities that the circus' camp offered, the shower tent was probably the best. They had water from a well but not much else in the way of plumbing so a careful layout had been important. The shower tent was located a little ways from the camp where the water could drain into culvert and be carried into a nearby stream. The toilets were, well, she didn't want to think about the toilets.

The tent itself was some kind of German military issue. It had a wooden frame and even a hinged door, but the roof and sides were made of olive drab canvas. A small propane boiler sat in one corner connected to a showerhead hanging from one of the wood beams that supported the tent. The boiler had enough hot water for one person to take a five minute shower. She usually stretched it out by turning the water off while she soaped up and then turning it back on to rinse off.

It was morning so the air was cool, a little bracing even as she dried off. The heat of the water had caused the tent to fill with steam so Brin cracked the door to let some of it out. Nearly everybody was still asleep. Brin was a morning person and she relished her time alone before the rest of the circus woke up. In an hour there would be people everywhere, but at that very moment all was silent except for their snores. There was no need for modesty so Brin hung the towel up and started combing her hair.

The door to the tent swung open and she screamed; all at once trying to grab the towel, cover herself with her hands, and push the door shut. "Get out!" she yelled throwing her brush at the door. There was a flash of blue and the door slammed closed. It was Kurt. Why did it have to be Kurt?

Ever since the first day, Brin had felt the whole Kurt situation was rapidly escalating beyond her control. He had startled her that was all. She didn't dislike him. In fact, he was quite charming. He was a good friend to James and Wolfgang clearly adored him. Brin desperately wanted to clear up the misunderstanding of their first meeting but was finding it impossible. And now she had screamed at him. Again.

The problem was not so much with Kurt as everyone else. It seemed that the entire circus had a protective instinct when it came to their most high profile acrobat. Whenever Brin came anywhere near him it was only a matter of seconds before she was diverted and pulled in the opposite direction. She couldn't even get a single word in. It had been weeks and she never had a chance to apologize for the first time she screamed at him. Now she had done it again and it was doubtful she'd ever get a chance to apologize for this time.

Brin sighed. There had to be a way to show everybody, including Kurt, that she wasn't afraid of him.

Brin was running everyone through Les Chansons' opening act when Wolfgang walked in carrying a small stack of papers.

"I've got our messages." He called out in German waving them. Wolfgang, tired of having the circus unreachable for months at a time, had finally brought them into the 20th century with voice mail. Now it was finally possible for friends and family members to contact the members of Circus Gehlhaar where ever they were. The recent addition of a satellite phone and fax machine in Wolfgang's office expanded the communication possibilities even further. He could now contact the places they were going to play and arrange for publicity even while they were on the road.

Rehearsal came to an abrupt halt. Wolfgang looked sheepish. "Sorry to interrupt Brin."

She shrugged. "Anything for me?" She asked as Wolfgang passed various papers to the small crowd around him, glancing quickly at each one to make sure it went to the right person.

"Nope. Since you and James are now in the same country neither of you have any messages."

"What about you? Do you have any messages?" James asked. He had gotten up from behind his keyboards and strolled over.

"As a matter of fact I do." Wolfgang said trying to sound innocent. "Maria called. She arrives next week."

Brin jumped up and hugged him. "That's fantastic news! I haven't seen Maria in years."

"Well it's about Goddamn time." James said. He punched Wolfgang on the shoulder.

Wolfgang held up his hand. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Kurt!"

Kurt had started practicing with Petra and had her balanced rather precariously on his hands. "Ja?" He answered without looking away from what he was doing.

"Father Dietrich called."

"Ja?" He switched his grip so Petra could rebalance herself.

"He wants to know how many are coming to mass." Wolfgang said.

Kurt gave Petra a small boost with his hands. She popped into the air and landed in his arms. They both smiled as Kurt gently deposited Petra on her feet. "I'm going." Kurt said as he put her down. He walked over to where Wolfgang was standing.

"I figured that." Said Wolfgang.

"Mass?" James asked.

"Yeah." Wolfgang said. "Kurt has a friend who's a priest. He invites Kurt and anyone else who wants to come for Mass over Christmas. I went last year. It was pretty fun. I'm going to go again."

"Oh. I'll go." James said. "I usually go to mass on Christmas anyways."

"You're Catholic?" Kurt asked.

"I'm a graduate of St. Ignatius Catholic School for boys. Best Catholic education Manhattan has to offer. I was even an Altar boy." James said and rubbed his knuckles on his shirt as though polishing them.

"You were?" Kurt sounded amazed.

"Stop looking at me like I'm some kind of rock star. It's not like it's big deal to be an altar boy. And you've certainly got to watch your behind if you know what I mean." He laughed.

"Watch behind you? Why?"

James opened his eyes wide. "You're kidding. You don't know about priests and…" But before he could finish Wolfgang poked him and shook his head with his finger over his lips.

Kurt looked confused.

"So, where is it?" James asked to change the subject.

"Germany, just outside of Hamburg. It's far. Last year we did to take the train." Kurt said.

"You took a train? How is that possible?" Brin asked. She blanched when Kurt, Wolfgang, and James turned to stare at her. She'd done it again. Maybe it was a good thing that everyone kept her and Kurt separated. It lessened the chances of her saying anything stupid.

"With tickets and luggage, just like everyone else." Kurt said. "They even issue passports to monsters nowadays. What is this world coming to?"

"That's not what she meant." James said.

"I know what she meant." Kurt said. "I'm not in this part of the show. I have other things to do."

"You know" Wolfgang said philosophically after watching Kurt stomp out of the tent, "his English always gets better when he's mad."

"Are you going to go after him?" James asked.

Wolfgang glanced around at the tent flap through which Kurt had made his exit. "No. He's being melodramatic. We all knew what you meant Brin, even if the question was a little blunt."

"I don't know what to do." Brin cried in exasperation. "I know I made a mistake that first day, but I really didn't expect the guy from our living room wall to walk through the door. Now it's hopeless. I might as well stick my foot in my mouth the minute Kurt walks into the room."

"I know what you have to do." Wolfgang said in his "definitive answer" voice.

"Oh no." James deadpanned.

Wolfgang was undeterred. "Find away to show Kurt and everyone else that you trust him and that he can trust you. And you have to do it in a way that Kurt can't back out of and where everyone can see you do it."

"It's that easy huh?" Brin asked sarcastically.

"I didn't say it was easy." Wolfgang said.

"How am I supposed to do all that at once anyways?" Brin asked.

"I don't know. James?"

James shook his head. "No idea."

"You guys are useless." Brin said. She turned away and started gathering everyone up to resume the rehearsal. She wasn't even sure Wolfgang's idea would fix things, and even if it could, how was she going to find a scenario like that. Brin sighed. It was hopeless.