A Defensive Situation
Part 2
Raoul sat at his computer, reading intently. You could get such a wide variety of pairings in the world of fanfiction. Well, mostly Erik/Christine. But even those were rather interesting!
He clicked onto another one and started to read.
"Raoul de Chagny, please tell me that you're not reading fanfiction again!" Christine snapped. Raoul looked rather sheepish.
"Not Raoul-bashing ones."
"Just last week you were distraught about the very existence of fanfiction! And now you've been sucked into it!" Christine pointed out crossly. Raoul tried to look aloof.
"I must have grown as a person. Did you know that Erik likes children?"
"No he doesn't, he hates them." Christine said. Raoul shook his head vehemently.
"No, he really does! He's always finding them abandoned outside the Opera House and raising them as his own!"
Christine groaned and called for the maid to fetch her some aspirin.
"And I keep finding ones where random women run into the Opera House and he falls in love with them. So maybe he didn't really like you that much."
"Yes, he did!" Christine snapped. Raoul looked at her and she flushed. "Well, he must have done."
"Not necessarily. Look, there are Meg/Erik ones. So maybe he really liked her and was just using you to get to her."
"Or maybe he was using me to get to YOU!" Christine shot back. Raoul whimpered and she sighed.
"Turn it off, Raoul. It's giving me a headache."
Nadir was worried. Erik hadn't moved from his computer for over a week. Not even the temptation of Buffy could pull him away. And Nadir had never known Erik to turn down an hour of lithe, blonde, leather clad Slayer.
"Erik, I'm worried about you."
"Shh! Christine and I are about to sing again!" Erik hushed him, reading manically. Nadir offered him a glass.
"Do you want some milk, Erik? You like milk."
"I'm reading, man!" Erik snapped, moving to click to the next chapter. And then he screamed. Nadir jumped.
"What? What is it? Erik's what's happened?"
"THEY HAVEN'T WRITTEN THE NEXT CHAPTER!" Erik shouted. He set his jaw and said solemnly,
"This calls for extreme measures."
"A note?" Nadir guessed.
"No! A review!"
He clicked the little blue button and started to type. Nadir read over his shoulder.
Dear writer
I regret to inform you that should you not post the next chapter of this story within the next week, a disaster beyond your imagination will occur. You have been warned.
Sincerely
TheOneTruePhantom
"TheOneTruePhantom?"
"Yes, it's my penname. Rather clever, don't you think?" Erik said, pleased with himself. Nadir looked at his friend sadly.
"Erik, you need to get some sleep."
"Nonsense, I'm fine." Erik said breezily, searching for another story. Nadir shook his head.
"This is for your own good, Erik."
And he switched the monitor off. Erik stared blankly at the empty screen and started to whimper. Nadir helped him to his feet and put him to bed.
"Go to sleep, Erik. The stories will still be there tomorrow."
"But I might have missed updates!"
"You can catch up later. Sleep now."
Still blubbering, Erik went to sleep. Sucking his thumb. This was worrying, Nadir decided. He had to do something.
So he decided to visit Christine.
"Nadir, thank god you're here! Raoul is obsessed with fanfiction. He hasn't stopped talking about it and trying to discover new pairings!" Christine said, practically pulling Nadir through the door. The Persian straightened his shirt and said,
"Erik's having the same problem. I just don't know what to do. Not even milk and Buffy can tempt him away!"
"It's insane! Most of it is poorly written tripe anyway! I've only found about four good stories on the whole thing!" Christine wailed.
Nadir looked at the poor girl in pity. She looked devastated.
"I'm sure we'll figure something out."
"But what?"
"…I didn't think this through." Nadir admitted. Christine sighed, pacing the room.
"All I wanted was to live happily ever after. I mean, every other fictional heroine gets to live happily ever after. Have you seen Cinderella lately? Little tramp, wandering around like she owns the world. She got happily ever after! That's what Raoul and I were supposed to get. Is that so much to ask?"
Nadir didn't answer. Christine sank into a nearby chair, looking thoroughly miserable.
"I sometimes wonder why I didn't just choose Erik. I know, because he's a murderer, mentally unstable and, frankly, smells a little strange. I mean, I love Raoul. That's why I married the guy, But things just seems easier with Erik."
They both jumped as a brick came hurtling through the window. Christine seized it. A piece of paper was wrapped around it. She read it quickly and then tossed it into the fire. Nadir blinked and she shrugged.
"Another E/C list. That's the third one this morning."
"Something has to be done."
"I know, but what? How can we beat the phans/fans? There are thousands of them!" Christine cried. Nadir considered and then said casually,
"You could try beating them at their own game."
"What do you mean? Writing a story about how much I hate stories? That's a little hypocritical, don't you think?"
"A tad. Or you could just make a public announcement that you have no intention of leaving Raoul and start using restraining orders on the phans/fans." Nadir suggested.
Christine smiled weakly.
"OK. I'll give it a try."
"Good. But first, could you come and see Erik? I'm really quite worried."
"Nadir, I doubt even dressing up as Buffy the Vampire slayer with a pint of milk in one hand would save him now."
She caught the look on his face and glowered.
"I am NOT dressing up as Buffy the Vampire Slayer!"
Erik sat hunched over the keyboard, typing feverishly as he posted review after review. Christine sighed sadly as she looked through the door with Nadir.
"I'll try to talk to him, but I make no promises."
She stepped out into the room and put her hand on Erik's shoulder. He glanced up in surprise.
"Christine! What are you doing here?"
"Nadir and I are worried about you, Erik. We think you have a problem."
"What on earth do you mean?" Erik said. Christine gestured at the screen.
"Fanfiction. It has to stop. You and Raoul are both being sucked into the evil that is fanfiction."
"It's not evil it's marvellous! Here, look at this! Even after I've kidnapped you, beaten you, locked you up and threatened everything you ever cared about you still like me!" He said, tapping the screen excitedly.
Christine looked at him pityingly.
"Erik, when was the last it you drank some milk?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Because I think you need some." She handed him a glass and Erik drank. He wiped his mouth, tossed the glass to one side and went to check his favourite stories, hoping someone may have updated in the last five minutes. Christine groaned and sat down beside him.
"Erik, come on! When was the last time you caused some mayhem in the Opera House?"
"Can't remember."
"How many chandeliers have you destroyed in the last week?"
"None."
"How many ballet rats have you made scream?"
"Well, I've been a little preoccupied…" Erik said lamely. Christine sighed.
"You have a problem. I want you and Raoul to sit down and talk through your problems with a counsellor."
"I don't want to! I like fanfiction! It's perfectly healthy." Erik said firmly. Christine lifted an eyebrow and read a summary.
"Christine and Erik must battle against the forces that threaten their love. EC fluff. Oh please. And who is this 'evanescence'?"
"A band. They're rather good." Erik said. He held up a box. "I got their album."
"Erik! This has to stop! You and I are not getting back together and at this rate, Raoul and I will be history! There's no need to look so happy." She warned.
Erik's face fell and Christine got to her feet.
"Please Erik. Just stop reading it. You and Raoul. Just turn to computer off, watch some Buffy, have some milk and maybe some of those Smartie cookies that you like. Write an opera. Do anything except read fanfiction!"
Erik chewed his nail for a moment and then asked,
"Can I write it?"
"NO!" Christine snarled, pulling the plug for the computer. The screen went blank and Christine stormed from the cellar.
Nadir was waiting outside. He looked up from his newspaper as she came out.
"Well?"
"I think we need a new plan." Christine said crossly.
A/N: OK, I was going to keep this as a one-shot but I couldn't resist putting a bit more. I expect there will be mroe chapters. I did a check to see if the username 'TheOneTruePhantom' exists and I don't think it does. but if it it does, I'm sorry! Lol, leave a review.
