A Defensive Situation
Part 3
Erik was delighted. Nadir could tell that just from the back of his head. The Phantom rubbed his hands together, smiling manically. He put down the newspaper and sighed.
"What's going on?"
"I just wrote a flame." Erik giggled.
Nadir blinked.
"What?"
"A flame, man, a flame! When you tell a person exactly how bad they are and how disgusted you are with them!"
"You write those to the managers and Carlotta every week. What's so special about this one?"
Nadir got up and went to the computer. His heart sank as he read the flame.
Hey! U suk.
"What do you think?" Erik asked excitedly. Nadir looked at his friend sadly.
"Erik, what did Christine tell you to do?"
"Oh, I can't remember every little thing she says." Erik said dismissively. Nadir blinked at him.
"You don't?"
"After you've read this many stories, it all gets a bit confusing. Ooh, I haven't read this one." He quickly clicked onto a link.
Nadir stared at the screen.
"What on earth is an EOW?"
"Erik/Original Woman story. There's quite a few of them, but I do prefer EC." Erik said vaguely. Nadir considered him for a moment.
"You have Original Women?"
"Hmm. Extremely beautiful singers in need of my talents." He said. Nadir rolled his eyes and went to the phone. He quickly dialled Christine's number. She answered, sounding irritable.
"What?"
"It's Nadir."
"Any progress?" she asked hopefully.
"He's going downhill. He's started writing badly spelt flames."
"Oh, for goodness sake!" Christine cried. Nadir asked,
"How's Raoul?"
"Not much better. Fortunately he hasn't yet discovered how to review. I'm sick of it, Nadir. I'm considering just packing up and leaving."
"You're going to leave Raoul?"
Erik launched himself at Nadir, trying to snatch the phone away. After a few minutes of scuffling, Erik managed to get the phone, whilst sitting on Nadir's back, twisting his arm behind his head.
"Christine?"
"Erik is that you?" She said, surprised.
"You're leaving the fop? Really?" Silence and Erik gave a delighted chuckle. "Wonderful! You can come and live with me!"
"Not likely, Erik. Not if you're still reading fanfiction."
Erik considered.
"Alright… I'll give it up. If you come and stay with me for a week, I'll give up fanfiction."
"Erik, you do remember that I'm married don't you?" He made a dismissive noise.
"Oh, that's alright. See if you can get Raoul to beat you up a little before you arrive so I can tenderly care for your wounds. Christine? Christine, are you there?"
He stared at the dead phone.
"She hung up."
"Erik?" Nadir mumbled.
"Yes?"
"Get off me."
Christine glared at the telephone. She was almost positive that Erik hadn't been this perverted before. Bloody fanfiction. She glanced into the next room, where Raoul was chuckling over a story.
"Hey, look at this one! You and Erik are about to run off to some foreign country and live happily ever after. Like that would ever happen."
"It could have!" Christine objected. Raoul looked at her.
"What?"
"Raoul, I'm giving you an ultimatum. Do you love me?"
"Well of course I do! Why else would I have trekked through those nasty cellars and gotten all wet to rescue you?" Raoul said, blinking.
"Yes, I know. Apparently it would have been too difficult to use the lift." Christine said icily. "The point is that things have changed. Either you stop reading fanfiction or I'm leaving."
"What? Where would you go?" Raoul said, blankly.
"Actually, Erik has said I can stay with him, and I think I might. I'll be gone for a week and when I come back I want that computer gone and you to be over this obsession!" she told him crossly.
Raoul was about to jump up and protest when the computer beeped. One of his favourite stories had updated. He gasped in delight and threw himself at the screen, reading desperately.
Christine stared at him, burst into tears and stormed out.
There was a knock at the door to the cellar. Erik ignored it. Nadir glanced over at him.
"There's someone at the door."
"Open it then."
"It's your cellar, Erik."
"If you want to let them in, you can." Erik told him crossly, reading intently. There was another knock at the door and Nadir sighed.
"Erik, it's your door!"
"I'm busy!"
Another knock at the door and a voice called out.
"Erik, are you there?"
"Christine!" Erik fell off his computer chair, running for the door but ended up tripping headfirst into the lake. Nadir rolled his eyes and went to the door. Christine smiled brightly at him.
"Hi Nadir. Is Erik in?"
"He's having a swim." Nadir said, gesturing at the lake. Christine stared at Erik, who was climbing out of the lake, absolutely drenched.
"Did you fall in again?"
"Again?" Nadir asked.
Christine nodded, dumping her bag on the ground.
"Oh yes. He brought me down here, after the first time I sang Think of Me. We were doing this great song and as he climbed out of the boat to welcome me into his home, he slipped and fell in."
"They left that part out of the movie!" Nadir sniggered. Erik straightened his hair, putting on a dignified face, despite the water pouring off of him.
"Christine… how may I assist you?"
"You told me to come, so I did. One week and you quit reading fanfiction." Christine said, looking around the rather messy cellar. Erik flushed slightly.
"I was going to tidy."
"Hmm." Christine said, clearly not convinced. She glanced over at the computer and Erik started to make an excuse. But Christine simply marched over to the machine, switched it off, picked up the hard drive and dropped it into the lake. Erik's eyes widened in horror but Christine simply looked at him.
"There. Your first step is over. Where am I sleeping?"
He gestured to a door. Christine picked up her bag and walked over but she paused and glanced back at him.
"Erik?"
"Yes?" he said, looking over at her. She smiled.
"Two things really. One… thanks for letting me stay here."
Erik felt his heart jump as he smiled back.
"And the second thing?"
"Get that thing the hell out of here. It's creepy." She nodded at the mannequin of herself before going into her room. Erik glanced at the mannequin and Nadir said,
"I see her point. You could at least have put some clothes on it after she took the wedding dress."
"Oh, fine." Erik said sulkily, picking the mannequin up and stuffing it into a cupboard.
Nadir knocked on Christine's door.
"Come in." he went in and said,
"Settling in OK?"
"Yeah, it's good." Christine said, putting her bag into the wardrobe and looking around the room. Nadir checked to make sure that Erik was busy before saying,
"I've got to warn you, he's been acting a little… oddly."
"You mean more so than usual?" Christine asked. Nadir nodded and said,
"You might want to sit down."
She sat on the edge of the bed and he took a chair.
"Look, I've been doing some research into fanfiction… no, I'm not becoming obsessed, with it." He said, seeing the look on her face. "But I've found out some of the plots, and Erik has taken to… acting them out."
"Acting them out?"
"Yes. So keep your door locked while you're sleeping, keep your hand at the level of your eyes and for god's sake, don't start singing!" Nadir warned.
Christine stared at him.
"It can't possibly be that bad."
"Oh, it is."
They were interrupted by a loud smashing noise. Christine stared around.
"What the hell was that?"
"He's smashing mirrors again." Nadir said tiredly. He opened the door and they peered out. Erik was grinning widely, holding a candlestick in one hand, shards of glass lying around. Nadir sighed.
"Erik, you have to stop. We're running out of mirrors."
Erik looked at him blankly.
"Don't be ridiculous. We can buy more. Besides, it's fun." He hit out at another mirror and Christine shrieked as glass flew everywhere. Erik looked over at her.
"Unpacked already?"
"Yes…" Christine said, picking a piece of glass out of her hair. Nadir looked at her helplessly and she nodded.
"Erik?" she said, gently. He looked over at her and she went to him, talking the candlestick from his hands.
"Why don't we just put this down and watch Buffy for a while?" she suggested, guiding him to the comfy chair. He sat down placidly and she flicked the television on.
"There you go. You wait right here and I'll get you a glass of milk." She said, sounding very much like a nurse with a mental patient. Nadir rather admired her.
He went to the fridge as she poured some milk and whispered,
"Don't let him start playing any instruments if possible. Oh, and don't go swimming in the lake. Because then he'll think you're injured, rip his shirt off and jump in to save you."
"Why would he do that?" Christine asked, frowning. Nadir shrugged.
"Fanfiction is odd."
Christine sighed and handed the milk to Erik, along with a cookie. He nibbled absently, as Buffy stabbed a demon. Christine glanced at the screen. Much as she hated to admit it, Buffy actually had some nice clothes. Maybe dressing up as her wouldn't be so bad…
"Well, I'm heading off." Nadir said, pulling on his coat. Christine whipped around and stared at him.
"You're leaving!"
"Yes."
"But… I thought…"
"Christine, I DO have a life outside of Erik, you know." Nadir said tiredly. He passed her the gameboy.
"Here, this is fun. Erik usually eats in a couple of hours, but you might want to prepare your own food. There's plenty lying around."
"Why can't I let him do my food? Is he going to sleep some sort of drug into it and take advantage of me? God, phans/fans are crazy." Christine groaned.
Nadir looked at her oddly.
"No, that won't happen. Erik's just not a very good cook."
"Oh. Right. Can you do me a favour?"
"I suppose so." Nadir said, looking around for his keys. Christine handed them to him.
"Can you check on Raoul? I'm a little worried about him."
"Sure. Good luck, Christine de Chagny."
He shook her head solemnly and disappeared. Christine stared after him and then glanced over at Erik who was watching Buffy run through a cemetery.
It was going to be a long week.
A/N: Well, there you go. Chapter 3. Lol, funny thing happened. I intended this as a one shot but figured I might a well write another chapter because no one will ever read it.
This story has now been nominated in the Comedy/Parody category of the Phanfiction Readers Choice Award.
Ain't life funny? For more information on the awards, there's a link in my profile. Voting hasn't started yet, but nominations are still open. Spread the word, we want as many people as possible to know about these awards!
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Lotsa luv
Katie
