A Defensive Situation

Part 4

Get me out of here, Christine thought desperately. Erik was bustling around the kitchen, stuffing a chicken and chattering happily.

"But Nadir thinks that Angel should kill Buffy, which just doesn't make sense. You know what I mean; it'd be like me killing you, which would never happen!"

Christine smiled, somewhat forcedly. What the hell was he putting in that chicken? It looked like rhubarb. Christine wasn't particularly culinary but she was pretty sure that chicken didn't go with rhubarb.

"Erik?"

"Yes?" he said, turning to her. She stared at his apron. Kiss the Cook. Oh dear God.

"I think I'll just order a pizza."

"But I'm making us chicken!" Erik said, pointing at the bird. He hadn't bothered to pluck it and feathers were flying in all directions. Christine smiled weakly.

"Yes… but… I really fancy a pizza."

"Oh. OK. As long as we can have pepperoni on it." Erik said, throwing the chicken into the lake. Apparently everything that he no longer needed ended up in the lake.

Whilst Erik ordered a pizza, Christine went to her room to find her handbag. She was reasonably sure that she was going to need some aspirin before the evening was out.


Erik scooped up a piece of cheese, pineapple and pepperoni pizza. His three favourite toppings. Nadir never let him order all three together. Christine, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind. True, she had taken the pineapple off, but she'd given it to him. That had to count for something, right?

Christine chewed her slice of pizza and Erik glanced at her sideways. Stupid fop. If it hadn't been for him, Christine would still be with him. They could sing all day, take boat rides on the lake, scare little ballet girls. That was always very entertaining.

Christine swallowed her mouthful of pizza and said,

"How's everything upstairs?"

"I have no idea. Haven't been up in a while." He admitted. She frowned.

"Why not?"

"I've been… preoccupied."

"Fanfiction?"

"Hmm."

She sighed.

"Well, I think it's time that you started wreaking some havoc. You can start slow. Maybe just some threatening notes."

"I could try…" Erik said, doubtfully. Christine smiled.

"I have faith in you. You can just work up to big stuff. I hear they've got a new chandelier in. The next time there's an opera on…"

Erik considered her.

"That sounds fun. But for now I think I'll just eat some pizza. Can I have your pineapple?" She passed the little pile of yellow chunks to him and he dotted them over the slice of pizza. Christine smiled.

"This is fun. I hardly ever eat pizza."

"Why not?"

"Raoul's worried about his carbs intake." She said dismissively. Erik eyed her for a moment and then snorted.

"What a pansy."

"Erik, Raoul is not a pansy. He's simply taking care of himself. Which is more than I can say for you. When was the last time you showered?" Christine said sharply.

Erik didn't reply. He wasn't sure he wanted to answer that question.

"Well, you have to admit that he is a fop."

"No, I don't, because he's my husband!" Christine objected. Erik shrugged.

"Fine. Whatever. You know it's true."

"That's it. I'm taking my pineapple back." Christine said, snatching the fruit from him. Erik snatched it back. Christine held it out of his reach.

"You don't like pineapple!" he whined.

"It's the principle of it! Either you stop making fun of Raoul or you never get my pineapple again." she told him.

Erik pulled a face and turned away.

"Don't want it that much anyway."

"Fine." She tossed the handful into the lake. Erik jumped up in horror.

"Good God woman, what are you doing!"

"You said you didn't want it." Christine said innocently. He stared from her to the lake and stuck his bottom lip out. Christine rolled her eyes and went to put her plate in the dishwasher.

"I'm going for a shower. Can you keep yourself busy for half an hour?" she asked.

"Of course I can." He said haughtily. Christine sighed.

"Good."

As soon as she had gone into the bathroom, Erik made sure she was really occupied before sneaking into his bedroom and unfolding the laptop. A few minutes later he was online and greedily reading the latest updates.


Christine snuggled happily into the warm covers of her bed. This was nice. She loved Raoul dearly, but he always hogged the blankets. She'd forgotten how much she liked being single. At least Erik had never tried to steal her blankets. She'd caught him trying to take her underwear once, but after a sharp talking-to he gave up.

She slept peacefully for a while before a strange noise woke her up. She sat up, peering blearily around the room.

"Wha?"

"Come to me, Angel of Music…" said a haunting voice. Christine ground her teeth.

"Knock it off, Erik! I'm tired."

She lay back down but a few moments later he began to sing again.

"Anywhere you go let me go too… Christine, that's all I ask of-"

"Erik, SHUT UP!" Christine screamed furiously. Climbing out of bed she went to the door and wrenched it open. Erik jumped back, from where he had clearly been looking through the keyhole.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Er… winning your eternal love?" Erik guessed with a hopeful grin. Christine glared at him, aware that her hair probably resembled a mushroom cloud.

"Erik, it is 2 AM. I am tired and married. Now go to bed. Your bed!"

She slammed the door shut and turned back to her bed. But before she could get back in Erik called out,

"I scraped my knee. Can you come and tenderly care for my wounds?"

"No. Go to bed."

"…Can't sleep."

"Why not?" Christine demanded.

"Too much pineapple. It makes me hyper."

Christine felt like crying. But instead she opened the door and looked at him. He was dressed in black and red pyjamas and looked rather sweet. Christine sighed.

"Fine. Go to bed, I'll make you some warm milk." Erik darted to his bedroom. Christine rolled her eyes as she stamped to the kitchen.

"This is exactly why I don't want kids." She muttered.

When she got to Erik he was tucked into bed. Christine noted that he had a small teddy bear, which he had fashioned a little mask for. It was also holding a small noose. She sighed and handed him the milk.

"Drink this. I put some sleeping aid in it, it should knock you right out."

"Can you sing me a lullaby?" Erik asked. Christine eyed him.

"Nadir told me not to start singing and frankly I trust him a hell of a lot more than a grown man with a masked teddy bear."

"Leave Mr Punjab out of it." Erik said sorely. Christine sighed.

"OK, fine. I won't make fun of the bear. But I'm not singing. Drink your milk." He sipped it and looked at her again. She was looking around the bedroom casually.

Damn. He'd forgotten exactly how hot she was in her nightdress.

Christine glanced at the clock. She was exhausted and this was only the first night. She hoped Raoul was OK. And that he threw out the milk, it was out of date. And that he had stopped reading fanfiction. Had he even noticed that she was gone?

"Finished." Erik said sleepily, waving his empty mug at her. She took it and pushed him back into the pillows.

"Go to sleep."

"K, Christine." He yawned. Christine waited until he had drifted off and then smiled slightly. He was rather cute when he slept. Although, that thumb-sucking habit was a little worrying.

She returned to her own room and climbed into bed. Sleep drifted over her and the last thought before she went to sleep was did I turn the boiler off…?


Breakfast was an odd affair. Apparently the sleeping aid had been far more efficient than Christine had thought because when she woke up at 8:30 Erik was still flat out. She had a quick shower and was just trying to decide what to have for breakfast when Nadir came in, carrying bagels.

"Good morning. How was he last night?" Nadir asked, placing the box on the table and helping himself to coffee. Christine sighed.

"He was fine most of the time. We ordered pizza and he threw a tantrum after I told him to stop insulting Raoul. Then I went for a shower and left him to think about what he'd done. And he was OK after that, until about two in the morning when he started singing to me and trying to persuade me to care for his scraped knee."

"What did you do?" Nadir asked, munching a bagel. Christine smirked.

"Gave him some Nytol. Knocked him right out."

"Why didn't I think of that?" Nadir wondered aloud.

They were interrupted by a groaning Erik emerging, dressed in black trousers and a red shirt. He glared at them both before drinking two cupfuls of coffee without pausing for breath.

"Good morning Erik." Christine said casually. Erik mumbled something and took a bagel. Nadir said casually,

"Sleep well?"

"What the hell did you give me, Christine?" He demanded.

"Nytol. Because I was tired and you were keeping me up. Did you know that you snore, by the way?" Christine asked. Erik glared at her.

"I do not."

"Yes, you do. You also sing in your sleep. You kept singing The Proclaimers 'I'm on my way'." Christine told him. Nadir snorted and Erik pushed him swiftly into the lake.

"No harm in a little musical variation." He said calmly, taking a third cup of coffee. Christine sipped hers and glanced over at the spluttering Nadir.

"How was Raoul?"

"Still reading when I got there. I managed to tear him away for an hour or so by playing 'I Spy' with him. He's really not very good at it, is he?"

"No. He spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what began with C before figuring out it was me." Christine said, smiling fondly at the thought of her husband. Erik scowled and Nadir said,

"I told him that you'd ring him today."

"I suppose I'd better make sure that he's not reading phanfiction." Christine nodded. She went to her room to use the phone and Erik slumped into his seat.

Nadir looked at him.

"Are you sulking?"

"No."

"Yes you are. You're pouting and everything."

"…Christine insulted Mr Punjab. That's all."

"And the fact that the woman you love is currently on the phone to her husband means nothing at all?"

"Why would it?" Erik demanded. Nadir shrugged.

"I don't know. But you might want to hide the Raoul voodoo doll, all the same."

After a moment's consideration, Erik realised that he was probably right and stuffed it into the cupboard with Christine mannequin.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I really want a Mr Punjab… oh well, I'll have to do with hugging my POTO DVD. SQUEE!

Lotsa luv

Katie