A Defensive Situation

Part 5

Nadir spent the day with Christine and Erik, watching in amusement as they constantly bickered. Christine was continually pointing out things that he was doing wrong, to which Erik would repeatedly insult Raoul. This would lead to Christine pointing out something particularly irritating or disgusting, and Erik would remind her of her husband's addiction to fanfiction and the fact that when she had rung him up, it had taken him a few minutes to remember who she was.

At this point Christine promptly burst into tears, threw a candelabra at him and threw Mr Punjab into the lake. Erik screamed in a remarkably feminine fashion and dived in after his beloved teddy bear. Christine looked over at Nadir.

"I'm not going to survive a week, Nadir. You have to get me out of here!" she pleaded but Nadir shrugged.

"You promised to stay a week. You can't go back on your promise."

"I bloody well can if my mental state is at risk!" Christine hissed. Erik climbed out the lake, grinning manically and clutching Mr Punjab to his chest.

"Look! I found a penny in the lake!"

He waved the shiny coin at them and Christine started to wail into her hands. Erik looked shocked and handed the coin to her.

"Here. You can have it. Don't cry."

"I'm not crying about the penny!" she said. He frowned.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm going insane! I can't stay here, Erik. I'll never survive the week." She sobbed. Erik blinked and looked at Nadir, who shrugged.

"Uh… well… if it helps, we can order pizza again. Without pineapple." He said, trying to be helpful.

Christine sniffed and looked at him. He was watching her with wide eyes, soaked from the lake and holding the drenched bear in one hand. She had to smile, although a little tearfully. Erik smiled back and went to leave Mr Punjab in a warm place to dry off. Christine glanced over at Nadir.

"Do you think this will work? That'll he'll stop reading if I do stay."

"Of course. He'd kill for you, Christine."

"I know, he did. Remember, Joseph Buqet?"

Nadir stared at her.

"Erik didn't kill Joseph Buqet."

"Yes, he did!" Christine replied. Nadir sighed and shouted for Erik. He came back.

"Yes?"

"Erik, did you tell everyone that you killed Joseph Buqet?" Nadir asked. Erik flushed slightly.

"Well… about that…"

"You didn't kill him?" Christine said, shocked.

"No, he didn't. He found Joseph playing with his noose and told him to stop. Joseph freaked out at the sight of him and slipped. Erik just happened to be there." Nadir said.

Erik went bright red and Christine smirked.

"You never killed him? Have you ever killed anyone?"

"Yes, I killed the circus man."

"You were eight! Have you killed anyone since you became an adult?" Christine demanded. Erik swallowed.

"Well… I killed their spirit. By sending rude notes."

Christine snorted with laughter and Nadir smiled. Erik looked rather affronted. He interrupted their laughter by saying.

"Hey, I could kill someone!"

"Sure…" Christine said. Erik glared at her.

"I could! I'll kill Nadir, right here, right now!"

"Go on then!" Christine dared him. Nadir stopped laughing as Erik reached for his Punjab. Nadir hastily lifted his hand up and Erik glared at him.

"I'm going to kill that Giry woman. Did she tell EVERYONE about that 'hand at the level of your eyes' thing?"

"Only Raoul and he forgot anyway." Nadir commented. Erik grinned.

"Oh yeah… I would have killed him."

"You didn't though." Christine pointed out. Erik narrowed his eyes.

"Only because you got all seductive and started making out with me. And you ruined the dress."

"It was only a bit of water." Christine replied.

"Not the point! Do you know how long it took me to get hold of that? You can't exactly walk into a dressmakers and say 'hello, I need a dress for someone who doesn't know yet, but I'm going to marry her. No, I don't know her size. No, I don't have any measurements. No, I don't have a second name or an address.' It would be ridiculous!" Erik said haughtily.

Christine, to her credit, did look a little impressed.

"So where did you get it?" she asked.

"Nadir made it." Erik said simply. Christine turned to stare at Nadir.

"You made it?"

"Yes. I happen to be very good at making clothes. I make all of Erik's." Nadir said, modestly. Erik snorted but stared as Christine seized Nadir's wrist,

"Ooh, could you make me a copy of that dress from the Phantom of the Opera movie? You know, the pink one Christine wears to the Masquerade? I loved that dress!"

"I'm sure I could manage." Nadir smiled. Christine squealed and hugged him. Erik smirked.

"You can do her a copy of that lingerie she was wearing during the Angel of Music/The Phantom of the Opera/The Music of the Night scene as well. I'd have no complaints."

"Sure, do that as well. Raoul thought what's-her-name from the film looked good in that!" Christine said happily.

Wow. That plan backfired, Erik thought bitterly as Christine skipped away to her bedroom, humming cheerfully. Nadir checked his watch.

"It's almost time for lunch. Want me to run out for something?"

"Wouldn't say no to a Chinese." Erik said. Nadir nodded and called to Christine.

"We're having Chinese for lunch. Want something else?"

"No, Chinese is good. Make sure you get crispy duck and pancakes!" Christine called.

Nadir wondered exactly when it was that he became an errand boy. He also wondered why he wasn't getting paid for it.


After lunch Christine and Nadir persuaded Erik to go up to the Opera House to cause a little trouble. He eventually gave in and trotted off and Christine sighed, leaning back in her seat.

"I always wondered what it would be like if I chose Erik. Now I know. Pineapple and Nytol."

"Can I ask you something?" Nadir said, putting the Chinese food boxes in the bin.

"Sure." Christine said, stretching.

"Why didn't you choose Erik?"

Christine looked around to make sure that Erik was really gone and said in a hushed, almost embarrassed voice,

"Nadir, the thing is… I was going to choose Erik."

"Really? What happened?" Nadir said, sitting down in fascination. Christine sighed.

"It was all such a big misunderstanding. See, he dragged me down here and I put on the dress. He was throwing a total tantrum and I was going to do this big song about how I loved him etc etc."

"And then Raoul showed up?" Nadir guessed. Christine nodded.

"Exactly. I tried to get rid of him."

Nadir frowned.

"You did? When?"

"Well… Raoul did his little song 'Free her. Do what you like, only free her' And I said, 'please Raoul it's useless.' I was trying to be subtle! Only then Erik got all weird, and strung him up by the neck. So I started kissing him, and he told me to get lost." Christine said miserably.

Nadir blinked.

"But… but you went back and gave him the ring?"

"I slipped my phone number inside. But I guess he didn't notice, cos he never called. I figured he didn't want me anymore and I married Raoul." Christine explained. Nadir looked at her sympathetically.

"Damn."

"Tell me about it. I mean, it's not that I don't love Raoul. He's a sweetie and I'm going to stick with him. But Erik is so…" she struggled for words. Nadir suggested,

"Sexy?"

"I'm disturbed that you think so, but yes."

"I don't think so. But everyone else tells me that he is." Nadir said defensively.

Christine smiled and then sighed.

"So… that's what really happened. Bloody men, if they'd just listened to me we'd all be OK. Raoul would have found someone nice. I'd be with Erik. Not that I want to be, anymore." She said hurriedly. Nadir raised an eyebrow and she groaned.

"OK, fine. He's sexy. He's sex on legs. What's your point?"

"My point is that when you leave at the end of the week, will you be able to cope?"

"Of course. If I can get Raoul off fanfiction we can go back to normal." Christine said firmly.

Nadir didn't believe a word of it, but checked his watch.

"You'll want to move." He warned her.

"Why?"

"Buffy's starting in 42 seconds and you're in Erik's chair." She got up and moved to a different seat. In twenty two seconds Erik rushed in, leapt into his chair and turned the television on eagerly.

Christine looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

Stupid sexy phantom.


Stupid sexy phantom.

Raoul glared at the phone. Stupid Erik and his stupid singing, captivating stupid Christine.

No, wait, he liked Christine. Raoul sighed and looked over at the computer. There could be new updates. But for all he knew, Christine could be aware that he was reading fanfiction.

He liked Christine, he really did. And it wasn't like he was about to start beating her up because she'd gone to see Erik, despite what some of the writers on believed.

But he had his suspicions. And one of those suspicions was that Christine was in fact, not completely and entirely over Erik, hard as that might be to believe.

And the fact that she had gone to stay with him only confirmed this. The phans/fans were delighted, of course. He'd seen them having a party on the lawn. This had irritated him. Hello, he was still married to her.

Stupid phantom and his stupid phans.

A/N: If I'd had my way, the musical would have a bit like this –

Raoul: Free her! Do what you like, only free her! Have you no pity?

Erik: Your lover makes a passionate plea.

Christine: Please Raoul, it's useless.

Raoul: I love her! Does that mean nothing? I lo-

Christine: AHEM! I believe I said 'please Raoul, it's useless.'

Raoul and Erik: Wha?

Christine: Now, Raoul, if you wouldn't make skedaddling.

Raoul: But… but…

Erik: Woohoo!

(Christine and Erik run off into the sunset, leaving Raoul standing there.)

THE END.

See? Wouldn't that have been so much better?