Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter and his little friends and enemies (heck, the whole damn series) or Finding Nemo. Well. Got that over with.
Chappie ONE/UNO/ICHI/uhm... I dunno th' rest...
Everybody is sitting in a big auditorium type dealy (aka: great hall). The head table is used as a stage. Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle are standing with scripts.
Malfoy: Can I have your attention please?
Everyone: keeps talking
Malfoy: Hello? Anybody?
Everyone: ignores him
Malfoy: LISTEN TO ME GODDAMMIT!
Everyone: silence
Malfoy: THANK you. I have the scripts for the school play with me and...
Harry: Why does he have to be in charge of this?
Hermione: I don't know. I bet he's given us all lousy parts.
Ron: Bloody right. I don't know what the bloody hell made Dumbledore choose him to lead the play.
Harry: Me neither.
Malfoy: Will you please shut up?
Harry: Sorry.
Ron: Bloody sorry, asshole.
Malfoy: WHAT was that last part?
Ron: Nothing, bloody hell.
Malfoy: Anyways. Where was I? Oh right! I have the scripts for the school play here. The play this year will be Finding Nemo.
Everyone: What the hell is that?
Ron: What the bloody hell is that?
Malfoy: It's some strange Muggle production. Dumbledore likes it.
Ron: Well, that bloody settles it. And why the bloody hell did Dumbledore put you in charge?
Malfoy: Because I'm responsibe and I asked politely.
Harry: Yeah right.
Malfoy: And I bribed him with those Muggle lemon drops.
Ron: And where the bloody hell did you get your filthy hands on those?
Malfoy: Your mum gave them to me.
Ron: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?
Malfoy: Just kidding. I stole them. Now, can we please get back on topic? Thank you. I have selected people for the parts. There are no changes possible. Nemo will be played by Harry Potter.
Harry: That's a stupid name.
Malfoy: And for those of you who are too stupid to figure anything out by yourselves, please come up and get your script when I tell you what part I've given you.
Harry: Grrr... gets script
Malfoy: Ron is Bruce.
Ron: Who the bloody hell is Bruce?
Malfoy: You'll find out if you actually look at the script.
Ron: Grr... Bloody idiot...
Malfoy: Hermione is Dory.
Hermione: Is that a big part?
Malfoy: (hearts in his eyes) Yeah...
Hermione: Is Dory a good part?
Malfoy: Only the best for you...
Hermione: smacks him with her wand
Malfoy: Neville is Jacques.
Neville: But I can't do a French accent.
Everyone: ...
Malfoy: How do you know that Jacques has a French accent?
Neville: turns bright red My... gran... took... me... to... see... it...
Malfoy: In a Muggle theatre?
Neville: turning redder Yes...
Malfoy: You stupid loser! You're practically a Muggle!
Neville: No! No! It's my gran! She made me! I didn't want to go! Honest I didn't! Please don't kill me! WHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! (starts crying)
Malfoy: I'm sorry! Now shut up all ready!
Neville: O-okay...
Everybody: HEY EVERYBODY! MALFOY SAID HE WAS SORRY TO NEVILLE OF ALL PEOPLE!
Malfoy: (smoke coming out of his nostrils) SHUT UP OR I WILL RELEGATE ALL OF YOU TO A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!
Everyone: And that is...
Malfoy: Eating Hagrid's rock cakes. Back on topic... Seamus is Marlin.
Seamus: Thanks.
Malfoy: Ginny is Darla.
Ginny: Finally someone with a normal name.
Malfoy: Um... Right... Do you know who she is?
Ginny: No, I'm not a Muggle... Why?
Malfoy: No reason... Crabbe and Goyle are going to be Anchor and Chum, respectively.
Crabbe and Goyle: take scripts
Ron: Bloody no! I'm Bruce and they're his bloody friends!
Malfoy: How do you know?
Ron: I've read that much of the bloody script.
Malfoy: Oh, right then... Dean is Gill. Lavender is Deb/Flo. Parvati will be Coral. Cho will play Peach. Ron is also playing the dentist. Colin is -
Some Time Later...
Malfoy: So that's all of the parts.
Everyone that doesn't have a part: WHAT ABOUT US?
Malfoy: Well… You guys can be crabs, pelicans, turtles, or fish. Take your pick.
Extras: Aaaawwwwwww…
Ron: So when the bloody hell is this Muggle play going to happen?
Mrs. Weasley's face in the fire place: Why the bloody hell are you saying bloody all the bloody time?
A/N: Well we hope that you guys liked this story.
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That was Seppuku, by the way. Luv ya! ;)
Kanshi
