A Defensive Situation

Part 7

Erik and Christine were watching another Buffy episode when Nadir came back.

"No good. My sources are all empty, but they said they'd contact me if they found something out. Which episode is it?" He said, sitting down and taking a Smartie cookie.

"The one where Buffy's mum dies." Erik said casually. "They could have done it a bit more dramatically."

"It IS dramatic." Christine said crossly

"Not really. Vampire attack, much more interesting."

"Well, what do you know? You didn't even get on with your mother. She hated you." Christine muttered. Nadir began to choke on a cookie and Erik glared at him.

"Shut up."

"What?" Christine asked curiously. Nadir finished coughing and said,

"Erik's mother doesn't hate him."

"She doesn't?"

"No. She adores him."

"Nadir, will you just stop talking?" Erik said crossly.

Christine stared at Erik.

"You told me that your mother hated you! Remember, a mother's fear and loathing?"

"That's rubbish. She calls him once a week to see how he is. She thinks he's a banker." Nadir said.

"WHAT!" Christine laughed. Erik glared at them both and Nadir grinned, enjoying himself.

"She's a lovely woman. Lives in Brighton."

"Erik, why did you tell me she hated you?" Christine asked, bemused.

Erik began to pace the cellar.

"It sounds so much more dramatic! I live under an Opera House for crying out loud, I have tendency to overact. Which sounds more dramatic, my mother hated me from birth or my mother knits me a jumper every Christmas?"

Christine couldn't reply. She was laughing too hard. Nadir was chuckling as well. Erik reached for his Punjab Lasso and Nadir hastily stopped. Christine wiped her streaming eyes.

"That's wonderful. You know, if I knew where the hell my husband was, I'd be calling him right this minute to tell him all about it!"

Erik didn't reply. He looked around, found nothing to kick, so he picked up Nadir and tossed him into the lake before storming off to get some milk during the commercial break.


Christine spent the next day in her room with her walkman playing at full volume so she couldn't hear Erik talking. She could have used the CD player, but she didn't want to let Erik know about her Madonna obsession. He'd never stop teasing her…

If she'd been paying attention, she would have noticed something very odd.

The cellar was completely silent.

No smashing mirrors, no Buffy, no music. Nothing.

"Cos we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl!" Christine sang quietly along with the diva and then lifted a headphone. It seemed safe to come out and she was hungry. She took off her walkman and looked out into the cellar.

"Erik? Are you there?" No reply. Christine smiled and went to the fridge. She looked inside and sighed. Nothing but milk. She took some out and drank straight from the carton. She could get used to this…

And then a note on the fridge caught her eye. She pulled it off, wondering if Erik had gone out.

To Christine de Chagny,

We are a group of Raoul/Christine shippers and feel the need to inform you that we are appalledat your behaviour towards the dear Raoul de Chagny. This wonderful young man has shown you nothing but love and you have scorned him, returning once more to the psychotic Phantom of the Opera.

Unless you instantly return to your husband and remember your wedding vows, we will be forced to take immediate action. To ensure that you DO go, we have kidnapped Erik the Phantom. We will contact you when we choose at your email address. Our email address is:

Foplovers POTO. com

Yours sincerely

The-Friends-of-the-Fop Society

"You have got to be kidding me." Christine growled. "Both of them have been kidnapped? This is ridiculous!"


When Nadir arrived at the cellar ten minutes later, Christine shoved the letter in his face.

"Erik has gotten himself kidnapped by a group of Raoul/Christine shippers!"

"Really?"

"Yes. Now what am I supposed to do? The E/C Shippers United are going to torture Raoul unless I stay with Erik, which I can't do because he's been kidnapped by the Friends-of-the-Fop Society, who are demanding I return to Raoul, which I can't do because he's been kidnapped by the E/C Shippers United!"

Nadir stared at the furious woman and blinked.

"Uh… I don't know."

"This is so stupid." Christine moaned, sitting down. "It's not like any of this is MY fault! Why can't they sort it out themselves?"

"What am I going to do, Nadir? If I try and talk to either society, the other one will torture whichever guy they kidnapped. This is ridiculous."

Nadir considered and then said,

"You could try asking Madame Giry. She seems to know everything that's going on." Christine looked up at him.

"That's not a bad idea. Let's go."


Madame Giry was having a very bad day. The ballet girls hadn't practised properly, most of them had fallen over, Carlotta was throwing a tantrum and the managers were flirting with the dancers again. Monsieur Reyer had already walked out, leaving her to cope by herself.

She was considering buying a foghorn, just so she could stop everyone talking.

Then one of the ballet girls screamed, "It's the phantom of the opera!" and pointed to a mysterious figure in a black cloak that had just appeared on the stage. Everyone leapt back as the hood lowered… to reveal Christine, looking irritable.

"Oh, don't be so stupid. Do I look like a phantom? Madame Giry, I need help."

"Christine, what are you doing here?" Madame Giry asked, bewildered. "Is that Nadir?"

He waved vaguely at her, staring in disbelief at the elephant model on the stage next to him. Christine rolled her eyes and waved the two notes at her.

"Look at this! Erik and Raoul have both gotten themselves kidnapped and everyone expects me to sort it out!"

"Kidnapped?" Madame Giry said, reading the notes. Whilst she read, Meg hugged Christine tightly.

"Christine, I missed you! You never call!"

"I've been busy. With the phanfiction and kidnapping and everything…" Christine explained. Meg shrugged and smiled.

"Don't worry about it. We can hang out now!"

"Actually, I kind of need to rescue Erik and Raoul… but after that we'll definitely hang out! We can get a pizza or something."

"Ooh, with pineapple?" Meg asked.

"NO!" Christine and Nadir both shouted.

Everyone fell silent, staring at them. Christine cleared her throat.

"I've rather gone off pineapple. Look, I need to find out where Erik and Raoul are being held and rescue them. But I need the societies to think that I'm still here. Is there someone who could pretend to be me and stay in the cellars whilst I'm gone? They might be watching the cellar."

No one spoke. And then Meg said,

"Got it!"

"What?" Everyone asked. Meg grinned at her own ingenuity.

"Well, they can't be watching all the time. Just get that creepy mannequin out, stick some clothes on it, Mama can move it around occasionally and answer the emails."

Christine stared at her friend and then smiled.

"Meg, you're a genius!"

"Yeah, I know." The blonde ballerina grinned. Madame Giry cleared her throat.

"And what makes you think I'm going to do it? Why don't you do it, Meg?"

"Because I'm going with Christine." Meg said firmly.

A/N: Sorry about the short chapter. I just finished Cold, Cold Heart and I'm feeling a little bit written-out. More soon, promise!