Title: Hope Author: Cassandra West Rating: PG-13 for slash Fandom: X-men Pairing: Jono/Remy Feedback: candrawestfastmail.fm Archive:http/ only. DO NOT ARCHIVE ELSEWHERE.
Word Count: 710 Dates: Originally written August 2002, edited and cleaned up 26 August, 2004 Notes: Part of a series called Insights that looks at particular moments in the character's lives. Originally written as part of an X-men slash RPG Main character listing: Jono Summary: After inexplicably regaining and then losing his face, Jono attempts to face those changes.
Author Notes: The morning after 'Fire of Justice'. Jono's psi-fire came back in 'Fire of Justice: Coda'. Again, he and Remy are involved with each other.
Acknowledgements: Thank you to my dear friend and adoptive brother, Star for the advice on the story and corrections on punctuation and grammar. He also provided the lovely closing line from Remy.
Disclaimer:Jono, Hank, Emma, Jubilee, Remy, and all things X-men belong to Marvel, but the story herein is mine alone. I make no money from this.

He stood there for a second with his back to the door, then turned to face the mirror over the sink. Two years of practice made it all too easy to avoid looking in the mirror, as he unfastened the bandages. He had to do this, had to accept that the past two days had been only a temporary reprieve from the norm.

Steeling himself, he looked up and would have choked, if he still had the necessary structures. What in the world? You're imagining it, Starsmore. Don't want to believe that it's gone again, so you're imagining things. You've been avoiding mirrors so long, that you don't remember how bad the damage is. That had to be it. He deliberately hadn't looked in a mirror since just after his powers had stabilised, and he'd stopped losing bits of himself every time he used his powers; stopped sporting the cracked egg, 'falling apart at the seams' look.

He had looked in the mirror once, just long enough to see. To see how much of a shell he'd become. Must not have looked long enough because this couldn't be new. But it must be, because he could practically see it, now. Part of why he had avoided sleep as much as possible for so long. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw it: saw himself staring back from that mirror. Smooth normal face right down to the exact point where his skin went from porcelain to faint pink, right to the very line of his lip. Then nothing, but the heat and light of his mutation.

But now... An extra few millimetres of skin, a slight pink fullness. The psi-fire starting at his mouth, where his mouth would open, not his lip. He was crazy. Imagining it. Reached out to touch the mirror, because somehow that was safer than touching his own face. Other hand reached hesitantly down to settle just above his navel. And that nearly convinced him. He was almost certain that there used to be just less than a handspan there. Finally withdrew his hand from the mirror to run his fingers over the now present lip.

/Jubes. Emma! Hank! One of you want to get up here and tell me I'm imaginin' things? Please/ He'd almost called for Angelo. Angelo would know. Angelo had seen it most often. For an insane moment he was tempted to do just that. See if maybe his range went that far. But that was beyond insane. He couldn't even manage Westchester from the city, so New York to California was definitely out of the question. No... Jubes, Emma, they'd seen it in fights, occasionally other times, when the damned bandages started feeling too much like a burial shroud and making him wonder if maybe there was some way he could end it, after all. Hank. Hank would have read the detailed description of his physical condition, could check it, tell him he was losing it. Tell him that the gaping hole was exactly as it had been, ever since D'Spayre. Only half aware that he'd called them, he stood staring into the mirror, running his fingers lightly over his lip.

He saw Remy's concerned expression over his shoulder in the mirror. He hadn't even heard the other man come in... or felt the arms wrapping around him in a tight embrace. He leaned back a little into Remy's arms, accepting the comfort offered. Talked to Remy's face in the mirror because he couldn't quite drag his eyes away. /This is new, Rem... Didn't used to look like this... Maybe it did... It's not how I remember it, but maybe I'm confused./ Ran his fingers over his lip and moved the hand on his stomach a little under Remy's hands. He couldn't give up the contact with the new skin long enough to complete the gesture to explain what he was talking about, almost afraid that if he moved his hands away, it would all disappear. /Called Em, Jubes... Hank, because he'll know me medical records. Gotta know if I'm dreaming this.../ He felt more than heard Remy telling him softly 'do not be afraid to hope, chere. Hope is the first and last thing that will keep you human.'