Chapter 39: The Show Must Go On

"Looks like our ride is here."

Wolfgang sat up with a start. Light was streaming through the waiting room windows. He rubbed his eyes and uncurled himself from his cramped position on the loveseat. As he sat up and stretched his arms, he noticed someone knocking on the window.

"Christian?" Wolfgang pulled back the bolt and unlocked the clinic's front door so Christian and Maria could come in. He stared at them numbly, wondering how they'd gotten there.

"Terry told us where to go and lent us his car." Christian said. He looked around the waiting room with interest, taking in the various HIV, AIDS, and human rights awareness posters on the walls.

"I got worried when you never came home." Maria said. "Is everything okay? What happened?" She reached toward the cut on Wolfgang's cheek that Dr. Mallory had taped closed.

"Kurt did it." Wolfgang said.

There was a flash of disbelief on Christian's face. "Really? How did that happen? What were you guys doing here?"

Wolfgang shrugged, not yet awake enough to put the evening's events into words. "He was kind of upset. It was an accident." He mumbled.

"But you're both all right?" Maria asked him. "How come you never came home?" She brushed his hair out of his eyes.

"It just got so late, you know…" Wolfgang trailed off, once again not even knowing where to start. It was like he'd been on a different planet than the rest of the circus since he had run through the maze of trailers carrying Kurt in his arms. It was hard to imagine that the rest of the world had been operating while he'd been away.

"So Kurt's okay?" Christian said.

"Yeah, yeah. He's down this way. The doctor said we can take him home." Wolfgang slid his feet back into his shoes and waved them down the hall with him. They turned the corner to where Kurt was sleeping, curled up on his side on the exam table. Despite Wolfgang's clean up attempts he actually looked a little worse now that the bruises on his face had started to puff up. One eye was nearly closed, but at the sound of their footsteps, Kurt opened the other one.

"Hey buddy," Christian said as he entered the room. "Everyone's been really worried about you."

"Why?" Kurt asked groggily.

Christian started laughing. "Why? You're hilarious. Why do you think?"

"Are you sure you're okay?" Maria asked Wolfgang. They were still standing in the hallway. He looked so lost to her as though during the night he had forgotten the way and was now adrift without a compass or direction.

"I'm fine." Wolfgang said with a curt nod. He looked around. "The doctor is here somewhere." He said.

"Right here." A voice said. They turned and saw Dr. Mallory coming down the hallway.

"Looks like our ride is here." Wolfgang said to him.

Geoff looked at his watch and nodded. "Just in time too. Staff will be showing up in a half hour or so."

"Ready to go home?" Christian asked, helping Kurt sit up.

Kurt nodded, still half asleep.

A few minutes later Christian and Marie were slowly walking down the hallway with Kurt between them. It was a relief to see him awake and walking again, sounding more like his old self. Wolfgang could feel the strange hard lump that had settled in his chest ever since Margali and Amanda had entrusted him with Kurt's care, starting to melt.

"I'll come by and check on him later today." Dr. Mallory told Wolfgang.

"He looks better." Wolfgang said.

Dr. Mallory nodded in agreement. "A lot better. Still, it pays to be cautious. He's a tough kid, but he did have a pretty rough night."

Wolfgang took Dr. Mallory's hand and shook it. "Thank you so much, for everything. I could tell you were a little nervous at first."

"I think you meant to say 'terrified'." Dr. Mallory said. "I certainly have learned not to judge a book by its cover."

Wolfgang smiled. "Yeah. I think he teaches that one to a lot of people."

"It's been a pleasure." Dr. Mallory said.

"Likewise."

They parted and outside the clinic Wolfgang saw Christian sitting behind the wheel of what must have been Terry's car. Maria was in the backseat with Kurt who was dozing with his head on her shoulder. It was good to be going back. Wolfgang felt like he'd lived a whole lifetime between last night and this morning.

Christian did a little fancy maneuvering to get the car as close as possible to Margali's trailer. Wolfgang and Maria walked with Kurt the rest of the way. Amanda opened the door when she saw them approaching.

"We were so worried." She said, crossing the distance between them and pulling Kurt into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry I couldn't go with you. Mom was sick. She was so worried."

"Is she okay?" Kurt asked as the four of them walked side by side.

"Yeah, just a little tired. I'm sure she'll feel even better when she sees you." Amanda said.

Margali met them at the door; she had dark circles under her eyes but was nevertheless overjoyed by her son's return. She helped Kurt, who was making a valiant effort, but still unsteady on his feet, navigate the steps into their trailer. Wolfgang started to follow but Maria held him back.

"I think they can handle it from here." She said.

Wolfgang nodded, suddenly reluctant. He had felt so strained by the responsibility of Kurt's care and yet now it felt strange to be giving it up. He turned away, but felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned back. It was Margali.

"Thank you for listening." She said and gave him a small peck on the cheek.

"What? Listening to what?" Wolfgang asked, but Margali only smiled and retreated to the van's interior.

Shrugging his shoulders he followed Maria back to their own trailer. "I guess I should start making arrangements for whatever needs to happen next with the circus." He said.

"Not until you've had a shower and some sleep." Maria admonished. "Look at you."

Inside their much smaller trailer Wolfgang looked in the mirror. He was sure that at some point yesterday he had looked respectable, but he could tell he hadn't for a long time. His hair was sticking out in a dozen different directions and he had a shadow of dark stubble on his cheeks and chin. Add to that the bags under his eyes and the cut from Kurt's tail and he looked quite disheveled indeed. His shirt was un-tucked and wrinkled from sleeping in it, plus it was streaked with Kurt's blood. He unbuttoned it and left it in a pile on the floor, still staring at himself in the mirror.

He didn't know how to feel, it was like his organs had turned to ice. It wasn't until he was standing under the hot water of the shower with Maria massaging shampoo into his hair that he felt his insides start to thaw.

He couldn't do this anymore. This whole trip had been a nightmare for Kurt and it had been his fault. Starting with the ferry and now this. Wolfgang felt like he had wandered down the wrong path and even though he knew it was wrong, he couldn't get back, that he was from now on misguided and that Circus Gehlhaar and Kurt in particular would suffer for it. Leaning close in to the woman he loved, Wolfgang let his tears mingle with the water cascading down his face. He couldn't do this anymore.